Chapter Two: Meditation
Kylo Ren knelt down before the empty throne, attempting to practice patience as he waited for the Supreme Leader to arrive. He tried amusing himself by counting the polished black tiles crisscrossing the throne room floor, tiles so pristine that they perfectly reflected the white overhead lights illuminating the room, but kept finding himself distracted by stray thoughts and the anxiety that clung to Hux like a cloying cologne.
Ren wasn't very good at patience.
Hux fidgeted beside Ren, shifting his weight from foot to foot. A door behind the throne whispered open and Hux stiffened, nervously straightening his uniform. Ren kept his head bowed as a stifling sense of dark purposed weighed down his mind. It grew heavier as his Master approached, slowly climbing up the steps of the dais.
"Sir," Hux said, before clearing his throat and starting again. "Sir. We've received intelligence that—" his voice cut off in a gasp.
"Wait," Snoke said, sounding bored. "I wish to speak with Kylo Ren."
Ren glanced up. "Master?"
"Rise."
Ren stood. Normally he and Hux were of a height, but Hux rose up on his toes, trying to ease the Force stranglehold the Supreme Leader had around his throat. It was a fruitless instinct. At least he had resisted the undignified urge to clutch at his collar. Ren tried to ignore Hux's wheezing, and instead focused on his Master. He studiously avoided looking at Snoke's ashen skin and the cratered old wound on his left temple.
"How were you injured?"
Ren raised his fingers to touch the lower corner of the scar on his right jaw. The half-healed wound still burned painfully when he pressed against it. He drew in a sharp breath, using the pain to bolster his courage to admit:
"The girl. Though her techniques are crude, she is formidable enough with a lightsaber. What she lacks in skill she makes up for with passion."
Snoke raised a lip, looking disgusted. "Yet despite her crude nature, you failed to bring her to me."
The word failed seemed to echo around the cavernous space. Hux groaned, finally reaching up toward his throat as Snoke's anger surged. Ren didn't speak. He wasn't sure what was worse—being rescued by Hux, or being chastised in front of him. He glared askance at the other man, wishing Hux would go ahead and black out or something. But clearly dogged stubbornness was one of the reasons Hux had risen to be one of the youngest Generals in generations.
"I will find her, Master. I will bring her to you. I-."
"I want no more excuses, Ren."
Ren clenched his fists. How could explain that her strength in the Force would make his victory over her that much more meaningful?
"Hmm?" A corner of Snoke's mouth twisted into what could have been a smile. He'd felt Ren's anger, and was amused by it. Ren seethed. Beside him, Hux dropped down to his knees, gasping, as Snoke released his grip on him.
"On Starkiller you denied compassion for her. But now I see your true mind: you desire her." Snoke said the words like they were a revelation. Not a question, but a fact.
"No." The word escaped his mouth before he could really consider what his Master had asked. Snoke raised his eyebrows at the denial, and Ren attempted to clarify: "I desire, not the girl herself, but to control her power."
"Good. Give in to emotion, it will make you stronger."
Somehow, Snoke's words had stuck a cord in him; it was so at odds with what he had been taught before. A surge of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. Before he could even try to sort them out, Snoke cleared his throat; his Master was awaiting a response, but the last thing Ren wanted to do was continue down this vein of conversation with Hux listening. "I will not fail you."
Snoke raised a hand and gestured for Ren to approach. He did so, and took a knee a step below the throne so that his head would not rise above his Master's. He was close enough for Snoke to reach out and touch, if he had a mind to. Ren found himself wishing that Snoke would lay a hand on his shoulder, show him some sign of approval—and then shook himself, squashing the traitorously weak thoughts.
"A storm is brewing within you. Tell me what has you so on edge," Snoke said after a moment, quietly enough that Hux would not be able to overhear them.
"I killed Han Solo. He will never again tempt me." What Ren did not understand, though, and could not admit, was that the act had not left him feeling any stronger. In fact, it had felt...
"And this girl?"
The doubt in Snoke's voice grated Ren's nerves. "Nothing is going to stop me from fulfilling what my grandfather began: strengthening the power of the Dark side. And by doing so, restoring order to the galaxy."
Snoke pursed his lips, and finally nodded. "Go. Meditate. You are one step closer to completing your training, but you still must bring me the girl."
Ren inclined his head in acquiescence, then backed from the dais. He turned to leave, his glance straying across Hux's face. Hux was flushed, and sweat dripped into his eyes, but he had clearly understood and learned too much from the conversation. His eyes were cool and calculating as he slowly got to his feet. Never a good sign. Ren didn't like to leave Hux alone with Snoke to plot, but he couldn't disobey his Master. He gritted his teeth and sought out his sanctuary.
Rey slid into the pilot's seat of the Millennium Falcon, and it felt like coming home.
"Chewie, is the navcomputer finished plotting the jump to the rendezvous point?"
Chewie growled in the affirmative, then took the controls to ease the ship toward the stars. Rey turned around in her seat and grinned at Master Skywalker. He'd taken the seat behind Chewie. She cleared her throat to interrupt R2-D2's nonstop stream of excited chatter.
"Excuse me, Master Skywalker. Sorry R2. But if you're strapped in, we're ready to make the jump to hyperspace."
He reached around to tighten the straps around his waist, then smiled faintly to himself. "Han told me once that traveling through hyperspace is nothing like dusting crops. Which isn't exactly what we did on the moisture farm, but—" he shrugged, shaking himself out of the memory. "I'm ready if you are."
Chewie muttered something that Rey didn't catch, but it made Master Skywalker laugh. "No, Chewie. I wouldn't dare. I've been out of the pilot's seat too long."
Rey didn't mind feeling out of the joke; she was too excited. She felt a thrill of excitement as she turned back toward the controls of the legendary ship. When they'd cleared the planet's atmosphere, she pulled back the lever to engage the hyperdrive. The acceleration pushed her back into her seat as the stars streaked before them and then tunneled blue. She blew out a breath, trying to settle her nerves.
"We'll be there in two days," she said, unbuckling her restraints. "We're headed deep into the Outer Rim."
"Where are we going?"
Rey craned her neck to check the navcomputer. "I'd never heard of this planet before: Sumarin."
Master Skywalker touched his chin thoughtfully, but didn't speak. Rey watched him for a moment, feeling awkward, then stood. She didn't want to be the one to broach the subject of whether or not he should train her in the Force. "I'll just… go take a look at that water reclamation unit. It was acting up on the flight here."
He caught her arm as she passed. "We do need to talk. About your expectations."
She drew in a heavy breath. So this was the moment. She hardly dared to hope. "I don't have any expectations. I'm just here to bring you to the Resistance."
"Is this something you want? To become a Jedi, to learn about the Force? The life of an Apprentice is not easy. You need to be sure."
"I…" She wanted to say yes, but a lingering tendril of doubt made her say, "This is all happening so fast."
"I won't take on this responsibility lightly…" he trailed off, and Rey knew that he was thinking of his nephew. "And neither should you."
He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Rey sighed, frustrated at his reticence. "If you need more time to think about it, I—I understand. I can survive by myself. It's what I've done my whole life."
She brushed by him in the narrow passageway, turning away before he could see her tears. Thankfully for her pride, he didn't follow her. She grabbed the box of tools and lugged it toward the proper access panel near the main hold, then kicked open the panel in the floor. She dropped down into the maintenance shaft, turning to head toward the water reclamation unit. Loneliness welled in her heart, and she hugged a hydrospanner to her chest as though it could ward off the fear that had plagued her entire life: that she was truly unwanted. And then, angry at herself for giving in, she pried the cover of the water reclamation unit's control panel from its hinges. She left it to hang open while she probed the wires within, looking for the source of the problem.
The work calmed her. After a while, Chewbacca leaned over the gap in the floor to ask if she needed anything before he went to sleep, but she hardly heard him. Eventually, weariness overcame her determination to fix the unit before she went to bed, and she sagged back against the wall of the cramped compartment. She succumbed to the urge to close her eyes. As she drifted toward sleep, a soothing coolness slowed her heartbeat.
In the darkness of thought, a blue orb materialized, as smooth as a drop of water. The water droplet seemed to freeze, whitening with ice, before she realized that it was surrounded by an asteroid belt and limitless stars: it was a planet. A strange thing to daydream about. She mentally reached for its pleasant chill of snow, and the planet grew so large that it blocked out the rest of space. A blemish on the planet's surface came into focus, sharpening into a scattering of ships in orbit. Curious, she focused on the largest of the ships, and as her eyes strayed across its angular hull, a white flash in a small viewport caught her attention.
The icy blue planet was reflected in the viewport. Beyond that was a lean figure of a man sitting cross-legged on the barren floor. Oddly, he was barefoot, and dressed in a thin dark robe that gaped open at the chest as though he hadn't taken the time to tie it properly. His head was bowed over the components of something small and mechanical, perhaps a weapon, spread neatly on the floor before him. The white light flashed again from within the room. Rey's curiosity got the better of her and she focused her attention on what had caused it: a small piece of ice that glittered on the palm of his hand, periodically glowing with red or white light. Except the shard wasn't ice; it wasn't melting, and it looked charred on one end. She reached for it—
The man raised his head toward the viewport, his dark hair falling back from his face so that Rey could clearly see his closed eyes and calm demeanor: he was deep in thought. She recognized his face, though the scar was new, but who he was wasn't important at the moment—she wanted to know what that intriguing, glowing shard was. He tilted his head as though he could hear her silent question, and then, with a quick intake of breath, he opened his eyes. Rey stared into those brown eyes, sure that he could see her, or sense her, but he didn't move; she was vaguely aware that, back on the Millennium Falcon, her body had instinctively cried out as he became aware of her, and flung itself backwards as though dodging blaster fire—but here, curiosity overrode whatever fear of him she should have felt. She tried to speak, but could not.
After they had watched each other for a moment, Kylo Ren smirked. "You're prying," he said, closing his hand around the shard. "Come to me if you want to learn properly."
Rey fell out of the vision as hard as if he'd given her a bodily shove off of her old speeder. She stared wildly around the mechanical compartment for a moment before scrambling out of it, hardly aware that she'd brought the hydrospanner with her. She stumbled into the main hold and fell onto the closest chair, breathing hard. The room was dark but for the pale red light of one of R2's sensors blinking in a slow, steady rhythm to indicate he had gone into low power mode while everyone else slept.
The red light reminded her of the strange crystal he had held. For all that she hadn't left the Millennium Falcon, the racing of her heart told her that what she had seen was real. Somewhere out there, Kylo Ren sat in a Star Destroyer that was orbiting an ice planet. He had caught her spying on him. She flushed, felt a thrill of anxiety or exhilaration—or both—as she recalled his shrewd eyes.
She realized she was clenching her teeth out of agitation and forced herself to relax. She blew out a long breath. She should tell Master Skywalker, she knew she should… and yet she was ashamed, because in a deep part of her soul, she liked the feeling of being wanted, of being welcomed with open arms rather than taken on like a burden. And she wanted to try spying on him again, if only to get another look at that crystal. If she got good enough at it, maybe she could figure out his location. To tell the Resistance, of course. Of course she would. It wasn't like she would ever take him up on his offer to teach her. Never that.
But she knew it was wrong. If she could learn about him, then he might be able to learn about her. Might be able to find her and the Resistance. Might be able to tell that Master Skywalker was with them.
No, she wouldn't be a fool. She wouldn't seek him out again. She would tell Master Skywalker about the vision, and he'd teach her how to keep it from happening again.
The resolution calmed her. But it was still hours before she could sleep.
Ren opened his fist. He'd been clutching the kyber crystal so hard that its sharp, damaged edges impaled his skin. Blood smeared across its glittering surface, and he forced himself to gently set the crystal back among the other components of his lightsaber before he damaged it further. It was a vital component of his lightsaber, and he had no other to replace it with.
His hands were shaking. She'd fought him, resisted him at every turn, called him a monster… but those things were expected. This invasion was the most unsettling thing she'd done by far.
She shouldn't have been able to intrude on his Meditation. It was a cruel joke, in a way: perhaps his dwelling on how to find her had drawn her thoughts to his. The blood-stained kyber crystal glimmered again, this time of its own accord, bathing his small chamber in rosy light.
There was a way to use this to achieve his goals, there had to be. He drew in a long breath, held it, and eased back into his Meditation. He held onto that last image of her: unafraid, bright eyes expectant, reaching out a hand toward him. Rationally, he knew that she'd only wanted a closer look at the crystal, but he let himself pretend for half a heartbeat that it was him, his guidance, that she wanted. Excitement surged in his gut as he sensed that if he followed this path, the Force would—
The door alarm chimed, jerking him out of his trance. He swallowed a curse and allowed himself one second to seethe in anger at the disturbance. Then he raised a hand, using the Force to trigger the door to open. Light flooded the room from the hallway. He didn't bother to stand to face the door, nor to hide his annoyance. "Yes?"
"I'm sorry to disturb you, Sir," the Stormtrooper said, sounding as if he meant it. There was a momentary silence as the trooper no doubt looked into the room and realized that he had interfered with something intimate. A spike of fear radiated from the trooper. "The armory prepared this for you as you commanded."
"Is that my helmet?" Ren asked, carefully concealing emotion from his voice.
"Yes, Sir."
"Place it just inside the door." He stood, and tightened the robe's sash around his waist as the trooper obeyed. He placed his hands on his hips, still staring out towards the planet Hoth. He waited another moment, letting the trooper quail under the silence, until he asked, "Was there anything else?"
"Yes, Sir. General Hux ordered me to inform you that he has received intelligence corroborating data found at the abandoned Resistance base. We believe we have identified their new location, or a waypoint to it."
Why hadn't the fool lead with that information? Ren spun to face the trooper, who took a nervous step back. Ren felt for his lightsaber at his waist—but of course, it was scattered in pieces upon the floor. He transformed the motion into a reach, and pulled the helmet to him with the Force.
"Tell Hux I'll come to the bridge momentarily. You're dismissed."
The Stormtrooper triggered the door to close before he left—probably so he could rush away, unseen. Ren savored the weight of the helmet in his hands—and then was momentarily blinded as the crystal flared once again with light. He wanted to go to it, to regain his Meditation, but events would not wait. He pulled on the helmet, feeling himself again, and made ready to leave.