Title: Kick Start on the Road to Not Being a Failure
Word Count: Chapter 2/4, 3590 words
Rating: R
Genre: humour/romance
Warnings: Profanity, BL
Series: Hikaru no Go!
Pairings: Saeki/Ashiwara, Isumi/Waya
Tenative Synopsis: Saeki's in a slump, Waya's in a frenzy, and Shindou has a running bet with Touya.
Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go!© Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata
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Chapter 2: Confusion Is Abroad
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The salon was crowded, but not as teeming with people as Saeki had secretly expected. Apparently not even the fame of the former Meijin could magically draw people when so few Japanese had any interest in go. He glanced around uncomfortably; everyone here seemed to know one another. Of course, every salon had its regulars, but what if these people recognised that he wasn't normally here? What if they, in fact, recognised that he was a member of Morishita's study group? He felt as though he must have "STUDENT OF THAT-ONE-GUY-WHO-CLAIMS-TO-BE-TOUYA-KOUYO'S-RIVAL. KILL UPON SIGHTING" scrawled across his forehead in red ink. Any second now the shouting would start, and then pitchforks and torches would be produced from beneath the goban, and his resulting obituary would read, "Saeki Kouji: mobbed to death by old men. Remembered for his lack of noticeable qualities, as well as his mediocre performance in go."
A hand gently tapped Saeki's elbow, and he jumped and barely managed to smother a scream before he collected himself and turned to face his assailant, armed with the innocent denial of ever having met—Morishita, did you say?—yes, him.
The huge grin staring back at him belonged to Ashiwara, and that was infinitely more terrifying than all the pitchfork-and-torch-wielding old men in the world.
"I'm looking for Shindou," Saeki said quickly, nervously fiddling with his keys in his pocket. "He said he'd help me with something."
Ashiwara laughed, and for good reason. The salon certainly wasn't big enough to hide in, especially not when Shindou and Touya Akira's goban had attracted a small crowd of enthused observers. A bit hard to miss. "He's right over there," he said, pointing unnecessarily, "but he's in the middle of a pretty intense game. I doubt he and Akira will be finished any time soon."
Saeki mentally cursed his bad-timing, but he couldn't waste time on regrets, not with Ashiwara standing two feet away from him. "Well, I've got a pretty busy schedule… I'd better get going."
"Oh? I didn't think you had a game today."
…The hell? Was this guy keeping track of his schedule? Saeki attempted to force a pleasant smile onto his face, but suspected that he simply looked deranged. "No, I don't. But with the title matches coming up, I have a lot of studying to do…" With luck, this comment would have the double effect of reinforcing Saeki's supposedly strained agenda while also reminding Ashiwara of his own time constraints.
"Oh, of course! But we're entering in the same round, aren't we? Why don't we study together?"
TogetherTogetherTogether…The words echoed in Saeki's head like a church bell announcing a funeral. "I'm not sure if—"
"Look! There's a free goban!"
And with that, Saeki was yanked by the arm—owowowowowow—and dragged to the mysteriously open goban. They began recreating and discussing games, and all the while Saeki was ruthlessly subjected to pleasant comments and general cheer. Eventually, Ashiwara grabbed the other man's arm again, this time to relocate him to a café for a late lunch. This was worse than the study session, because there was now no go to distract Ashiwara from his benign—and endless—chatter.
Saeki closed his eyes and cursed Shindou with every ounce of will he had.
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Saeki had first encountered Ashiwara years earlier, but their current weak acquaintanceship was much more recent, and he wasn't certain exactly where, when, or why it had appeared. Ashiwara had simply popped up next to Saeki one day and had since then always existed in the background, hiding within every conversation, hovering behind every game. At first, this hadn't been so bad; Ashiwara was friendly and cheerful, and Saeki had always perked up a bit when the other man's name was mentioned.
Apparently, the feeling was mutual. Two weeks ago, Ashiwara had materialized by Saeki's side and said very simply, "I like you." It was said with an air of such calmness, with such nonchalance, that it took several moments for the statement to sink in completely. And when it finally did, he had nothing to say—he barely knew Ashiwara! He stared, flummoxed, searching for a way out of this awkward situation, when Ashiwara suddenly laughed. "Relax, Saeki-ku~n! It was a statement, not a question." Ashiwara had walked away then, humming to himself.
And Saeki still had nothing to say.
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Fukui, being the one-hundred percent bona fide friend that he was, managed to hide his laughter in a long series of coughs. Waya attempted to scowl, but it ended up morphed into a smile.
After telling Fukui about his non-existent relationship with Isumi, he had gone off into a full-on rant about everything that had caused him even the slightest irritation over the past year or three. Since then, they'd met up as frequently as their packed schedules would allow, to study go and to allow Waya some more complain-time.
Waya had forgotten how funny Fukui could be, how relaxing it was to be around him. How awesome of a friend he was.
Fukui had been sympathetic to Waya's failing-friend woes, empathetic to Waya's go woes, and confused about Waya's Isumi woes.
"Did he say why he turned you down?" Fukui had asked, frowning.
"Er… Something about… Uh… You know, the usual gentle-rejection routine. 'I'm not sure either of us are ready for a relationship of that level,' and 'I think we should just remain friends,' and all that."
Fukui's expression had gone blank, and it made his face look strange, unnatural. "'Not ready'?"
"Oh, come on, Fuku. Don't think about it so much—he didn't actually mean any of that stuff. That's just the kind of stuff you say when you're turning down a friend. I bet if I had been some hot chick in a mini skirt he would have jumped all over me."
"Do you really think so?"
"Huh? I guess. Does it matter?"
"…"
And the conversation had ended there and remained untouched since.
Still, Waya's friendship with Fukui had deepened beyond what it had been when they were insei, and it made Waya feel as though he was walking on air. He'd even made plans to meet up with their other insei friends once the pro tests were over, to celebrate for some and to console the others.
Now, Waya and Fukui were on their way back from an emergency trip to a nearby convenience store—Waya's apartment being completely devoid of anything edible—while Waya was outlining his phone chord's most recent attack on him, and Fukui attempted to convey sympathy around his suppressed laughter.
"I'm serious!" Waya exclaimed, though he found that he was sniggering as well, "It's trying to kill m—"
And he froze, eyes widening as they took in the sight of Isumi leaning against his apartment door, hands stuffed into his pockets. Waya blushed and found himself staring, suddenly completely devoid of anything to say, and Isumi didn't seem eager to start a conversation.
Fukui glanced briefly at the two of them and said teasingly, "Wow, Isumi-san, you sure don't seem to be in the habit of calling before coming over."
Waya's gaze snapped to Fukui, relieved. "Just because you feel the need to call before you do anything—"
"—because it's polite and considerate to do so, not that I'd expect you to know what those words mean—"
"Oi!" Waya laughed, and he could feel the awkwardness leaving his system in waves.
"Aren't you going to let us in, Waya-kun?" Fukui said meaningfully. "These bags are kind of heavy…"
"Yeah, yeah. E-excuse me, Isumi-san." As he unlocked his apartment door, Waya couldn't quite manage to keep the glowing smile from spreading across his face. He didn't notice Isumi's silence or stoic expression, but Fukui did, and he leaned back to watch, thoughtful.
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After the leisurely lunch, Saeki found himself back in the go salon, again across a goban from Ashiwara, this time to play a game. The prospect of playing go with the other man was a bit terrifying—imagine endless chatter and awkward glances providing a backdrop to a match—but actually playing him was invigorating. Perhaps this was because the Ashiwara who faced him in go was not the same Ashiwara who had been loudly and exuberantly cutting off circulation to Saeki's arm just a few minutes prior to the game's commencement—like almost all the other go pros, Ashiwara became his go, and his go was a different entity altogether. The careless and slapdash attitude was gone, replaced with thoughtful purpose. Even his expressions were different; focused, his big eyes narrowed, staring past the stones into the heart of the game.
There was no need to hide here; no unanswered feelings, no imagined accusing stares—game-mode Ashiwara didn't seem to notice Saeki at all, only his go. It was a relief.
Or, at least, it was a relief until Saeki lost the game spectacularly; in the frenzy of trying to avoid Ashiwara before the game, he'd almost forgotten about his game-block until he had picked up the first go-stone and found himself panicking, wondering what to do with it. Afterward, Ashiwara stared at him until the focus in his eyes faded and he beamed abruptly, cheerfully stating, "That wasn't your usual playing level."
No shit, asshole.
"Yeah, I'm in a bit of a slump." Saeki attempted to respond in the same tone, but he knew he was failing miserably. He might as well have said that his cat had just died.
Ashiwara's eyes widened ridiculously, and if it had been anyone else, Saeki would be sure he was being mocked. Ashiwara, however, seemed almost painfully genuine in his distress. "A slump? With the title matches this close?"
…Did he reeeeally think the reminder helped? Really?
And then Ashiwara's eyes narrowed and he clenched his fists in adorable determination. "No way! I'll get you out of this slump, Saeki~kun, just wait. We'll meet up every day, beginning at breakfast and continuing on until supper until you're got your game back!"
Oh. My. God. Please, no. Just… no.
"Er, actually, Shindou said he'd—"
"We'll start out with reviewing games, and then we'll compare theory, and then we'll play a series of speed go games, and then—Wow! This sounds like so much fun, doesn't it, Saeki~kun?"
Saeki almost fainted.
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Isumi still hadn't relaxed, even after an hour of cheerful and snack-packed go study. The three were sprawled around Waya's goban, replaying and discussing some recent games. Waya shot Isumi glances, trying to think up some way to make him forget about the Friendship-Breaking Confession.
So much for the still-friends-no-discomfort argument that Isumi had claimed. He hadn't been this awkward during their sushi breakfast a few days ago, but maybe the guilt that had been eating away at him had softened him then. Waya puffed out his cheeks and scowled. Okay, so he could understand why all of this would make Isumi freak out, but Waya wished he had some sort of hint as to what to do. Fukui wasn't helping, now; he was simply smiling, calmly asking questions about the games and not doing anything to defuse the awkward atmosphere around him—he didn't even seem to notice it!
Waya turned back to Isumi and was startled to see Isumi looking back at him, eyes more gentle than they had been all day. "Waya? Are you okay? We can take a break, if you want."
Waya flushed, irritated that he was being seen as inattentive when really it was the fault of these idiots around him who were making things awkward and not fixing it.
…Given a moment to think, the awkwardness was probably all on him. Damn.
Still, he glared at Isumi and Fukui in turn, saying in a very not-whiny voice, "You guys are being such assholes."
Isumi gaped, unsure as to what had caused Waya's sudden mood-swing, and Fukui sniggered. Isumi managed to say, "I-I'm sorry, Waya. I didn't realize I was—What exactly—How—er…"
"You!" snapped Waya, his index finger waving wildly in Isumi's wide-eyed face. "Stop being so awkward!" Fukui burst out laughing at this, and Waya's whole body turned in response, finger aiming at its new target. "And you! Stop ignoring us!" This did not, unfortunately, do anything to deter Fukui's mirth.
"S-sorry, W-Waya-kun," Fukui choked out. "I-it's just so f-fun to watch the two of you s-sneak heart-felt glances a-at each other—y-you're so cuuute!"
Waya's heart stopped, but not before it managed to pump every drop of blood in his body straight to his face. He stared at Fukui for a moment, disbelieving, and then leapt over the goban intending to shake the smaller boy silly, but instead tripped and found himself a few inches short and just thrashed madly, half on the floor and half on the goban. "You idiot! How am I ever going to get Isumi-san to be comfortable around me again if he's constantly reminded about me being…er…stuff?"
Fukui was too lost in his laughter to be able to reply, but the tiny corner of Waya's brain that was always fixed on Isumi managed to catch the older boy's soft sigh. "Waya… How many times do I have to tell you? Your feelings don't make me uncomfortable."
"You saying that a million times won't change the fact that it's obviously not true." Waya managed to right himself and now sat, hands on his knees and face still crimson, too mortified to meet Isumi's eyes.
"I'm going to the washroom now—don't mind me!" said Fukui as he cheerfully rose and disappeared from view.
Isumi waited until he heard the click of the door shutting before he responded, his voice tight, "It's true. Why won't you believe me?"
"Oh, come on, Isumi-san! You're suddenly all hot and cold around me, you barely say anything, you almost never smile at me—are you afraid if you do you'll be leading me on or something? Okay, maybe I'll get all fluttery if you smile at me—er, maybe I shouldn't have said that—but I know you don't like me that way, so I wish you'd just chill!"
"I never said—!" Isumi stopped suddenly, taking a deep, deep breath and slowly expelling it. "Waya. I'm… If you must know, I knew about your feelings for me long before you ever told me."
Waya nearly passed out at hearing that. All of his nervousness, his fear at the confession—Isumi couldn't have known about Waya's feelings already, or just think of all that wasted anxiety he'd suffered!
Isumi continued, unaware of Waya's sudden discomfort, "They never made me uncomfortable then—well, maybe a little embarrassed, but in a flattered sort of way—and they're not what's bothering me now." He sighed again, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm not sure how to put this. It's something like what I told you earlier, over the sushi; I've been feeling…insecure, I suppose, about our friendship. I suppose—well, maybe I—I think I—" Isumi blew at his bangs, frustrated. "I think I'm feeling a bit jealous, Waya."
There's that dizzy feeling again. Waya gripped his knees until his knuckles turned white and said in a very calm voice, "What?"
Isumi stared at him, eyes unreadable. "I've been trying so hard to think of a way to rebond with you, trying so hard not to become distanced from you again despite the go rivalry, and then—"
"Oh for fuck's sake!" screamed Waya, furious with himself for his racing heart and flushed cheeks (hadn't he promised himself and Isumi that he wouldn't react this way to every little ambiguous comment?). "Enough with this go-rivalry bullshit. You can't be serious about that! If that were the case, wouldn't I be distancing myself from you? You're saying you're jealous because you know you're better than me but I still have the higher rank? Shouldn't I be jealous, because I know it won't be long before you pass me by? Don't pretend that this has anything to do with fucking go."
Isumi's shocked expression made Waya feel proud, briefly, and then all at once ashamed for his outburst. He looked away, panting slightly.
"Waya…" said Isumi gently, "We're professional go players. Go is our life. Everything has to do with go."
Waya remained silent, still avoiding Isumi's gaze.
"Anyway, that's not really what I was getting at," Isumi sighed. "That's all true, but I meant that I'm jealous of Fuku."
Waya blinked, uncertain of where this was going. "…Of Fuku?"
"I—as, I said, I've been… struggling, unsure how to maintain our friendship, but Fuku just walked in one day and did exactly what I'd been trying to do, without even blinking!"
"Unh?"
"I know that Fuku is more—friendly than I am, easier to get along with, but it seems unfair that this should have been so easy for him when it seemed so impossible for me."
"Nng?"
"And so I'm sorry for my behaviour, Waya. I suppose I should apologize to Fuku, too, but somehow I suspect he already knows everything." Isumi glanced away, suddenly looking irritated. "Maybe too much of everything," he muttered under his breath.
"How—" Waya's voice stuck in his throat, so he cleared it and tried again. "How is it, exactly, that you get so caught up in the unimportant things and totally breeze by the big, big, big things?"
Isumi snorted. "I've been wondering the same thing about you," he said dryly, before he started and blushed, adding hurriedly, "N-not that your feelings are unimportant or anything, it's just that… I can't see why it is that you'd think I'd be bothered by them…"
They stared at each other for a long moment, before Fukui cheerfully stepped out of the restroom, planted himself in front of the goban, and said casually, "So… break's over?"
Waya and Isumi smiled simultaneously. "Yeah," said Waya. "I guess so."
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Saeki and Ashiwara were still in the go salon when the shouting match began.Ashiwara's enthusiastic planning had ended well before, and the two had settled into a quiet study session, softly discussing games. Saeki had been fully relaxed, and had almost forgotten about the unanswered confession that he'd been so focused on not thinking about.
Then the yelling began.
It happened suddenly. The salon was a calm buzz of go-related activity one moment, and in the next the patrons were rushing away from one corner of the room as two voices began bellowing nonsensical remarks at one another. Saeki couldn't help but stare, awed. He'd never actually seen one of Shindou and Touya's infamous tiffs before, but he'd always assumed that they had some degree of reasonability. But—
"How can you say that move made sense? It was ridiculous!"
"It made perfect sense! It's not my fault you're too blind to see it!"
"I'm blind? You're an idiot!"
"You'rethe idiot! How—"
—And on it went.
Saeki snuck a glance at Ashiwara, and saw him idly fiddling with a go stone, his lips twitching. Saeki began to snigger, and Ashiwara grinned. Before long, the two were doubled over, clutching their stomachs, laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their cheeks. It felt good to laugh with Ashiwara…
…Unfortunately, they were also attracting attention from the other patrons, including the irate Shindou and Touya, who turned to stare accusingly at the laughing pair before Shindou stormed out of the salon in a huff. Saeki managed to gather himself enough to begin to stand in an attempt to follow Shindou—after all, the whole point of coming here had been to talk to Shindou, right?—but he was stopped by the crowd of old men who were now approaching, frowning.
"It's Saeki Kouji-san, isn't it?" One of them asked. "From Morishita-sensei's study group?"
Saeki chuckled nervously, glancing desperately at the exit. "Er… Yes. That would be me. Can I help you?"
Judging by the deepening frowns, that did not seem to be the correct answer. "Doesn't Morishita-sensei call himself Touya Kouyo-sensei's rival?" asked one of the anonymous old men.
"Uh… I'm afraid you'll have to discuss that with Morishita-sensei." ! The old men really wereout to get him!
Ashiwara had managed to gather up his things, though he was still laughing. "Come on, Saeki~kun, I'll walk with you to the bus stop," he said. "Or are you still trying to catch up with Shindou-kun?"
"I… uh… let's just… leave." Saeki found himself tugging at Ashiwara's arm, using the other man as a barrier between him and the scowling old men who seemed to be out for his blood.
As they exited the salon, Ashiwara said, "You know, I could always ask Akira for Shindou-kun's phone number and text it to you. If you're so interested in meeting up with him. Don't forget about our study dates, though!" Ashiwara had managed to wheedle Saeki's contact information out of him while they'd worked their way through the countless replays in the salon.
Saeki blinked. He hadn't considered this option. He cast a small smile in Ashiwara's direction before replying, "That would really help. Thanks."
The rest of their walk to the bus stop was mostly spent in a comfortable silence. When they turned to part ways, Ashiwara sent Saeki a glowing grin before pulling away, practically skipping down the street. It was only then that Saeki realized that he'd been holding Ashiwara's arm the whole trip. He collapsed onto a bench by the stop, his ears a bright red.
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-END CHAPTER TWO-
-TBC-
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And wow, I was going to add this chapter a week and a half ago, but then my life exploded and... it just didn't happen. But... here it is, and I am determined to follow my once-a-week update rule from now on, despite there only being two chapters remaining.