Twisted
Chapter Two – Astronomical Consequences
One week later, Vidcund is sitting at the kitchen counter staring intently out the back window. Vidcund flips through the newspaper in his hands a few times, pretending to read it as Pascal walks by. Once Pascal exits into the hallway, he puts the paper down and narrows his eyes down the Road to Nowhere. Finding the road completely empty, Vidcund sighs and impatiently taps his fingers against the countertop.
"Man Vid, you've been in the kitchen since this morning," Lazlo states, taking a seat on the stool next to his brother. "What gives?"
"Uh, it's for an experiment," Vidcund quickly lies, gazing behind his brother's shoulder out the window. "I'm testing a consistency theory." Vidcund's eyes widen slightly as he sees a taxi driving down the road. He throws the newspaper down on the counter and immediately springs up from his seat. "-Gotta go write down the results!"
Vidcund races out the door and down the hill, stopping once he reaches the main road. He turns to the left and heads down the street, trying to appear as casual as possible. Vidcund passes by his sister, Jenny's, house. Her husband, Pollination Tech #9, is doing yardwork on the lawn. He smiles and waves at the scientist when he sees him.
"Hey Vid!" Pollination Tech #9 greets.
Vidcund nods and waves back as he continues down the Road to Nowhere.
"You ungrateful brat!" the town nutcase, General Buzz Grunt, yells at his son, Ripp, in front of the community center. Ripp is standing on the roof of the clothing shop. "Get down here this instant, or you're in a whole heap of trouble!"
Vidcund quickly moves pass them and crosses to the other side of the street. "Almost there…" Vidcund mutters to himself, his destination in sight.
"Hello Vidcund," Olive Specter chimes, popping up in front of him. Vidcund steps back when he sees her. "Just the man I wanted to see," she coos, "Do you want to come with me back to my house and see my new pantry?"
"Uh…no thanks, I'm kinda busy right now," Vidcund declines, "Maybe some other time," he nervously adds, carefully stepping around her.
Olive turns away from the scientist and snaps her fingers. "Drat! I guess I'll just have to wait until next week to add a scientist to my collection!"
Vidcund arrives at Tesla Court and walks up the side street. Vidcund sighs as he arrives at the front door, taking a few deep breaths as he stands on the front porch. "Here goes nothing," he tells himself, his arms shaking. Vidcund rings the doorbell.
Circe answers the door. "Vidcund? Really?" she states, wearing her everyday attire, "It's only been a week! I'm still satisfied with my husband."
"Relax, I'm not here to see you," Vidcund snaps, clearly insulted, "Loki borrowed something from me and I need to get it back before work tomorrow," he claims. Circe shrugs and steps aside, allowing Vidcund entrance into the house.
Vidcund zooms in before she can change her mind and heads upstairs. He speeds down the hallway and enters the bedroom, where he finds Loki unpacking his suitcase. The mad scientist is turned away from him.
"Circe? Do you know where my toothbrush went?" Loki calls over his shoulder, hanging onto a stack of neatly folded clothes. He turns around, now noticing Vidcund standing behind him. Loki's facial expression softens, his icy demeanor instantly changing when he sees him. Loki sets down his items.
"Really?" Vidcund speaks up, stepping towards him, "You couldn't tell it was me? There's like a fifty-pound difference between us!"
Loki scrunches his forehead. "What are you doing here, Vidcund?"
"Gee, I don't know," Vidcund begins, wandering closer, "Maybe it's because you kissed me last week before you left for your honeymoon and I'm trying to figure out what the hell it means!" he cries.
Loki turns away from Vidcund and redirects his attention to his suitcase. He unpacks a few more shirts. "It didn't mean anything, now go away," he orders.
"Oh no you don't!" Vidcund barks; his face burning, "I didn't walk all the way over here from my house for you to give me bullshit. Now why did you do that?"
Loki sighs and throws down his clothes, throwing his hands up as he turns away from his suitcase, visibly frustrated. "Why didn't you stop it?" he snarls.
Vidcund tilts his forehead. "Stop what?" he wonders.
"My wedding!" Loki shouts, "You knew I didn't want to get married! You could've stopped this whole thing!"
Vidcund crosses his arms. "Since when is it my responsibility to break up your relationship?" he counters, "If you didn't want to marry her then you should've said something! Or is it my responsibility to make words come out of your mouth, too?" Vidcund states sarcastically.
"God, you're such a jerk," Loki coos, moving towards him. Vidcund nudges Loki away from him and shakes his head.
"No!" Vidcund says firmly, "We're done until you end this. I'm not being your mistress!"
Loki throws his arms out towards the ground, letting out a heavy sigh. "Alright."
"Good," Vidcund nods, seemingly satisfied by Loki's response, "Now I better get back home before my brothers start wondering where I went."
…
Fifteen minutes later, Vidcund is sneaking through the doorway of his residence, the clock on the wall ringing out four times as he enters the main hallway. Vidcund steps into the kitchen, Pascal sitting up from his seat in the living room when he sees him. "Hey Vid! I'm glad you're here!" Pascal chimes, standing up from the chair and gesturing his brother over to him, "You can help me write this angry letter to SensoTwitch for ripping me off!"
"Uh…okay," Vidcund agrees, walking over to Pascal and taking a seat in front of the computer.
"Great! Now I'll rant, and you'll write it down," Pascal instructs, pacing around the living room, "'Dear jerk, you are disgusting. I can't believe that you would sink this low,'" Pascal begins, stopping briefly to watch Vidcund type this out. "'When I, Pascal Curious, purchased this product three days ago, I thought that I would receive the ultimate luxury experience, just like the people on the box. But when I finally opened and used your product, I was severely disappointed by what was lying underneath the surface,'" Pascal continues, pacing some more, "'First of all, I asked for dark gray, not charcoal, and second of all, your product was slightly askew. As one of your most loyal consumers, I demand that this atrocity does not go unpunished!" Pascal shouts, slamming his fist on the table.
Vidcund turns and looks up at Pascal, his face filled with confusion. "Uh, isn't this letter a bit too dramatic? What product are you complaining about anyway?" Vidcund wonders.
"Oh, this is for a pack of pens that I bought for forty-nine cents," Pascal answers calmly, "Yeah, I was not satisfied with the quality."
Vidcund scrunches his forehead slightly, unable to believe what he is hearing. "Isn't this kind of extreme for a pack of pens?"
"No!" Pascal argues, "Now let's hear what you got so far."
Vidcund turns back to the computer and stares at the blank document. "Uh…I didn't get any of it. The computer froze," he informs him.
"Damn it!" Pascal curses, snapping his fingers, "Now we gotta start all over! Okay, 'dear jerk-'"
"Ding-dong!"
"Oh my gosh, that's the door," Vidcund awes, sitting up from his seat. "Thank God…" he mutters, giving a sigh of relief as he makes his way over to the foyer.
Vidcund opens the door, only to find Circe standing on their front porch, wearing her blue-stained, vomit-covered wedding dress. Circe smirks when she sees Vidcund, her hand perched sassily on her hip.
"-Oh no," Vidcund mumbles.
"Hello Vidcund," Circe smugly greets, smiling deviously. "Is your brother home?"
Vidcund quickly shakes his head. "No, I think he's out," he tells her.
"Hey Vid!" Pascal shouts from the living room, "If that's Circe, tell her I'm not here!"
Vidcund turns back to Circe and gives a nervous laugh; the young woman narrows her eyes at him, sporting one of her signature glares.
"Well uh…I guess we have ghosts," Vidcund adds, anxiously playing with his hands.
"Really? Two scientific degrees and that's the best you can come up with?" Circe complains.
"Look Circe, don't blame Pascal for the dress. It's not his fault-" Vidcund begins.
"Oh, I don't blame Pascal," Circe crosses her arms, "I blame you."
Vidcund opens his mouth in shock, clearly in disbelief. "What? Why?" he wonders.
"Because you obviously put him up to this in your state of jealous rage!" Circe explains, "You'd been planning to sabotage our wedding from the very start!"
"What? I did no such thing!" Vidcund speaks up, "What are you even talking about?"
"Look Viddy," Circe begins, moving towards him, "I find it flattering that you still like me, but what you and I had is over," she claims, Vidcund staring at her bizarrely in the doorway, "I've moved on with someone much better than you. Can't you just be happy for me?"
"Ookay," Vidcund replies, unsure how he should react to her spiel.
Circe smirks. "Good," she replies, "But you know, if I ever get desperate, I might give you a call."
Vidcund narrows his eyes at her. "-Please don't."
Circe rolls her eyes and waves her hand down. "Anyway, because you and your idiot brother ruined my wedding, I would like an apology,"
"Alright," Vidcund says, folding his hands behind his back as he awkwardly shuffles his feet. "I'm sorry we showed up to a wedding that you invited us to."
"Very funny, Vidcund," Circe replies, perching her hand back on her hip, "But just so you know, it wasn't my idea to invite you to the wedding in the first place."
Vidcund tilts his head in confusion. "It wasn't?" he states.
"No," Circe shakes her head, "It was Loki's idea. Personally, I didn't want you guys there. You always find a way of messing things up," she explains. "Now back to my demands! I want a serious apology from you and your dingus brother," she lists off, "And I want to punch Pascal in the face."
"What?! Come on, Circe, don't you think you're overreacting?" Vidcund questions, "I mean, Pascal was sick, it's not his fault he threw up on you and ruined your wedding dress!" he argues.
"Oh yes, it is!" Circe snarls, pushing Vidcund to the side and heading through the doorway, "Now let me at him!"
Vidcund grabs Circe by the arm and holds her back. "No! You can't punch Pascal!"
"Why not?" Circe turns to the scientist, fire in her eyes as she tries to wiggle herself free from his clutches.
"Because uh…" Vidcund starts, looking around the room in a panic, "Because he's pregnant!" Vidcund cries. Circe immediately stopping in her tracks at this news.
Her face softens. "He is?" she squeaks. "Then why was he downing drinks at our wedding?"
"Well, uh…he didn't know he was pregnant until a few days ago, so that's why," Vidcund quickly spews, forcing a weak smile. "You should probably go now. I'm really glad we had this talk," he frantically continues, advancing her towards the door.
"Alright," Circe says uncertainly, turning back towards him, "But honestly Vidcund, you need to get over this. It's not every day that your ex-girlfriend gets to marry the love of her life."
"You really think Loki's the love of your life?" Vidcund asks, his stature freezing at this news.
Circe smiles and clasps her hands together, "I do."
Vidcund steps back; a ball of guilt forming in the pit of his stomach. A simple 'oh' is all Vidcund can muster. He watches as Circe carefully steps onto the front porch and walks away, the pain getting worse with each passing second.
…
"You did WHAT?!" Pascal cries, following Vidcund up the stairs onto the roof, a few hours after Circe's departure. The sky is growing dark outside.
"You heard me," Vidcund speaks up, reaching the black tiled roof with his older brother, "I told Circe you were pregnant."
"Why did you tell Circe that I'm pregnant?" Pascal yells, "That's like something I would do to you!"
"She was going to punch you in the face!" Vidcund argues, turning around to face Pascal, "I had to give her some reason not to!"
Pascal sighs and dramatically throws his arms down. "Well this is just great! Now we have to go along with the lie!" he shouts, "How are we going to keep this up? Do we even know how we're going to show gradual abdominal growth?" Pascal wonders, his tone slowly getting angrier, "What's going to happen nine months from now when I don't have a baby?!"
"Well, obviously, I didn't think that far ahead!" Vidcund cries.
"Damn it, Vid!" Pascal curses, narrowing his eyes at his brother, "See, this is your problem! You never think anything through!" he scolds him, "Actions have consequences you know!" Pascal shouts, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look out this telescope to calm my nerves." Pascal walks to the telescope and leans down towards the lens. He takes a deep breath as he carefully looks through it.
Vidcund's eyes widen like saucers as a gigantic alien spaceship slowly rises above their house, hovering over the two scientists. Vidcund anxiously taps Pascal on the shoulder, scared out of his mind.
"Uh…Pascal?" Vidcund squeaks, staring up at the red and green flashing lights on the side of the spaceship.
Pascal puts his hand up and shoos him away. "Not now Vid, I'm trying to relax!"
Suddenly, Lazlo races across the sand and into the house, tightly holding a tin foil hat onto his head with his hand. "IT'S ALIENS! RUN!" he cries.
Pascal's body freezes as he slowly lifts his head up towards the sky, the giant silver alien spaceship hovering above him.
"Ooh…" he awes, his eyes opening in realization, "That explains a lot."
The alien spaceship moves forward, aiming a blue transporter beam at the two brothers. Vidcund quickly grabs onto the side of the house as Pascal latches onto the telescope. The blue beam blasts onto the roof, shining down on Pascal. The spaceship turns on its vacuum, attempting to suck up its chosen subject. Pascal screams as he loses his grip on the telescope and flies into the spaceship door.
"PASCAL!" Vidcund cries, watching as the spaceship hovers away, disappearing into the clouds.
…
Three hours later, the alien spaceship spits Pascal out on the side of Cover Up Road. Pascal groans and slowly stands up, inching his way back onto his property. Both Vidcund and Lazlo are waiting for him, standing on the front porch.
"So, how was it?" Vidcund wonders, nervously playing with his hands.
"Well, to put it bluntly, that's probably the most action I'm going to get in a while. But I did thoroughly enjoy meeting extraterrestrial life forms," Pascal replies, raising his finger in point. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to vomit!" Pascal pushes his brothers aside and runs into the house.
Lazlo turns to Vidcund, his face filled with concern. "You don't think he's pregnant, do you? I mean, that's usually what happens with alien abductions."
Vidcund turns to the side, hearing his older brother wrenching in the other room. "I'd say that's a safe bet."
Fifteen minutes later, all three of the Curious brothers are sitting in the main area. Lazlo is cooking macaroni and cheese while Pascal and Vidcund are watching the Nature Channel in the living room.
Vidcund smiles and turns to Pascal, giving an uneasy laugh. "Well, I guess we won't have to worry about lying to Circe anymore, huh?" he speaks up.
Pascal turns his head, glaring at his brother, his hand perched on his pregnant stomach. "I guess not," he groans.
"Yeah," Vidcund agrees, "But don't you think it's kind of funny how-?"
"-No," Pascal grumbles.
Vidcund sighs as he moves his hand down his own stomach, the guilt still present in his core. Vidcund slowly stands up from his seat and heads into his room. Vidcund shuts the door and takes a seat down at his desk, pulling out a piece of paper. He takes down a pen and begins to write: "Dear Loki, I'm sorry, but I think it's time you and I part ways…forever..."
Vidcund works long into the night, crossing out several words and sentences as he goes along. Finally, a few hours later, he is staring at his finished product. Vidcund writes the letter over once more, before folding it up and sticking it into an envelope. Vidcund seals the envelope with his saliva and exits out the back of his room.
Vidcund walks down the Road to Nowhere, the city dead silent as he heads down the road. Vidcund sighs and takes a deep breath, finding the air somewhat refreshing. A few minutes later, he approaches Tesla Court. Vidcund scans the area before turning the corner, his destination in sight.
All of a sudden, Vidcund stops, two figures catching his eye. The figures appear to be that of Loki and Crystal, who are hugging on the front porch of the Beaker residence. Vidcund quickly crouches down behind one of the bushes and watches the pair suspiciously. From that distance, he cannot tell if the hug was romantic or not.
"Have I been replaced?" Vidcund asks quietly into the air, although he knows there is no one close enough who can answer that question or even hear what he is saying.
Vidcund crouches down further, a spark of jealousy igniting in his stomach, completely washing away all the guilt that he felt before. Vidcund watches Crystal and Loki wave goodbye to one another, the young townie exiting the residence and cutting across the road.
Vidcund sighs as he looks down at the letter in his hands, his mind racing a mile a minute. Vidcund can now feel his hands almost burning through the envelope as he debates whether he should send it or not.
After a few moments and much deliberation, Vidcund sighs and tucks the letter back into his pocket. "I guess this can wait until another day," he confirms. Vidcund gets up from out of the bush and walks down the street back to his house, a new goal on the horizon.