Adam placed his hands on the countertop, his knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the counter.
Mia had arrived.
He had more than just a few reservations over this arrangement, the first being that Mia was allowed to drive with Deacon in the car. She was subjected to random drug tests and while she passed every single one, that didn't put Adam's mind at ease. He knew all too well that it didn't matter how many she had passed she was an addict and all it took was one time, one drink, one pill, one hit and she could bring Deacon down with her.
Deacon had come into his own since he'd been living with Adam and Kim. He had become a very diligent student, Adam had Kim to thank for that. She was the one who helped him with his homework, even in those early days before they had gotten back together. She was there for Deacon, more than his mother ever was. Kim saw to it that he did his schoolwork, that he behaved in class and that he understood the material. Aside from Adam, Kim had been Deacon's biggest cheerleader. She celebrated every success and she held him through his failures and encouraged him to try again.
Kim never let Deacon down.
In his previous school Deacon was barely keeping his head above water and now he was consistently on the honor roll and Adam and Kim couldn't be prouder. His teachers loved him, the kid had made the all star soccer team and had a really good group of buddies.
Adam feared that it could all come crashing down, that one fuck up by Mia and Deacon would collapse like a house of cards.
It annoyed him to no end that the judge didn't seem to care about that, the judge was all about reunification of mother and child. That pissed him off, it didn't seem to matter that being with Adam and Kim had helped Deacon in so many ways, nope none of that mattered. All that seemed to matter was that Mia was doing what the court had asked of her, didn't matter how Deacon was doing.
Kim peeked into the kitchen and wasn't surprised to see a very tense and rigid Adam, she sighed and decided to deal with him later. She hated what this was doing to him, she knew he had many sleepless nights over the last few months and it was worse on the weekends Deacon slept at Mia's house. It was why they had given Deacon a cell phone as an early birthday present, Deacon would send Adam a good night text and it put Adam's mind at ease, enough for him to sleep anyway. He worried constantly, he wasn't pleasant company those weekends. Deacon would spend Friday nights at Mia's and they'd pick him up on a Saturday morning.
Deacon would go on and on about how much fun he had with his mother and how he couldn't wait to be able to live with her again. Kim looked on as Adam gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter and his jaw locked. He'd nod his head every so often to let Deacon know he was listening but he rarely said much. His usual response was 'that's cool' or 'sounds fun' it was forced and it was a lie. Deacon was oblivious to Adam's discomfort, Kim was grateful for that. Despite it all Mia was still Deacon's mother and he loved and adored her, she would not allow Adam to badmouth Mia in Deacon's presence.
Not that she needed to, Adam always waited until Deacon was in bed before he'd utter a word, Kim often caught the brunt of it. He'd rant and rave for awhile, get it all of his chest and then he would segue into his fear of losing Deacon. It often broke Kim's heart, she'd see the unshed tears in his eyes, she knew the day Deacon returned to his mother's care, would break Adam's heart and hers.
Mia rocked on her heels as she waited for someone to come to the door, standing on that doorstep never got easy nor did it feel right.
She had battled her demons and won now she wanted her son back with her, where he belonged. Her stomach was always a nervous mess on visit days, once she had her boy in her arms the nerves settled some. She was terrified of slipping up, she couldn't lose her little boy again. She had to chuckle at that, her little boy wasn't so little anymore.
In the four years since this nightmare had started Deacon had evolved from a little boy who was quick to cower to this preteen who was all limbs and full of life. He no longer cowered in a corner, he was loud and silly. He was always trying to make everyone around him laugh, he was the light of her life. He was her heart and her reason for living.
She knew she couldn't slip up, she wouldn't slip up. She'd remain sober for Deacon, but more importantly for herself. She had learned that Deacon couldn't be her sole reason for sobriety, she needed to remain sober for herself, she had to do it for herself if she had any hopes of remaining sober. Only then could she be the mother Deacon needed, the mother he deserved.
Kim pulled the door open, "Mia, hi. Come on in. Deacon is just packing his bag. He had a late soccer practice."
Mia wrung her hands together, "That boy loves soccer." Conversation with Kim wasn't easy but it was no where near as hard as conversations with Adam. He was cold and stand offish, a scowl was plastered on his face whenever he looked at her.
She couldn't blame him, not really. She had turned his world upside down that day she stood on his doorstep. She had tracked him down and reached out to him, he was her last resort.
She had such vague memories of him from when she was little, had she not had that small faded and tattered photograph of the two of them she may not have remembered him at all. It was the one thing she had carried with her through the foster care system and group home. It was her last link to a happier time, a time when her mother was still alive.
Everything had gone to shit when her mother died.
She and Adam both looked so happy in that photo, she sat perched on his lap her mother sat behind them both, she could only assume it was their father who had taken the photo. He had the balls to visit her not long after she was sent to prison, she told him to fuck off and just as she expected her father had left and never looked back.
She knew from conversations with Deacon that Bob was fairly active in his grandson's life and Deacon seemed to really like him. She bit her tongue and allowed Deacon to have a relationship with his grandfather, she wouldn't take him from her son. She wanted nothing to do with the man who had walked out of her life so long ago.
Mia loved their home, it was a beautiful house with a huge backyard with a swimming pool and basketball hoop. She had heard all about Deacon's room and the huge television mounted on the wall but she had never stepped foot in it. In fact she'd never left the living room.
"It's always soccer with that kid." Kim replied, "He's always kicking a ball or carrying it around." She heard the familiar footfalls as they came charging down the hallway. "ah, here he is." She laughed.
"Mom!" Deacon wrapped his arms around her, his overnight bag slung over his shoulder, "I missed you."
She ran her hands through his still wet hair, "I missed you too baby. Are you ready?"
"Yep. Bye Aunt Kim" Deacon released his mother to hug Kim, "I love you."
Kim kissed his head, "I love you too, be good. You should go tell Uncle Adam bye. He's in the kitchen."
"Okay."
Mia waited until Deacon was out of earshot, "Adam hates me..doesn't he?"
"No." Kim shrugged, "He doesn't hate you..this isn't easy for him." She could see Mia was about to respond and she held her hand up to stop her, "It's not easy for you either or me, it's hardest on Deacon. We are all doing the best we can, Adam included. He loves Deacon as if he was his own, and he knows he's going to have to let him go. He's terrified."
Kim felt that familiar bubble of emotion, anytime she talked about Deacon leaving them it tore through her, she did her best to force it from her mind. It was impossible though, Deacon would be leaving them and it hurt. It was hard to imagine their home without him, he was the reason they bought the house.
He filled their home with love and laughter, sure he would visit all the time and have numerous sleep overs but it wasn't the same.
She flicked a tear away, "My husband has devoted the last four years of his life to that little boy, the little boy you were unable to care for. My husband stepped up, so forgive him for not being excited to see you." It was hard to keep her anger at bay some times, seeing Adam so upset had fueled her anger a bit. "I try really hard to see things from your perspective but Adam..Adam's hurting and that hurts me, more than you'll ever know."
Mia looked at the palm of her hand, "I don't know what to say" she was truly at a loss for words. Didn't Kim understand that this was hard for her as well, "I know. I'm not proud of what I did, but I deserve my son. I will forever be indebted to Adam and you for stepping up and taking care of my son."
"You don't need to be indebted to us. He's family, he's Adam's nephew. We take care of our own." She folded her arms across her chest, "I will tell you this though, if you fall off the wagon..if you so much as have a sip of wine or even think about getting high..I will be on you like stink on shit..and if you hurt that little boy..I will break your legs. I can be sweet as pie, but the second you hurt my husband or Deacon, that's gone. I will be your worst nightmare..do you understand me?"
Mia nodded, "I do."
"Good. We have an understanding then. Excuse me, I will go see what's taking Deacon." Kim excused herself.
She never intended to go off on her, in fact she had hoped to never show Mia that side of herself she preferred to keep what Adam referred to as her badass side under wraps.
"I love you buddy" Adam had his hand on Deacon's cheek, "Get a good night's sleep tonight, make sure to drink plenty of water as well. You've got a full weekend of games, you need to be at your best." He was surprised at how quickly he had fallen in love with soccer, seeing Deacon happy and loving the game made it easy.
"Okay." Deacon smiled, "I will. Can I call you...you know if I can't sleep" He stammered a bit, "if I have a nightmare.."
Adam nodded, "Absolutely. Any time, no matter what." He responded, "You know I'm always here for you." The nightmares still plagued Deacon even four years later and while they weren't nearly as frequent as they had been in the beginning they tended to hit him when he was spending the night with his mother.
"I love you." Deacon hugged him, "Bye"
"I love you too" Adam smiled, "Be good."
"I will walk you out." Kim rubbed Adam's back as she followed Deacon into the living room.
"All set?" Mia jumped up from the couch.
"Yep. Let's go. Can we get pizza?" Deacon asked.
"Of course."
Kim stood in the doorway, "Don't forget to brush your teeth, Okay? We will see you in the morning. Have fun." She stood rooted in place watching as Mia backed out of the driveway, taking a large chunk of her heart with her as she drove off.
Kim sat on the arm of the couch, "You okay?"
Adam twisted the wedding band on his finger, "Yeah..." he sighed as he leaned back against her, "No. I don't know."
Kim ran her hand through his hair, "It's hard, isn't it?"
"Yeah"
"How about we go out. Just you and me. Just us. I think we deserve a night out." It had been a long time since they had gone out alone, if it wasn't Deacon with them it was Kevin and Jay.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!" Kim replied, "Maybe grab dinner and a movie. If you play your cards right I will let you make out with me in the back of the theater." She teased.
"Make out huh? That's it?" Adam pulled her into his lap, "I don't know..."
Kim laughed as he tickled her sides, "I could surprise you."
Adam was still laughing as he pushed open the front door, it had been an amazing night. It was exactly what he needed, and he was more than a bit surprised that their heavy make out session had turned into sex in the nearly empty theatre.
Kim tossed her purse on the table, "My god Adam..I can't believe we did that. Do you know how many laws we broke..oh my god" she brought her hand to cover her mouth, "could you imagine the fallout if someone had caught us and called the cops?"
Adam was enjoying her little rant, "Darlin' I think we were the only ones left at that point, the movie sucked and we didn't get caught."
"Never again Adam. Never again."
"I do recall you're the one who climbed in my lap and unbuttoned my jeans and it was you who put her hands in my boxers. It was also you who hiked up your dress I might add. You left me with no choice, I had to fuck you."
Kim scowled at him, "You're crude sometimes, do you know that? You could've said no..." She waved her hand around, laughing when he smirked at her, "Yes I know. It was..."
"Amazing?" Adam offered. "Baby, you know you love it when I'm crude."
"Yes. It was amazing. Mind blowing in fact, but it will not happen again. I promise you that." Kim stepped out of her shoes and set them in the closet, "I'm exhausted and we've got soccer all day tomorrow."
"Indeed we do. I'm just gonna call Deacon. I'll be up in a minute."
"Don't call him now, Adam it's late. He will call if he needs you, let him sleep." Kim explained, "Come to bed..with me..now."
Adam took her outstretched hand in his, "Don't beg, it's not an attractive trait."
Deacon wiped the sweat from his brow and reached out in the dark for the small lamp beside his bed, with one touch his room was bathed in light. It had happened again, the nightmare had returned. It was always the same, he would wake up in a cold sweat with his heart racing.
The dream never changed, he was always alone in his old house. The doors and windows locked and the entire house dark, he'd scream for his mom and she would never come.
He grabbed his back pack and fished his phone out of it.
"Ruzek" Adam grumbled, still half asleep.
"It's me. I'm scared. I had that nightmare again." Deacon whispered into the phone. "I woke you up..didn't I? I'm sorry."
Adam was wide awake now, he kicked the covers off and went out into the hallway, "Hey man. It's okay. You're okay. Remember, it's just a bad dream. You're safe. Can you count for me? Take slow deep breaths buds. Ready? We can do it together."
It was a coping mechanism one of Deacon's counselors had recommend and it had worked wonders, usually by the time they had hit ten Deacon was calm and breathing normally.
Deacon did as he was instructed, his breathing started to return to normal and the fear in his voice had abated.
"You good?" Adam asked.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry pal. I'm here for you. Never forget that, do you want to talk some more?"
Deacon shook his head, forgetting momentarily that Adam couldn't see him, "I think I can go back to sleep now. I'm not scared anymore."
"Good. Sleep tight buddy. I'm gonna keep my phone in my hand, just call me if you're feeling scared again."
"I will. Thanks Uncle Adam, I love you."
"I love you to kid. So very much."
Kim grabbed Adam's discarded shirt from the floor and slipped it on, she had heard the phone ring and knew it had to of been Deacon.
She found Adam sitting in their darkened living room, "Adam, honey. Is everything okay? Was it Deacon?"
Adam opened his arms so she could sit in his lap, "He had a nightmare."
Kim kissed his temple, her hand tangled in his hair, "I hate that. Did you help him settle down?"
"Think so. He said he was ready to go back to bed." Adam closed his eyes and buried his face in the crook of Kim's neck.
Kim wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. "I know baby, I know. This isn't easy is it. Adam, I'm so proud of you. You've been amazing for Deacon, that boy absolutely adores you. That won't change. Regardless of where he lives, he will always love you. You're his anchor."
"I hate it." Adam mumbled, "I hate that we have to let him go."
She could feel his tears as they splashed on her neck, "So do I. He wants this so much, he wants to be with his mom. I can't be selfish Adam, if Mia is capable of taking care of him, we have to let him go."
Adam sighed, "I don't want him to go, I would fight it if Deacon didn't want this. If he wanted to stay I'd fight her tooth and nail. I love him as if he was my son."
Kim brushed the tears from her eyes, "Me too." She smiled a bit, "I think you're an amazing man and uncle and I think you're going to be an amazing daddy one day."
Adam kissed her on the mouth quickly, "I think we should practice our baby making game.."
Kim laughed, "Of course you do." She was happy to see the twinkle in his eye. "I love you Adam."
Adam grabbed two coffees from the concession stand and made his way to the bleachers.
"Coffee my dear" Adam handed it to Kim as he sat down, "How's our boy?"
Kim pointed to the field, "He's so proud of that armband" he proudly wore the yellow band signifying him as 'captain', "Game should start soon. The referee just showed up."
The game hadn't been more that twenty minutes old when he spotted her across the field.