Ben never quite got to sleep after his parents left his quarters that afternoon, but instead he was focused on the mission ahead. Six years ago, when Ben had officially joined the resistance, he took it upon himself to take the difficult missions, the ones that no one wanted for fear it would haunt the after the war was over. That was how he quickly became one of the resistance's most powerful members, by preforming the necessary evils, assassinations, interrogations, and on occasion brutally precise military attacks. But this mission was different, he was being sent to retrieve a piece of a map supposedly to Luke.
Ben and Luke never really saw eye to eye on many things, Ben would regularly use the 'dark side' of the force, which he saw no problem with as long as he was doing it for the 'right reasons'. Luke saw darkness in Ben since he was a young child, he was emotional, passionate and strong-willed, none of those traits are something to be desired in a jedi, but by the time 12 year old Ben started his training they were already too cemented into him to change, thus leading to a struggle between what he knew was right and what he felt was right.
The nightmare's didn't help either, often coming to him when he was most vulnerable. Voices would say things he wanted to hear, and a dark figure spoke wise words in his ear. There was a time where he was considering running away to join the first order, but then he had a dream of a world shrouded in darkness, of a black mask suffocating him, and he knew then that he could never go through with it.
Even though Luke and Ben were not the best of friends, Ben knew they needed him on their side. He could feel a dark presence growing, slowly, but growing nonetheless. Ben knew that he wasn't enough, as much as it pained him to know.
Ben put on his black flightsuit and grabbed a black scarf to help protect against potentially dangerous sandstorms and he headed towards the flight bay. Never did it cross his mind that this mission might've been compromised by the double agents that had just been exposed that morning.
Leia woke with a start, call it a mothers instinct, but she instantly knew Ben was in trouble. She threw on her uniform and nearly ran down the hallway to where one of her most trusted friends, and fellow general, Amara, was sitting. General Amara was the name she remembered seeing on the file in Ben's room.
"Ah, General Organa, early morning?" Amara asked.
"General Amara, where is Ben?" Leia asked quickly.
"Leia, wasn't it you who personally requested that these files be closed to you?" Amara asked with confusion.
"I know, I know, but Amara, please, I can feel it, he's in trouble." Leia said, she could feel panic start to seep into her bones as Amara's face turned into a pitiful one.
"Leia, Ben is on Jakku, retrieving a piece of the map to Luke." Amara said, and instantly Leia's heart sunk, she understood the gravity and the danger of this mission, "We haven't heard from him, although that's not unusual for him, he always turns off his communications when he's out."
Leia nodded, but that feeling remained, dread still had it's grip on her heart. Knowing she couldn't handle this alone, she went to wake Han just to see if he had any insight into the manner.
Ben was sitting cross-legged in front of Lor San Tekka, who he was quite familiar with, an ex-resistance scout and follower of the Church of the Force, San Tekka had come to Luke's Jedi temple several times with ancient lore and knowledge.
"This will begin to make things right. I've traveled too far, and seen too much, to ignore the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force." He said and it took all Ben had not to roll his eyes.
"This will be monumental in our search, the General has been after this for a long time." Ben said and San Tekka raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, well your mother may be a general, but to me she'll always be royalty." San Tekka said.
"Well she certainly is that." Ben muttered so that San Tekka couldn't hear.
San Tekka seemed like he was about to say something else when all of the sudden Ben's BB-8 droid rolled in and let out a series of alarmed beeps, which Ben knew meant that there was trouble coming.
Ben looked out of the tent and saw lights on the horizon, "We've got company." He said, exiting the tent and grabbing his night vision goggles, he looked towards the incoming lights and saw more cruisers full of stormtroopers. His head was spinning with thoughts, he couldn't deal with that many stormtroopers on his own, and it was too late to call in any backup.
"You need to leave." San Tekka said, now standing beside Ben. Ben looked at the old man, took a deep breath, nodded and took off towards his X-wing.
He quickly jumped into the pilots seat and started the engines, unfortunately for him, it had seemed like the stormtroopers noticed the X-wing as they began to shoot at him. It wasn't soon after that a critical part of the engine was destroyed "Dammit!" Ben shouted to himself.
He slid down the ladder and turned to see the village burning in the near distance, he then turned to BB-8 and handed the droid the piece of the map, "You keep this away from them, you got that?"
BB-8 beeped sadly, "Go." Ben said, reaching into his cloak and pulling out his lightsaber. Ben sighed as he looked at their sheer numbers, and he thought back to his last words to his mother, he was mocking her, it made him angry to think that those would be his last words to them, he supposed he would just have to make sure that they weren't.
He activated his lightsaber and it began. He sliced into the first two storm troopers and deflected blasts from two others. Eventually the battle turned into a rhythmic dance for Ben, he didn't know how many he had killed, but it began to seem like for every stormtrooper he dispatched two ore took their place. he outcome of this struggle inevitable, but Ben resented that it happened so soon. From a fair distance, one of the stormtroopers shots managed to sneak past him, and hit his left leg.
Ben cried out in pain and went down on one knee, just in time to see the captain of the troopers come out from her ship, Phasma. She raised her gun and brought it own on his head, he grunted and fell to the ground, he tried to push himself up, only to be hit in the head again, this time effectively knocking him out.
Leia was 'freaking out' as Han put it, and Han wuld be lying if he didn't feel at least some panic setting in.
"Leia, princess, look at me." He said to her, "Ben is going to be just fine." He said, though a certain memory came to mind, "Do you remember when he came back injured, and you never wanted him to go out again?"
"I should've just done that." Leia said sadly.
"No, no, that's not my point... just listen." Han said and began his tale...
*Flashback*
Ben was laying on his back on one of the med bay beds, he was nearly too long to fit on the bed, one of his legs was hanging off the edge and his arms were splayed all over the place. He wasn't wearing a shirt because the injury was on his abdomen, and when Han and Leia heard the news and they ran down to see him, Han's first thought was 'wow, Ben's ripped', which is something he would have never assumed based on the boys skinny frame.
Leia brushed his dark hair from his face, "Oh Ben." She sighed, a single tear falling down her cheek, the doctor then came by and Leia started talking to her about Ben's treatment. Han didn't really care what the doctor had to say, preferring to stay with Ben.
It was just his luck that Ben began to stir just as Leia left the room with the doctor, his breathing started to become a bit quicker. Suddenly he sat up, which was a mistake as that seriously irritated the injury.
"Ugh." Ben grunted in pain, clenching his jaw to keep from any other pained noises from coming out. Han was surprised to see fear written on his son's face, an emotion Han hadn't seen from his son since he was a child.
"Ben." Han said, standing there awkwardly, not exactly sure what to say.
Ben looked at him, his eyes were bloodshot, and there was dried blood on the side of his face, "Dad?" He asked, and Han smiled widely, that was the first time Ben had called him anything other than General in months.
"Yeah Ben, I'm here." Han said gently.
"What happened?" Ben asked quietly.
Han looked at him with a little surprise and said, "You tell me kid."
"I remember, I... dispatched the target, I was leaving when some First Order loyalist recognized me. I was just going to make him forget he saw me, but then he-he threw a knife at me! I mean who even uses knives! So then of course I have a knife in my stomach and it was just my luck that five guards turned the corner," Ben let out a deep chuckle, "So I jumped out of the window, although I forgot how high up I was, luckily I landed on a cruiser and lost the First Order in the mess of traffic, but it took me a while to get back to my ship."
Han laughed and Ben cracked a smile, "So let me get this straight... a crazy guy threw a knife at you, and you, the crazier guy, responded by jumping out of a window?" Han asked humorously.
Ben laughed slightly and said, "Yeah I guess I am the crazier guy in that story."
Han said, "You guess?" and he laughed again, though Ben seemed done with humor, "You know, you remind me a lot of me when I was your age." Han said and Ben gave him a curious look.
"Do you," Ben shook his head and corrected, "Did you ever feel like you were empty, like... like the only time you feel alive is when you're running for your life?"
Han's eyes widened, he did know. Ben had perfectly summed up what he felt everyday when he was younger, before he met Leia. Ben perfectly described the absolute loneliness he had always felt, it was a result of having no one who loved him, which he knew thanks to the time Leia made him go to a therapist, something he still did every once in a while. Hearing this from Ben, however, was not something Han was prepared for. He knew Leia and him were not the best parents, not the most devoted, Leia was busy and Han was gone a few too many times, but they loved their son. This was the first time Han had considered that maybe that hadn't been enough.
Han was about to reply with some sort of anecdote about how meeting Leia turned it all around for him, or how running from your problems wasn't the answer, but then Leia came back in with the doctor and started talking to Ben, whose slightly disappointed gaze lingered on Han for a few moments before his face returned to the cold mask it always was.
Han never continued the conversation.
*End Flashback*
"Oh Han, it's okay, a few words wouldn't have changed anything. He was already in too deep." Leia comforted, sensing how upset Han was even though he wasn't showing it.
"I know I just... what if I had been there?" Han asked no one in particular, "What if I had missed one less bedtime, one less family dinner? What if I had done like I promised and picked him up from that goddamned jedi academy when he called me?!" Han said, working himself up into a angry rant.
"Han... calm down, there's nothing we can do about it now." Leia said and sighed, "You know... I never should have sent him away, that's when I lost him... when I lost both of you."
"You haven't lost me princess, I'm right here." Han said with a faint smile, it wasn't convincing.
"You know in all of our fights, we've always come back stronger, but that one... we still haven't healed. Maybe... maybe when Ben gets back we can all heal together?" Leia spoke tentatively.
Han looked at her hopefully, "I hope so."
Authors Note: WOW! Thank you guys for all the support, it means a lot. Please review/rate/comment! It really motivates me to write faster!