DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

"All right," the Pirate Captain whispered, "I want everyone who thinks this idea is terrifically idiotic and should not be attempted to raise their hands."

There were some nervous grumbles, but no one rejected.

"Now, everyone who thinks it's terrifically idiotic and should be attempted, raise your hands."

The crew reluctantly acquiesced, and Polly nodded her head.

"Right. Seventh time's the charm!" Standing up and clearing his throat, he began to noisily pace around the hold. "Oh, who am I kidding, lads? We're never getting out of here!" he yelled, hoping he could be heard on deck. "Never! The great Emperor is far too clever to be outwitted!"

He paused beneath the hatch and listened for a moment. Sure enough, small footsteps could be heard approaching the hatch. Smiling, he signaled to the Pirate With A Scarf, who reluctantly joined him.

"But sir," the first mate said with equal volume and much less emotion, "you've forgotten the secret passage."

"Why, whatever do you mean, Number Two?"

"You know, the one that goes inside your cabin."

The captain gasped melodramatically. "My goodness! You're absolutely right! Oh, I certainly hope Napoleon doesn't overhear us and go looking for the passage!"

For several agonizing moments, no sound came from up above. Then, at last, the footsteps rapidly moved off towards the stern.

The crew instantly sprang into action. "Everyone get something to wallop him with!" the Pirate Captain commanded. After rummaging through his beard for a few seconds, he fished out a large iron key. Reaching up through a hole in the hatch, he inserted it into the lock which Napoleon had taken advantage of and opened it with a soft click. Step one, complete.

He was the first to emerge from the hold, quickly followed by the others. "No time to lose," he said, seeing that their unwelcome guest was nowhere in sight. "When the little blighter comes out, we're giving him a taste of his own medicine. Now who's got the rope?"

Polly approached him and tapped on his boot. When she'd gotten his attention, she nodded upwards nervously.

The captain's gaze slowly moved to where she was pointing. "Don't fret, girl. What could possibly be...INCOMING!"

Everyone scattered as Napoleon swung down from the mast, letting out a wild battle cry. He crashed into Mr. Bobo, skidded to a stop and held up a small knife to his hostage's throat. "Oui! I am far too clever to be outwitted! Now surrender, or I shall eat ze monkey!"

Mr. Bobo gave him an indignant look. MANPANZEE.

"How did you - "

"Silly peasants, thinking you could escape."

"W-We weren't trying to escape!" the Pirate Captain said quickly. "Didn't even cross our minds! Nothing could be further from the truth! I mean, isn't that the most nonsensical thing you've ever heard, lads?"

They nodded, albeit very slowly. Wherever he was going with this, it had a microscopic chance of going anywhere good.

"Then tell me what you are doing," Napoleon commanded.

"Ah, yes. It's a very long and complicated answer, you see." He scanned the deck, looking for an excuse, any excuse. "We were...wondering..." And then, like the perfect tune for a shanty or a bad case of lubbermatosis, the answer suddenly appeared. "Why isn't the ship moving?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? We've been stuck in that hold close to an hour and haven't felt the boat move an inch! Not that eager to get to Paris after all, Nappy?"

The others exchanged worried looks, while Napoleon's face started to get red. "Hold your tongue, peasant!"

"Well? Are you?"

"Of course I am - "

"Then why do it yourself? Surely you must be wise enough to see that you've got a whole crew right here."

This wasn't as bad as what the crew had thought he would do - it was worse.

"I'm offering you a deal, Nappy," the Pirate Captain continued, brushing off the Pirate With A Scarf's attempts to stop him. "You give us back our ship, we take you back to Paris and everyone goes on their merry way. How's that sound?"

"Captain, we need to - "

"Magnifique!" Napoleon chirped. "I shall accept zis offer, peasant!" Flashing a more than somewhat disturbing smile, he let Mr. Bobo out of his grasp. The monkey immediately scrambled off.

"The name's Pirate Captain, actually."

"We sail at once, I assume?"

"I couldn't think of a better time - "

"We need to talk!" the Pirate With A Scarf finally said. He and Charles each grabbed one of the captain's arms, and together they dragged him into the cabin and locked the door behind them.

"Captain, must we go over this every time you get an idea?"

"Go over what?" the captain asked nonchalantly. "Oh, the facing certain death thing. Won't happen this time, I'm afraid!"

"And...why's that?"

"Because I'm playing him like an accordion! We're going to make such a fool of him, and he hasn't the faintest idea!"

"Captain?"

"Not now, Chuck - "

"Captain, he's watching us."

Sure enough, Napoleon's beady eye could be seen staring at the trio through a hole in the door.

The Pirate Captain seemed unfazed. "Ah, bon-jorn-oh! Do come in, won't you?"

After a few moments of what sounded like Napoleon struggling to reach the doorknob, he opened the door and entered the cabin. "What is zis?"

"Just giving the boys their marching orders, sir. We're planning this wonderful trick on someone back home. Speaking of which, there's something I forgot to tell the others. Wait here - you and I have quite a bit to discuss."

With a tip of his hat, the captain grabbed his companions and pushed them out of the cabin as he walked back on deck, where the rest of his crew still stood dumbfounded. "Special announcement!"

They all crowded around him, and he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Listen up, because I'm only saying this once - we're sailing to Blood Island, but we're not sailing to Blood Island. Keep it just on the horizon and sail around it. I'll handle things from there."

It was as though he had decided they weren't perplexed enough. "...What?"

"You'll learn of it later. Now let's go!"

Shaking their heads in wonder, the crew dispersed to finish preparing the ship while the Pirate Captain marched back into his cabin. "So I've got a few questions for you, Nappy..."

The Pirate With A Scarf crept up to the closed door. Putting his ear against it, he could hear what the captain was saying quite easily. "I want to know everything about Paris. What's it look like? Any favorite landmarks? How do they treat you? Excruciating detail, s'il vous plaît..."

Ugh. I'm not too proud of this installment. A tight schedule and writers' block do not a good story make. But my play will soon be wrapping up, so I'll have a little more free time soon. See ya next chapter!

~ A. Kingsleigh