Title: Sexy no Jutsu
Author: medic2be
Beta-ed by: N/A
Characters/Pairing: Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke
Type: Three-shot (InComplete)
Genre: Romance/ humour
Word Count: 1099
Theme: N/A
Rating:T
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto-san.
Summary: In which Sasuke's sexuality is questioned. In which Sasuke wonders at the lengths he would go for love. Oh how the mighty have indeed fallen! Crack-fic: Sasu x Saku fluff.
Created on: 24/03/09
Completed on: __/03/09
AN: By the way, this is 'thoughts' and this; 'inner thoughts'
Thank you for all your kind and positive reviews. You have no idea how encouraging it is for a novice author to see their work appreciated.
I hope you are following the time line, I'm not really sure if it's confusing or not because it's not exactly in chronological order. But where's the fun in going chronologically?!
This fic will be a 3-shot because it'll give more flexibility for plot development.
On with the story…
Previously…
Presently… whilst flying through the air after Sakura's chakra enhanced upper cut…
Sasuke wondered exactly what he had agreed to as the Godaime's face loomed closer. Was it his imagination or was the rocky face grinning at him?
2 months ago…
Sasuke could not believe what he was about to do. He attributed his temporary lapse in judgment to the severe concussion sustained during the turbulent landing on the Godaime's face.
To top matters, the Hokage had made him pay for damages incurred onto her 'youthful visage' as part of his punishment for betraying Konoha. 'Tch, looks like some one was over channeling their Inner-Lee' Sasuke snorted.
During his convalescence, he did not see hide nor hair of the perpetrator responsible for his condition, despite having it on good authority that she was a senior member of staff in the hospital.
Sasuke wisely utilized the time during his confinement to deliberate on Sakura's ultimatum. For once, his prodigious mind drew a blank.
He could think of nothing to surprise the kunoichi. So far he only came up with saying 'sorry,' but given Sakura's reaction to his best puppy dog eyes, saying 'sorry' might cause Sakura to send him into low polar orbit…
…Which led him to his current location.
Who better to consult about stupidity, outlandishness and the unexpected than the Number 1 most Unpredictable Knuckle Headed Ninja of Konoha.
Sassuke knocked on the grotesque orange front door and waited…
10 minutes later…
"Open up the door Dobe or so help me –"
"Jeez Teme, keep it down. I'm coming, I'm coming."
Sasuke's Sharingan flickered, a sure sign of emotional instability.
"Where were you Dobe? I've been knocking on that hideous door of yours for the past 10 minutes."
A sheepish expression appeared on Naruto's face.
"I didn't hear you"
Sasuke glared.
"What?!" Naruto gave his best wide-eyed innocent look, "I was making ramen"
Sasuke blinked.
"Oh, and Teme…you're paying for that" gesturing to the door where a large patch of paint had eroded away due to Sasuke's excessive pounding.
Sasuke twitched, reminding himself that it would be very counter productive towards his mission if he strangled Naruto with his hitai-ate.
It would seem extortion was the latest playground craze in Konoha. His inheritance was significantly dwindling these past few days.
"Anyway Teme" Naruto walked into his bachelor pad, Sasuke following not far behind, "- to what do I owe this pleasure?"
Sasuke was currently having an intense glaring session with the appalling bio hazard that was the Dobe's apartment, and losing spectacularly.
"Dobe, you really need to clean up in here, the place is supporting eco-systems unnatural to human dwellings."
"Yes Sasugay"
Sasuke hmphed in annoyance.
"Contrary to popular belief, I am not gay Dobe."
"Really? I heard rumours you were second in command to Orochimaru's band of Merry Gay Followers."
"Hn. Do you want a Chidori up your ass?"
"Sorry!" Naruto cowed under the Uchiha Patented Glare TM, version 2009, "Anyway, you never answered my question"
"Hn"
"…"
"…"
"Well…I don't have all day."
"Ineedyourhelp" Sasuke rushed, not meeting the Dobe's smug, knowing look.
"I didn't quite catch that" Naruto cupped his ear mockingly.
"Dobe, I swear –"
"Okay, okay. No need to get your Uchiwa monogrammed panties in a twist."
Sasuke glared.
"So the great Uchiha Sasuke needs MY help." Naruto milked the moment for all its worth.
Sasuke's blood chilled at the Dobe's thoughtful look.
"Let me guess, this has something to do with Sakura-chan's challenge right?"
"Hn" 'the Dobe couldn't read minds, could he?'
"So what have you come up with?"
"Hn"
"Well, I don't think 'sorry' is going to cut it"
"Hn" 'Okay, that…was slightly creepy'
"So you thought, me being the Number 1 Most Unpredictable Knuckle Headed Ninja would have the answer right?"
"Hn" Sasuke shuddered, discreetly, 'Very creepy'
"Let me just finish my ramen and we can brain storm"
'Is ramen all that Dobe ever thinks of?' Sasuke inwardly rolled his eyes.
"No Teme, I'm also thinking of ways to help you, being the great friend that I am." Naruto paused, "whilst eating ramen" he added as an afterthought.
"!"
72 hours later…
"How's abou' se-serenading her?"
"No Dobe, that was idea 472 which we reject'd 3hrs ago, 'cos the las' time I sung I got banned from all the karaoke bars in the Five Great Shinobi Nations. I's tryin to get Sak'ra's furgiveness…not kill her… " Sasuke slurred happily…well as happy as an Uchiha with the emotional range of a tea spoon could manage.
Having come to a lack of inspiration 3 hours ago, the two exhausted shinobi had decided that potent mental stimulants were in order.
Six pitchers of sake later, both were riotously drunk and no closer to solving Sasuke's dilemma or coming up with any new ideas that fit the criteria. Most were too clichéd and the rest so pathetic that calling them ideas were an insult to their combined intelligence.
The mental stimulation did not seem to be taking effect, as Sasuke still felt uninspired. 'Maybe some more sake will help'
He reached to swipe the half full jug when the Dobe smacked him, in the process knocking the key to mental stimulation over.
"Wazza for Dobe?!!…I was gonna drink zat"
"I've got it!" the Dobe claimed, surprisingly sober.
"…Huh?..." was the ground breaking reply
Sasuke strained his neck to glare at the Dobe, not liking at all, the foxy grin breaking across his features.
"Wanna hear it Teme?" Naruto chirped excitedly
"Hn…it can't be as bad as giving Sakura a public strip tease…" 'Although the idea does have its merits…'
Naruto whispered the plan to Sasuke.
He was right, he did not like it.
"The fuck Dobe! You've got to be kidding me?! That's the most stupid, outlandish and unexpected plan I have ever had the misfortune to hear." The utter preposterous idea had jolted Sasuke out of his drunken stupor.
"Exaaaactly" the Dobe gloated "what would you do without me Teme?"
"Well…for one, my ear drums would still be intact." Sasuke dead panned.
"You're just jealous of my stupid, outlandish and unexpected genius!"
Sasuke snorted at the Dobe's last contradictory statement 'tch…Baka…'
"Whatever Dobe, you've only just marginally graduated from a dead last to a second to dead last."
"Hey! You'd better appreciate it Teme, not only did you waste 72 hours of my life, - which by the way, I'm never going to get back- you drank all my best sake!"
The last declaration proved too much for Naruto, 3 days of no sleep and imbibing enough alcohol to knock an elephant out cold, finally took its toll.
Sasuke managed a high-pitched giggle before face vaulting into the empty sake pitcher. The porcelain shattered, giving him another concussion, which he later blamed for his lunacy during Sakura's 18th birthday party.
AN:
So the plot thickens…
Poor Sasuke…everyone's extorting him…
Sasuke…strip tease…mmm…(please excuse the author whilst she staunches her nose bleed)
What is the grand plan?
What happened at Sakura's party?
Why is Sasuke even agreeing to Naruto's plan with minimal resistance? (And no, it's not the apocalypse)
Stay tuned for the final chapter of Sexy no Jutsu!
Reviews, thoughts, ideas are welcome and appreciated!