CHAPTER 2
"They're gone," the nurse repeated.
As soon as the news sank in, I just lost it. I tried to get up, but couldn't. It took both Dr. Dimitrov and the nurse to hold me down.
"Should I get the restraints, doctor?" the nurse asked.
Restraints? I really hoped it wouldn't come to that. I didn't think I was a danger to myself, or either of them.
"No," the doctor answered. "He'll be all right. He's just in shock, that's all."
I felt the nurse check my vitals. "BP's 101/63, pulse 96, temp's 99," she reported.
"Dr. Kovac, do you remember what happened?" Dr. Dimitrov asked as he put his stethoscope on my chest.
I shook my head. I barely remembered what happened. I tried my best to block it out.
"Your apartment was hit. The top floor caved in on the bottom floor, and your family was crushed," the doctor told me.
That's when the floodgates opened. As I laid there and sobbed, the nurse handed me a tissue and gently rubbed my arm as I dabbed at my eyes. I was embarrassed that my former mentor was now seeing me cry, but I also knew that he understood what I was going through.
"It's just not possible," I rambled. "They were just fine a few hours ago." Then I thought of whoever may have fired that missile. He killed my family. That murderous son of a bitch!
"Whoever it is, I swear to God I'll kill him!" I shouted, throwing the pillow, knocking over the medical trays, and anything else within my reach. One young medical student tried to grab me, but in the heat of the moment, I put my hand over his face and shoved him across the room. I was totally out of control.
"Get the restraints!" Dr. Dimitrov ordered urgently, and the next thing I knew, he, the nurse, and two other doctors were pinning me to the gurney and strapping down my arms and legs. I was in such a state of delirium that I forgot my English—yes, we speak it sometimes—and started yelling in Croatian.
I struggled against the restraints for a minute, then felt someone give me a shot of Haldol or something. I immediately stopped struggling and settled back into a peaceful sleep.
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.
When I woke up again, I was in another room. I looked around and found that I was completely alone. I could also hear the EKG beeping steadily.
"Dr. Kovac?" a voice asked. "Are you all right?"
I mumbled something in Croatian, then looked in the direction of the voice. It was the young student I'd shoved earlier. "I'm sorry," I whispered to him.
"Oh, that's all right," he said. "You're not the first person we've had to use the restraints on."
"I still can't believe my family's gone," I said.
"I know, and I just want you to know how sorry I am for your loss," he said.
"Thank you," I said as he unhooked the EKG.
"Would you like to get up and walk?" the intern asked.
"I don't know if I can, but I'll give it a try," I said.
"Let me get the nurse," he said, pressing the call button.
A few minutes later, the nurse came back. "I'm sorry," I whispered to her.
"That's all right," she said.
"I need to go to the bathroom," I said.
"Sure," the nurse said, lowering the bedrail. The two of them helped me up, and the intern followed me to the bathroom door.
As soon as I got to the bathroom and shut the door, I began to cry softly. It just didn't seem fair that my family was alive less than 24 hours ago, and they were all dead. I quickly splashed some cold water on my face and washed my hands. It felt like liquid ice, but it was better than nothing.
"Are you all right?" the nurse asked as I came out. I nodded, and the two of them helped me back to bed.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought, I need to get out of Croatia. It just holds too many bad memories for me.
The only question was, where was I going to go?