A/N: Thank You to everyone reading/following my little story! I hope you all enjoy this new chapter! Extra love to those who send me feedback (reviews/PMs) and let me know what you're thinking!
I have put a lot of thought, research/study (verifying dialogue, codex, lore, language, etc.), and my own heartfelt emotions as I dug into Solas's psyche. I have a lot of thoughts and speculations on our dear wolf. And I hope that all the effort is apparent to my readers.
The warmth and fluidity of that voice calling from behind her stopped her in her tracks, breath hitching in her throat. Wide eyed, she turned slowly toward the source of the voice, trying to comprehend both his presence and words.
Finally, she beheld the beautiful face that haunted her thoughts all too often. But to her utter shock, his appearance was quite different.
Despite being in his favorite battlemage armor, adorned with his wolf pelt, there were beautiful long tresses, brown hair falling over his shoulders, swept back and restrained by a circlet of sorts that looked very much like teeth and bone of an animal, revealing a close-shaved undercut.
Those pale eyes of his glinted in the moonlight.
The sense of relief upon seeing him momentarily assuaged her confusion. But in the next heartbeat, her chest tightened as all the worry, sorrow and frustration seemed to come back to her in a grand deluge. Lavellan could only cover her lips as she choked back a sob.
His gaze fell in remorse, seeing the evidence of the pain his desertion had inflicted. Regret washed over him in a way he never knew possible. He hadn't wanted it to be this way, but it was necessary at the time.
Taking a few slow steps forward, he drew closer, wanting nothing but to reach for her.
"Not a day has passed, vhenan, that I haven't wished to see you," he confessed. "But I had to try to find a way to fix things on my own. It was a task only I could take on...or so I had thought."
She realized what he meant: the broken orb. But that didn't explain why it had to be him, nor what he meant a moment ago.
"You know very well that I am an understanding and reasonable woman, Solas. You could have told me the truth the first time we were in this place together. Just like you had about the vallaslin-you gave me the choice of how to handle those truths. You could have told me you were going to have to go away. I would have let you go, knowing that you needed to leave. I wouldn't stop loving you either way!" Her anger, in every right, telling him what he should have done.
"You told me that I was the first person you ever trusted, that I 'changed everything', yet you couldn't even give me the respect of a proper farewell? I deserved more than for you to panic and push me away," she continued, unleashing nearly two years of frustrations.
With a heavy exhalation, he closed the distance between them.
"You are absolutely right. I have made some indelible mistakes over the millennia, legendary ones, in fact..." the handsome elf replied with grimace. "And turning my back on you was one of them." He saw her eyes widen at his declaration. He fought the undeniable urge to kiss her as he paused and collected his thoughts. "You did change everything...and that's why I am here to talk with you."
He ran a gentle hand over her soft locks before repeating himself.
"And it's also why I left you that tome."
In her initial confusion, she argued with him.
"But last night, the Great Wolf told me he..."
Her words drifted off as silver eyes held her in dire regard.
Those eyes...
He nodded, slowly and deliberately.
Her hand covered her mouth in shock, and she stepped back, shaking her head as she put all the little pieces together.
"You, Solas...are-"
"Roamer of the Beyond...Bringer of Nightmares," he began nonchalantly rattling off some of the names he'd been given over the centuries. "The Great Wolf, He Who Hunts Alone, God of Deception...God of Rebellion..."
"Fen'Harel..." she breathed, surprised by the sound of her own voice as she uttered his true name aloud. The painful realization twisted tightly in her bosom. "I fell in love with...the Dread Wolf?"
He could see the confusion passing over her features, and now was the time to stop her before she went down the rabbit trail.
"Listen to me carefully," he held her gently by the shoulders, softly commanding her attention. "I spent so much time telling you about the falsehood of your lore, because I know what really happened and why. I was there. I wanted to be able to tell you the truth, and not have you jump to the easy conclusion that-"
"I was being deceived," she interjected gravely.
Solas nodded, the stoic mask dissolved into a visage of pain and guilt at her words. He knew that she had instantly felt that doubt, and once again it was his own fault.
"I have been trying to right the wrongs that I caused centuries ago when I was a cocky, young elf, drunk on power. I slept ages away as I wandered the Fade. When I awoke, realizing I had been the catalyst of the decimation of elvhen culture and magic, I then made an equally regrettable choice as I tried to correct my first blunder," he summarized, trying to get quickly to his point. "And the path to fixing all of it..." He cupped her face with his hand, looking intently into her troubled eyes. "It led to you, the single most brilliant being I have encountered in my long lifetime. And I wronged you by not telling you all this when I had the chance. And now I implore you to hear me out."
His eyes besought her.
"I have realized that, for so many reasons, I can't bear to lose you. I knew it back when we first kissed: That losing you would be insufferable. But I forced myself to endure it, just for the chance to know what it was to truly be loved."
Her heart swirled with emotions. Comforted by his presence, flabbergasted by his revelation, flattered that a god holds her so dearly, and terrified by the truth of what it all means.
"Ir abelas, vhenan..." His voice ached, his anguish deep and true.
She placed a hand on his chest to reaffirm that it was truly him, even if only a dream.
"Solas...that name, the old village you said you were from...it lay in ruins. But it's still the truth, isn't it? You were from there, but hundreds of years ago," she reasoned aloud. She marveled at the thought that this man she had grown to love and admire was really an ancient elvhen, having extended his life for so long through the absolute mastery of the very magic she also used. "It makes more sense that your wisdom and intelligence comes with the knowledge of ages."
He nodded.
"Something I have been contemplating recently is educating you in the ways of the ancient elvhen magic," he replied. "You have many of the tools at hand, but you need to continue to gain strength and willpower so that you can properly develop your magic. There is so much more that you don't know. But, If there is a single elf in this age that should have the arcane knowledge of Arlathan, it is you."
He gestured for her to walk with him. She remained close by his side, her heart tight like the taut rope tugging on her emotions as her mind raced with questions.
"When we sat together last night, I wanted nothing but to reveal myself," the silver-eyed god admitted. "Especially when you alluded to us in conversation."
"You were testing me, weren't you? To see if I would run in fear, fight in anger, or give the benefit of the doubt," she intuited in hindsight. He smirked, affirming her keen observation.
"I wasn't going to visit you last night, knowing you would likely need time to unlock the tome," he explained. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips as a another confession poised itself. "But after watching you in the temple, when you discovered the book...I simply couldn't stay away."
The Lady Lavellan eyed him, fighting a smug smile that threatened to give her heart away.
"Well, I finally deduced that Fen'Harel, being closely linked to the Fade, may guard his story with such magic. So I finally tried unveiling the pages...literally," she sniffed in amusement as she held up her left hand.
"I am pleased you were quick to discern the key spell," the handsome god replied. "But I failed to give you enough time to translate. I assume you are still weak with written elvish. For that I only have my own impatience and selfishness to blame."
"Most of us don't get a couple of millennia to learn as you have, Solas," she jested lightly.
He chuckled at her jibe, the sound of his mirth bringing back memories of their time together. It was welcome and familiar as they naturally slipped back into the synchronicity they once had.
"That's true," he agreed, taking her hand. "And I sometimes lose sight of my advantage. For that, I am sorry." Guiding her casually through the cavern, he headed closer to the waterfall. Something was hidden just behind the falls: an odd old painting of a dragon.
"To make it up to you, I am going to do what I meant to do the first time we were here. There was a very particular reason we came all the way to Crestwood, specifically to this cavern," he revealed with a gesture toward the hand-drawn image.
"The paintings...? Do they tell a story?" she inquired, intuiting the explanation.
"Indeed, they do," he began as she listened curiously. "The ones the elves refer to as the gods, like the 'Creators' and myself, we are basically Elvhen who have achieved the ultimate levels of capability. We were once mortal, but have gained extended life and power through the mastery of magic."
"What about the Forgotten Ones?" she asked.
"They are something else entirely, which is in the book. For brevity's sake we can discuss that later," he replied, quickly returning to the subject at hand. "One of the powers that many of these self-proclaimed deities used, especially Mythal, was shape-shifting into dragons."
"Which is why they are regarded today as sacred creatures," she interjected. He gave her a nod.
"Precisely," he said, turning and leading her back along the water's edge and around to another painting. "But like I have alluded to before, the so-called immortals, among whom I unfortunately must count myself, were self-absorbed by our power. It started when the lower elvhen began worshiping us. When others so willingly bend to your word, it becomes easy to abuse ones influence. It gradually evolved into many of them enslaving elvhen for their own devices, allowing their own religious sects."
"From which the vallaslin, shrines, and other traditions originate," Lavellan recalled, touching her face that now bared no trace of the false tradition.
"Do you now understand why I wanted so badly to relieve you of it? I was the only one who was appalled by the idea of enslaving others like Falon'Din, Elgar'nan and the rest of your glorified pantheon. I absolutely detest the idea of taking away the free will of other cognizant beings," he explained, the disdain evident in his voice as he gestured toward the image of what looked like elves, trudging forward with no minds and no hearts, stained with blood. "But you already knew that of me. Those gods the elves worship today, they were horrendous creatures, who cared nothing but advancing themselves. They took advantage of all those who saw them as deities."
"So, is it true...the part of the story about locking them all away, the Creators and the Forgotten Ones?"
It was so hard to admit the truth of his failings. But if trust was to be built again, and understanding achieved, he would have to loosen his pride, and bear the pain of guilt.
"Yes, save Mythal, whose spirit had survived through maternal lineages...with the hope that in eliminating the oppressors, the Elvhen could live freely," he replied, disappointment seeping into his words. "I hoped for a rebellion against the oppression of the gods. But what ended up taking place at Arlathan was as Abelas had described..."
"We fought amongst ourselves," the inquisitor stated.
"Yes. The devotees against the rebellion, they destroyed each other, taking most of the true nature of Elvhen culture with it. Sealing the seven all away took much of my power. So I slept for centuries, and explored the far corners of the Fade. And when I awoke..."
Lavellan suddenly understood his words to her, as they discussed her noble intentions of leading the Inquisition. She finally empathized, knowing what he meant by it all.
"You found the future you shaped to be worse than what was?"
His heart's burden lightened as he realized that for once, the choice he had made-that of honesty and forthrightness-was the correct one. The outcome was the one he had hoped for. She was hearing him out, not pushing him away and resenting him for what he had done.
"You remembered what I had said, vhenan. I am grateful," he said sounding suddenly melancholy. "Well, the next bit of truth is what hits close to home for the Inquisition."
He sighed, staring at the ancient paintings near the cavern entrance for a moment, steeling his resolve, before turning back to her.
"Remember when I mentioned the orbs were linked to the gods? The orb was what helped me seal the gods away. I was powerful enough to use it then. But when I woke, I was still a mere shade of my true power. I gave the orb to one who held more power at the time, in hopes that he would unlock them for me, and I could begin correcting my mistakes. But he took the orb and ran."
Dumbfounded at what she was hearing, she held her hand to her forehead in disbelief.
"You...gave Corypheus the orb?"
"There's great irony there: The one called the God of Deception, being deceived himself, by a Tevinter Magister," he pointed out wryly.
"So yet another of your 'legendary mistakes'?" she replied, trying to reconcile that everything she had been through in the last few years had been because the Dread Wolf made an incredibly horrendous judgement of someone's character. "There's a saying, Solas: 'If you want something done right, do it yourself.' And unfortunately, acting only as a catalyst and not following through is what brought our world to this."
His nose crinkled indignantly, as if her words were a cup of tea. But a sough of breath loosed his ego, making way for the guilt hiding just beneath the surface. She took a moment to comprehend the weight of responsibility that rest on his shoulders.
"Solas, you're so incredibly talented and knowledgeable-and obviously more powerful than you ever let on. What drove you to make such horrible choices?"
"I think the greatest irony of it all may lie in this answer: Pride. I was arrogant and stubborn in my younger days. Experience has wheedled away at me, but I know I can still can be both, very much so," he answered, his brow furrowing below the skull circlet that rested at his hair line.
It was very rare that she saw Solas ever look defeated.
"Solas, I don't know what to say. It's all so overwhelming," she confessed, brushing the side of his arm. "I went through many feelings after you left: Anger, Dejection, Reasoning, Hope...Loneliness. I just couldn't understand why you would tell me you love and trust me, then leave without doing the most important thing of all."
She pondered everything they'd been through together, all the lessons they had learned from each other.
"But I guess it's better late than never, you giving me the truth," she said, surrendering to her heart. "But where have you gone, now?"
"I visited the Arbor Wilds first. After talking to Mythal, I decided that if I am to regain enough power, she needed to help me directly, rather than indirectly as in the past," the regal wolf replied with a hint of a sneer.
With curiosity piqued, the elvhen inquisitor raised a brow at her former lover's vague statement. Noting her subtle urging for further explanation, he let loose the final bit of truth to complete the greatest act of trust he'd ever commit in his long life.
"I have absorbed Mythal's spirit. She no longer exists as Mythal, in any form, as I have always held more power over her. But her power in its own right will lend itself to me when I am able to set things straight," he said trying to ignore the shock marring his lover's features and quickly changing the subject. "But as for my current location, I am technically far north, in the old Arlathan Forest."
"By setting things straight, do you mean to unleash the ancient ones? Because that is likely not a good idea anymore. Didn't you lock them away for being abusers of power? What's to say that they wouldn't be the next 'Corypheus'?"
"That...was actually my plan for quite some time and I still wonder if it could be beneficial in some way," he admitted with hesitation. "But once again, since I...since we..." Solas paused in consideration of his words. "I have grown much in the last century or so. But, you, vhenan, have shown me that there are much more intelligent and reasonable ways to bring about progress."
Her body tingled, alight with the feeling that everything could be getting back on the right track. Overflowing with longing, she let her request tumble from her lips.
"Well then, Solas, would you consider returning?"
His eyes lit up, in a way she had only seen as he had gazed upon her and called her beautiful in this very grove. Her words flowing freely from deep within.
"Your mind, your spirit and will...your heart. The people need you. The inquisiton needs you... I need you."
The noble wolf leaned down and placed a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead, taking a moment to breath in her scent.
"Do you mean to suggest fixing the world, and all of my mistakes together?" A hint of dry wit and amusement laced his rhetorical question.
He pulled away slowly and the lovely Lavellan lifted her chin meet his lips with hers. Gentle pressure gave way to the many months of yearning. Tongues tangled in a playful dance as they rejoiced in their reunion. Lithe fingers laced themselves into newly found thick dark tresses. She found it enthralling and sensual, adding exponentially to the emotional experience. It had been too long since she had felt his familiar touch.
In just a few nights, the great Fen'Harel had refound his footing, in tandem once again with the one person who made a difference. He gathered her in his arms, against his chest and held her tightly.
"Ar lath ma," he whispered. "Ar lath ma, vhenan."
She closed her eyes, reveling in his warmth, and returning the desperate embrace.
And when she opened them, it was dawn at Skyhold.