HEY READERS...HAPPY NEW YEAR (2008)
Chapter 2
Welcome to the Jungle
House spent all of Sunday afternoon deciding what to take. He packed his laptop, loaded some computer games and pulled out some DVDs. His IPOD, Bose Ipod player along with his Bose head phones all found their way into his back pack. The acoustical guitar was packed and he thought seriously about taking his banjo, but decided he'd prefer his guitar. Throwing in a couple of canes, a few items he used camping, including his camping boots and outback hat, he then selected some medical books and other medical equipment and loaded them in his car. After putting the lights on a timer, House took off, stopping by Wilson's to give him a key to his apartment and instructions on all his loose ends. He drove four hours and stopped overnight in Winchester, Virginia. On Monday he woke up at 8:30 am, had breakfast and then took off for the last five hour leg of the trip.
The instructions told him to stop at the Save-A-Lot in War, West Virginia at 3:00 pm. Someone would be there to take him the rest of the way into Peapatch. As House drove through the last leg of the route from the nearest large town, Princeton, West Virginia to War. He saw very few homes. Those that he did see were either trailers or small wood framed homes attached to truck farms with some animals. It was a hot and humid September day and the Cicadas were almost deafening. House noticed that, as the car drove up the mountain, the woods grew thicker, greener and there were fewer and fewer people.
House arrived in War at 2:30pm and went into the Piggly Wiggly to pick up some snacks. He waited in the parking lot for forty minutes until a 1972 Ford pickup pulled into the parking lot. The driver, a fortyish male, parked two spots away from him and rolled down his window. House was standing next to his car, watching the comings and goings of the tiny town or War through his Ray Bans.
"Ya'll Doktor Howes?"
He rolled up his nose and put on his best Jack Nicholson grin, "I sho' is!"
"I'm Carl. Doctor Mac tol' me to come get yer. Kem on, follar me."
House didn't respond, he simply got inside his car and followed the pickup up the mountain over asphalt roads that turned into gravel roads that eventually turned into dirt roads. More than once, House felt his car drag along the dirt as it hit gullies. As House drove through the area, people waved to the man in the pickup truck. On more than one occasion Carl stopped to talk to someone. He could see Carl point back to him and then everyone glance back to look at him. House was tired and impatient, he wanted to get to wherever he was going.
They eventually pulled into a dirt drive for a home that was lined with Maples, Birch and Pitch Pine trees. The cabin-like house was perched on a gentle slope with an open porch and a large screened porch next to it. Forty feet down a slope was a building that House was sure was some child's large log-cabin styled playhouse.
Carl got out, spit a wad of tobacco on the ground and pointed at the playhouse. "That's yar place, when ya git settled I been told to take ya down to the clinic to meet Doctor Mac."
"You're joking aren't you? Six months in a garden shed?"
Carl shrugged and looked at the little house, "It's a right nice lil' place. I reckon ya should talk ta Doc if ya don't like it."
"Don't worry, I will."
House opened the door and looked inside. It was larger than it appeared on the outside. There was a full size bed, an easy chair, chest of drawers and desk. On the back wall there was a cabinet unit that contained a small sink, trailer-size refrigerator, two burner oven and microwave. He was praying there was an indoor toilet. House opened the door next to the miniscule kitchen and sighed with relief when he saw the porcelain God and sink, but no shower or bath. He looked around inside and outside the small cabin, but there was no shower. He stood outside on the porch and laughed. This was so wrong!
He walked over to Carl, "Where's the shower?"
Carl pointed to the bigger house with the screened porch, "Thar's one inside and thar's one roun' back."
"But, that's not my place."
"Nope, it's shor' ain't."
House was frustrated, "Who does the house belong to?"
"Doc Mac."
"I have to take a shower with 'Doc Mac'?"
"R'ya complainin'?"
"It depends, does he make you bend over and look for the soap?"
"Ya'll hav ta ask the Doc. Now if ya' git in, I can take yer to the clinic."
"Fine."
They got into the truck and drove off. House was amused by the rather stereotypical hillbilly music coming out of the radio. He started snickering to himself, but Carl ignored him. They drove another eight minutes and then pulled up to a double wide trailer marked, Peapatch Clinic.
He got out and Carl yelled at him, "See ya later Doc." Carl pulled out of the drive and drove off leaving House standing at the bottom of the two stairs leading into the trailer. House walked up, opened the hollow-core door and looked inside. There was a waiting room with eight metal chairs. One of the chairs was occupied by a long haired brunette, maybe 35, with large breasts reading an out of date People. To the side of the waiting area was a desk with a file cabinet and book shelf behind it. Sitting at the desk was a woman of average height, thin build, braided blonde pony tail and freckles across her makeup-less face. She was writing something in a file, barely looking up when House walked in.
"Howdy, ya must be the new doctor."
"Doctor House." He said without any inflection. "Where's Dr. Mac?"
She pointed, "The room at the fur end of the hall."
House looked down the hall and saw three doors, one at the far end. He walked towards it. Without knocking he walked inside and looked to see that there was no one. He went back out to the desk with a look of puzzlement.
"There's no one in there."
"Jus' set yo'self down in the room Doctor." The blonde waved him away.
He looked at her, inhaled deeply and went back to the room, taking a seat in the office chair. He waited a few minutes and then the blonde walked in with the brunette behind her.
"Doctor House, roll yo' sleeves up, I need to pull some blood."
He rolled his eyes, "You must be joking. Where's doctor Mac?"
She shook her head, "Yo'r lookin' at her. Doctor, part of yo contract requires me to pull some blood and check fur hootch and drugs. Lookin' at you, I suspeck I'm gonna find booze. You look like ya been on a bender fer a few years."
"Christ, you aren't going to ask me to bend over and squeal like a pig are you?" House shook his head and rolled up his sleeve.
She tied him off and looked in his eyes. She took the sample while she frowned at him. Shook it and put it in the tray, untied him and put a band aid over a cotton ball. "Anythin' ya' wanna' tell me befur I run this here sample?"
He rolled his eyes. House reached inside his pocket and put his Vicodin in the tray.
"So, an addict?"
There was a sound of the door opening and closing and the trailer shook as someone came down the hall. "Doc?"
"Yeah Joe?" She said looking over her shoulder.
"Gotta pakeege fur ya. This the new doc?" He said looking at House.
"Yep."
"Wha's he like?"
The doctor took her gloves off and threw them away. "Like all the other losers they send. Only this one's got blue eyes."
"He a boozer or a druggie?"
"I woulda sworn it was booze from the looks-a him," she answered.
House's eyes were bugged, his hands waving at them, "Hell-ooo? I'm sitting right here. I can hear you."
Doc Mac nodded towards House, "He also thinks he's a good lis'ner"
Joe laughed and handed the doctor a pen to sign for the package. "Why'd they send ya a lame one?"
Doc Mac looked at House's cane, "I don't right know, it's like sendin' a Jew to do missionary work in Iran."
Joe laughed and nodded as he took back the pen and paper.
House, frustrated with both of them, "You know, they say I'm a jerk, but they just haven't met you two."
"Thanks Joe, see ya later." The doctor handed the package to the brunette. "Mildred, it needs to go in the ice box." The brunette turned and took the package out to the kitchen area. The blonde turned back to House, "I'll give you a tour. This here is surgery. We do outpatient surgeries in here."
House looked around, the room was nothing more than the size of a large bedroom which had very little equipment other than a bed, lamp, tables and several cabinets full of surgical instruments and linens. He followed as she exited into the hall, opening up two doors on opposite sides of the hall. They were mirror images of each other.
"Exam rooms."
The exam rooms were bare except for the essentials. There were examination tables, cabinets, two chairs and two small rolling tables. There were no machines, sonagrams or modern emergency room equipment.
House smirked, "Delightful, I just love clinic exam rooms. You've captured their true essence."
The next door opened into a small room with two desks, two bookshelves and a filing cabinet. There was a laptop on one desk.
"That thar empty desk is yor's."
House realized that his privacy for the next six months would be gone. When not seeing patients, he'd be in this tiny room with...her? It couldn't get much worse.
They went out to the kitchen. "The icebox top tray is fer medicine. You can put food on the bottom. Everyone does thar own cleanin' up. Mildred, did I fergit anythin'?
"Nope. Hows come they sent us a cripple?"
Doc Mac shrugged her shoulders, "I don't right know.
House shook his head, "I don't get it. Why does it bother all of you that I'm a cripple?"
They laughed at him.
Doc Mac signed something that Mildred handed her. Without looking at him she snickered, "Well Doc House, they always send losers. Ya haf ta do somethin' purty bad to git sent here...'specially fer six whole months. But ta send us a doc who can't walk?" She laughed, "We sometimes spend ar time climbin' these hills and hollars to git to our patients. Yor not gonna be much good at that, now are ya?"
He thought about it. That's great, I won't have to see patients, except in clinic. Perfect. "I'm sorry, but that's right. I won't be climbing or hiking to go see patients. But then again, at least I know how to play a banjo. I could keep the populace entertained while you're gone."
She looked him up and down with disgust. "I suspect you protest too much, Doc. I bet thar's more getup in those legs than you're lettin' on. But I got plans fer ya. Now, it's time to close up. Mildred, can ya take car' of lockin' up?"
"Yep, see ya tomorrow," Mildred answered.
"Com' on Doc."
He followed her out to a jeep parked behind the clinic. It was full of medical supplies, climbing gear and boxes of food.
"So, what is your name?" he asked.
"Philomena MacKenna."
He started chuckling. "I'm always amazed, the poorer the parents, the more pretentious the names they give their children. So do they call you Philomena?"
"They call me Doc Mac or Doc. But ya can call me Philly."
He tried not to laugh, "Okay, Philly. Does that mean I get to ride you?"
"'Scuse me?"she said with disdain in her voice.
"Nah, forget I said that. You remind me more of a work horse than a thoroughbred. I like my fillies a younger and faster...and I don't mean quick if you get my drift."
She said nothing, concentrating on the dirt road in front of her. They pulled into the drive next to her house.
"Ya have a toilet, but you'll be showerin' up here at my house. Fer now, ya shower outside. When it turns cold, we'll make up an arrangement fer ya ta shower inside."
"Outside?"
"If ya don't like it, ya can take a Marine bath..." She took him around and pointed at the shower just outside the back porch of the main cabin.
"Ya hungry?"
"Yes," he said.
"Hmmm. There's a store down the road 'bout twenty minutes." she grinned.
House frowned, "I thought maybe you'd take pity on me and feed me?"
"Bless yor lil' heart. Ya just keep thinkin' those good thoughts." She nodded at him and walked up into her house, "Clinic opens at 8:00 am. Do ya want a ride?"
"Yeah.'
"Okay, We leave at 7:30, be ready."
House watched her open the unlocked door and walk inside, turning on a light as she did. House walked down to his hovel and opened the door. He rummaged through the snacks he bought at the Save-a-Lot and grabbed a bag of Doritos and cheese dip. He looked around for the television and realized there was none.
Crap! No television? This is hell. I'm sure they have television in Peru, I should have picked Peru.