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Zero still hasn't given Kaname his answer , allowing the deafening silence to stretch furthermore before bringing Haru closer to him and whispering .
" Why now ? "
It was barely audible and broken at that.
There was no accusation nor blame coating his tone . It was purely bitter .
What Kaname had initially thought of to be mere delusions has now become solidified before his eyes .. It wasn't as simple as he had once thought of it to be . Zero was truly trapped in the deepest depths of despair .
Kaname could have countered it , going about how the silverette should be thankful that the elder initiated such conversation , especially since Zero hadn't taken a single move to fix the mess ruining their relationship . It wouldn't be fair if he blamed Kaname for something he himself couldn't do . But such response would surely bruise the younger's heart and Kaname didn't want that . Yet If he were to say that his conversation with Hanabusa was such an eye opener , it wouldn't hurt any less . He knew Zero wasn't childish enough to sulk at such thing . He wouldn't think that Kaname went there against his will or that Hanabusa had the elder forced on doing so . No , That wouldn't hurt . Nonetheless , the fact it was Hanabusa's words the drive that sparked some emotions in Kaname and pushed him to finally talk with Zero would surely hurt like hell . For a fleeting moment , Kaname started doubting himself ..
It's almost like Zero's love was the ocean whilst Kaname's was merely a dot in it . But that's not true , not even remotely close to it . If anything , Kaname had and will always love the younger currently sitting in front of him , within his reach . He knows so . But that still doesn't answer Zero's question and Kaname didn't know what to say without hurting the younger's feelings . Though it was well established that with love comes pain , mild sometimes and others excruciating - unbearable and maybe even incurable - .
Eventually , Kaname heaved a deep sigh and surprisingly , took Zero's hand in his , as if readying himself for what he was about to say , the truth .
" I was waiting … See . I may be the one mostly initiating everything physical or verbal between us , I may be the domineering one more often than not but that absolutely does not mean I'm as tough as you all think I am . I crave your care , concern , attention , and love almost like how a child needs such affections from his mother . You make me vulnerable , Zero . This whole time , I have had a lot of hopes for you to approach me first .. but .. Well , I guess it's my fault for making you all accustomed to such thing , For giving you the false impression that I , the mighty Kuran Kaname , can never crumble down . Zero , I really am entangled too deep in my love for you that it hurts And .. When you ignore me , I feel lost . So lost more than you can ever imagine .. "
Totally immersed in voicing his feelings out , the brunette had a dazed look on as he paused to catch his breath , blinking repeatedly to gather his thoughts . Then a certain memory flickered through his vision .
" You know .. that night .. when you snapped and gave me your back , sleeping as you faced the wall . I kept waiting for you to soften .. I had honestly hoped you would turn around and talk to me , to the point that I actually stayed up late until dawn , waiting for any reaction from you . But you were fast asleep .. "
The whole time , Zero had his eyes narrowed as he took in every single detail , every ounce of sincerity , every emotion coating his lover's voice . He was speechless , well and truly trapped under Kaname's spell of eyes .
But then and as his lover stopped talking , Zero realized he should be responding somehow . He didn't know where to start though . Maybe he should just start where Kaname had stopped , right ?
" First of all , Kaname , that night I did not sleep right away and - for me - it wasn't as easy as you make it sound like . I silently cried my way to sleep , muffling any noise that could draw your attention . I slept with a heavy heart and believe it or not , a part of me hoped for you to come and talk . Make that longed .. "
Slowly but surely , doe-like eyes laden with unspoken words met teary almond-like ones . Their lips ached to move and freely spill whatever they had felt but instead , they stopped functioning , in a way , trembling and twitching . Their gazes said it all . And they were totally aware of it .
Let the eyes do the talk .
Both of them instinctively knew . They have reached a point where they knew they must either try to salvage their relationship or face the fact they were going to wreak havoc on themselves by staying together . Because the things that you love can kill you .
Imagine people .
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Next day :
To say that the other four were stupefied when Kaname and Zero got out of their room - together - and sat next to each other during breakfast would be a huge understatement .
The aura was tense and awkward as they all started eating . The aforementioned four ate warily , exchanging worried and confused looks until Kaname cleared his throat , demanding attention .
Everyone stared at him , waiting for his words , save for Zero who knew them beforehands .
Kaname looked a bit troubled , a guilty expression marring his face before he started talking , shocking them by his words .
" .. Zero and I had a much needed , long , and honest talk yesterday .. And .. through it , we came to a final conclusion . For the best , we decided to break up . "
Hanabusa's mouth went wide open as he stared in utter shock at the brunette whilst Akatsuki narrowed his eyes in half disbelief .
Senri only mumbled " Great . " before going back to his meal . One would think of his reaction as odd but Takuma knew better . Senri didn't take it well , if the way he murdered his meal was any indication .
" B..but why ? " that was Hanabusa . Clearly , he was the only one brave enough to ask . Though he sure did stutter questioning it .
The whole thing gave off the feeling of parents gathering their children , only to tell them they decided to separate , to get divorce .
Zero hadn't once lifted his head , in fear of meeting their eyes . Instead , he focused on his plate , ignoring the twist wrenching his stomach as he recalled his and Kaname's conversation the day before . Now he had to deal with the burden of confronting his member-mates about it .
THUD *
They snapped their heads to see Takuma standing up abruptly , knocking his chair in the process before retreating to his room , muttering a disappointed " What a shame . "
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28 nov , 2017