The Destiny of the Doctor
Chapter 2: Falling in several ways
She was falling. Down and down she fell, screaming all the way. Into the fire and into the life sucking abyss that would rip her into pieces. She was dying, so, so many times. Over, and over and over. Tears cascaded down her face, the pain was unbearable, like liquid fire was raging through her veins. She was falling, swirling through the fire as she fell, feeling herself be cut up like thousands of scissors were ripping her apart for arts and crafts. The pain was tremendous, evil and unbearable. She wanted to die, but was plagued by the knowledge that death would never come to her. No. That would be far too kind.
Suddenly, it stopped.
Clara looked around slowly, suddenly feeling her dream slip away. The nightmare was fading, along with her terrible memories, sighing, her dream faded into a whisper, a faint sigh of content relief. It was over.
Her mind was slightly open, and she began to hear glimpses of reality, her eyes flickered when she recognised the Doctor's voice, subconsciously she curled deeper into his arms when he carried her. Snuggling closer into his arms, and listening to his double heartbeat. Eventually she was sucked back into a deep slumber when the gentle rocking of his gait and drumming beat lulled her back to sleep.
….
The Doctor jolted out of his sleep, breathing quickly, and harsh gulps of air being sucked into his lungs franticly. He ran a hand through his hair slowly, sighing as he did so. That night he had dreamt of the time war, his secret, and even the Ponds.
He decided it must have been the mess with his timeline yesterday that had awoken his most traumatising memories. He shuddered visibly, and glanced at Clara. His bad dreams were whisked away when he saw her sleeping still, colour evident in her cheeks and taking strong breaths as she slept. He smiled briefly, but the terror of the night was closely haunting him, leaving him shaken and emotional. He silently lifted himself out the chair, keeping as quiet as possible to not disturb Clara. Trudging out the room slowly, and with a final glance at his sleeping saviour, he went in search of Vastra and Jenny and Strax. Guilt at abandoning them and leaving them unsure of everything clawed at his stomach. He had completely disregarded them, and left them to fend for themselves in the TARDIS.
He found them in the console room, talking quietly, well Jenny and Vastra, Strax was walking around the console room with a feather duster, cleaning stray dust away from the walls of the console room. Any other time the Doctor would have laughed, but the toxic mixture of exhaustion, worry, guilt and torment had made the doctor's face plain, casted in sleepless shadow. He emerged from the darkness of the TARDIS corridors, shy and shamefully. Staying close to the dark.
"Doctor!" Jenny exclaimed, slightly shocked and pleased.
He felt the gazes of all three of them burn into him, he glanced at the floor, looking at his still shoeless feet. He slowly glanced up, cringing when he looked at Vastra. Her green eyes stabbed him in the chest, judgemental and annoyed. She had full right to be so, he only could blame himself. "I'm sorry." The Doctor croaked. "I shouldn't have just ignored you all like that.."
"Well I would have appreciated some notification on what you were doing. But I understand, you needed to help Clara." Vastra growled.
The Doctor smiled slightly. "Thank you."
"The TARDIS fed us and made sure we were well looked after." Jenny said brightly. The Doctor smiled and stroked the console gently, was there anything his ship couldn't do? Or wouldn't do?
"Of course she did.." He murmured.
"Sir, how is the boy?" Strax asked, the doctor was shocked by his obvious concern, and when he looked at the other two, the same concern was mirrored in their own faces.
"Sleeping. She lived thousands of lives in a couple of seconds, I don't know how that's going to play out when she wakes up." The Doctor sighed, leaning on the console, his face shadowed. "I can drop you home now if you like?" He whispered, trying to maintain a strong image but failing badly.
"Yes that would be nice." Vastra murmured. The atmosphere was tense and fragile, everyone hurt in one way or another by the recent events, and no one really knowing how to react or talk about them. So a still silence swept over the room as the doctor, slower and with less life than usual, walked around the console in a circle, pressing buttons and setting coordinates. The reassuring hum of the TARDIS lengthened into its huge groaning breathing as it took off into the time vortex. The doctor stared at the console most of the time for the duration of the flight, with the occasional glance down the corridor to Clara's new room. He didn't like being far from her, especially in her condition, he had barely been out of Clara's company since he had found her again that day when he was a crazy monk. He would always skip to the next Wednesday, as soon as she shut her door once she was back at the Maitland's. For her she'd have to wait a whole week before he returned, the doctor realised she was going the long way round, and with a frown he realised if that continued one day he'd go to pick her up, and she'd look different, older, done things that he would never know nor be part of, most of all, their time together would be far shorter. The doctor hated that thought, his grip on the console tightened as he imagined losing Clara again, his head turned to the corridor, frowning in pain. He tried to remind himself she was fine, ok, with him, but was she fine? He had no idea how she was going to react when she woke up. Would she leave him?
The simple thought made one of the doctor's hearts skip a beat in fear and anguish. He begged for that to never happen.
"Doctor?"
His head snapped up, he forced a smile on his old, troubled face and left the console slowly. "Well here we are, home sweet home." He opened the door of the TARDIS, letting light flood into the room. The three passengers stood looking at him fearfully, even Stax. "What is it?" The Doctor asked.
"Doctor you need someone, not Clara, someone…to take care of you both, until your fine again. Not a new face, and old one. Not someone who will get in the way of your relationship, just one of your family Doctor." Vastra pleaded.
"What relationship Vastra?" The Doctor asked, a slight blush tinting his face and making his hearts beat faster. Vastra was implying he felt emotions to Clara, of course he felt something to Clara, and she was his best friend, his impossible girl. But the dreadful implications of what Vastra was implying, and his own reaction to that secret question, secret suspicion that she had been working at since she met Clara with the ice lady. That the Doctor could have felt more than friendship to Clara? He mentally slapped himself, of course he didn't Clara was Clara, Vastra was simply mistaking his concern for something else. Yes of course. The doctor told himself, surely that was it. But no matter how hard he tried to push it down, in one corner of his mind, one that whispered quietly, not loud enough for him to register it, but enough to have a nagging sensation, there was the feeling that Vastra was right, that the Doctor, the oncoming storm was indeed falling for the impossible girl.
"Nothing Doctor. But you must know who I mean." She stared at him with a challenging green gaze.
The Doctor's head was spinning he realised who Vastra meant, who she believed could help them both recover, and to be truthful, there was no one else who could do it better. "Vastra you know I can't…I-it would hurt too much."
"You know I'm right. You must see them, they will help you Doctor."
The Doctor breathed out slowly. His shoulders sagged as he leaned on the doors of the TARDIS. "Vastra… I can't. It hurt so much to lose them before, I can't see them again to be reminded of how much it hurt. I run. I always will."
"Just think about it Doctor…. Goodbye and thank you." The lizard woman said, leading her odd family out of the TARDIS and closing the door slowly, leaving the doctor in the faint green glow of the TARDIS.
The Doctor rested his head on the door of the TARDIS, breathing deeply. Vastra was right, he needed his Ponds, but how could he tell them River was dead? Also, how would he even find them, he couldn't land safely in that time zone.
He turned around to face the console, illuminated by the green glow of his beloved TARDIS, he looked at the screen of the display. His eyes welled up but no tears fell as he clenched his fists to remain strong. A picture of Amelia Pond smiled back at him, his face went white, it was like seeing a ghost. He rubbed his hands together, anxiety kicking in. Without a second thought he pulled the lever of the TARDIS, knowing the coordinates had already been set, and closed his eyes as the machine began to rumble, lifting off into the time vortex.
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