Well its been a long time in coming, but here it is, the second chapter of the second story of Invader Dib. If you haven't read the first story, you may want to go back and give it a look. Funny stuff I GUARANTEE! Why haven't I been working on this? I blame school amongst other things, but I will honestly try my best to get more chapters of this story and my others (Nny/Fight Club, Zim: The Reign, Zim the College Years, and so on.) It is strongly advised you read Invader Dib and the first Chapter of Invader Dib 2 before reading this. Anyway, ON WITH THE SHOW!
Are you ready to Laugh?
Audience: *Cough*
I Said Are you READY TO LAUGH?
Audience: *coughs more*
..... CUT! *Camera crew stops filming author and the people on the set get up*
Assitant: What's the matter Mister E?
Well I don't know. Don't you think after all this downtime, me selling out for money to advertisers is pretty...unethical.
Assitant: HAHAHAHA! Sir you talk as if you had a soul! HAHAHA!
Yeah I guess I sold that to Pepsi awhile ago. I still can't believe I got famous after writing those horrible Fanfiction stories.
Assitant: Yes, almost laughable.
I mean, I thought they were joking when they asked me to write the Zim movie. It was a huge success, I got famous and I'm being endorsed by everything under the sun.
Assitant: Almost laughable sir.
No...NO! I CAN'T DO THIS! *rips off endorsement logos* CANT BE A CORPORATE TOOL!
Assitant: Before you do that, perhaps you'd like to see pepsi's newest price for your services.
*looks at slip of paper.* Is that their phone number?
Assitant: No.
!!!!!!.........I LOVE PEPSI! EVERYBODY DRINK PEPSI AND STUFF!
Crazy man in the crowd: SELLOUT! *pulls out sniper rifle* I LOVED YOU SCRIBE E! I LOVED YOU, BUT I LOVE MY MOTHER MORE! *shoots Scribe E in the chest, gets taken down by guards*
AAAAAAA *wakes up in bed* AAAA! Oh thank God. It was all a dream *rolls out of bed and walks downstairs* Now I can get back to what I usually do: Poke Zim with a ball point candle and burn him with a candlestick when he gets out of line.
Zim: AAAA! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! IM CONFUSED!
Hehehehe......Enjoy the new chapter. Poke.
Invader Dib 2: When Worlds Collide
Chapter 2
"Yep, the world's goin down. You know I thought I'd be saying that during the Clinton administration, but live and learn." Dib put his hand on Zim's shoulder, the tiny Irken still tinkering away at the teleportation device.
"Remove your stink from my vacinity filthboy." Zim slapped away Dib's hand and kept right on tinkering.
"Fine. I will. I'll put my hands to better use." Dib then stuck his hands down his pants. Zim looked at Dib with a horrified look.
"What in Irk's name are you doing?"
"Uhhhh I'm studying Algebra."
"In your pants?" Zim responded, confused as ever.
"....YES! That's how all humans do it."
"Really? This helps your calculations?"
"....Sure." Dib responded, trying to hold back his laughter.
"VERY WELL! FROM NOW ON, I SHALL MAKE MY CALCULATIONS THE EARTHLING WAY...IN MY PANTS!" Zim shoved his hands down his pants with the device and tinkered some more.
"So Zim, is there anyway that we can seperate Irk and Earth anytime soon? Our two sides are killing each other." Dib looked into the chaos, watching as a number of hillbillies blew holes in Irken technology with their "boom sticks" while much of the Irken population was biting the ankles of the humans in their proximity.
"Let me make one more alteration with this surgical syringe and...URK!" Zim gasped and bit down on his tongue.
"You made a discovery?"
"...No. I missed the device."
"Oh......OH!....AAAHH!" Dib cried as he held his hands over his crotch.
"Ok..urk...According to the device...urk...We should be able to split apart our two planets in about a month or two."
"A MONTH?" Dib cried out.
"Yes a month. That is how long it will take the device to be fixed." Zim took his tools and the device out of his pants and placed them into his metallic backpack.
"How the heck will we keep the peace for a mon...." Dib was interrupted by an earth shattering crash caused by the warring humans and Irkens. "This is ridiculous. I'm stopping this here and now."
"What are you going to do?" Zim asked.
"You'll see." Dib climbed up a nearby hill and looked down at the carnage and began to yell at the warring factions. "PEOPLE OF EARTH! THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING ARE NOT ALIENS!"
"BUT THEYS LOOKS LIKES ALIENS!" One of the hillbillies cried as he grasped at an Irken's throat.
"LISTEN! THESE ARE NOT ALIENS! ITS JUST MICHAEL JACKSON!" Zim fell over at Dib's ridiculous attempt as many of the humans stopped fighting.
"All of them?" A confused human fighter asked, scratching his head.
"....SURE!" Dib replied.
"AAhhh" All the humans said simultaneously as they put down the tiny aliens and brushed off their clothes.
"Sorry Mister Jackson, carry on." One of the soldiers said as the Irkens shrugged their shoulders and continued pummeling the humans, now not fighting back at all.
"Problem solved." Dib said, slapping his hands together.
"Uhhhh you do realize my people are still killing your people?" Zim said, pointing at the catastrophe being cause by the Irken people.
"I said 'Problem solved.'" Dib then slapped his hands once again, right underneath Zim's nose.
"I'm going back to my base, tell me if anything important happens." Zim walked away from Dib.
"Oh walking away eh? You can consider our truce over Zim! I trusted you MAN! I TRUSTED YOU! THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? I NURSED YOUR BABY AND MADE HIM THE MAN HE IS TODAY!"
Zim stopped short in his tracks.
"Actually you came to Irk in a horrible costume, tried to invade it, failed miserably, and were thrown back here with me."
"Oh yeah. That doesn't mean I still won't be trying to take down your horrible icky society....poop."
"Whatever." Zim then walked away to the sounds of Dib still ranting on.
Meanwhile, in Central Park....
"So your name is Devi." Human Devi asked, pointing at Invader Devi.
"Correct." Invader Devi responded.
"And my name is Devi."
"I guess that's correct as well."
"And like me, you've had horrible experiences with the opposite sex."
"*Sigh* Correct."
"Cool." Devi got off the park bench and walked in front of the Irken invader. "Wanna go to a dance club?"
"FIRST I MUST CONQUER YOUR WORLD ON WHICH I HAVE BEEN PLACED AND SWIM IN THE SEAS OF YOUR PEOPLES BLOOD! ONLY ONCE I HAVE TASTED THE LAST TONGUE OF YOUR SPECIES' INFANTS SHALL I RELINQUISH MY MISSION! BEHOLD MY POWER! GREEN LANTERN'S LI....." Invader Devi stopped in her tracks looking at the confused Devi. "I need a drink and a shower."
"Now you're thinking like a human."
Meanwhile in the bowels of House #777....
"So, let me get this straight." Johnny C said as he walked around the captured Irken, arms and legs stringed to a strange contraption. "You are an Urpen.."
"Irken." The alien responded, struggling with the constraints.
"Irken, my mistake. Your an Irken invader who was on your humble planet, circling it in a spaceship, when you were brought to our little shit hole in the universe."
"Yes. Now would you please let me down?" The Irken asked, obviously tired and malnourished.
"DONT FUCKING INTERRUPT ME!" Nny pulled on a switch on the wall, causing one of the strings to retract into the wall, taking one of the Irken's arms with it.
"AAAAAAAA!"
"Thats music to my ears, even if it is of alien origin." Nny took out a knife and began using it to pick his teeth with. "So your culture on Irk is based on a structure of height? In layman's terms, whoever is tallest is the best?"
"Aakk...Hkkk..."
"Ohhh I'm sorry. You're obviously in too much pain to answer my questions, or you just don't want to be able to use your legs again." Nny's bony finger inched toward another button and began to dangle over it.
"NO! NO! I MEAN YES! OUR CULTURE IS BASED ON A STRUCTURE OF HEIGHT!" The captured Irken said.
"......Crap." Nny whispered, clenching his fist.
"Wha...akkk...what's wrong?"
"YOU! YOU'RE WRONG!" Nny cried as he waved his knife in the invader's face. "YOUR WHOLE SYSTEM IS AS SCREWED AS OURS IS! ALIENS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN WE ARE!"
"......" The invader said nothing, still grappling with the pain of his missing arm.
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW US HOW HORRIBLE WE ARE IN OUR LITTLE HOVELS AND MAKE US CHANGE! LIKE ET THE EXTRATERRESTIAL OR THE ALIEN FROM ALIENS OR THE FREAKIN PREDATOR!" Nny panted and then regained his composure. "You know, that makes me angry enough to....well do this."
Nny pressed all the buttons at once, causing the machine to rip apart the already injured Irken.
"Well that was productive Nny, if not stupid." Nail bunny chimed in.
"Heh, he bleeds green." Nny smiled as he scooped up some of the Irken's blood in his hands.
"*Sigh* Focus Nny."
"I am focused, in fact, I think its time you and I go out on the town Nail Bunny."
"Yippee." Nail Bunny said sarcastically.
Back at Dib's House....
"Dad I'm home." Dib said as he opened up the door and walked into the living room. He looked around the room and saw his father naked in the corner, scratching his arms.
"So...many....spiders....Eating....Ice...Cream....CRAZY VANILLA!" Professor Membrane cried, obviously out of his mind.
"Oh no, not another drug induced hallucination."
"Fraid so." Gaz said, appearing behind Dib.
"What did he take?"
"Well as near as I can tell he drank 30 bottles of Budweiser, 6 hits of ecstacy, three shots of heroin, at least 4 joints, and what appears to be a bottle of dog urine and gasoline with the word 'Drinkin Jug' written on it." Gaz said, looking at her deshriveled half a man of a father.
"IM A PROFESSOR OF SCIENCE AND FUNK!" Membrane cried, still scratching his body.
"Well I'm back from....camp?" Dib said unassuredly to Gaz. "How's everything going?"
"I wish you would shut up. I hate you. I hate my life." Gaz responded throwing her hands up into the air. "The world's against me. I hide my pain in video games. I'm too weak to ask for help. I turn to drugs cause they're my only friends. I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO....eh?"
Gaz was then interrupted as a falling, burning garbage can slammed through the wall and into her back.
"DIR! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Dib cried as he hugged the garbage can.
"Only the outside, only on the outside." Dir thought, still on fire.
Meanwhile, at Zim's base.....
"Stupid keys." Zim said to himself, trying to get his door open with his jinggling keys. Right as he managed to open the door a large fireball came spiralling at him and managed to slam into his back. "AAAAAAA! THE PAIN! THE....Oh no."
"OH YES!" Gir said as he jumped off of Zim's back and began dancing around. "Iiii'm baaaccccckkkk. WATCH ME DANCE! BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA WHAT? BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA WHAT? HOLLA!"
"Somebody save me."
End Chapter 2
OOOOOOOOO! MY PANTS TINGLE WITH ANTICIPATION! How will Gir's return affect Zim? How will Dir's return affect Dib? What will Johnny do now that aliens are on earth? Will the two Devis get it on......Oh God I hope so. Find out this and much more in....
CHAPTER 3!!!
Are you ready to Laugh?
Audience: *Cough*
I Said Are you READY TO LAUGH?
Audience: *coughs more*
..... CUT! *Camera crew stops filming author and the people on the set get up*
Assitant: What's the matter Mister E?
Well I don't know. Don't you think after all this downtime, me selling out for money to advertisers is pretty...unethical.
Assitant: HAHAHAHA! Sir you talk as if you had a soul! HAHAHA!
Yeah I guess I sold that to Pepsi awhile ago. I still can't believe I got famous after writing those horrible Fanfiction stories.
Assitant: Yes, almost laughable.
I mean, I thought they were joking when they asked me to write the Zim movie. It was a huge success, I got famous and I'm being endorsed by everything under the sun.
Assitant: Almost laughable sir.
No...NO! I CAN'T DO THIS! *rips off endorsement logos* CANT BE A CORPORATE TOOL!
Assitant: Before you do that, perhaps you'd like to see pepsi's newest price for your services.
*looks at slip of paper.* Is that their phone number?
Assitant: No.
!!!!!!.........I LOVE PEPSI! EVERYBODY DRINK PEPSI AND STUFF!
Crazy man in the crowd: SELLOUT! *pulls out sniper rifle* I LOVED YOU SCRIBE E! I LOVED YOU, BUT I LOVE MY MOTHER MORE! *shoots Scribe E in the chest, gets taken down by guards*
AAAAAAA *wakes up in bed* AAAA! Oh thank God. It was all a dream *rolls out of bed and walks downstairs* Now I can get back to what I usually do: Poke Zim with a ball point candle and burn him with a candlestick when he gets out of line.
Zim: AAAA! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! IM CONFUSED!
Hehehehe......Enjoy the new chapter. Poke.
Invader Dib 2: When Worlds Collide
Chapter 2
"Yep, the world's goin down. You know I thought I'd be saying that during the Clinton administration, but live and learn." Dib put his hand on Zim's shoulder, the tiny Irken still tinkering away at the teleportation device.
"Remove your stink from my vacinity filthboy." Zim slapped away Dib's hand and kept right on tinkering.
"Fine. I will. I'll put my hands to better use." Dib then stuck his hands down his pants. Zim looked at Dib with a horrified look.
"What in Irk's name are you doing?"
"Uhhhh I'm studying Algebra."
"In your pants?" Zim responded, confused as ever.
"....YES! That's how all humans do it."
"Really? This helps your calculations?"
"....Sure." Dib responded, trying to hold back his laughter.
"VERY WELL! FROM NOW ON, I SHALL MAKE MY CALCULATIONS THE EARTHLING WAY...IN MY PANTS!" Zim shoved his hands down his pants with the device and tinkered some more.
"So Zim, is there anyway that we can seperate Irk and Earth anytime soon? Our two sides are killing each other." Dib looked into the chaos, watching as a number of hillbillies blew holes in Irken technology with their "boom sticks" while much of the Irken population was biting the ankles of the humans in their proximity.
"Let me make one more alteration with this surgical syringe and...URK!" Zim gasped and bit down on his tongue.
"You made a discovery?"
"...No. I missed the device."
"Oh......OH!....AAAHH!" Dib cried as he held his hands over his crotch.
"Ok..urk...According to the device...urk...We should be able to split apart our two planets in about a month or two."
"A MONTH?" Dib cried out.
"Yes a month. That is how long it will take the device to be fixed." Zim took his tools and the device out of his pants and placed them into his metallic backpack.
"How the heck will we keep the peace for a mon...." Dib was interrupted by an earth shattering crash caused by the warring humans and Irkens. "This is ridiculous. I'm stopping this here and now."
"What are you going to do?" Zim asked.
"You'll see." Dib climbed up a nearby hill and looked down at the carnage and began to yell at the warring factions. "PEOPLE OF EARTH! THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING ARE NOT ALIENS!"
"BUT THEYS LOOKS LIKES ALIENS!" One of the hillbillies cried as he grasped at an Irken's throat.
"LISTEN! THESE ARE NOT ALIENS! ITS JUST MICHAEL JACKSON!" Zim fell over at Dib's ridiculous attempt as many of the humans stopped fighting.
"All of them?" A confused human fighter asked, scratching his head.
"....SURE!" Dib replied.
"AAhhh" All the humans said simultaneously as they put down the tiny aliens and brushed off their clothes.
"Sorry Mister Jackson, carry on." One of the soldiers said as the Irkens shrugged their shoulders and continued pummeling the humans, now not fighting back at all.
"Problem solved." Dib said, slapping his hands together.
"Uhhhh you do realize my people are still killing your people?" Zim said, pointing at the catastrophe being cause by the Irken people.
"I said 'Problem solved.'" Dib then slapped his hands once again, right underneath Zim's nose.
"I'm going back to my base, tell me if anything important happens." Zim walked away from Dib.
"Oh walking away eh? You can consider our truce over Zim! I trusted you MAN! I TRUSTED YOU! THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? I NURSED YOUR BABY AND MADE HIM THE MAN HE IS TODAY!"
Zim stopped short in his tracks.
"Actually you came to Irk in a horrible costume, tried to invade it, failed miserably, and were thrown back here with me."
"Oh yeah. That doesn't mean I still won't be trying to take down your horrible icky society....poop."
"Whatever." Zim then walked away to the sounds of Dib still ranting on.
Meanwhile, in Central Park....
"So your name is Devi." Human Devi asked, pointing at Invader Devi.
"Correct." Invader Devi responded.
"And my name is Devi."
"I guess that's correct as well."
"And like me, you've had horrible experiences with the opposite sex."
"*Sigh* Correct."
"Cool." Devi got off the park bench and walked in front of the Irken invader. "Wanna go to a dance club?"
"FIRST I MUST CONQUER YOUR WORLD ON WHICH I HAVE BEEN PLACED AND SWIM IN THE SEAS OF YOUR PEOPLES BLOOD! ONLY ONCE I HAVE TASTED THE LAST TONGUE OF YOUR SPECIES' INFANTS SHALL I RELINQUISH MY MISSION! BEHOLD MY POWER! GREEN LANTERN'S LI....." Invader Devi stopped in her tracks looking at the confused Devi. "I need a drink and a shower."
"Now you're thinking like a human."
Meanwhile in the bowels of House #777....
"So, let me get this straight." Johnny C said as he walked around the captured Irken, arms and legs stringed to a strange contraption. "You are an Urpen.."
"Irken." The alien responded, struggling with the constraints.
"Irken, my mistake. Your an Irken invader who was on your humble planet, circling it in a spaceship, when you were brought to our little shit hole in the universe."
"Yes. Now would you please let me down?" The Irken asked, obviously tired and malnourished.
"DONT FUCKING INTERRUPT ME!" Nny pulled on a switch on the wall, causing one of the strings to retract into the wall, taking one of the Irken's arms with it.
"AAAAAAAA!"
"Thats music to my ears, even if it is of alien origin." Nny took out a knife and began using it to pick his teeth with. "So your culture on Irk is based on a structure of height? In layman's terms, whoever is tallest is the best?"
"Aakk...Hkkk..."
"Ohhh I'm sorry. You're obviously in too much pain to answer my questions, or you just don't want to be able to use your legs again." Nny's bony finger inched toward another button and began to dangle over it.
"NO! NO! I MEAN YES! OUR CULTURE IS BASED ON A STRUCTURE OF HEIGHT!" The captured Irken said.
"......Crap." Nny whispered, clenching his fist.
"Wha...akkk...what's wrong?"
"YOU! YOU'RE WRONG!" Nny cried as he waved his knife in the invader's face. "YOUR WHOLE SYSTEM IS AS SCREWED AS OURS IS! ALIENS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN WE ARE!"
"......" The invader said nothing, still grappling with the pain of his missing arm.
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW US HOW HORRIBLE WE ARE IN OUR LITTLE HOVELS AND MAKE US CHANGE! LIKE ET THE EXTRATERRESTIAL OR THE ALIEN FROM ALIENS OR THE FREAKIN PREDATOR!" Nny panted and then regained his composure. "You know, that makes me angry enough to....well do this."
Nny pressed all the buttons at once, causing the machine to rip apart the already injured Irken.
"Well that was productive Nny, if not stupid." Nail bunny chimed in.
"Heh, he bleeds green." Nny smiled as he scooped up some of the Irken's blood in his hands.
"*Sigh* Focus Nny."
"I am focused, in fact, I think its time you and I go out on the town Nail Bunny."
"Yippee." Nail Bunny said sarcastically.
Back at Dib's House....
"Dad I'm home." Dib said as he opened up the door and walked into the living room. He looked around the room and saw his father naked in the corner, scratching his arms.
"So...many....spiders....Eating....Ice...Cream....CRAZY VANILLA!" Professor Membrane cried, obviously out of his mind.
"Oh no, not another drug induced hallucination."
"Fraid so." Gaz said, appearing behind Dib.
"What did he take?"
"Well as near as I can tell he drank 30 bottles of Budweiser, 6 hits of ecstacy, three shots of heroin, at least 4 joints, and what appears to be a bottle of dog urine and gasoline with the word 'Drinkin Jug' written on it." Gaz said, looking at her deshriveled half a man of a father.
"IM A PROFESSOR OF SCIENCE AND FUNK!" Membrane cried, still scratching his body.
"Well I'm back from....camp?" Dib said unassuredly to Gaz. "How's everything going?"
"I wish you would shut up. I hate you. I hate my life." Gaz responded throwing her hands up into the air. "The world's against me. I hide my pain in video games. I'm too weak to ask for help. I turn to drugs cause they're my only friends. I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO....eh?"
Gaz was then interrupted as a falling, burning garbage can slammed through the wall and into her back.
"DIR! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Dib cried as he hugged the garbage can.
"Only the outside, only on the outside." Dir thought, still on fire.
Meanwhile, at Zim's base.....
"Stupid keys." Zim said to himself, trying to get his door open with his jinggling keys. Right as he managed to open the door a large fireball came spiralling at him and managed to slam into his back. "AAAAAAA! THE PAIN! THE....Oh no."
"OH YES!" Gir said as he jumped off of Zim's back and began dancing around. "Iiii'm baaaccccckkkk. WATCH ME DANCE! BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA WHAT? BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA WHAT? HOLLA!"
"Somebody save me."
End Chapter 2
OOOOOOOOO! MY PANTS TINGLE WITH ANTICIPATION! How will Gir's return affect Zim? How will Dir's return affect Dib? What will Johnny do now that aliens are on earth? Will the two Devis get it on......Oh God I hope so. Find out this and much more in....
CHAPTER 3!!!