Hiya, I'm back! Thanks for all the support so far! Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Sigh. I wish I did.
"Hey, Kenny, why're you talking about Clowny?"
Kenpachi Zaraki looked surprised as his pink-haired lieutenant jumped down from his shoulder.
"Yachiru! Why the hell are you here? How did you even know about this?!" Kenpachi yelled. Soi Fon swore. "Will you
SHUT UP?!" she hissed. "Somebody could hear us! Don't you remember this is a private meeting?" She glared at
Yachiru. Yachiru ignored it.
"You were really easy to follow, Kenny!" Yachiru said cheerfully. "Always swearing under your breath about
Clowny...
...hey, Kenny, you said a real man always tells somebody what they think of them to their face, so you shouldn't
swear under your breath!"
Shunsui looked amused until Yachiru said, "You were REALLY easy to follow once Mr. Drunk showed up!"
Shunsui made a choking noise. "Mr. Drunk?" Ukitake patted his shoulder and said," Well, you know it's true."
Unohana bent down to the small child. "Did anyone else see Kenpachi's, erm, blunder?"
"Nope!" Yachiru said. The captains breathed a sigh of relief. "But I told some lieutenants, Baldy, Eyelashy, and Ichi
and his friends!" Soi Fon swore again. "And maybe Urahara, Yoruichi, and Kon, a Mod Soul."
There was a frenzy of moment, most rushing forward to teach Yachiru a lesson.
"HEY!"
Yachiru hid behind Kenpachi's shoulder as the terrifying captain of Squad Four marched up and pulled apart the
captains.
"Violence is never, NEVER the answer!"
The other captains recoiled. When Unahana was angry, well, let's just say it wasn't pretty.
"Yachiru," Unohana said softly. "It's OK. You're not in trouble. It's these other idiots who are."
Yachiru jumped down from Kenny's shoulder into Unohana's arms.
"It's all fine. I just have a few questions," Unohana cooed. "Who were the lieutenants that you told?"
"Ummm...Red Pineapple, Ichi's Girlfriend, Booby, Sixty-Nine, Whacky, Blondie, and Healy." Yachiru said, counting
them off her fingers.
"So you didn't tell Nemu?" Saijin asked skeptically. "Just Renji, Rukia, Rangiku, Shuhei, Nanao, Izuru, and Isane?"
"No, she was in the world of the living with Clowny. I couldn't get her."
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "Well," said Ukitake. "I think that Kenpachi should ask his questions first."
"Question," Kenpachi corrected. "There's only one thing I want to know about the little weirdo, and we have too
many people to ask more than a couple questions, so I think we should all stick to one."
"I agree," said Hitsugaya.
"'Kay, so here's my question: Is Mayuri gay?" Kenpachi asked.
Eveyone burst out laughing, then realized that Kenpachi was serious. The laughing descended into thougthful
silence.
"So," Hitsugaya finally said. "How are we going to find out?"
Mayuri Kurotsuchi had just gotten back from an expedition to the human world. He was worn out, and cold. He just
had to blow up things in the middle of winter.
"Are you all right, Mayuri-sama?" Nemu asked.
"No, I'm not!" he snapped. "Right now I have to sneak into the Seireitei without Captain Yamamota asking me what
I was doing. You know how he doesn't approve of my experiments."
"Maybe if you took off the make-up, you could go in without anyone recognizing you," Nemu dared to whisper.
Mayuri started to round on her, then thought better of it.
"You know, you could be right..." he said tentatively. Nemu felt herself glow with pride. She was not known for
being right.
The captain and lieutenant of Squad Twelve exited the main road to go down to a small, isolated stream. Mayuri
took a deep breath, then shoved his face into the water. Nemu almost told him that wasn't the right way to get his
make-up off, but stopped. Better let him think he's right.
Finally, after the seventeenth dunk, all make-up was washed off of Mayuri's face. He stared into the water, looking
at his reflection. It wasn't like he was ugly, he face was free of scars and his blue hair wasn't exactly messy. In
fact, the only weird thing about his face was that he didn't have ears. But Nemu had a solution to that.
"Mayuri-sama, you're going to have to wear this."
Mayuri looked at the hat Nemu was holding.
He did not like what he saw.
"Mayuri-sama. Please. You don't want to go back to the Maggot's Nest, do you?"
There. Nemu had played the jail card. Mayuri grabbed the sombraro, pulled it over where his ears should have
been, and took off his white captain robe. Nemu stuffed it in her pocket. Mayuri briefly wondered how big that
pocket was.
"C'mon," he said irritably to Nemu, stuffing his right hand(the one with the really long nail) into his pocket. They
joined the main road again and walked cautiously into the Rukon district.
They were jeered at the entire time, and Mayuri resisted the urge to grab someone and dissect them in his lab.
Finally, they reached the West Gate to the Seireitei. Jidanbo looked confused when he saw Nemu and this man
with a sombrero.
"Jidanbo!" Nemu called to the giant ape-like thing. "We need to be let in!"
"Of course, Lieutenant Kurotsuchi!"
The gate creaked open. Mayuri and Nemu quickly rushed inside, leaving Jidanbo wondering who Nemu's friend was,
and how long he would live before Captain Kurotsuchi found out about him.
Inside the Seireitei, Mayuri and Nemu were encountering some trouble.
"Nemu! Who's the friend?" one drunkard asked.
"Kurotsuchi's not going to be happy," another warned.
Mayuri again got the dissection urge.
At last, they reached the Squad Twleve barracks. Nemu gave back Mayuri's captain robe, and Mayuri headed
toward his rooms. As he was preparing to get into bed, there was a knock on his door. Mayuri hastily applied his
make-up, and answered the door.
Dammit.
It was Yachiru, Kenpachi's annoying little lieutenant. Mayuri glared at her, which would frighten most people, but
not Kenpachi's brat.
"Hey, Clowny, are you gay?"
Mayuri was temporarily shocked, then regained his senses.
"Goddammit, child NO, NO, NOOO!" he screamed, slamming the door. Unbeknownst to Mayuri, Yachiru had just
collected valuable reseach.
"Kenny, this is Yachiru. Clowny is not gay. Over!" she squeaked into a walkie-talkie that she had just pulled out of
her pocket.
"Hmph. I'll tell the others, once they get back from collecting everyone you told about our little project," Kenpachi
said on the other end of the line.
"Kenny, you have to say 'Over' when you finish your message! Over!" Yachiru explained.
"Damn. Fine. I'll tell the others, once they get back from collecting everyone you told about our little project. Over."
Yachiru skipped all the way back to the Squad Eleven barracks.
YAY! Chapter One is done! This took me all day! I hope you guys like it. Please review.
As inspiration strikes. ~spottedmask77