A/N: YAY I got reviews! For my first reviewer, Zirrith (and her…friend? Issabella the Pirate) I give you… a frosted Captain Jack shaped cookie. For my second reviewer, Thunder, (may I call you Thunder?) I give you… a frosted Black Pearl shaped cookie. For my third reviewer, Keliz, I give you… a frosted Will Turner shaped cookie. And for my fourth reviewer, Albino Coconut, I give you… a frosted (non-cursed looking) Jack the monkey cookie. (Just be sure to keep the Captain Jack shaped cookie away from the Jack the monkey shaped cookie as Capt. Jack has a tendency to shoot Jack the monkey. Jack the monkey doesn't like that very much… even tho I find it highly entertaining… lol)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself. Anything or anybody you recognize is not mine.

Oh and there will be DMC spoilers in this chapter and future chapters, so if you have not seen it yet I suggest you don't read it cuz I cryptically give away the ending... sort of... enough to ruin the movie, if you haven't seen it. (if you haven't... O.o I didn't know there were people that existed that hadn't seen it... at least those of us obsessed enough to read/write fanfiction hehe...)

ON WITH THE PARODY!

Previously…

"OH MY GOD! I KNOW THAT VOICE!" I freaked out. Just as I was about to continue, a figure rushed towards me and clapped a bejeweled hand over my mouth. I looked up and there, standing before me in all his piratey goodness, was Captain Jack Sparrow.

"I'll let go o' yer mouth luv, if ye jest don't yell an' bring th' attention of the entire bloody Royal Navy down on me, I'm not exactly on good terms with them. Savvy?"

I shook my head 'yes.' Since I agreed to be good Captain Jack let go of my mouth and stepped back a bit from me. "Oh my God, you called me love, and you said savvy!" I squealed quietly. "Oh my God… this is a dream come true… unless this is a dream, then it's a really, really good dream." I said, acting like a total geek.

"I call every woman luv, luv."

"I know, but you said it to me." I smiled with a dreamy look on my face.

"Wut's with her?" Jack asked Will.

"I don't know, I think she's insane, even more so than you. Before you got here she was going on about some knight that said… Ni."

"Odd…" Jack mused, "Oy, lu… uh Miss… Miss… Hello…" Jack tried to get my attention, waving a hand in front of my face. When that didn't work he lightly flicked me on the forehead.

"Hey! Rude much? What was that for?"

"I was tryin' to get yer attention. That was the only thing that worked."

"Oh… Sorry, I was uh…thinking…"

"What about?"

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"Uh huh. I don't believe ya. What were ye thinkin' bout luv?"

I started to get that dreamy look on my face again when Jack said luv, but before I was too far-gone Jack flicked me on the forehead again.

"Hey. Stop that!" I complained.

"Then stop gettin' that funny look on yer face, ignorin' us luv."

I giggled like a little schoolgirl, "I'll try…"

"Why d'ye keep gettin' that funny look on yer face?"

"What funny look?"

"This one!" Jack said, as he tried to mimic my dreamy expression.

"Oh… Do I really do that? You can stop now Jack."

"It's Captain Jaaaa…Wait how did ye know me name?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"Um… Uh… because… You're the most feared, most wanted pirate in these waters?" I said hoping he would buy it.

"But how did you know what I look like?"

"A drawing… a really, really good drawing."

"I've seen all me wanted posters, they never draw me right."

"Uh… this was from uh… somebody who um… saw you up close, when you uh… raided their ship… yeah that's how it was so good!"

"Ye stuttered too much fer me t'believe ya, luv."

"You called me luv again…" I giggled.

"Bloody hell, would it help if I called ye strumpet instead?"

"No. Anything you call me will most likely result in the same reaction."

"What's yer name?"

"Alexandria Turner."

"Yer not a Turner."

"Yes I am and I'm clairvoyant too."

"I know the whole Turner family an' yer not one of em."

"You don't think that there can be more than one Turner family in this world?"

"But you told me that we were related." Will piped up.

"Ah… So I did… I could have married into the family."

"No ye couldn't. All the Turners are standing in front of ye lass."

"I'm an estranged Turner?"

"No yer not."

"Lets stop arguing over it, it will do us no good. But what will do me good is this." I said I jumped up on Jack and wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck resting my head on his shoulder. Jack was completely taken by surprise as he stumbled back a bit with his arms waving around wildly.

"What the bloody hell are ye doin' lass?" Jack shrieked as he tried to pry me off of him.

"Hey, you're lucky this is all I'm doing… I could think of other more… um… inappropriate… things… to do… but I won't."

Finally succeeding Jack managed to get me off him, dropping me in a heap on the floor.

"Ow! That wasn't very nice!"

"Pirate."

"So, your point?"

"Pirates aren't nice."

"You are."

"All evidence to the contrary luv."

"You said 'all evidence to the contrary' and luv!" I giggled.

"Why are you so… giggly?"

"Because you're Captain Jack Sparrow, the most…uh… feared pirate in all the seven seas."

"If I'm so feared, why would that provoke laughter, I would think it would make you scream in fear."

"Because I don't scare easily?"

"No, I think yer lying about why yer all giggly."

"Okay… you're right… it's because… um…" I said becoming very embarrassed, "I won't say in front of the eunuch."

"Well then, William, could we borrow yer room for a minute?"

"I am NOT a eunuch, and I don't think that's very appropriate, Jack."

"No! I like that idea, that way we can talk privately and you can continue working on those pretty swords of yours." I said as I grabbed Jack's wrist dragging him back into Will's bedroom. Once there, I didn't let go of him, instead I pulled him over to the bed and made him sit down next to me on it.

"Do you think you could release yer hold on me luv?"

"No."

"Fine." Jack said as he pulled his arm out of my grip.

"Bugger." I swore, "Well at least you're stronger than Commodore Pompous Hair."

"Now, why d'ye get that funny look on yer face?" Jack asked ignoring my comment for now.

"Because I think you're… um…" I stuttered.

"What was that, I didn't hear you luv." Jack said.

"I said… um… you're…um…" I stuttered.

"I'm what?"

"I don't want to say it. I'm embarrassed." I said.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No!"

"Smart?"

"Yes but that's not it."

"Ugly?"

"Hell no!"

"Handsome?"

"Yeah… but that's not quite the adjective I would use."

"A whatsit?"

"Adjective? Means a word that describes a noun. And before you ask, a noun is a person, place or thing."

"Oh. So let's see… good looking?"

"Yes, but not quite."

"Gorgeous?"

"Yes, but not quite. Here's a hint, it's a four lettered word."

"Hm… Sexy?"

"Uh huh." I mumbled.

"You think I'm sexy?"

"Uh huh." I said as I blushed beet red.

"So what are you thinkin' when ye get that funny look on yer face?"

"Um… nothing… And that's all your getting out of me."

"You're day dreamin' bout me, aren't ye, love."

"Maybe."

"I knew it. By the way, luv, who's Commodore Pompous Hair?"

"Norrington. Also known as Commodore Pompous Hair, Norry, Scruffy, and Scruffington." I informed him.

"I get the first two but scruffy? That man is anything but scruffy."

"Not yet anyways. In a year's time he will be."

"How do you know he'll be… scruffy, and how do you know I'm stronger than him?"

"Well, when I first got here, I was in the company of Norry and he didn't believe that I could do the same work as men can do and doubted my strength so I picked him up on my shoulders and walked around with him to prove my point. And I know he will be scruffy because, I told you, I'm clairvoyant. I can see some of the past and future."

"I see. What do you see for me?"

"Betrayal. You have and will experience lots and lots of betrayal." I answered sadly.

"Betrayal? What kind o' betrayal?"

"I see that you have been viscously mutinied upon in the past."

"And in the future… much of the same as the past?" Jack asked worriedly.

"No, although at one point your crew will come to you with a complaint of not plundering enough to satisfy their thirst for gold. But they are loyal to you."

"Then how am I betrayed in the future?"

"I'm not sure how, but I do know that it will be from the least expected person at the most inopportune moment."

"Somebody I already know then, aye?"

"Yes. Somebody that you have helped and in turn they have helped you."

"Turner?"

"What?"

"No, not you, the whelp?"

"I don't know. I can't see who. I don't even know if it's a man or woman."

"I see."

"Yeah…" I said, and then stared at him, as if I was looking past him. "Your soul is not your own."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You made a deal with the devil… or somebody like the devil."

"How did ye know that?"

"Do I really need to go over that again with you?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"Oh yeah. Right. So um… do ye see a way outta that deal for me?"

"I see a drawing of… of a… a double key, an island, a chest within a chest. Whatever is kept within the inner chest will be fought over by you and two others. If you can manage to keep it once you have it, it will be of value to you. You will not be able to beat the devil without it. Without it, He will send his demon after you and yours. Beyond that I cannot see." I said. Tears began fall down my cheeks as I thought of Captain Jack being devoured by the Kraken and the Pearl being pulled down to the depths. I quickly reached up and tried to dry my eyes before Jack could see the tears. I wasn't fast enough.

"Why are ye cryin' luv?

"I can't tell you. It may make things worse if you knew."

"I see. So whatever it is that's worth ya spillin' tears over, is not as bad as if I were to know and try to prevent it, making something worse take the place of what I would try to prevent?"

"Exactly." I sniffled. "Can I give you a hug?" I asked timidly.

"Uh… yeah sure." Jack said nervously. I wrapped my arms around Jack's middle resting my head on his chest. Jack hesitated but then wrapped his arms around me too, one hand stroking my hair, trying to calm me. As I breathed in I could tell that he smelled of the ocean, rum and something that was uniquely his, all in all he smelled really good.

'I don't know what Lizzie was meant about him not having good hygiene, he smells good to me.' I thought, "You smell good." I told Jack.

"Really? I've been told I smell funny."

"Nope. Smells good to me."

"Oh. That's good I guess."

"Yep." I said looking up at him. I noticed he had his hat placed on his head. I sat back, releasing my hold of him then as quickly as I could, without warning, I snatched his hat off his head, then jumped up and ran out into the main part of the forge, placing the hat on my head, hiding behind Will as Jack came running after me.

"Give me back me hat!" Jack demanded.

"No! I like it. It's mine now. If you want it, you'll have to take me on your ship with you and you teach me how to sail, which means I stay ON the ship, NOT in the brig, and I'm treated as an equal member of the crew!"

"OR you could just give me back me hat." Jack seethed. "Move whelp."

"No. I sort of admire her, not even I was able to get my hands on your hat when I first saw it before I knew you." Will laughed.

"Aww… Will you admire me! That's so sweet." Jack then tried to get around Will but did not succeed.

"Agree to my terms and once I'm on your ship you'll get your hat back, I swear."

"Why do ye want to come on me ship?"

"Because it's the Black Pearl and she's pretty and fast and she belongs to the best pirate in the Caribbean." I smiled. "So do we have an accord?" I asked.

Jack sighed, "Agreed," He said, not really seeing much of another choice.

"Yay! I get to go on the Pearl. I get to go on the Pearl. I get to go on the Pearl. I get to…"

"We get it, ye're coming with me to the ship."

"Yay, Me!" I squealed while clapping for myself. "I have to say I do look rather swish in your hat… hey, speaking of your hat… I had a hat on my head before I got here… I wonder what happened to it… I wonder if it's in Norry's office… I should go back and look for it…" I said out loud to myself. Just then somebody knocked on the door to Will's smithy. Jack ran back into Will's room to hide. I quickly took Jack's hat off my head and hid it in a corner. Will began banging away at a piece of narrow metal, shaping it into a sword, while I wondered around the room looking at all the swords Will had made. At that point the door opened and Commodore Norrington walked in.

"Oh! Hey Commodore Pompous Hair. Nice to see you again. You didn't happen to find a tricorner hat in your office did you?"

"Yes as a matter of fact I did. Is it yours?"

"Aye. It's mine. Is it still in your office?"

"No. I had thought it was yours and I had a feeling I would find you here." Norry said as he offered me my hat back. I quickly snatched it from his hand and put it on my head.

"My hat." I whispered to myself in a little girl voice.

"Was that all Commodore?" Will asked.

"Yes. That will be all." He said as he turned and left.

After the door shut and locked behind the Commodore, I went and picked up Jack's hat. I took off my hat and put his on top of my head then put my hat on top of Jack's hat. Just then Jack came out from hiding.

"Since ye've got yer own hat luv, do ya think I could have me own hat back now?"

"Not until I'm on the Pearl. That was our agreement."

"Fine. Let's go to the ship then. Good to see ye again whelp. Give Lizzie me best, will ye whelp?"

"I'll do that. It was good to see you too Jack."

"Come on Lass. Follow me." Jack said as he went out the back door of the smithy. I quickly followed behind as we weaved in and out of back ally ways until we reached the edge of the forest. By that time I was out of breath and felt like I was going to collapse any minute.

"Can we… can we… slow down… a bit? Maybe stop… rest for a bit?" I asked, trying to catch my breath.

"What's wrong with you luv?"

"Can't… breath…" I wheezed.

"It's that bloody corset ye got on."

"No… I have… asthma…" I stammered. I then stopped talking and just focused on breathing.

"What's… asthma?" Jack asked. All I did was hold up one finger to signal for him to wait. Once I regained normal breathing I began walking again at a slower pace. Jack walked along side of me trying to keep a slower and even pace with me. "So what's… that thing you said…?" Jack asked.

"Asthma? It means I sometimes have a hard time breathing if I do some types of physical activity, like running or sometimes just long distance walking." I explained as we walked through the woods to Jack's ship. Just then I tripped on a tree root and fell to my hands and knees. "Oh great… first an asthma attack now this. I hate the bloody woods." I complained as I stood up. I saw that Jack was just standing ahead of me laughing. I stuck my tongue out at him as I began to walk up to him. The first step I took however I was in pain.

"Ow, that hurt…" I bent down to hold my ankle. I was infamous for always twisting my ankle whenever I went on hikes, 'Why should now be any different.' I thought to myself.

"What did ye do now?" Jack asked, clearly annoyed.

"Oh, I just twisted my ankle, yet again! Stupid bloody weak ankles!" I replied annoyed with myself..

"Oh…Bloody hell." Jack rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance as he walked over to me. He knelt down beside me hooking one arm under my knees and wrapping his other arm around my back, he lifted me up and began carrying me.

"You… you don't have to do this. I'm sure I can walk. It's not even sprained. I just twisted my ankle. It was just a shock. I can walk, honest."

"Ye may be able to walk but ye were havin' a hard enough time keepin' up with two good ankles. Just… shut up, hold on and… enjoy the ride, savvy?"

"Okay…" I said as I put my arms around his neck. Soon we were at the ship. The Black Pearl was even more beautiful in person.

"She's beautiful." I commented.

"Aye, that she is. Me pride an' joy… Do ya think ye can climb up the rope ladder yerself?"

"Yeah I think so."

"Good." Jack smiled, gently putting me down on my own two feet again. "Mr. Gibbs, if ye'd be so kind as to let down the ladder." Jack shouted up. Mr. Gibbs peered over the side of the ship and saw that it was just Jack and me.

"Aye sir. Who's the lass?" Gibbs asked as he threw the ladder over the side.

"A friend." Jack replied. "After you lass." I then began to climb up the ladder, trying not to put too much pressure on my ankle, Jack following up behind me. As I reached the top, Mr. Gibbs offered me his hand to help get my feet on the deck.

"Thank You, Mr. Gibbs." I said as I stepped onto the deck, moving out of the way so that Jack could get on the ship. Once Jack was on board, Mr. Gibbs hauled up the ladder then asked Jack what his plans were and if they had a heading.

"Well, I'd say we put as much distance as we can between us and Port Royal as smartly as we can. Savvy?" Jack orders.

"And the heading Capt'n?"

"A heading… Let's go to Tortuga gents, and ladies, we've not stopped into port there for some time now. I'll be in me cabin with the lass. Mr. Gibbs the helm is yers for now."

"Aye Capt'n." Mr. Gibbs said as he went up to the helm, guiding the Pearl out to open waters with Ana Maria barking orders at the crew to secure the rigging and let down all the sails. Meanwhile Jack guided me into his cabin so that we could talk. Once inside the cabin I sat down kinda sideways, hugging my knees to my chest, on a big comfy looking chair that was next to a desk. Jack closed the doors and turned to face me.

"One, that's my chair, and two I want me hat now."

"One, I was here first and I'm not moving, and two, here." I said as I took off my hat then took off Jack's hat throwing it to him. Jack caught it as it hit him in the chest, then quickly put it back on his head.

"Thanks very much. So…Right. Well, I don't care that ye there first, it's my chair so ye will move out of it?"

"No you big baby. Just… sit some where else."

"Well then, if ye won't move…" Jack said as he walked over to me and tried to lift me out of the chair but before he could, I grabbed a hold of the arm rests with all my strength pulling myself back down into the chair.

"No!" I squealed. Jack didn't say anything, all he did was keep pulling on me trying to get me out of his comfy chair. As he was pulling his hands were slipping further up my body, soon his hands were half on my boobs half under my arms. As he pulled up he squished my boobs.

"OW! Don't DO that!" I screamed, feeling kinda violated. He stopped but had not let go of me (I had not let go of the arms of the chair either) and looked at me curiously.

"Don't do what?" He asked confused.

"You squished my boobies… And your still touching them!" I whined. Jack looked down at his hands and noticed I was indeed telling the truth.

"Oh… Sorry." Jack said quickly as he released me from his grasp backing away. My hands immediately flew up to my breasts as I muttered curses about how "violated" I felt and how, as comfortable as it may be, it was just a stupid chair. Jack had caught bits and pieces of what I said, but heard enough to get the gist.

"Listen, luv… I didn't mean t'touch ye like that. It t'were naught but an accident. I certainly didn't mean to ah… how did you say… uh… squish your uh… chest. I do hope ye accept me apology, luv." Jack stuttered.

"Hmm… To accept the apology… or to not accept the apology… that is the question!" I said in my best Shakespearian voice, "I shall accepth thy apology in so long as I get to sit in the comfy chair for now."

"Alright. Ye can sit in me 'comfy chair.' Are ye okay, luv?"

"Aye. I'm fine now."

"Well then, the reason I asked ye in here was t'discuss yer sleepin' arrangements while yer onboard."

"Hmmm… Where can I sleep… oh and where would be the facilities dedicated to relieving one's self be located?" I asked, realizing that the ship doesn't exactly have modern toilets."

"Ah yes, I'll give ye the grand tour luv and show you where everything is but first, there are only a few places onboard that ye can sleep. Some safe, some not so safe, savvy? There's the crew's quarters below decks, Ana Maria's cabin but I wouldn't exactly call it spacious, or a cabin… more a large closet that's been turned into a cabin. And then of course there's here, in my cabin. I wouldn't suggest below with the crew as they may or may not be… ah… respectful t'wards ya. You bein' a woman an' all… gets lonely out at sea sometimes if ye get me drift. Aye? And fer me own health I'm not asking Ana Maria to share her cabin with anybody… although I suppose you could ask her… see if ye get better results than I would. If she did agree she'd protect ye from me crew. But if not, we could set up a hammock…or cot… or something in here for ye and I'd protect ye. So… what say you?" Jack asked. I just kinda stared at him amazed that he could say all that he said without stopping for a breath.

"Ye gonna say anythin' luv… Don't make me flick ye again." Jack threatened.

"What… oh… yeah uh… I think I'll go find Ana Maria and see what she says about sharing her room… if that doesn't work, I'll stay with you. Um… Do I really need to worry about your crew taking advantage of me?"

"Not really. They know that if they take advantage of any woman that they'll be made a eunuch, keelhauled and then when they're beaten almost to a pulp they'll be strung out on a yardarm and then cut free once they stop kicking. Savvy?"

"Uh… yeah… they, uh, they agreed to that punishment?"

"If they wanted to join my crew, aye they had to. It's part of the ship's articles luv. Now go find Ana Maria, she's the mulatto woman, most likely shoutin' orders at everybody."

"Isn't she also the only other woman on board? I don't think she'll be that hard to find." I laughed, then got up and hobbled out of Jack's cabin in search of Ana Maria.

Like I had thought it didn't take me long. I saw her down on the gun deck shouting at some young looking boy who hadn't properly tied down a rope that was supposed to help secure the main sail. When I looked up I could see men scrambling along the yards trying to catch the flapping sail and rope. As I hobbled towards Ana Maria, somebody had caught the rope and others were guiding it back to it's proper place. Just as I reached where Ana Maria was standing I could hear her lecturing the boy. My guess is that he wasn't much younger than me, maybe 18 or 19 years old. She was still lecturing him about properly securing ropes so I stood and waited until she was done or until she noticed me. I didn't have to wait long.

"What are ye standin' round her for? And who are ya?" Ana Maria questioned.

"Well… I came to ask you a question but I could see you were busy so I was patiently waiting for you to finish speaking with him. And my name is Alexandria, Captain Sparrow brought me aboard from Port Royal."

"Oh. What's yer question?"

"Well, I was recently informed that my choice of sleeping arrangements are limited to the crew's quarters, the captain's cabin or with you. It's my understanding that you have your own room albeit small, but I was wondering if you could share your cabin with me?" I asked as politely as I could not wanting the same wrath of anger to be brought down upon me as the boy had experienced. Ana Maria sighed, looking up to the sky.

"Honestly, I wouldn't mind bunkin' with ye lass, but I barely got room fer meself in there let alone t'have a guest. I'm afraid it's either the crew's quarters or the captain's cabin for ye lass and although the men onboard are some o' the most decent pirates ye'll ever meet an' Jack's got the threat o' torture an' death hangin' over their heads, they're still men and more over, they're still pirates." Ana Maria explained, "I'm just as tough as any o' these men an' most, if not all, o' them are afraid o' me but even I got me own room with a lock, which only I got the key to, not even the Capt'n has a key t'my room. If Capt'n Sparrow has offered his cabin to ye, even if he'll be in there with ye, I'd take him up on that offer if I were ye lass. It's a good idea t'have the Capt'n with ye, he'll make sure yer okay. Any sexual comments he makes are harmless. He'll not touch ye without yer permission." Ana Maria advised.

"Oh. Well, that's quite alright then. I'll just let the captain know my decision. Um, I really want to be of use aboard and not just some… lazy git, so who do I report to for tasks?"

"Either Capt'n Sparrow, Mr. Gibbs, or me. Any one of us can give ye somethin' to do. Have ye ever sailed before?"

"No, I haven't. But I do have experience with knot tying and theatre rigging."

"Maybe you could teach some green lubbers onboard here how t'tie a secure knot then." Ana Maria said sarcastically, laughing.

"Yeah, if you really wanted me to." I laughed with her. "Well, I'll just let Captain Sparrow know my choice and I'll be back out for something to do." I said as I hobbled back to the Captain's cabin.

"Ah, yer back! And ye appear t'be unharmed… So what did she say?"

"She said that I should take you up on your offer to stay in here with you." I said simply.

"Well then I'll find ye a cot or at least a hammock." Jack said as he stood up from the comfy chair as I hobbled over to his bed. I laid down on it out of curiosity of how comfy it was. It had to be one of the most comfortable beds I had ever had the pleasure of laying on.

"No need. I found my bed!" I said, slightly mumbled due to my face being half smushed into a fluffy pillow.

"No. That's my bed." Jack insisted.

"Not this again!" I exclaimed as I took an exasperated sigh, "Why don't we share the bed, it's large enough. I promise to behave if you promise to behave."

"Alright, fine. We'll share the bed!"

A/N: Okay, so tell me what do you think? Did you like it? Was I annoying enough? lol.

Next time on My Trip to the Caribbean: Mr. Gibbs is my next target of annoyance as I attempt to scare the crap out of him with superstitious sailor myths and I attempt to save Jack the monkey from being shot repeatedly by Jack the pirate! Oh and I continue to annoy Capt. Jack (of course!)

As Always… Take What Ye Can… Give Nothin' Back!

Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows