This is my worst fear for Cristina, and because of the stupid writing on the show, I feel like this is how her life will pan out.

You spend your whole life planning for the future, we live each day preparing for the next, building stepping stones to lead us to the goals we wish to attain, we leave the past behind, and try our best to carve out new beginnings. We become so dead set on moving forward and forgetting the past that we forget to live, here, in the now, today is a gift, thats why we call it the present, but some of us are too foolish to realize that in any given moment, it could all be over, nothing is a guarantee. We can prepare for it to be over, but when the moment comes, we remember that we were never promised forever, and our days were always numbered, if only we could go back and do it all over.

Sometimes we forget that we are only human, and in the blink of an eye, our time here on earth could come to an end. Sometimes only in times of great despair and sorrow do we truly realize what it means to be alive and in those instances our judgments are not clouded by uncertainties or reservations, instead, choices become obvious and crystal clear, because during traumatic events, we are forced to act with the desires of our hearts instead of the logical implications of our minds. The mind tells you to act on reason, but the heart acts on impulse, so when confronted with a situation in which the mind and heart don't agree on, the latter will always prevail, because when our hearts speak, the mind finds it indecent to object.

When we do die, many people believe that that the seconds before we take our last breath our lives flash before our eyes, A nurse who counseled dying patients decided to conduct an experiment, she surveyed people on their deathbeds and in turn found out what our biggest regrets and what we would of done differently if we had a second chance.

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"Breathe Dr. Yang, don't be crass- your skulking. Women of your generation are graceless, its an affront to nature. Mediocre surgeons will see you and feel themselves wilting in your shadow, do not shrink to console them, do not look for friends here-you won't find them. None of these people have the capacity to understand you-they never will. If your lucky, one day, when your old and shriveled like me, you will find a young doctor with little regard for anything but their craft and you will train them- like I trained you. Until then, read a good book. You have greatness in you Yang, don't disappoint. "

I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"You look at me like you won't wake up one day, not that far from now, so much faster then you can imagine, and find that you are me, and you can't cut anymore, what will you have? I was a a God in this OR, holding a scalpel, I was GOD, and now…. What will you have? "

I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Have I changed?

How?

How would he know that?

Who?

He says nothing has changed, but what if i'm the thing thats changed but he won't freaking talk to me?

Oh, well, I'm all caught up now.

Do you think I've changed?

Well you want Owen back.

No, I don't …Yeah, I want Owen Back.

You've changed, its good.

I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.

Meredith to Cristina: This is a place where horrible things happen. You were right to go. You're probably escaping disaster. Look at me, I practically grew up here. And you're right, it's hurt me in ways I'll probably never get over. I have a lot of memories of people, people I've lost forever. But I have a lot of other memories too. This is the place where I fell in love, the place where I found my family. This is where I learned to be a doctor, where I learned how to take responsibility for someone else's life. And it's the place I met you. So I figure this place has given me as much as it's taken from me. I've lived here as much as I've survived here. It just depends on how I look at it. I'm gonna choose to look at it that way and remember you that way. Hope you're good. Bye

Meredith: hello?

Cristina: Your are my person, you will ALWAY'S be my person.

I wish I'd let myself be happier.

"You make me sad. You think that surgery's going to make you feel. You think that a successful career is going to make you happy. You think you know things. You know things and nothing else matters. No one else matters. People DO matter. I matter. We...we matter. You don't get to toss me aside. I won't let you."

"Good Morning Doctor," She said trying her best to fake a smile and hide any sadness from her voice.

"Morning," was all she could manage to reply in a grumpy and groggy voice, as she fought to keep her eyes open.

"I'm sorry Dr. Yang but the time is coming, your going into multi-system organ failure, you don't have a lot of time yet." She paused and hiccuped trying to keep her emotions in check.

'Please let me know if-, she stuttered, "Is there anyone you would like me to call?"

"No, I'm a lonely old women, I spent my life inside this hospital," She said in between breaths, trying to get out the words through gritted teeth, the pain was beginning to be unbearable. "Never had the time nor the want to form relationships or friendships, I was too busy being a surgeon." She let out as her breathing became even more ragged.

The doctor nodded and gave her another weak smile as tears threatened to fall from her face. She put her chart back down and let Dr. Yang know she would be back soon to check on her.

"How's Dr. Yang, I can't believe you got assigned her case!?"

"She's hanging in there, but her time is numbered, she's getting close to the end."

"I can't believe she's going to die, that women was remarkable, she paved the way for women like us, she broke barriers and created opportunities and she's leaving this world a legend, her name will never be forgotten, ugh,I wanna be just like her."

"I don't want to be like her, I thought I did, but I don't anymore."

"You don't wanna be known as a legend?, as a pioneer in medicine, have your name printed off in a bunch of textbooks and have students and fellow surgeons all practice the methods that you created?, Who would turn those opportunities down?"

"I don't want to be lying on my death bed with nobody at my side because I was too busy being brilliant and dedicating my life to my job instead of making time for people, these all her last moments alive and the only people who are there checking on her are fellow doctors whose JOB is to do so.

"Seriously? Nobody has come to be with her in her last hours?"

"No, she told me that she spent most her time in the OR and that made it impossible for her to have a life outside the hospital."

"No friends?, husband?, Kids?"

"Nada, I mean, she has all these accolades and achievements but how can they provide her with any comfort or reassurance? There's nobody there telling her they love her, or any kids or grandkids bidding her farewell and holding her hand while she takes her last breath, what kinda life is that?"

"Its the life she chose, maybe she's content in the decisions she made, you don't know, she might be fine with dying alone."

"Ugh, nobody is FINE with dying alone, I don't want to die alone."

"You won't die alone, you'll always have me, I'm your best friend."

"Yeah, but you'll get married one day and forget about me, or we'll have a huge falling out and never speak to each other again, plus,you already have a guy, I need to find my guy."

Today was a beautiful day, a cool crisp spring morning, the birds were chirping, the clouds were parting while the aroma of blooming flowers and fresh cut grass filled the air.

Dr. Caroline Machesky made her way down the halls of the hospital, she had left Cleveland Clinic several years ago to take the position of head of cardio at the University of Michigan hospital. It was only a few hours drive from there to here, and she wouldn't of missed the opportunity to say good bye for anything in the world.

This was the woman who had taken her under her wing and taught her everything she knew, this remarkable surgeon had been her mentor, confidant, teacher, and so much more, she helped mold Caroline into the surgeon she was today, and she had raised her from a scared and naive intern to a Harper Award winning doctor. She owed this woman so much, she could never repay her for everything she had taught Caroline, so the least Caroline could do was be there for her in her time of need, she felt so lucky and privileged to be Cristina Yang's protege, everyone said that one day Caroline would achieve the greatness that her mentor had, and Cristina even envisioned Caroline surpassing her and changing the face of medicine again, just like the infamous Dr. Yang had so many years before.

She lightly knocked on the door leading to the hospital room Cristina was admitted in before making her way inside. She saw her mentors face gasp in surprise and bewilderment, she had to smile at the thought that even in her last waking hours, Dr. Yang was still vibrant, she still gave off an era of strength and assurance, she did not look nearly as weak as she probably felt and she composed herself with so much grace and dignity, her head still held up high as it could reach.

"Wh- What are you doing here?" Her voice cracked and made it painstakingly obvious that even though she looked strong, she actually was weak and deteriorating before everyones eyes.

"The Chief called me, Why wouldn't you tell me Cristina, we talk almost everyday?" Caroline let her aggravation seep through while her emotions went lackluster at the sight of a weltering Cristina.

"I didn't want to worry you, you have your own life to worry about, no time to be bothered with this old woman's problems."

Caroline let out a ragged breath as her eyes stated getting glassy and her anger rising.

"That old woman was like the mother I never had," She shook her head as the tears starting flowing down her face. "No, you weren't just "like" a mother, you "were" my mother, I loved you more then I have loved anyone in my life Dr. Yang, you taught me so much, you made me into the surgeon that I'am today." The tears were flowing freely now as she made her way across the room and pulled up a chair to sit next to Cristina's bedside.

"You can't die, you can't leave me because your the only person who I have Cristina, your the only person who understands me." Caroline raised her shaky hand to grasps Cristina's frail one and held onto to her as tightly as se could.

"Don't let me be the only person who understands you Caroline, your incredible, do you know that?, you make me so proud, I want nothing more then for you to reach the milestones that I could not and surpass the expectations that I have set, but I also beg you to go out there-in the world and live a little. We spend our whole lives trying to make a living that we forget to make a life, I'm laying here dying, and I just realized that I cannot take my awards with me, I cannot bring my trust fund or bank account, I'm not able to bring my house or cars or any other materialistic assets, all I can take with me are my memories, that it."

"You have great memories Cristina, you have achieved so many incredible milestones in your life, and you have me, I'm here." She said looking into Cristina's eyes and trying to give her some solace and negate any trepidation.

"Caroline, promise me you will make time for people, promise me that you will not spend each and every waking moment inside the four walls of a hospital because theres a whole world out there, and you need to explore it." Her breathing was getting heavy and her eyes were starting to droop little by little.

"But you spent all your time in the hospital, and you were a trailblazer, a brilliant surgeon, you told me that we were meant for the OR, that thats were we found our happiness and reason for being." Caroline Stated as she tried to make sense of what Cristina was saying.

Cristina looked at Caroline while trying to compose her thoughts but it was getting harder and harder to think and it was becoming a chore to try to remember to breathe.

"I felt so alive when I was in surgery, so happy and content, but the moment I left the OR, the moment my feet stepped out of the hospital, I no longer felt alive, I felt dead inside. I come home to nobody, to an empty apartment filled with trophies, a shrine to myself. I chose this life, I could have had a different one, a vastly different life with a husband and a child and still had a decent career. But I chose to have a career before anything else and nobody in my life wanted to be second best to a job, so I ended up alone, don't be me Caroline." She finished as she lay her head deeper into the pillow and gave her hand a tight squeeze.

"Robbie asked me for a divorce, we've been separated for a year, I should of seen it coming, but I didn't want to believe that it was actually over." She sighed.

"It doesn't have to be over, we all get a second chance, all that matters is if you decide to use it, just remember this, when your dying you have a lot of time to think about your life, the worst feeling in the world is wishing you could go back in time and change a circumstance, or mend a relationship, or tell the people you loved that they meant more to you then anything else."

Cristina slowly moved her free hand to unplug the oxygen tank, Caroline gave her a troubled look and started protesting as her cries got louder and pleaded with her to stop what she was doing.

"Let me go," She said in-between breaths, "Its time for me to go."

"I love you." Caroline proclaimed as she took Cristina's hand into her own and brought it up to her lips to kiss while her body started convulsing as the tears streamed down her face.

"You are the best daughter anyone could ask for, I promise to always watch over you." She slowly let go of Caroline's hand and let out one last ragged breath before uttering her last words, I love you too.

The sound of the buzzing alarm woke Cristina up abruptly, she jumped up in a cold sweat and surveyed her surroundings, she looked frantically around her room trying to figure out where she was. She tried to calm her breathing and steady her heart rate, pinching herself to make sure she was alive and that this was reality.

Was it all a dream?