The games tore Gale apart. From day one he said that he didn't want to pay attention, he didn't want to watch, he wasn't going to feed the beast, but I saw him watching. He thought she could win. I thought she could win. She just needed to think of the arena as our woods; she survived here and could there.
The story the game spun, the love between victors, is what really hurt Gale. The love of his life was cuddling with another in a dark cave. She was playing the game. She was surviving, but I think that he thought she would do it different. He thought she would take the high road; that she would stay true to herself. His feelings blinded him, because you can't be yourself when you play the game.
My daily routine stayed pretty similar: hunt, swim, walk around town, and return home. I went to the town square during the viewing times. Sometimes Gale would watch with the Everdeen's, but sometimes he sat with me. We'd sit on the edge of the dried up fountain and face the huge screen. He'd sit so close to me that our legs and arms were touching.
I cried every time someone was killed. I tried to hide it, but I couldn't stop myself. I was weak. I always hated the games, but I now had a friend that was invested in a tribute. I was useless. I couldn't make him feel better, I couldn't help Katniss, and I was just there. The nights were the worst. I would lie in my tent and stare up at nothing. Why was I even here? No one would miss me. Gale and I were only friends because Katniss wasn't here. What was the purpose of this life? Who was I?
I had some dark nights, but somehow I always made it to the morning.
I don't know if it helped them, but any time I caught extra game I left the skinned animals on the doorstep of the Everdeen's and Mellark's. It doesn't replace what was happening to their children, but was one less meal to worry about.
When we found out both Katniss and Peeta were coming home, the town celebrated. Gale rejoiced with the Everdeen's and I just sat on the edge of a dried up fountain. She did it, she actually did it. I thought she could, I always did, but the reality of it was unbelievable. She was coming home, but she wasn't coming home herself, she was coming home as Peeta's lover, the Capitol's sweetheart, she was coming home to be someone that everyone watched. Sitting on the edge of a dried up fountain I realized that she wasn't really going to be home. She'd always be watched. She'd always be in the games. What does that mean for Gale? Did she actually have to be with Peeta? Gale… would Gale still be my friend?
It was selfish, I know. How could I be worried about not being friends with Gale, when Katniss just fought her way home? When she was forced to kill. When she was forced into a love that she didn't feel? But I was second choice, I always had been, and I didn't want to be alone again.
I slipped out of the town square and back to my tent. I spent the night unnoticed and alone. Come morning I took a deep breath and said, "I can do this again, I will survive."
A week later Katniss and Peeta came home. I joined the town at the train tracks to wait for them. I saw Gale, Katniss' sister and her mother in the crowd. Gale and I made eye contact, he smiled, I smiled and gave a little wave but I didn't go over. This would be a family reunion.
When the train pulled up and the victors walked out the crowd roared with excitement. Both Katniss and Peeta looked so healthy. They didn't look like they were from 12, but I think that's the point, a reward for killing. I wonder what we looked like to them. Did they pity us for not changing while they were gone? Did they envy us? Did they think us fools? Katniss had a forced smile on her face until she saw her family. Then her face really lit up. She was in their arms within moments. She was in his arms—only for a moment, but there she was with him. All of them together was a sight of pure joy.
Peeta was with his family too, but his attention wasn't with them. His family wasn't shinning as bright as Katniss' family. His reunion wasn't as picturesque. Was he second choice as well? Katniss looked back to him and smiled. Peeta smiled back. It was a small moment, but enough for me not to know the answer.
Over the next year my life didn't change that much. I had my survival routine. I saw Gale a couple times. Life was fairly normal. There were more peacekeepers in town than ever before. It made sneaking into the woods a little more dangerous, but of course I still did it.
One day I was coming home from a hunt when I heard a noise, a noise I'd never heard before. There was a buzzing come from the fence. My heart stopped. There was a buzzing coming from the fence. That could only mean one thing…I picked up a stick and tossed it at the fence. The fence was definitely on. The fence was on and I was on the wrong side. Why was the fence on?
I had two illegal kills and was on the wrong side of the fence, but at least I was alone. Gale didn't go hunting today. He actually took a job at the mine. His mom was heartbroken, but the money would really help the family. So this was a problem I would solve alone or I'd be caught alone.
It was winter, so there was a lot of snow on the ground. I dug the snow away from the bottom of the fence. There wasn't much space, but I was small. There was a tree about twenty feet away, but I would have to jump because it didn't quiet grow across the fence. Over or under? Over of under? I asked myself over and over again.
If the fence was on, they must be doing patrols. They must think that someone was going into the woods. If I went under I wouldn't be able to cover my tracks. Then again, if I went over, I may not make it over. A chance I'd have to take. I quickly moved the snow back under the fence; I covered my tracks and went to the tree. It was big and old, but looked to be dying. After I was sure my tracks were erased I climbed the tree. Once I got high enough I started to make my way across the branch that went the furthest across. It definitely was dying, but I was fairly light and tried to be as quick as possible. Once the branch was too thin I took a deep breath and launched myself off.
When I pushed myself off the branch it broke. That meant that I didn't make it as far as I hoped. My legs caught part of the fence. A shock broke through my body. I wriggled and fell face first into the snow. It all happened in a matter of seconds but I could still feel the pulsing in my veins for hours. I hastily cleaned my tracks, as I ran home. My kills, the first fresh food I was to have in days, still on the other side of the fence.
I made it home without anyone talking to me. Still shaking I made a fire. I cooked the last of my rice rations; the food was supposed to last me for another three days. Then when I was sure no one was paying any attention to me I inspected my body. My leg had a slight burn, I had some cuts on my arms from the fall, but besides that I was fine. The fear was the worst.
It was a long and cold night. Actually it was the coldest night of the year. I half expected Gale to come check on me, but his shifts in the mine were exhausting. Plus it was a Wednesday night; Wednesday nights he had dinner with the Everdeen's. By this time he would be exhausted and well fed. So I sat by the fire, wrapped in blankets, and watched my breath as I ate the last of my rice.
The next day Katniss left for the victory tour. That meant that it must be halfway to the next games. They need to keep the games always in the fore front of our minds. Right when we start to move on, they throw the victors back in our faces. It must be torture for them; a torture that ended with Katniss' engagement to Peeta.
Gale was busy. I was busy trying to survive this cold winter. I saw less and less of him. When I did see him he was angry. Angry at the system. Angry with Katniss. Angry at the world. He wanted change and I feared he'd do something stupid to get it.
It was a hard winter, but now summer approaches and so does the 75th Hunger Games, a Quarter Quell. Each Quarter Quell is special. The game makers do something even more frightening than usual. All week there have been clips of Caesar Flickerman playing in Town Square discussing possible scenarios. His excitement was sickening.
But now was the moment of truth: the reaping. I found my place among the other 17-year-old girls. I wore the only dress I had. It was once my mothers. It was off white, made of the softest material I've ever touched; it wrapped around my body and tied off to the side at my waist. My hair was parted on the side, flowed in soft, dark waves down and was speckled with grey. It was silly to dress up for the reaping, but we all did it. We were poor, but that doesn't mean we're heathens. If anything, I am prideful, I wasn't going to let the Capitol look at me and only see the starving little girl the made me into.
Across the way I saw Gale, he stood with the adults because last year was his last reaping. Now at 19, he was safe but his brother's weren't. I caught his eye and gave him a quick nod. Worry was visible on his brow.
The crowd hushed as the past victors of 12 walked on stage and took their seats. Katniss was wearing a simple black dress; she wore her mocking jay pin and a solemn face. Peeta held her hand and too wore all black. They looked like they were in mourning. Haymitch Abernathy wore a sloppy black suit and white collared shirt—he must be drunk as he slightly stumbled to his seat. Then finally Effie Trinket made her way on stage to the microphone.
I tuned out the propaganda and looked around at the children. The youngest lined up were only twelve years old. They looked so young, scared, and innocent. It sickened me. I looked for Gale's brothers. I found them all fidgeting and worn out dress clothes. I wondered, as I have in many times in the past, was the reaping truly random, or did they know all along who would be chosen? Did they pick Prim last year because they thought watching a young girl die would make a good show? How much did the Capitol know about us? Did they know who would be missed?
Effie walked over to one of the bowls and cleared her voice and said, "Well here is the moment we've all been waiting for, let the selections begin. The female tribute for District 12 will be…"
Her hand swam among the names too long. The anxiety amongst the girls was almost too much to handle.
"Sarah Mathews."
For a moment I sighed with relief. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I made it through another ceremony. Only one more to go; next year would be my last ceremony. But then, I saw this Sarah Mathews. She was small, so very small. She was young, probably only 12 years old. She had soft blonde hair, rare for our district. My heart shattered in my chest. I was much too selfish to volunteer, but I could barely breathe.
"And the male tribute is: Ezekiel Travis."
Ezekiel was much larger than Sarah. It was absurd to see them next to each other and think in just a few short weeks they'd be fighting each other to the death. Ezekiel was already a man, his shoulders broad, his eyes dark, and his stature tall.
"Now, as you all know, this year is special," Effie said with a huge smile on her face. "With this Quarter Quell there will be four tributes from each district: two girls and two boys."
The crowd stiffened with the news. Those of us who thought we were safe were thrown back into the lion's den.
"The second female tribute will be: Lavender Cross."
My knees buckled under me, but I caught myself before I fell down. I was the second female tribute. I was being sentenced to die along side the too young Sarah. I took a deep breath and started to walk towards the stage. It felt so far away. There was a ringing in my ears and all I could hear was "Lavender Cross," "Lavender Cross," "Lavender Cross," Lavender Cross." I finally made it to the stage and was told to stand next to Sarah. I looked out at the District I called home and realized; they wont even notice me when I'm gone. Who was I to them? Nothing. Well, they were sure to remember me now, because I would not go quietly in the games. I stood up just a little taller and reminded myself, I am not the starving girl they made me. The wind gently blew causing my hair to flow gently back. My eyes met Gale's and he was stone faced.
I didn't hear the last tributes name being called, but when Effie told us all to shake hands I looked at him. He was younger than me, but older than Sarah. He was too thin. I couldn't think of his name, I didn't know him; he wasn't one of Gale's brothers. Relief.
They took us to the town hall and put each of us in a room to say our goodbyes to friends and family. I was standing at the window when I heard a female voice outside my door.
"What are you doing here, Gale?" It was Katniss; her voice was full of concern and uneasiness. Gale told me President Snow threatened his life if Katniss didn't stay away from Gale.
"I'm here to say goodbye to Lavender. You aren't my only friend Kat," his voice was harsh. It made me wince. There was his anger again.
"I, I know that you have other friends," she started. "I just didn't realize that you knew any of the tributes. I'm sorry."
Tributes. I'm a tribute. It didn't feel real.
The door opened and I jumped. Gale stood there in the doorway for three heartbeats. Then with three quick strides he held me.
"Kat did it, you can do it," he said.
"Shh," I said into his chest. "There are 48 of us this year. I'm a survivor, but still the chances… it's …" I wanted to say impossible but I settled for, "it's unlikely."
"You can do it, you have to do it," he said.
We stood there in silence for a few minutes.
"You are my only friend Gale," I started. "I don't want you to give up hope for the world. She loves you. She's protecting you. Don't give up hope."
When the door opened I was still in his arms.
"Time's up," said a peacekeeper.
"You look truly beautiful today," Gale said quietly.
"Time to go," he said again.
And then he was gone.
AN: Thank you for reading! I know, I'm taking my time to set up the story. Let me know what you think.