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Sam
I like the beaches of La Push in the early mornings. They are so nice to walk on and I love the feeling of the soft crumbling sand beneath my feet. I like seeing the sky – the strange orange and blue colours look so unreal that I feel like I can forget about all my worries. When I lie down, with my arms and legs outstretched, I can feel like all my pain is just fading away –seeping back to nature, as though it was never worth paying any thought to. When I close my eyes, I let my fingers swirl in the grainy sand – the patterns relaxing all the tension form my body.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm on a drifting cloud.
Right now I wish I am floating on a drifting cloud.
Being up in the sky, hundreds of kilometres away, it sounds like paradise. Anything to escape the guilt I am to feel.
I hate the fact that I'm a bloody werewolf. And I hate the fact that there a whole bunch of bloodsucking leeches down the road – and I can't stop phasing yet because of those people. I hate the fact that the whole tribe (or those who now about what I am anyway) seem to consider me a somewhat god. I'm not a god. I'm not even what haunts me the most is...Leah.
I love Emily; I proposed to her last week and Em said yes. I feel complete with Emily but I can't forget the other person I felt this way with.
Leah.
Quileute territory is a small reservation so it's not surprising that I run into her every now and then. But every time I do, and happen to catch her eye, I see the pain and accusation. I see the betrayal and the devastation. I still hear her sharp voice when I told her that our relationship was over.
"You promised you would never ever hurt me." She had said, salty tears flowing down her face. "You broke your promise."
I couldn't deny the truth in her words. I could only pull up a smile, as if one half-attempted smile could fix the problems between us. It is true. I had simply walked away to leave Leah heartbroken. When I imprinted on Emily, I knew that I had to give up Leah.
Oh the irony! Then, I nearly killed Em when I lost control of my temper! I nearly killed her. She has scars now. I made them. But it's the werewolf's fault. The vampires are to blame. Right? Only I know that this is a lie. It's my fault and I hate myself.
I sigh. There is nobody around me to disturb me. Even if there are only three wolves right now: Paul, Jared and I, the mental cacophony is huge. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking let alone what they're thinking. It's enough to get a headache.
Silence. silence is much better. I like hearing the noise of the waves as they crash onto the shore, or onto the rocks by the cliff. I enjoy the sounds of nature.
And then, movement from the opposite cliffs catches my eye. It's a person. Suddenly, I stand up. The weather's not right for cliff jumping, particularly not on the higher ledge. I am confused until I realised that the conditions are perfect for somebody committing suicide! It's happened before. The figure jumps. I close my eyes. I wince. I could have stopped them; werewolves are supposedly renowned for their speed. Now, here's another event that will add onto my long list of regrets.
On a whim, I enter the water. My strength comes to use now as I propel through the waves. I manage to find the figure and drag her back to the sandy shore. She's already dead, that much I know, but as I flip the body over, I let out a gasp.
It is Leah.
Leah Clearwater.
Her expression was content, in a half smile, even in death. She looks so beautiful. So peaceful. She looks free from all the turmoil that I had brought onto her life, with my unfortunate change of species. She looks at ease after several months of sadness and betrayal.
I sit down, laying Leah's lifeless body on the sand. I remember the times where we would cuddle here together, for hours and hours on end. Leah's life was perfect back then and so was mine – free from all guilt and remorse. To think that I had inflicted most of Leah's pain; it is like a piercing dagger straight to the heart.
My fault.
If only we can change the past. If only I could have one more chance to say sorry.
People said that Leah was a cold hearted bitch.
They were wrong.
No, she was just a broken hearted bitch.
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~livebyinsanity