Disclaimer: I forgot to do this last chapter I think, anyways, I don't own Black Cat.

Train put his pen to the paper then hesitated, his hand hovering over the sheet of paper. This was foolish. Creed was dead. Creed. Was. Dead. There was nothing he could do about it. So why, why did he have the need to talk to him. He could hear Sven trying to get into his room again but he ignored him. This didn't have anything to do with the older sweeper.

He licked his lips nervously.

Dear Creed,

His lips quirked up as he paused there. Creed would have loved to hear him call him that. It had always been that way- ever since he had moved in with the man when he was still new to Chronos.

How have you been?

Oh dear god, was that seriously what he wanted to say first?

Well, I guess that's a stupid question seeing as you're

Train paused, rubbing at his eyes as he felt an unfamiliar itching behind them, making them water.

Dead. I'm not sure I can honestly say I miss you.

He knew that was a lie. He needed Creed, in a way he couldn't quite identify, he was always there with his horrible fashion and his determination to 'turn' Train to the 'right side'.

Alright, since you can't read this I guess I'll be honest. I miss you. A lot. So much that if you were a live you would have swooned- don't even deny it. I might have been clueless back then but now I know exactly how much your obsession and hatred of Saya stemmed from jealousy.

For some reason thinking of Saya didn't hurt so much anymore, he didn't have the same strong burning of anger for Creed when he thought of her either.

I don't hate you for killing Saya anymore. Do you hate me now Creed? Was my action of condemning you to prison too cruel for someone who would rather death? I suppose you got death either way. Look at me now Creed, left to poking at dead people after you died. Would you still be ashamed of me? Would you say 'the curse is finally broken'?

I have so many questions for you Creed, so many questions that can never be answered. What would you have done if I had joined the Apostles of the Stars? After Echidna's death you would have stabbed me then had Doctor heal me up for punishment. But before? What did you want from me Creed? Were you really so obsessed with me because of my strength, my apathy that I have long since abandoned, my looks? What am I really to you?

Train let the pen fall from his fingers as her buried his head in his hands. This was too much, far far too much for him to handle right now. He knew though, that now was the only time he would be able to handle it. He needed to grieve for his rival, his partner, his one time friend.

With shaky hands he picked up the pen again.

And what am I supposed to do without you?

There, he'd written it. He watched the paper for a moment.

I feel like I've betrayed you- though I wasn't the one who started the hostility between us. I just can't believe all that strife, all that fighting, was caused because a girl a fancied for a month. I half wonder if you were the one who caused me to become something different but I know you wouldn't see it that way.

I can't abandon the life I have made, I know it and I understand it but you always tempted me so!

Train stood abruptly and flung the pen down. Furious for admitting it even in writing. He paced furiously for a few seconds then looked at his letter. It wasn't like anyone would read it anyways. And if he was going to be honest he might as well be completely honest.

You always used to frighten me. Did you know that? The people around me would always whisper about how I must have been insane to become a number at eighteen. In my mind, someone who wasn't even a number and could best me was frightening. That was why I clung to you so. Because you were something to rely on, you were the strength I could never achieve.

I remember one night.

He stopped writing his mind flickering back.

I woke you from a nightmare and only barely stopped myself from getting decapitated. You were shaking like a leaf. I remember your eyes. They were so frightened, so animalistic that I found myself offering my company. You seemed shocked at my offer but allowed me entrance into your room. That night was… eye opening to say the least. That was probably what made me realize you weren't as perfect as I had portrayed you in my mind.

Train stopped and took a deep breath.

For some reason it made me love you all the more.

Was that why you killed her? Because I no longer went to your bed when I needed someone? Because you felt as though you were being replaced?

If that was the case I have done nothing but reinforce that when I fought so hard to avenge her. I was hurt, so badly hurt, when I saw your marksman. Is it stupid to feel like you had replaced me? Is that what you felt like when I met Saya?

He threw down the pen and retreated to his bed, staring at the ceiling. The itching feeling was back and as the salt water fell down he caught it and stared at it. Was he… crying? Another drop fell and traveled down to his cheek before he caught that one as well. Why now? Was this really that pressing for him?

Was admitting what he had held so secret for so long making him this emotional?

He turned on his side, staring at the paper sitting innocently on his desk. Slowly he got up.

I don't know why I'm writing this but I have a feeling you would have wanted to know these things. Maybe just putting them on paper was what I needed. Maybe.

Am I weak for crying over your death? Would you have preferred I didn't?

I guess I'll never know now.

Train Hear

Train paused. If this letter was really going to Creed... He crossed out his name.

Black Cat

Well, I wasn't planning on continuing this but the reviewer Trainsgirl13 brought up this idea and I was happy to oblige. Sorry it's not all the letter.