College is hard and drags on and on. I work on this story half heartedly in my spare time, that's why it's been forever since my last up date. Don't worry there is more to come.
I don't own bleach, so ha you can't sue me. I just using the characters for my own amusement and hopefully for the amusement of others.
With the Arrancarr boys behind bars, the town once again felt safe
With the Arrancarr boys behind bars, the town once again felt safe. Now that his job was out of the way Ichigo now had more time to focus on what he was going to do about his favorite chair. Calling in the expert seemed the only possible solution. Renji stood at Ichigo's side listening to short story of how Ichigo's favorite chair was now in pieces.
"… and then that big oaf rained down from the sky and crushed my chair"
"So you're telling me the war chief did this?"
"Yes… So can you fix it?"
"ummm…"
"Ichigo that think is just scrap get a new chair"
"That was my favorite chair no!"
"What's so special about it?"
"ummm…"
"I got it from my love interest"
"You've got a love interest?"
"Of course I do, I'm a main character"
"I can fix it"
"Well then, I should get one too"
"Why? You're not a main character"
"I should at least get one for having to put up with you"
"I can fix it…"
"What's so bad about me?"
"You want me to start listing things?"
"I don't think I'm half bad"
John Wayne, for someone that is so stressed about their chair you should at least pay attention to the person you are hiring to fix it.
"Huh?"
Good boy… Chad the town carpenter carefully selected his hammer from his tool belt and pounded the chair a few times before it was as good as new. Getting up from the ground, he turned to the Sheriff and his deputy.
"I fixed it" Chad's said slowly before he turned and walked off.
Ichigo smirked. "See told you he could fix it. Come on Renji lets go get a cold drink"
Renji just stared at the chair that was small bits just a second ago. Not able to fathom what fully just happened the deputy turned and followed the sheriff. All too soon both of our heroes passed through the double swinging doors of the bar. As always the bar keep Toshiro looked up giving both men a nod of his head in acknowledgement as the two sat down at the bar.
In one of the far corners sat Ganju, the resident gambler along with Kisuke Uraha the general store owner, Yoruichi Shihōin Kisuke's vagabond and last but not least Aizen Sōsuke. Floating over them was a very interested Kurosaki Isshin as he loomed over Ganju's shoulder. Orihime and Rangiku floated around the bar cleaning up and taking orders from the customers. The joyful music of Tōsen's piano filled the bar with a delightful melody.
Aizen's wanted poster sat on the far side of the bar but with the cleaver disguise of a thick black mustache no one was the wiser to his real identity.
"Two non-alcoholic beverages please" Ichigo ordered.
The barkeep nodded and turned to fill the order.
"Non-alcoholic? What kind of wuss are you Kurosaki?" Renji complained.
"Use of alcoholic could bring up our rating, so does swearing so the narrator decided to make this fiction as clean as possible." Ichigo explained.
"Screw the rating, we already are in a bar we should get alcohol, Hitsugaya sake please" Renji ordered.
"Sake? What wild west fiction are you in? There is no sake in the west!" Ichigo argued.
"WHAT?! No sake…? What other kind of alcohol is there?" Renji asked.
"Whiskey, beer, ale, scotch, wine… Pick your poison" Ichigo nonchalantly said.
"What one tastes most like sake?" Renji asked.
"How would I know? Technically I'm not old enough to drink" Ichigo retorted.
Suddenly Ichigo is magically old enough to drink and he and Renji have a vast knowledge of various alcoholic drinks of the Wild West…
"Well that's a big plot hole. What kind of fanfic are you narrating here?" Renji complained.
Shut up, this fic isn't supposed to make sense. All hope was lost once we started breaking the fourth wall.
"Wait a minute what is this 'fourth wall'?" Renji asked.
That's what Google is for…
"What's Google?" Renji dared to ask.
Exactly.
"Whiskey it is then" Renji ordered.
Toshiro sighed but started to fill the new order any ways. Just a few feet away Isshin loomed ever closer to Ganju studying his cards as he tossed a few coins into the collective pile. He glanced at Ganju's cards then back at the pile.
"You have a four and two, Ganju you don't have anything… Oh wait you're bluffing aren't you? You had me fooled, go all in!" Isshin said out loud.
Ganju sighed as the other 3 at the table grinned manically. After a swift glare at Isshin; Ganju threw down his cards in a fold. With a sigh he watched his money end up in the ever growing pile of Yoruichi.
"Isshin get out of here! Go bother someone else" Ganju growled as he got ready to deal for the next game.
"Come on Ganju don't be so sour, Isshin is just trying to help" Yoruichi grinned from behind her pile of coins.
"Yoruichi I knew you were kind and caring soul. Will you marry my son?" Isshin replied only to find himself clubbed over the back of the head by a bar stool.
Renji restrained his commanding officer as Ichigo shrugged to get at his father.
"Stay out of my life old man" Ichigo growled venomously.
Isshin stood up. "Ichigo I'm only trying to get you hook up with a nice girl. Don't be so mean" Isshin whined. "After all the Kurosaki line might die with me if I don't get you married soon"
The aura of killing intent rose in the room tenfold.
"Renji let me go and go get a body bag" Ichigo commanded in an eerily calm tone.
"Hey! No killing in the bar" Hitsugaya decided to speak up from his place behind the bar.
"Fine, I'll just beat him within an inch of his life!" Ichigo responded before he dove after his father.
Isshin jumped back knocking over the card table the others were playing at. Ganju could only watch helplessly as his comeback game was scattered all over the floor. Turning swiftly towards Isshin he swung at him but missed hitting Renji who was trying to grab Ichigo. All too soon the whole bar erupted into a massive bar fight.
Tosen turned to Toshiro from his spot at the piano next to the bar. "Bar fight?"
Toshiro glanced in the piano man's direction as he cleaned a beer glass. "Yep"
"Is it bad?" Tosen asked.
Toshiro turned back to the battle. "Yeah…"
Tosen continued to play as if nothing was wrong. "Should we do something about it?"
Toshiro paused at this. "Naah… it'll be over in a second. The landowner's daughter has arrived"
True to the bar keeps words; the landowner's daughter had indeed arrived. The very sight of the bar in chaos caused an anger to boil up in her. The fact that the sheriff and the deputy where both involved seemed to the main cause of her anger…
"ICHIGO! RENJI! WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS DOING?"
Instantly the bar froze with the exception of the bar keep and the piano man. All eyes turned towards the woman standing in the entrance of the bar.
"Rukia… What are you doing here?" Ichigo's voiced weakly as he released his death grip on his father.
Renji shifted uncomfortably. "Umm we can explain…?"
Rukia grabbed both men by the ears and drug them out. Slowly the rest of the bar begun to pick up the mess they had created in the bar nervously. Toshiro continued to clean the beer glass leaning against the bar as he did so.
"You know for someone who is almost half their height; Rukia has got those two whipped" He said to his piano man.
Tosen just nodded before Matsumoto leaned against the bar a grin wide on her face. "Of course she does, women in most anime tend to be more scary than their male counterparts when angered"
The two just nodded….
Just outside of the bar.
"So explain to me what you guys were doing?" Rukia glared at the two law men.
"I was having a discussion with my dad" Ichigo replied avoiding Rukia's glare.
"With your fist?" Rukia asked.
"Is there any other way to truly deal with my father?" Ichigo shot back.
Rukia seemed to ponder this for a minute before she grabbed both men and threw them both into the horse watering trough. "Maybe that will cool you boys off"
Just a ways down the road, a horse cringed. "I'm not drinking from that again" Kon said as he watched the sheriff and deputy.
The blacksmith glanced over the horse locking eyes on the events unfold. "I don't blame you…"
The Kon shifted his weight. "Aren't you concerned that I'm a talking horse?" He asked looking at the blacksmith.
The blacksmith shrugged as she continued her work. After a long pause she finally spoke again. "Well I'm a ninja so not many things surprise me"
Kon blinked. "You're a ninja?!"
"Yep… " The blacksmith replied before she grabbed Kon's leg and slapped on a brand new horse shoe.
"Gaah warn me before you're going to do that. So if you are a ninja why are you working as a blacksmith?" Kon asked.
There was a long pause. "Blacksmith pays better.. Also the general store is across the street"
"What does the general store have to do with anything?" Kon asked.
"Everything…" Another long pause "Yoruichi-sama lives there"
"Soifon, that sounds really pathetic for ninja like yourself" Kon thought.
Another longer pause. "I know… there you're done" Soifon announced.
Kon glanced at his new horse shoes before looking back at the blacksmith. "Thanks a lot, be sure to send the bill to Ichigo. By the way, aren't you worried about me telling everyone you are a ninja?"
"Who would believe a talking horse… Much less who really listens to anything you say. You are the most disrespected character in the show" Soifon shrugged.
Kon cringed again. "You don't have to be so brutally honest"
"Maybe you are right…" Shifty eyes before she started to do some hand symbols "Ninja art : escape jutsu"
A puff of smoke rose up from Soifon's feet and engulfed her. As the smoke cleared Soifon was gone but across the room it was easy to spot her hiding behind broom in one of the corners of the blacksmith shop.
Kon raised brow as he glanced in Soifon's direction "Were the hand signals necessary?"
Soifon again paused then nodded "Definitely, they make me look cooler"
Kon slowly backed way. "oookay… I think Ichigo is calling me… Kthxbai!"
Kon took off as quickly as possible a bit creep out by the ninja blacksmith making a b-line for the sheriff. Ichigo sighed as he shook the water off his chaps. Next to our sheriff his deputy mimicked his motion trying vainly to dry off after his dip in the horse water.
Bar, Bar fights, and Ninja. Just another day in the wild west…
Well there is the glorious second chapter. I've already started on the third, so it should be out sooner, but no promises. If you laughed at all in this fiction send me a review, if you cried send me a review, if you totally hate the story... I'm sorry but there is always therapy.
Until next time Zya
-Mistriders.