13th November
I pulled through one week and three days... Well, at least I tried! It's so damn hard to make everyone smile!
Just 'cause I was talking with my friend, Catherine, about who already knew about me cutting, my other friend beside, Lacey, started crying!
Because I didn't shout: "We're talking about the people, who know me cutting!" I just showed at my wrist with my knife, we were eating lunch, and said: "We're talking over those who know 'bout that."
She didn't get it, I just meant: "Doesn't matter", then she ran away, weeping. She really said: "Why is everyone so mean to me!" And something like: "Nobody knows how hard things are for me."
God, does she think she's the measure of all or what? And 'cause I was such a sensitive person I had feelings of guilt. My friend tried to make me feel better, but I did it again.
Now Lacey can live with the thought, that she's the fault for another scar on my body. If I would have told her...
The whole day was just crappy.
Damn it, I hate me so much.
Just let me die, God.
And still, I know, I can't die... Because people still need me.
My brother.
My friends.
Damn it...
Life's shit.