Cuts
"In truth you like the pain; you like the pain because you think you deserve it."
One cut.
It's for Chekov. The Russian boy came to Starfleet with all his excellence wrapped in innocence. He was a beacon point for those needing childlike company. But with time, the redhead has changed, he's grown too old, and he's too far young to carry these burdens.
So that cut is for him.
Two cuts.
It's for Uhura. She's a woman of elegance and beauty. The communications officer holds herself with pride and demands respect from everybody. Dangerous and mean she may be, but in the blink of an eye she's kind and caring, mother like. But she hurts in her heart, unable to truly find love, unable to make a family of her own.
So that cut is for her.
Three cuts.
It's for Sulu. The Asian man is definitely a family man. He has a family at Yorktown, awaiting his arrival. Yet he's there, on the bridge putting in his long hours of work. There's constant pressure on the pilot to steer the clear of danger. When instead he could be relaxing with a family that many people wished they had.
So that cut is for him.
Four cuts.
It's for Scotty. The Enterprise's greatest engineer spends his days in the depths of the ship's belly, fixing and tweaking systems and consoles. He puts in one of the most work, and it's truly because Scotty is indeed in love with Enterprise. But the man is growing gray hairs early because the constant wear and tears of Enterprise life. The Scotsman sleeps and breathes Enterprise.
So that cut is for him.
Five cuts.
It's for Chapel. She's one of the best nurses in the all damn universe. The blonde works her butt off, making serious injuries look small. Nurse Chapel has a gentle touch and even gentler voice, being able to keep her patient calm and steady throughout the entire procedure even if they're gushing blood out. But she too doesn't sleep; only she's wrecked with horrible nightmares of past failures.
So that cut is for her.
Six cuts.
It's for Spock. The vulcan has earned his way to this position of power, and there's so much more he deserves and some many things he didn't deserve. Being First Officer is certainly no Captain, and Spock has obviously earned the right to be one. He also worked so hard and has gotten so far, only to lose so much, like his beloved mother and even his whole planet. Who deserves that?
So that cut is for him.
Seven cuts.
It's for Leonard. It's for his own damn Bones. Oh, Bones doesn't need this, he deserves so much more. The southerner pours his passion and love into everything he touches, including Jim himself, and Jim doesn't deserve this love, this unconditional love that keeps pouring from Bones' heart. Bones should focus on himself, be not Bones, but Leonard McCoy, because Leonard McCoy is broken too.
So that cut is for him.
Eight cuts.
Eight doesn't make it halfway, the blade falls from his bloody fingertips. A breath fills the air and for a heartbeat it's silent, Jim only hearing the gentle drip of blood meeting the bathroom floor. Then there's a soft exhale and a voice that's laced with such kindness and love that it breaks Jim's heart.
"Oh Jim, why did you do this to yourself again?"