CHAPTER TWO

People say I'm many different things. They say I'm perfect, they say I'm spoiled, they say I'm impulsive, they say I'm outgoing, they say I'm brave, but they don't know that they're all wrong, even Day. I'm just an animal, a trapped animal, one that has been abused year after year, one that has had submission beaten into it, one that wouldn't dare escape even if the door to the ironclad cage was left open. Before Day, I had only one friend and that was fear.

Fear, an emotion that lies skin deep, just waiting for the trigger, something to break the surface, something to turn a perfectly good human being into nothing more than a rabid animal. Fear brings out a different side of everyone, to me, fear had always seemed quite simple. To me, fear was when my grades weren't high enough, when I did something wrong, when I didn't talk respectfully, when I was caught in a lie, when I wasn't good enough. At first, these ordinary childish actions didn't cause fear, it was what happened as a result of these childish skirmishes that engraved fear into me. No one can cause a child to be more scared for his or her lives than his or her parents themselves; no fear is worse than one of one's own parents. Some times are worse than others.

Fear sounds like the unbuckling of my father's belt, the sounds of his thudding footsteps nearing my bedroom door, the creaking of the door as he walks in, the impending doom, and I feel trapped, like an animal, with nothing to do except take whatever's coming. And I can do nothing but follow the orders to lie down on my bed, to lift my shirt up. Fear is the touch of the smooth leather, resting on my bare skin, tracing the lines of old marks, sending shivers down my spine as I wait. And then the leather is gone, and I await the first lash, a lash that burns my back, a lash that reminds me how much of a failure I am, a lash that brings tears to my eyes, tears that I refuse to let out. And I'm afraid, too afraid to call out, too afraid to say that I've had enough, too afraid to fight back; instead, I bite the inside of my cheek and brace myself for more, more that I don't know if I can take. Lash after lash, the pain builds, until I feel as if I'm burning, except it's not just the outside of me that's burning, I'm burning up from the inside out as well. And then it's all over, and I can do nothing but follow the orders to get up and to lower my shirt back down when all I'd want to do would be to lie there and let the cold air cool my burning skin. But I don't complain, I don't dare to, I let the fabric bite into my aching skin, I'd do anything to keep the belt where it should be, keeping one's pants up.

Weak, that's what I am. A weakling, a coward, a failure. But what my parents' countless beatings have taught me is that never show your weaknesses, hide them behind a mask, a mask of perfection, a mask that no human can penetrate. And I had it all down until Day entered my life. Never had I ever fallen for someone so hard so quickly, he twirled into the room on top of a shining star, something too good to be true and I reached for the stars, I really did, and I finally had him. Then, my father ruined everything. I was stupid to think that I could get away with seeing a guy from a poor family at our family mansion.

Nevertheless, I had tried and I had failed, like always, and now, I was isolated from the rest of society in some fancy private school. I was miserable, so the fact that I was now home on break came as a relief. Impatiently, I glanced at my watch, fifteen minutes I thought as the car passed countless rolling hills and nice buildings on its drive towards the district's best high school. I wasn't surprised when I heard that Day was ranked number one at the district's best high school, he was always very bright. Sighing, I leaned against the window, the memory of our goodbye swimming before my eyes.

"I'm sorry Day, I really am," I cooed to him, pressing myself deeper into his chest, feeling the hardened muscles of his arm close around me in a tight embrace. His eyes were broken, those bright blue eyes shattered like glass, seeing him in this state broke me as I stared into an irreparable mess. His jaw tightened and I stroked his cheek, forcing him to loosen up. I looked into his eyes and he turned away, unable to look at my face muttering, "This is all my fault, if I had listened to you, none of this would have happened." Pain entwined in his voice, I buried my face into his shoulder, soothingly stroking his chest in an attempt to calm him.

"Hey, it's not your fault, we both wanted it, stop beating yourself up over it," I whispered into his ear while tucking one of his loose strands of hair behind his ear. He turned back to look at me, tears shining in his disconnected eyes, "I love you June," he enunciates before leaning into me and our lips interlock. Hunger, desperation powers this kiss, nothing like the first tentative kiss that we shared, but the passion, the lust is still there. I embrace it, and we play, the passion never fading, neither one of us wanting to be the first to pull back. At long last, I start to draw back when Day's gentle hands pull me back in whispering feverishly, "Don't leave, if you leave me, I may never see the light again." Choking back a sob, I gently ease out of his grip. "This is only farewell Daniel," I say, addressing him using his real name, "I'll be back during before long."

Then, I kiss him gently on the forehead, and he bows and takes my hand, kissing it in his gentle and passionate manner before leading me into the awaiting car that will take me to my new school. "It has been my pleasure, my fair lady," he comments before closing the door like a true gentleman, and I wave. I turn as the car jolts to a start, and I get my last glance of Day, nothing like the shy boy I had first met; he was now a boy who had experienced life, a boy who had won my love, a boy who had broken my mask of immortality, a boy that I loved with all my heart, and I had left him with a broken heart, something that I will never forgive myself for, I can only hope that he has chosen to forgive me.