Iruka hopefully looked into the classroom, but was disappointed, by Naruto's absence. Well, it wouldn't be the first time he was late for something important, but Iruka had hoped that he would have the decency to attend to this event on time. Oh well, it was fitting considering how legendary tardy his new sensei was. Stepping in, he started by silencing the classroom with his big-head technique.
"Okay, first of all, congratulations on making it past your academy exams. I will now give you your team assignments, these are final and no amount of begging will change them. Each team has been-" Suddenly Iruka was interrupted by something. Namely, a huge lump of roaring red metal crashing through the wall with a green muscular monster and Naruto on top. The ork looked at the clock, which read 9:00.
"See liddle boss, right on time! Told ya I woz da fastest bikeboy evah." he said to Naruto.
"O-Oh y-yeah? W-Well m-maybe y-you c-can b-be e-even f-faster i-if y-you k-knew w-where y-you w-were g-going! W-We g-got l-lost t-twice!" replied a shaking Naruto.
"Details, details." the ork said before dispelling.
Looking at the wall, Naruto grinned apologetically to Iruka. "H-Hey s-sensei! S-Sorry I-I'm l-late, I-I k-kinda o-overslept." Then he quickly sat down next to Sakura. There was a stunned silence.
"Naruto. What. The. Hell. was that? And why are you shaking? And how come you're here when you failed the exam?" Kiba asked, first to recover from shock.
"U-Um." Naruto quickly came up with a cover story. "W-Well, t-that w-was m-my n-new s-summon, I-I'm s-shaking b-because t-that b-bike h-had n-no s-suspension, a-and l-lastly I-I t-took a-a s-special t-test a-and p-passed." Naruto said, trying to get the shaking under control. And failing rather miserably.
----
Iruka coughed, getting their attention.
"Now, as I said before I was interrupted, the teams are final, and nothing can change them anymore. Each team has been chosen based on the grades of the members to keep an even balance. Okay, team one will be-" and so the the team assignments started. Some were happy, such as Naruto when he heard he was on Sakura's team, some were sad, such as Naruto when he heard he was on Sasuke's team, and some wondered just what the hell they did to piss off fate so much, such as Sasuke. As the teams met with their respective sensei's, the classroom slowly drained of people until only team seven remained. After a while, Sasuke spoke up.
"Hey dobe."
"What is it teme?" Naruto answered, trying to balance on two chairs on top of each other.
"Where'd you get a contract?" Sasuke asked.
"A what?"
Sakura sighed. "In order to summon anything, you first need to sign a contract, that's first grade stuff. So, where did you get a green-monster-on-roaring-metal contract is what Sasuke-kun asked." she said.
"Oh." a loud crash signalled Naruto's failure. "I found it." he said, rubbing a sore spot.
"Where?" Sasuke asked.
"The woods."
Sakura and Sasuke both gave him a look that said 'sure, and my dead grandpa just won the heavy-weight wrestling world cup'.
"What are you looking at me like that for? I didn't steal it if that's what you think!" Naruto said offended.
"Well then how did you get it?" Sakura asked.
"It quite literally hit me. In the small of the back, okay? And it freaking hurt. I have no idea where they came from other than what I just told you." Naruto said, defensively. Sakura was about to say something when Sasuke beat her to it.
"Okay, I believe you." Sakura gave him an incredulous look, but he ignored her. "Could I sign it? They look powerful."
Naruto shrugged "No, the contract only had one spot to sign anyway."
"Hm." Sasuke merely returned to brooding. 'I can't force him to give up the contract or the summons would not accept me. I could steal it though.' he thought.
"Meanie." Sakura whined to Naruto, before returning to bothering Sasuke.
----
"Interesting. A summons you say?" the third said, regarding Naruto with interest through his crystal ball.
"That's how Naruto put it. And that thing did refer to him as 'liddle boss', suggesting some kind of connection between it and Naruto. Lastly, it looked exactly like one of the monsters in the woods." Iruka replied. "Does Kakashi know about this yet?"
"No, you know how hard it is to find him when he's running late. Don't worry though, I think Naruto is going to make him regret it, somewhat at least."
In the classroom Naruto sneezed, nearly detonating the stikkbomb trap he was making. Snikzag da kommando was overseeing his work. Naruto summoned him because he was interested if his ambushes could be improved. And so Naruto learned the age-old time-tested orky saying that 'everyfing's bedda wif more 'splosives.'
"Watch dat pin." Snikzag commented.
"I'm trying, I'm trying." Naruto said, tongue out in focus, trying to maintain his balance on two chairs while at the same time tying a small wire to the detonating pin and the door. The stikkbomb had been powered down (a little) and had been changed so it would spread around 'gooey stuff' on detonation (a lot). Sakura and Sasuke were eying both him and Snikzag suspiciously, while at the same time trying to keep as large a distance as possible. They weren't afraid (at least not that they would admit) but a) it was the class clown at work with high explosive and b) Snikzag smelled worse than a pair of old socks rotting in a sewer.
----
Kakashi poked his head in, looking over at his new charges, when he noticed something. Something grey and tube shaped, hanging in front of him with a note attached that said: 'Hello teach!'. Said object then exploded in his face.
When he recovered, he could hear the girl, Sakura, yelling. "Now look what you did! You killed sensei! Seriously, what were you thinking!"
"Aw, come on! He can't be dead, he's supposed to be a jounin! How could he die by such a low power explosion!" a boy said. Probably Naruto.
"LOW POWER!?!? YOU DESTROYED HALF THE CLASSROOM!!" Sakura shrieked.
"...That actually hurt my ears, Sakura-chan."
"I think he's awake." a third voice, which could only be Sasuke, said. Kakashi opened his eye, and was actually impressed by the amount of damage. The door, as well as much of the surrounding wall and floor were gone. In place was something that could only be described as 'green goo'. It was all over himself as well, seeping into his clothes. Worse, he could feel it start to solidify.
"My first impression of you guys... I hate you all. Meet me up on the roof." he said, before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
Upon arriving on the roof, they were surprised by the fact that Kakashi was clean once again.
"OK, lets begin with some introductions." he said.
"What do you want to know?" Sakura said.
"How about your likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, stuff like that." Kakashi said.
"Hey, why don't you introduce yourself to us first?!" Naruto yelled.
"Yeah, you look suspicious." Sakura added, looking at the mask.
"Okay. Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no desire to tell you guys about my likes or dislikes. Dreams for the future?... Hmm... Well, I have lots of hobbies."
Naruto and Sakura gave him a blank stare. 'So all we learned is his name' they both thought.
"Now you guys, starting with the one who put up that trap." Kakashi said. Naruto jumped up.
"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like cup ramen, and the restaurant ramen Iruka sensei treats me to sometimes. I also recently found out I like going fast and blowing stuff up! I dislike waiting the three minutes it takes to cook ramen and ear-splitting noises. My dream is to become the Hokage and force everybody in the village to recognise me! My hobbies... well pranks I guess." he said
"Hokage eh? You dream big. Well, since you so nicely revealed who set up that bomb, you're going to have to clean up the mess below after this. Next." Kakashi said, pointing to Sasuke. Naruto had gone pale when he heard he had to clean up the classroom, realising just how easily he'd been set up.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are a ton of things I dislike but I don't really like anything. And... I don't want to use the word 'dream' but... I have an ambition. The resurrection of my clan and... to kill a certain man."
"Hm. And lastly..." Kakashi's gaze drifted over to Sakura.
"Well... My name is Haruno Sakura. I dislike Naruto. I like..." She cast a quick glance at Sasuke. "Well, my dream is..." Another glance. "And that's about it."
"Okay. tomorrow will be our first training together. Meet me at training ground seven at eight o'clock sharp. Oh, and don't eat breakfast." Kakashi said.
"Why not?" Sakura asked.
"Because you'd throw up." Kakashi said smiling before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
----
Later Naruto could be seen cleaning up the classroom.
"Stupid Kakashi-sensei setting me up like that..." he muttered as he mopped up the first few drops of goo. However, instead of adhering to the mop, each droplet went off like a firecracker in reaction to the warm water. Naruto's eyes widened.
'But wait, if it reacts with water how did Kakashi-sensei manage to clean-' His thoughts were interrupted by a thundering boom and a mushroom cloud, signalling the demise of Konoha's launderette. Naruto looked up flabbergasted for a second before bursting out with laughter.
----
That night, Naruto returned to his mindscape, part of him wanting to learn more about the orks, and another part just wanting to have a blast with them. Literally. First stop, Snikzag. The kommando was busily tearing apart a deamon with his knives when Naruto found him.
"Ey liddle boss! Ambush go well?" Snikzag asked, ripping off an arm.
"Yep." Naruto morphed to his 'boss form', slightly smaller than the form which he had used to impress Naffthug with. He projected the images of Kakashi knocked out on a nearby wall. Fortunately this 'nightmare' village repaired itself, otherwise he would have no walls to project upon a long time ago. Snikzag nearly fell over with laughter after the launderette blew up, using Naruto to keep himself on his feet.
"Da only fing I regret is not bein' able ter see 'is face after dat. Hur hur hur, dis is bedda den dat time we 'decorated' dat squigpit down 'ere." Snikzag said, snickering.
"Wait, you did wot?" Naruto asked, still grinning.
"Didden ya see dat da first time?" Snikzag asked.
"Well, I saw all dose glyphs if dat's wot ya mean."
"Oh, ya can't read?"
"'course I can! jus' not dem glyphs!"
"Sure ya can boss. Still, would ya like me ter read dem to ya?" Snikzag said respectfully. Naffthug was also illiterate, but maintained he could read, and would smash anyone who said differently. He wasn't sure if Naruto was different.
"Well yeah."
"Okay."
Standing in front of the Kyuubi's cage, two Orks were busy with graffiti, giggling while they were doing it. From left to right, Snikzag began to read:
"Okay, lessee. 'Gorm woz 'ere' 'Red wunz go fasta' 'Orkz are da best' 'Anyun livin' in dis cage is a git' 'dis git's ugly' 'target practice lives 'ere' and... boss you okay?" Snikzag asked Naruto, who was laughing out loud.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Its jus' dat ya painted graffiti on da cage of un of da most powaful demons in existence. Seriously, 'anyun livin' in dis cage is a git'?" he thumped Snikzag on the back, laughing. "I really likes all o' ya."
At that moment, the kyuubi decided to make his presence known.
"Silence! I'm trying to-" unfortunately, when he said this, he also jumped up against the bars of his cage for added effect. This caused the two orks spraying graffiti to fall over, spraying him with blue paint over his eyes, giving the impression of the kyuubi wearing eyeshade. Both Naruto and Snikzag fell over as well, laughing.
----
That morning, Naruto woke up grinning. He'd spent the entire night with Snikzag learning about the finer details of ork 'kultur', which involved riding a battlewagon, getting intoxicated with fungus beer, herding squigs, burning stuff, and more. But most important of all, Naruto had found a family. Sure, they weren't related by blood, or even species, but the orks didn't mind, not judging him by form, manner or even appearance (they thought it was hilarious how he could beat the biggest ork even in his 'puny 'umie' form). They accepted him, and to the scorned, hated twelve year old that was the biggest gift they could ever give him. Well, that, and the battlewagon a mek had consecrated to him for his victories in the pit-fights that night. With that mindset he approached the training grounds, a grin plastered on his face.
----
Team seven was at the training ground at eight o'clock sharp that morning, having met up coincidentally beforehand en route. Kakashi however, was not. In fact, an hour later he still wasn't there. Needless to say, the trio was all for it when Naruto suggested another trap, only under the guarantee that Naruto wouldn't use a stikkbomb this time. So he used a rokkit launcha instead. Tying the trigger to a plank on the road, the rokkit launcha would fire an incendiary missile at whomever stepped on the plank.
"There, all set. Okay, try it Sasuke!" Naruto yelled from the bushes. Sasuke stepped on the plank, pulling the rope taut and triggering the unloaded launcha.
"Okay, we're good to go!" Naruto yelled again. "Sakura-chan! We're done!"
Sakura came back from her look out post, and sat down next to Sasuke and Naruto, who had hidden themselves in the bushes by the roadside.
"And now, my students, we come to the most boring and longest phase of prank pulling: the wait." Naruto said, trying to imitate Iruka's voice.
----
Five merchants, a cat, two green leotard wearing joggers, a mailman and an hour later, Kakashi still hadn't shown up. Even Naruto, normally patient when it came to pranks was getting bored.
"Man, what's taking him so long?" Naruto whined. Sasuke and Sakura had fallen asleep by the looks of it, so he was surprised when somebody answered.
"Well, you see I had to help this old lady cross the street, and then she made me carry all her groceries as well, that took some time..." Kakashi said from up the tree, reading a book.
"LIAR!" Naruto shouted accusingly, waking up and startling Sasuke and Sakura. Sakura blushed as she realised on who's chest she'd fallen asleep on (Sasuke's), and Sasuke groaned as he realised who's drool was on his shirt (Sakura's).
"Hey, what took you so long?" Sakura asked Kakashi.
"Well, you see I had to-" "Oh, come on! It's so obvious you're lying it's almost funny." Naruto interrupted.
"Okay. Well, now that we're all here, lets start the training shall we?" Kakashi said and jumped down. "Now, the purpose of this test is to obtain these bells." he held up two silver bells "Whomever doesn't have one by lunchtime will be tied to a post and be forced to watch as the other two eat lunch, and then he or she will be sent back to the academy. Clear?" Kakashi explained smiling.
"But there are only two bells, sensei." Sakura said.
"Yes, did you seriously think that that academy joke of a test was the real deal? That's just in place to weed out the weaklings beforehand. No, this is the real graduation exam, and I must warn you: not a single person has managed to pass my tests before. So, shall we begin? I'll give you a ten second head start." Kakashi said, and closed his eyes. Upon opening them, both his students and the bells were gone. 'So, they took the bells while my eyes were closed eh? They're smarter than that last lot, I'll give them that' Kakashi thought. 'Though not by much' he thought after noticing the obvious trail left behind. Flipping open his book, he started the chase.
----
While Kakashi's eyes were closed, Naruto had grabbed the bells before chasing after Sakura and Sasuke. Snikzag wasn't the only one whom he'd learned a thing or two of, after learning the hard way that there was a reason lootas always dined alone. After retrieving his choppa (he had to get one of those in real life, they had an amazing number of uses), he'd 'requested' being taught how to steal stuff without being noticed. Bells safely tucked away, Naruto ran for it, hiding under a bush. 'Now who to give that other bell to... Well, I do like Sakura more, but lets face it, Sasuke's a stronger team-mate... Sakura did say she dislikes me however, and Sasuke is an ass most of the time... Ack! choices, choices! I could sacrifice myself... But then how would I become Hokage?' Suddenly, Naruto remembered a conversation he had years ago...
Flashbacky bit
"So, you want to become hokage eh?" Sarutobi said to the five year old Naruto.
"Yeah, then everyone would recognise me, and nobody would look bad at me anymore!" Naruto said after draining his ramen bowl.
"Ah, but do you know what it means to become hokage?" Sarutobi asked.
"Of course, you have to be the strongest ninja in the village."
"And?"
"And what?"
"Being strong is only part of being hokage. The other part is loving the village, and being prepared to sacrifice everything for it and the people in it. Still think you're up to the job?" Sarutobi said smiling. The young Naruto looked at him with a determined gleam in his eyes.
"Yes, I am!"
"You sure?"
"It's a promise!"
End o' da flashbacky bit
'Damn it! I can't keep a bell, or I'll break that promise! And I won't break my word, no matter what! I can probably pass the academy exams anyway, and it's not like another year waiting makes that much of a difference to me...' With these thoughts, Naruto set off in search of Sakura and Sasuke.
----
From a tree, Kakashi watched him go. 'Well, lets see what he does with the bells before I take them back' he thought. Meanwhile, Sasuke, who had been following Kakashi, saw an opportunity. Launching a set of kunai, he jumped towards Kakashi and threw a shuriken barrage as a follow up. Dodging both the kunai and the shuriken, Kakashi was surprised by a wire trailing the shuriken, which wrapped around him and tied him to a tree. There was no time to dodge the fireball. As Sasuke landed near the flaming stump, he smirked. If he could beat a jounin that easily then-
"You know, substitution is underrated." Kakashi said casually from behind him. Turning around, Sasuke immediately launched a spinning kick, but Kakashi blocked that, dodged the punch that followed and kept on blocking and dodging all of Sasuke's attacks until finally he caught Sasuke's foot and threw him out the tree. As he landed Sasuke realised he was no match for Kakashi, as much as he hated to admit it. He tossed a smoke bomb to hide his escape. An ear-splitting shriek could be heard from a nearby bush.
----
Sakura watched the battle from a distance, silently cheering on Sasuke, when she heard something grunting behind her. She froze. Konoha's woods housed a fair number of dangerous wildlife, and although most was kept clear of the training grounds and roads, there was always a chance... She slowly turned round, and found herself face to face with... something. It had a mottled red skin, a pig-like nose, two red eyes with slits, a number of horns on its back, a mouth full of very nasty looking teeth and was currently gazing towards her with a dumb look. Naruto was right behind it, and grinned towards her.
"Hey, found you Sakura-chan!" he said. Two things happened. One: The sniffer squig decided to lick Sakura in the face and two: Sasuke had, accidentally, chosen that exact bush to hide from Kakashi and landed on top of the three. Covered in slime, and her love-interest, Sakura did the first thing that came to her mind: she shrieked. Then she fainted.
----
Several minutes later, both Naruto and Sasuke were lying on the ground, panting, Sakura standing between them. Naruto picked her up before running away, and therefore she was the only one not completely out of breath. Because of that, she was on lookout now.
"I think we lost him." she said, not seeing anything.
"Good" said a panting Naruto. "Here. *pant* got something *pant* for you two." He held up the bells.
"Wha- where did you get those?!" Sakura gasped.
"Heh, *pant* took them while he *pant* had his eyes closed." Naruto grinned, tossing one over to Sakura and one to Sasuke. Both of them looked at the bells, feeling a pang of doubt. Before they could do or say anything however, Kakashi appeared, taking full advantage of their surprise, grabbed the bells and disappeared again.
////////////
For the record here: the meeting with Konohamaru (see chap. 4 of the manga if you don't know what I'm talking about) went exactly as canon, so I'm not going to rewrite that bit. Naruto can still use his normal kage bunshin if he doesn't focus on an ork. Memory sharing only works with normal clones, as ork-clones use separate souls, therefore not sharing memories when dispelled.
Right, now dat da borin' bits are finished, da next chapta will feature da conclusion o' da bell test. I woz gonna write dat in dis chapta, but I figured dat you guys would like a quick update. Don' expect anuvver un so quickly, I find fings become 'arder ter write da further ya get.
Woz signed.
Madork Gunna