V.

Sophomore year was a blur.

Fall found the group worrying about grades together as they did every other mundane college activity they could with a smirk and a cynical retort. They would attend a few of the comedy shows, most of the free movies, and every Thursday garage band concert. They studied constantly and partied like it was their last year alive. Sometimes they would be seen, each hung-over, eating greasy food noisily at the Perkins down the street.

For Roxas, the best part of college was that no one cared who they were, where they went, why they did what they did. This was so different for him when he thought back to how it used to be. His family was considered prestigious, and he'd been told to act a certain way. Back then he was so lonely, trapped with people who didn't attempt to understand.

But now life was fun.

It was starting to feel like the four had always lived together, like the traditions they came up with the year prior were implemented since childhood. During Christmas the boys made cookies in the shapes of naked women and frosted on bikinis so you could lick the edible clothing off. They created an igloo with frozen water from the bathtub and were constantly pranking the sorority girls next-door.

During summer they would raft down the river, play disc-golf on the terrace, and drink till the sun rose pink in the east sky. They hiked on the outskirts of the city and laughed easily and openly, shaded far away from other people. During these times Zexion was talkative and carefree, Roxas was emotional and enthusiastic, Demyx was calm and understanding, and Axel smiled without a hint of sarcasm and acted like it was the best day of his life.

Sophomore year found them growing up together, pursuing life together, and learning about not being idiots together.

Axel managed to drag Zexion to a few parties and Roxas began to speak civilly with most people. Demyx made a few fans by playing his Sitar so they were able to get some musicians over to the house a couple nights a month. Axel and Demyx spent most of their time together jamming, and Demyx began to secretly give Zexion drum lessons. Roxas would pull out his Melodica sometimes, but never because he got good at playing. He would do it because they were drunk and it was funny.

Then as soon as winter of their junior year hit, despite how busy and full the days were, something began to change within Roxas.

To put it simply his nightmares grew worse.

Before that year he'd had these nightmares maybe once a month. They were always the same – they had been his whole life – but they'd gotten stronger since he went away to college. A long time ago Roxas informed his twin about their heady strain, but he was brushed off nonchalantly.

Dreams weren't important; his friends back home told him, they didn't mean anything.

But they must have meant something to him because they got inexplicably dreadful.

Roxas barely slept a few hours a night and even his grades began plummeting. Besides Zexion, Roxas was always the most gung-ho about getting perfect marks, but this new Roxas was depressed and distraught.

Of course most people who knew Roxas as a general acquaintance couldn't tell the difference. He looked the same, maybe a little tired, but still impeccable at hiding his emotions. He acted the same, maybe a little more distant, but still adamantly working hard in class. The blond no longer blatantly ignored people who spoke to him; instead he simply listened to what they had to say.

But he was becoming more withdrawn than ever before and it soon came to the point that the only words he spoke during the day were to Axel, and they were words of absolute loss. He didn't know why these nightmares scared him so badly, or why when Axel wasn't next to him he was unable to breathe properly. He'd never required another person around before, but something about those nightmares – about Axel's eyes and this twist of red flame – would leave him helpless.

When he thought about his twin – Sora – his heart would ache so acutely. He hadn't spoken to his family in almost two years and he was beginning to wonder if they ever really loved him or if he made that up in his own head.

At first Demyx and Zexion did what they could to help him.

Demyx tried to cheer him up by taking him to more events, trying to have him meet more people and talk more openly. This backfired; even though Roxas always went with Demyx when he asked, afterwards he seemed so exhausted. From there Zexion tried to give Roxas an escape (from Demyx mostly) by hauling him away to the library to read. He thought maybe Roxas just wanted more time alone with his thoughts.

But reading would only make Roxas doze and Zexion became the second person to experience the reality of Roxas' nightmares. Zexion watched the tears of agony wash over smooth cheeks and felt his throat tighten at the sight of nails digging into skin so hard it looked unbearable. When Roxas woke he began screaming for Axel, loud, breaking. Zexion called Axel from class and the redhead rushed over to the library to pull Roxas into his arms and sooth him.

It seemed the worse and worse things got that winter, the harder Roxas clung to Axel.

This seemed to incense Roxas even further, though he never took it out on the redhead. He opted to take it out on himself instead. He couldn't fathom why he was swiftly becoming a desperate weakling who needed to stick by Axel's side. He worried that Axel might be annoyed, dealing with a petulant child scared of petty nightmares. He wanted to try and cut himself off of Axel, because he feared he would become even more dependant if he kept this up. But the idea of losing Axel was scarier to Roxas than the idea of clinging to him.

The night after Zexion experienced Roxas' nightmares for the first time, Zexion asked Axel if the nightmares were always that bad.

Axel grimly nodded his affirmation, "For as long as I've known him, he's had those fuckers. Back in the dorms they weren't so bad; I'd hear him get up and stuff but nothing much after that. He would sometimes act funny the next day, but square it away by evening."

Green eyes flickered over to Zexion.

"Now, it's like watching him die. I think they've always been this bad, Roxas just doesn't know how to hide it anymore."

VI.

"Roxas, are you going to be okay?" Demyx finally asked him one day. Roxas was slouched over his breakfast, looking more akin to a zombie than a functioning human.

"What…" Roxas trailed off, averting his eyes.

Demyx huffed and plopped into the seat beside him before motioning Zexion over to join them. Zexion elegantly sat into the other chair. Roxas glared at his cereal, feeling slightly cornered.

"Roxas, if there is anything we can do," Zexion offered quietly.

"Roxy-babe is just a little tired." Axel said pointedly from the hallway, making both Demyx and Zexion jump in their seats. An expression of guilt ran across their faces. Roxas slid his eyes in the direction of his best friend, a grateful expression.

"Tired?" Demyx scoffed.

"Roxas, you look like you just got a year of having Mononucleosis." Zexion continued, crossing his arms and scowling. Axel appeared around the corner, his own expression tight. He remained passive however, watching Roxas for any signs telling him to end this conversation. Axel often acted over-protective of him. Roxas was never more thankful that Axel was on his side.

Roxas knew that Axel would never mention the content of his nightmares to the others, not if he didn't want him to. Not that Roxas reiterated many facets, but Axel somehow knew what they were about anyways. He once mentioned a few minor details that Roxas couldn't remember telling him.

But, Roxas trusted Dem and Zex and knew that they wouldn't make fun of him. Roxas was also so tired of everything, and he wanted his friends to stop worrying about him like he was going to drop dead at any given moment.

"Just some crap nightmares." Roxas weakly admitted.

Demyx raised his eyebrow, his face pale, "What kind of nightmares?"

So Roxas told them. With Axel leaning against the counter, Demyx clearly looking upset, and Zexion staring off with an unreadable expression, Roxas told them all about it.

About this weird world that somehow never was, and how he is an empty husk and there is this stupid heart in the sky and these black things would chase after him. How there are chairs in a wide round room and intimidating cloaks.

And these weapons that he has instead of a heart and how much he just wants a heart instead of the weapons.

Roxas didn't tell them how every night he would watch Axel die. He didn't tell them because he couldn't bear to voice the words let alone express that idea. Instead he described the crushing, mind-numbing pain that was being empty inside.

Later, Demyx went to Zexion's room. His eyes were bleak and jittery and Demyx desperately tried to convey some of what he was feeling to his quiet friend. Zexion felt proud of Demyx for trying to voice all the words in simple vocabulary, yet more eloquently than Zexion could ever accomplish. Even if Zexion tried he couldn't have made the words ring truer.

Demyx told him how scared he was, not of Roxas, but of the feelings he'd described. Zexion would never comment on how words like "nobody" freaked the hell out of him or how he drempt similar nightmares.

Instead he grabbed Demyx and wrapped his arms around him and breathed silently, in and out, listening to their hearts beating in unison. Zexion knew he wasn't hallucinating at this point. He knew that he once didn't have a heart to do so with. He clutched Demyx tighter.

Demyx sobbed with his face buried in the cotton of Zexion's shirt, words that he'd never spoken echoing clearly, "Aw, we do too have hearts!"

VII.

Axel would never admit that he'd had them too. Those damn nightmares.

His were different from Roxas' but still the same. In his nightmares he was always chasing after something and always trying to find a clever way to get around schemes. He got the feeling that everyone forgot about him and no one even bothered to care he'd been forgotten. He remembered this odd, dark-haired girl, and the blank look in her eyes that reminded him of Roxas.

The redhead recognized these nightmares because he'd had a dozen when he was younger. But now clear details filtered into his consciousness. The first thing he noticed was that they both dreamed of the same clock tower. From the way Roxas described it Axel was positive it was the same. The second was that he always dreamed of Roxas. Only the Roxas in these dreams was not… him. His features were too bland, his outfit wrong.

Axel always meant to tell Roxas about this but could never find it in him to do so. Once he realized they shared similar nightmares he felt disillusioned. It was too surreal, like he was forcing Roxas to accept something.

The day Roxas finally burst and informed them about the nitty gritty details, something died inside of him. He wasn't sure what it exactly was but he was absolutely positive about what caused it.

The way Roxas described those nightmares, the voice he used, and the expression on his face. It was all too devastating for Axel to bear.

Not that Axel would ever admit it out loud, but when Roxas began having the nightmares and started visiting his bed at night, he was somewhat overjoyed. Back then he never connected their nightmares together as he now did. He simply knew that no two human beings could be as comfortable around each other, and that Roxas sleeping next to him felt right. Felt right in a way that he couldn't explain.

Not that he wanted to jump off the deep end and declare himself a "homo" as Demyx always referred to it as, but he was sure that there was no one else he would rather spend his time with than Roxas. He was also scarily certain he would never change his mind.

Axel felt this way since the day he'd slapped eyes on the kid.

Why was it that when he thought of Roxas' eyes, they were always miserable? Like a lost puppy or an empty doll. He'd seen Roxas happy and glowing and smiling hundreds of times but still the look of abandonment and betrayal stuck firm to Axels mind. He knew he'd never seen that particular expression, so why was it all he could think about?

After Roxas finally explained the nightmares, Axel came to appreciate just how profound an effect Roxas had on him.

Roxas could be cold and uptight and so withdrawn from other people. He didn't cooperate, and didn't make nice with other boys and girls.

But he never acted this way around Axel, which was what mattered. Axel knew that hewas the person who Roxas talked about things with, he was the one that Roxas needed to cling to, andhe was the one who Roxas would never leave.

So Axel never made a peep of discouragement when Roxas woke him up in the early mornings to climb into his bed. Axel never forced the answers out of Roxas because it was more than enough for him to simply have him there in the first place. He didn't know how he knew that, he just did.

Axel had a sneaking suspicion that both Demyx and Zexion were unnerved by Roxas' dreams, but he knew that both of them cared about Roxas just as much (well, maybe not quite as much) as Axel did.

For Axel, this kind of love was still rather different than romance. This was friendship love, protecting love. The kind of love you feel for your lifelong best friend, regardless if you only met him two years prior.

The next year would change that.

VIII.

A month after Roxas turned twenty, he received a letter from his father. The letter included a plane ticket and explained that Roxas needed to sign a few forms back home, so he ought to visit. It was formal, impersonal, and after reading the words Roxas felt numb.

He didn't want to go. He knew he didn't. He couldn't imagine facing his twin brother, or his friends who he abandoned so callously. He was selfish and had left knowing he couldn't return, and was too much of a coward to go back before now. But knew he didn't a choice at this point; he felt as if this letter was pulling him back home already.

The paper remained lifeless in his hands as he stared blankly out at the yard. It was dusk, and the lightning bugs were scattered across the lawn. He heard Demyx chatting with Zexion in the kitchen behind him.

Roxas leaned his head back against the coarse wood of the house. He was worried about going home for a different reason than he thought he would be. Only in the last months his nightmares finally receded. And that happened because Roxas pretty much gave up his initial hope that he would ever be able to sleep alone again.

A few months after Roxas was already sleeping in Axel's bed a good four nights a week anyway, Axel finally told the kid, "Why even bother?"

Unbeknownst to Demyx or Zexion, Roxas up and moved most of his stuff into Axel's room. It wasn't like dating or anything, Roxas firmly told himself. He just somehow knew that the nightmares wouldn't be as bad if he woke up next to Axel and didn't have to panic about finding him.

And between Axel and Roxas, that was that.

Roxas glanced down at the letter. If he were to leave Hollow Bastion, even for a week, how would he get any sleep?

Crumpling the document between his hands he frowned petulantly. He'd been perfectly fine for the eighteen years before he met Axel, so why the sudden shift? Yet Roxas knew and understood that it was anything but a sudden shift. It was absolutely a desperate yearning for comfort. The fear and helplessness of those dreams only alleviated when he could feel the pressure of Axel's arms wrapped around him, Axel's chin on his forehead, Roxas' fingers buried in his shirt. Roxas imagined this, breathing in the powerfully comforting musk that was only his best friend. Hearing their hearts beat in unison.

Since Roxas met Axel he was unable to the leave the man alone. The blond could scarcely imagine what his college experience would have been like if they hadn't met. He figured that he probably would have committed suicide by this point.

Footsteps echoed on the other end of the porch, forcing Roxas from his reverie.

"Hey," Axel called, waving. He plopped on the patio next to Roxas, swinging his feet in front of him.

Roxas sat forward and smiled in return, "Welcome back. How was work?"

"Ugh, Saïx was being such a bitch again today," Axel complained loudly. "He wouldn't let me burn the barium more than 2,700 degrees to get this radical color of green for the fireworks show! Kept saying something about fire restrictions on a property that size."

Roxas chuckled. Axel only recently received an internship at a fireworks company and he would have been more thrilled hadn't been forced to work with a guy named Saïx. Axel and Saïx would have gotten along well if it weren't for the fact that Saïx absolutely refused to let Axel experiment with new ingredients. (Axel asked, "Isn't that the point?" to which Saïx replied, "Not while I'm boss dumbass.")

"Still trying to work out that tree illusion?" Roxas queried, mildly amused.

"Dude, that's never going to happen. I've done so many combinations of ingredients at like a bazillion different temperatures." Axel said, raking his hands through the thick tresses of red hair. "I'm starting to freak out that Saïx will catch me if I do anymore."

There was a beat of silence.

"How was your day?" Axel finally asked, eyes sliding over to meet Roxas.

Roxas sighed and unwrinkled the letter in his palm, passing it over to Axel. He waited as Axel read its contents, watching the green eyes narrow aggressively. Axel crinkled his nose with displeasure.

"They want you to go back after… what, two years? Wasn't the last time you saw your dad the day he dropped you off?"

"Yeah, I thought he forgot about me. Guess not."

"What sort of crap does he mean by signing documents?"

"Well, my father is fairly wealthy, which is why we were able to live on the Destiny Islands and all. I'm sure it has something to do with foregoing my inheritance."

Axel gave Roxas a deadpanned look, "Milk that fucker for all he's got, Roxy. Then we can take that trip to Colorado to go mountain climbing."

An unconscious smile found its way across his face, the comment making blue eyes sparkle.

"That would be amazing; just you and me in the wilderness."

Axel let his chin drop into his palms, "So what are you going to do?"

"Go back home I guess, for a couple weeks. My summer classes don't start till July anyway…" Roxas mentioned quietly while staring down at his shoes.

Axel glanced over at Roxas, both of his eyebrows creased together. Sighing, he fished out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. After taking a moment to puff, "What am I supposed to do while you're gone?"

Roxas smiled again, finding Axel's pout endearing.

"We've been apart before, dipshit." Roxas replied.

Axel scoffed, "For like a fucking week. Worst week ever, if you ask me. Plus, what about your twin or whatever the fuck his name was?"

"Sora?"

"Yeah, thought you said shit got bad. That nobody wanted you to come back home."

"…" The smile slid off his face. "I was telling the truth. They won't want to see me."

"I should go with you then," Axel concluded. Roxas looked up at him and watched him take another deep drag off his cigarette.

"Axel, you know that's impossible. You love your internship, and besides, Destiny Islands is boring as hell. You wouldn't have a good time at all."

Axel rolled his eyes and reached down between them to grasp at his slender hand.

"But I can't stand the thought of leaving you alone with people like that." He murmured, squeezing the hand tight.

"People like what?"

"People who don't appreciate you."

Roxas grinned and it was the most familiar evince in the world to Axel. It was the smile Axel knew was reserved for him and him alone. He never saw this expression on the boy's face for any other person, and Axel possessively wanted to keep it that way.

"Don't worry Axel, it's a few weeks. How horrible could it possibly be?"

IX.

Horrible was actually an understatement.

Roxas received stony silence from almost everyone upon returning home. His brother glared, which was such an unusual expression on Sora's face that Roxas merely watched silently, transfixed. Sora refused to stand in the same room as Roxas for more than a few minutes. The blow hurt more than Roxas thought it should, but it was his twin after all. His own brother.

The maids and servants in the house were given specific instructions to not interact with him. That suited Roxas just fine; he didn't need the help. He never wanted it back when he was a kid either.

Seifer tried to punch Roxas in the face when he'd gone to buy cigarettes, but a local neighbor was also in the gas station and stopped Seifer with a firm glare. Seifer murmured something threatening, and Roxas got the message quickly. He knew that he shouldn't wander around the Island anymore, that it would be potentially dangerous for him.

He didn't spot his old friends Hayner, Pence, or Olette since he returned. He hoped he wouldn't have to. He didn't know if he would be able to stand the hate in their eyes, so similar to what he'd witnessed in Sora's.

Roxas was right on another respect; the night he got back his father straight out told him that Sora would be inheriting the family fortune, business, fame. His father explained that he would continue to pay for Roxas' college education, but as soon as he graduated he would not be welcome back and would not receive another penny. His father promptly informed him that his old bedroom was being renovated and they'd thrown all his old trash away. If he hadn't needed it at school he certainly didn't need it now.

Roxas sat silently, nodding his head slowly listening to the words from the man who raised him.

He couldn't fathom the look in his father's eyes as he disowned his son. It was a look of revulsion, of pure hatred. What caused this? All Roxas had done was leave the islands to go away to school. One would have thought he'd murdered someone. He left in a bleary daze, returning to his old bedroom. Back in high school his bedroom was his haven. Only Sora had been allowed inside the room, no matter how much begging and pleading his other friends followed with.

The view from his patio was beautiful; it faced the smaller island that Sora and his groupies used to play at constantly. The ocean was about twenty meters from the house, and the gulls were swooping low in the humid heat. A boat was tied to the dock; it was swaying in the calm waves.

Roxas didn't speak a single word during the first five days. It wasn't his best personal record of course; once upon a time when he was sixteen he hadn't spoken for almost two months. Only when Sora finally noticed his silence and questioned him about it had he been able to formulate words.

Roxas kept checking his cell phone, hoping for a missed call or text from Axel. But he knew entertaining such hopes was foolish, cell service was completely different on the mainland, and his phone showed no reception.

He was lonely but this loneliness felt different than the stuff inspired by his nightmares. This loneliness told him that no one on this island loved him.

Roxas was able to get some sleep, but it was only during the day. The nights on the islands became long and never-ending.

He idled the time by drawing in his sketchbook. There were pictures of his house and school back in Hollow Bastion, pictures of his room here on the Islands, with the dramatic mountains encasing the background. When he got sick of drawing scenery, he drew pictures of the people who he now was able to call his friends, the ones who loved him unconditionally.

He drew Zexion reading silently on his favorite sofa in the University library. If what he was reading was interesting he pursed and bite on his lip. His expression illustrated rapt attention, despite Demyx blowing hot air on the back of his ears behind the sofa.

Demyx was always playing the sitar in his drawings, or sitting close to Zexion. He played in the rain with nothing but his jeans on, or jammed next to the lake when it was freezing out, or poked Axel in the face with his instrument.

Axel he drew the most. He drew Axel asleep, with pillows smushed between his face and the bed. He drew his smile, comforting and nostalgic and cocky. He drew Axel crouched over, staring deeply into a fire.

And during the nighttime, he put Axel in a black cloak. He wasn't sure why he did that – the boy didn't own one – but it just felt right. He added fire around Axel, and a clock tower floating in the background.

Roxas grabbed his sketchbook off the dresser and flipped it open to the last drawing. It was the only picture of himself he created all summer. Four best friends in silly togas, Demyx with a cigar cocked between his lips and Zexion obviously trying to sneak away. Axel wore his cynical smirk, and Roxas… His own expression was one of rapt joy.

Like he was so happy to be included in something for once, and was a little astonished that they allowed him to do so in the first place.

A knock on the door cut Roxas from his reverie. He blinked, unsure if he heard correctly.

"…Roxas?" It was Sora's voice.

Roxas opened the door. His twin stood on the other side, looking nervous. He was fiddling with his fingers anxiously.

"Can we talk?" Sora tentatively asked.

Roxas moved out of the way and ushered Sora into his room silently. Sora glanced past him, a look of confusion on his face.

"Where did all your stuff go? This room looks so empty."

"Dad threw it out." His voice felt raw from disuse.

Sora twisted around, astonished. "He threw your stuff away?"

Roxas sighed and sat down on his bed. It was the only furniture left in the room. Sora was staring at him in a strange way.

"Look Roxas, I'm sorry I've been so cold since you got back, but honestly you didn't even bother to try to keep in contact for the last two years." Sora informed him, crossing his arms. He sounded bitter and looked more like Riku, his best friend, than himself for a moment.

Roxas glared over at his brother, "Why should I have contacted you, Sora? What were the words you said before I left? 'Never come back?'"

Sora rolled his eyes, "C'mon, you know I was just mad at you. I didn't mean it."

Roxas looked away. No, he knew, Sora always meant what he said.

"What do you want?"

"Jeeze, to talk to you I guess. You look so different from when you left. You look like you haven't slept in a month! I was worried! Why did you even come back if you didn't want to?"

"I came back to sign the disinheritance forms."

"Disinheritance?"

"Dad is disowning me."

"…" Sora was speechless. He stepped forward, and when Roxas looked up at his twin he felt a little bit better. Sora was giving him the same look he'd worn a million times when they were kids. Sora was always blatantly favored by their father, especially after their mother died, and he would often get upset, thinking that Roxas was being treated unfairly.

"I didn't know," Sora said softly. Roxas shrugged.

"I knew when I left this would never be my home again."

Sora stared at him for a long beat. "Have you been alone? Is that why you look like that? You know that you could move back here, right? I would talk to dad, I'm sure he'd be okay with it."

Roxas shook his head, "I'm happier than I've ever been in Hollow Bastion. I have amazing friends there. It's being back here that's screwing with my sleep schedule." This wasn't a complete lie; since Axel wasn't there he had certainly been sleeping less.

Sora nodded as he sat down beside his twin.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. I knew that you were unhappy here, I just didn't know why."

"I know. I didn't either. I just didn't… feel alive here."

Sora paused. "When are you going back?"

"First flight tomorrow. I was planning on staying longer, because I took off work and my summer class hasn't started yet… but I think I would rather go home."

Sora's eyes slid over to the blond. "Can I get your address?"

"Why?"

"So that I can contact you, Roxas. We are twins." Sora sounded petulant. Roxas forced himself to stare into Sora's eyes so he could see if the brunette was being honest. There were none of the cold feelings left in that gaze, and Roxas felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. It didn't matter if his father didn't consider him a son, or if his old friends from the Islands hated him now. At least his twin still cared about him.

Roxas smiled. It was the first time Sora witnessed that smile in years. Sora felt a pang of helpless guilt.

"Of course, Sora. You're welcome in Hollow Bastion whenever."