"If you're happy, then I'm happy"
All day and all throughout this mission, I have been hearing nothing but stats on how if I go meet Tim's parents tonight, then it is just a short time before he and I will be married and be expecting our very own kid one day. Yet the thought of a future with Tim and the prospect of family doesn't exactly seem real to me. That future feels like a lie. I feel nauseated every time I picture it. Still for the good of Scorpion, I clamp down on that thought process and never once let it show on my face. I believe only Toby is the only one that may have picked up on it, but even then he doesn't say anything about it. Tonight though I am meeting Tim's parents and I can't help but feel anxious and nervous every time I think about it. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, Ralph still picked up on it. He explained that if I was happy with Tim, then he is happy for me and that he will be fine with Tim as his step-dad. His words just keep bouncing around in my head.
But the question is: Am I happy with Tim? I decide not to pursue that question at this point because I want tonight to go well. So Ralph and I start making our way downstairs. "Oo la la" I hear Toby say. I look to my left and I see Walter staring intently at me. I hold his gaze for a second, and in that second, my entire body feels like its on fire. The butterflies in my stomach have become a swarming hive of activity and yet I feel calm and serene. I have never really felt like that with Tim. Speak of the devil.
"WOW. You look beautiful." I clamp down on the urge to roll my eyes and puke all over my new dress.
"Well, thank you. I'm excited to meet you parents, but the Armstrong sisters seem pretty tough."
"They are for another day."
"Good. Ralph, you ready?"
"Be right there."
With that, I grabbed ahold of Tim's arm and we left the garage. Ralph arrived shortly thereafter.
He looked a little sad, no matter how hard he tried to hide it and it occurs to me how often I've seen that expression lately. Not even just from him but Walter as well. At that thought I flashed to our first major fight.
"My son nearly died because he wants to be you."
"Is it so awful being me? Being around me?"
"I just don't want him to become you!"
I abruptly came out of my thoughts when I heard Tim start the engine and begin driving.
"You okay?" he asked. "You seem a little distracted."
"No, I'm fine. Just excited to meet your parents." "Ok. You'll be fine. They'll love you."
As we continued the drive, my mind wandered back to my other thoughts. Ralph is emulating every member of the team but the person who has had the most impact on his life has been Walter. In fact there have been instances where just Walter, Ralph and I would go out and just go do an activity, like visit a museum, and we would be mistaken for a family. We have gotten compliments on how adorable our family is. Yet not once have we ever corrected the mistake. In those instances, I would get a sense of pride and get a warm feeling all through my body at the thought. I could see Walter beam with pride at the fact he is mistaken for Ralph's father. Then he would look at me and I would practically melt at the warm and affectionate look in his eyes and I would think this is the man that I love.
That last thought. "The man that I love." All my surroundings blur as I come to that realization. I love Walter O'Brian. I know I told him that in the space capsule but at the time I was trying to save his life and I would have said anything to save him. I didn't realize that I meant what I said. Then Toby told me not to tell Walter about it and so I pushed those feelings aside and decided to try for a stable relationship with Tim. Sweet, attractive, boring Tim. Now all of those feelings are rushing back and I realize why I can't seem to move forward with Tim. Walter has stolen my heart and kept it locked within his grasp and I've not been trying to hard to get it back so I can give it to Tim. It's not just my heart either. Walter has had ahold of Ralph's heart practically since the day they met. Walter would do anything to protect Ralph, even if it meant fighting with me just so we didn't move to Portland. That kind of dedication is what drew me to him in the first place. Walter has protected Ralph and I from so much heartache and risked his own life for ours on numerous occasions.
Toby once told me to protect my most important thing, which is Ralph. So why shouldn't I fall in love with someone that helps me protect my most important thing? Tim tries to, but he can't seem to get through to Ralph like Walter can. In fact, since Tim and I started dating there has been increasing distance between Ralph and I. I'm starting to feel more than a little queasy and it's not from nerves. I look behind me and see Ralph staring out the window with the same expression that he had that day in the diner when he was staring at the clock face. I think on the past couple of months and notice I haven't just hung out with Ralph as much as I used to. Whether that was just letting him stay later at the garage with geniuses or just have a day of fun for ourselves. Everything changed when I started dating Tim.
"We're here."
Tim walked around to my side of the car and opened the door. I grabbed his arm while Ralph walked alongside us. We entered the building and were promptly led to a table where there were 2 people sitting there. Tim introduced Ralph and I to his parents. We sat and chatted for a little while. We discussed our jobs and our recent cases. They also tried to include Ralph and he tried to get along with them but I could tell he was distracted. I forced a smile on my face because even though Tim's parents are nice people, they are very boring. They just talk about mundane stuff such as weather and the food quality at the party. Music starts to play all around us and people are starting to head to the dance floor.
Tim gets my attention. "Would you like to dance?"
"Sure."
We step out on the dance floor and Tim immediately sets his arms in the correct position on my back but there is no tingly sensation like how it felt with Walter at Labeux's party. We dance for a couple of songs before we head back to the table. Just before I sit down, my phone starts ringing. It's Walter.
"Excuse me for a moment. I just need to take this phone call. Hello? Walter now is not a good time. I'm on a date." All I hear are sobs filtering through the phone and ocean waves in the background. "Walter. Walter! Are you all right" Still nothing but sobs and the ocean but now I hear some mumbling.
"I'm sorry... Megan.. I'm sorry. You told me not to be afraid and I didn't listen."
"Walter. Can you hear me? What's going on?"
"Megan. I'm so sorry. I should have listened. There were so many times to tell Paige that I loved her. So many opportunities to just take her in my arms and tell her she is the only one for me. So many times I could tell her and show her just how much she means to me. How often I've wanted to let her know that that as soon as she walks into the garage, my day just got 100x better. Just how often that her touch soothes me, calms me down, no matter how bad the situation may get. How many times have I wanted to tell her that Ralph basically is my son. Also to tell her how many times I've just watched her and Ralph and pictured what it would be like to be her husband and Ralph's step-father. Megan, I'm sorry. I've lost my chance. She is happy with Tim now. I can't even be mad at him as much as I want to. He is good for her. He will take care of her. He is normal and will be tell her exactly how he feels about her without any of the emotional deficiencies that I have."
I hear a pause and a deep shuddering breath.
"At least she is happy. That's all I can really ask for. I love her too much to ruin her happiness so it's time I moved on. She is the love of my life and unfortunately I'll never find another woman like her. The genius brain won't accept anyone else. My life was definitely easier when I was a "robot" but it was less fulfilling and it's all thanks to Paige. The entire team is better off without me. They can survive without me. Scorpion will survive without me. I've got my citizenship now, which means I can go anywhere in the US and start fresh. With that I'll leave. I've got to set my affairs in order."
I hear movement but all I can hear is my blood pumping through my ears and feel the racing of my heart beat. I didn't realize I even hung up the phone call. I walk back to the table and Tim and Ralph immediately notice something is wrong.
"What's wrong Paige?" "Mom, are you okay?"
"I want to go back to the garage. I want to go home."