Author's Note: Argh, so much to have Kurt remember! Glad you guys are along for the ride - as always, you rock!
"There's so much he won't remember," Jane said, shaking her head.
She, Patterson and Rich were in the hospital cafeteria, where the food wasn't fantastic, but at least it was edible. Jane picked at her meal, her appetite receding further every time she remembered something else Kurt wouldn't.
Rich, on the other hand, was eating enough for all three of them. "Hey, don't worry. Amnesiacs usually get most of their memories back, though obviously your case is a little different. But since we know Weller didn't get a huge dose of ZIP…"
Patterson sighed. "He actually wanted me to take his blood and test it for traces of ZIP. I told him no, this was clearly a different case."
Jane looked up from her plate. "I think you should do it."
Frowning, Patterson took a sip of her coffee before responding. "Okay… Run your logic by me."
"Roman put bioluminescent tattoos all over my body while I was in and out of consciousness after an accident. It's not too far a stretch to assume that he might have snuck into Kurt's room while none of us were there, and injected him." Jane shrugged. "It might come to nothing, but I think we should try it, just to be safe."
"You have a point," Patterson admitted.
"And whether or not there's ZIP in his bloodstream, Jane gets to look like the good guy for taking his side. It's a win-win," Rich added, grinning.
"I'm not trying to manipulate him. I am the good guy, Rich. I'm his wife." Jane pushed away her food. "God, he's not gonna remember he has a child. That I have a child."
"That you ran away for eighteen months without saying goodbye. That you left him when you thought he'd killed your daughter. That you guys only really recently only got back on even ground after that…" Rich added.
"Thanks, Rich. I can always count on you," Jane said, fighting the urge to rub his face in his mashed potatoes. At least Rich doesn't know about that night with Clem.
"What did the doctor say about taking him home?" Patterson asked gently.
"Tomorrow night, maybe. They want to observe him for twenty-four hours before they release him, do a scan to check the level of brain swelling, since now they know amnesia is involved." Jane rubbed her hands over her face wearily. "I don't know if he's gonna want me to be his nursemaid. After all, I'm just a terrorist, right?"
"He doesn't really think that, Jane." Patterson put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I was around at the time, remember? I saw what he was like when you were out of the room, when you were in the room, when he didn't think anyone was watching him… He was in love with you even back then. And yeah, having you back on the team hit him hard, but it really didn't take that long for him to warm up to you again."
"Sure," Rich agreed. "He was obviously still head over heels for you when I dropped by for help with my Akkadian problem. That wasn't that long after you got back, right?"
Jane faked a smile, wishing she could believe their reassurances. How could she explain to them that the problem wasn't just the way Kurt felt about her, but it was also the amount that he was willing to let her in? He used to have such a hard time communicating his feelings to her, and even when he'd started admitting how he felt about situations, it had been one glimpse through a crack in his walls, then him hurriedly repairing the breach before she could get through.
It had been a month or so before their wedding when he'd actually started demolishing those walls in earnest. They'd still both had their problems with secrets, but their communication as a couple had been a lot better. To be back at square one with Kurt was more painful than she wanted to admit.
"I don't know what will happen," she told her friends, sighing. "But we'll get through it somehow. We've gotten through everything else, right?"
"Right," Patterson said, smiling at her. "And the difference this time around is that we'll know we can trust you, even if Kurt doesn't know if he can. That should bring him around faster."
"Fingers crossed," Jane said softly.
"And hey, I've been rooting for the two of you since day one," Rich said. "When you guys were playing a married couple, back when you first busted me, it was impossible to tell that you weren't actually married. And that was way back before you actually got together. Hey, maybe you guys should do another undercover mission. That excitement, that sexual tension…it could help you re-bond."
Jane and Patterson exchanged a glance.
"Sure, I'll get right on solving a tattoo that needs that exact scenario," Patterson said.
"Hey, I can get in touch with Carl if you want to go back to the Hamptons. In all seriousness, though," Rich said, and reached out to take Jane's hand across the table. "You two are meant to be together. You've come through every obstacle that was ever thrown at you, and you haven't looked back. This isn't gonna be any different, Jane."
Despite the unlikely source of the reassurance, Jane couldn't help but feel a little more optimistic at his words. "Thanks, Rich."
"So, who do you think should tell him about Bethany?" Patterson asked.
Jane was getting a headache just thinking about it. "Under the circumstances? Probably anyone but me."
"I'll do it, if you want," Rich offered.
"Anyone but me or you, Rich. Sorry."
When Jane had come back into the room and asked for a word with Reade, Kurt had wondered what the hell was going on. He was distracted by Patterson arriving and taking some of his blood for testing, but when Reade came back and asked Zapata to step out… Well, this can't be good.
"So, uh… Everyone decided it was probably best for me to be the one to tell you this."
Kurt searched his mind for possibilities. "Reade, if you tell me you and my sister are getting married, I swear…"
Reade grinned. "Nah. Though I am getting married. To a New York Times journalist, actually."
Kurt shook his head, more out of confusion than anything else. "I swear, if I wake up to find this has all been some crazy dream, I won't be surprised. You're in a committed relationship. Tasha's CIA. Borden was a mole. Patterson went corporate. Rich Dotcom works for the FBI. Pellington's dead. Jane's my wife…"
"Oh, I'm betting I can still surprise you, man." Reade settled into his chair.
Wearily, Kurt gestured for him to go on.
"Remember just after Jane went into the black site, and you had that one-night thing with Allie?"
Kurt stared at him. "I don't remember actually telling anyone about that."
"You, uh, didn't. But it became pretty obvious a few months later, when you told us you were gonna be a dad."
Kurt's mind went blank. "What?"
"You have a two-year-old daughter. Congratulations…again."
"I have a kid. With a woman who's not my wife."
"Yup. But even though she's not her biological mom, Jane was with you when you first met Bethany. She loves her as much as you do."
"Bethany." It was the name that actually made him start to believe. He'd named his child after Mayfair. He'd always thought he'd name a kid after Taylor, but then Jane had screwed that one up. "Do you… Are there pictures?"
"I'm willing to bet there's at least one in here," Reade said, and threw him his wallet.
Kurt opened it with hands that shook slightly, and drew out a slightly crumpled photograph of himself and Jane, posing with a dark-haired teenage girl and a blonde toddler. He stared at the toddler for a long moment, wonderstruck. "She looks just like Sarah did at her age."
When he looked up at Reade again, he was embarrassed to realise his eyes were filling with tears. "I have a daughter. Can I—? When can I meet her?"
"Tomorrow, hopefully. Jane let Allie know you're awake, and they'll be flying out as soon as they can."
Kurt just kept staring at the picture of his daughter. "Bethany…Weller?"
"Knight-Weller. You guys have joint custody, but since Allie and Connor live just outside of Denver, it's a long-distance parenting gig for you while we're dealing with Roman."
Suddenly, Patterson's comments about Colorado made much more sense. "Okay. I, uh… Shit. Am I a good dad?"
Reade rolled his eyes. "Trust me; aside from being a little over-protective, you're the greatest dad any kid could have. Back when you lived over there, you had Bethany whenever Allie had to work and you didn't. You adore that girl. And she loves you."
Kurt let out his breath slowly. "I just thought, since my dad was—"
"Nah. Don't even think that." Reade shook his head.
After a moment, Kurt frowned. "Wait. I'm letting a terrorist help to bring up my kid?"
Reade sighed. "Stop it, man. Remi was the terrorist. Not Jane. When she came out of the bag, she started fresh. She just got manipulated when she was confused, is all." He leaned forward, almost threateningly. "I know you're confused. But if you can't trust her, trust me when I say she's more than proved herself."
Feeling almost like he'd just been reprimanded by the school principal, Kurt raised his eyebrows. "Okay."
One more look down at the photo, and he finally registered the fourth person in it. "Who's the teenager?"
Reade got up from his chair. "Ahhh… That one's not for me to tell. You'll have to take it up with Jane."
"She's Jane's?" What the hell? He was less shocked than he had been when learning about Bethany, but to find out that Jane had had a teenage pregnancy was still pretty surprising.
"Uhhh… I'm just gonna…"
"Reade. I already guessed. Sit down."
His friend resumed his seat, sighing. "Fine. Yeah. Shepherd took Avery away when she was a newborn, when Jane was still recovering from the birth. She gave the kid to a fixer who adopted her out without Jane's consent. After Avery's parents died, she came looking for Jane. There's more to that story, but I'm really not the one to tell it."
Despite his conflicted feelings about Jane, Kurt's stomach twisted as he thought of how devastated she must have been when she'd discovered her mother had given away her child. He'd only known about Bethany for a few minutes, didn't remember ever having met her, but the thought of someone stealing her away… He forced himself to relax.
"You guys aren't the most conventional family, but you make it work. You'll see. And hopefully, soon you'll remember."
Kurt's head was still pounding, and getting worse. "Can I ask you a favour?"
"Shoot."
"No more new information today. From anybody. Please."
Reade nodded ruefully. "I can see how the parenting info was the last straw. Don't worry, I think visiting hours are almost over, anyway. But Jane wanted to say goodbye before she goes home for the night. I strongly suggest you bite your tongue if you feel the urge to use the T-word again."
"Noted." To see Reade, who had been so suspicious of Jane at first, standing up for her now—that gave Kurt a flash of shame at the way he'd spoken to his wife. "Thanks, bud. For your honest opinions."
"You'll always get those. Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Kurt closed his eyes as Reade left, hoping the headache would recede. His mind was buzzing with all the new information he'd been trying to absorb over the past few hours, but despite all of the important facts he'd learned, only three of them preoccupied him now.
Shepherd had been watching him, and guiding the path of his life, since military school.
He had a daughter.
He was married to Jane Doe.
"Hey."
At the sound of Jane's quiet voice, he made himself open his eyes. His wife was standing uncertainly in the doorway, looking prepared to leave if he so much as frowned. She really must be tired—or she's changed a lot since I can remember. When Jane wanted to do something, she usually had no problem letting him know, as forcefully as necessary.
"Come in," he said wearily. "Just, please, don't tell me anything I don't already know."
Jane came in and sat beside him, her guard raised a little. "I remember what it's like. Nothing else new, I promise."
He couldn't help but feel guilty for the way he'd snapped at her when he'd first woken up. Part of him didn't know how he could ever have forgiven her for the massive breaches of trust she'd committed. But as he watched her, another part of him understood only too well. Whenever Jane Doe was around, he subconsciously resonated on her frequency. Even now, when he was still raw from her betrayals and Mayfair's death, he had the urge to reach out and touch her hand.
"At least I don't have it as bad as you did," he said. "I still recognise everyone—at least, everyone who was here today."
"How's it feel to learn you're a father?" Jane asked gently.
"About as weird as it feels to learn that I'm a husband," he admitted, looking down at the ring on his finger again. He didn't seem to be able to stop staring at it. "I… I'm sorry I was harsh earlier."
"Under the circumstances, I understand." She gave him the same kind of look he remembered from the day she'd told him she'd wanted to be Taylor, and that was why she'd lied about remembering fishing with him. Her expression was sad, and somehow yearning. "I'd ask if you have any questions, but I guess if you don't want to know anything new today…"
"Maybe tomorrow." He rubbed his forehead, hoping the pressure would help the pain. It didn't. "Jane… Patterson told me you backed me up about the whole blood testing thing. Thank you."
"You're welcome." She shrugged. "Roman is tricky. And if it were me, I'd want to be sure, too."
A nurse came into the room and checked Kurt's chart. "Visiting hours are over, folks. Sorry, Ms. Doe, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."
"Sure." Jane shot her a quick smile, then stood up, looking at Kurt a little awkwardly.
"You didn't take my name when we got married?" Kurt asked, mainly just to break the tension. "Even though your name is literally code for 'anonymous female'?"
Jane laughed. "We had this conversation on the run-up to the wedding. You thought I should change it then, too. But really, I like being Jane Doe, even though when I tell the bank or the insurance company, they think I'm prank-calling them. It's the name it feels kinda like I was born with. As me, not as…" She glanced at the nurse before finishing, "…who I was before the ZIP."
Kurt nodded, fighting back a touch of melancholy that he didn't remember any of their wedding planning. Or the wedding. Or the honeymoon. Or even how they'd gotten together.
"I'd better go, before they try to kick me out." Jane stepped towards the door, her eyes on his face. "Get some rest, okay? I love you."
Kurt froze for a moment at the easy way she'd just confessed her love for him. By the time he'd recovered enough to wonder if she expected him to say it back, she was already out of sight.
A few months ago—a few months and a couple of years, he reminded himself bitterly—hearing those simple, heartfelt words from Jane would have been a dream come true. But that was back when he'd thought he'd known her. When he'd thought she was Taylor Shaw.
Even so, as the nurse took his vitals and quietly left again, he couldn't shake the sense of elation Jane's admission had left him with. She loves me.
It affected him as profoundly as learning about Bethany had. He didn't want it to mean anything—not after the way she'd lied to him—but he couldn't deny it. A part of him still loved her, too.