She stared out of the window. It had been 2 years. 2 years since the worst day of her life. And she was still too stubborn to do anything about it.
She didn't think he would go. She truly believed he would walk back in, realising it was so stupid and scooping her in his strong arms and kissing her till their fight didn't mean anything anymore. That was her dream, except life didn't really turn out like that. Life really was a bitch.
A loud cry snapped her from her all too common dream and sighed resigning herself to a life she never saw coming. One she didn't want. Well that came out wrong. She wanted it more than anything but a very large, cinnamon eyed piece of the puzzle was missing. And no matter what she tried, nothing would take its place.
"Come on darling, its ok. What's wrong? Mommy's here now...there there."
She bent down into the large wooden crib and gathered up her red face child. One that looked too much like the way she needed to forget. She moved over to the chair in the corner of the room. Settled and rocked her child back and forth, gently humming out the chords to their song. She could never bring herself to sing the words, but it brought her a little comfort and gave her child a piece of her father she would never know. She dreaded that day. When the D Word would be mentioned. The day when she would have to admit to failing to keep Finn. Because she was too scared.
She looked down and those cinnamon eyes twinkled back up at her. Amelia was the picture of Finn. Even down to the freckles. She was happy she didn't receive her nose, but Rachel was in there, her hair, her smile. She really was the best of both of them, made from complete love, born out of complete hate.
Rachel couldn't even count the undialled phone calls, undelivered letters that she couldn't bring herself to post, the unsent email. God even the unused air tickets. With time, it got worse. How do you tell your estranged husband you've kept his child from him?
Well, it was going to be now or never. She was going to, just how?
Amelia, now growing restless, started wriggling around in her arms so Rachel carried her out to the living room, where most of her toys seemed to live these days, and gently placed her down in the play pen. Immediately missing the contact. It sounded silly but she loved holding Amelia, it made her feel closer to Finn. Holding that little piece of him.
She sat down on the couch, with the deafening silence in the apartment and went back to reflecting on her life. She had no one to blame for the way her life turned out. She lost her best friend, Kurt. Well Finn was his step brother. He never wanted to take sides but what choice did he have? Plus he would never have kept Emelia from Finn. The calls and emails from the rest of her High School friends had slowly stopped, she wondered how they had all heard, what they thought of her? The inevitable. That Finn would leave her . Plus being a single mom in New York didn't exactly do wonders for her social life.
Suddenly, her phone started vibrating. Her heart skipped a beat, just like always but there was no need. She smiled slightly before answering, putting on her best "happy voice".
"Jake. Hi honey. Yes we are both fine thanks...Okay 6 will be fine! See you then." She paused and then said the lie she told everyday..."of course, I love you too."
Jake. To any other women, sure he was a catch. He was a successful trainee lawyer. Good looking, kind, generous, loving, smart and funny. He was all of this and willing to take on someone else's daughter. This sounding familiar? Well except trainee doctor. Rachel often laughs at the irony of her situation. She knew she should be happy. After all Finn wasn't ever coming back was he? She just needed to move on.
But she couldn't. She longed for his bear hugs. His large hands roaming all over her body. She felt awful but she didn't feel that red hot attraction to Jake. Phsically, he was as far away removed from Finn as possible. He was a little on the short side for a man, but this wasn't a problem for Rachel. She was barely 5ft 2. He has strawberry blond hair that had a slight curl to it when he let it grow long. His eyes were as blue as the sky that couldn't replace that warm cinnamon glow. Always so smart and presentable. Not a puffy vest in sight.
But she couldn't complain? Right? She was right to settle, rather than spend her life alone? She needed to make sure Amelia was well looked after.