Shit, I finally have a day off and those Hitachiin twins come and steal my daughter. Well, beats having that stupid blond pervert come kidnap her and force her to... do things, Ryoji/Ranka Fujioka thought bitterly as he propped his feet up on the couch and opened a beer. He was beginning to space out as a knock at the door brought him back to reality-- unfortunately, the sudden noise also caused him to jump up, lose his balance, and fall flat on the floor with a rather loud thump.

"Oh god damn... Who's there?" he yelled, getting up to open the door.

Without replying, the person opened the door, to reveal that there were two people- the twins' twin maids. (A/N: If that makes sense. They appear in the anime a couple of times, remember?)

"Hello, Fujioka-sama," they said in unison, "We're here to complete your daughter's chores."

Without waiting for a response of any kind or invitation of any sort, they began advancing towards him, both bearing blank expressions.

"Um, what are you... HOLY CRAPPING COWS!" he screamed as he eyed the object one maid had just pulled out of a bag she had been carrying.

-x-x-x-

Meanwhile, at the Ootori mansion, the host club- obviously with the exception of Haruhi and Hikaru- were watching several seemingly expensive monitors, showing different areas of the Hitachiin mansion. There was one also showing Haruhi's and Hikaru's perspectives- Kaoru had, before he left, attached a camera to both without their knowledge. Tamaki had been tied to a chair and gagged- no one wanted to hear him shrieking about his 'daughter' and 'son', and how their 'mother' shouldn't be allowing this. They had more important things to concentrate on- like manipulating the relationship of Haruhi Fujioka and Hikaru Hitachiin. They all, with the exception of Tamaki, were tired of waiting for Hikaru to finally confess his feelings to Haruhi.

-x-x-x-

"FINALLY, it's finally been twenty five minutes!" Hikaru cheered when the stopwatch rung. He literally sprinted out of the room and frantically started looking for Haruhi. He saw a slip of brightly colored paper hanging from the ceiling.

Hey,

I've decided, it's more fair if I leave clues to my location. After all, it is your journal.

Also, I just have this gut feeling that you suck at this game, Hikaru.

-Haruhi

He wasn't sure whether to take this as a blessing or an insult.

...Wait, where's the clue? Okay, I take it as an insult then.

-x-x-x-

At the Ootori mansion, Kaoru was screaming, "FLIP THE NOTE, STUPID!" at the monitor. The others sweatdropped and covered their ears.

-x-x-x-

Hikaru had a gut feeling that Kaoru was yelling at him from some other location to flip the note. He laughed at the stupidity of that thought- it's not like twin telepathy exists- but flipped the note nonetheless, only to be pleasantly surprised.

It's quiet in here. (kool daeha.)

What... the hell... kind of clue... is that...? Hikaru thought to himself, twitching. I can only exclude four rooms- Dad's room, Mom's room, our room, and the staff room. I am so going to kill her for this when I find her... Wait. Kool is look backwards, and daeha is ahead backwards...

Hikaru, proud of his small accomplishment of decoding the clue, looked straight in front of him, and of course, there was another slip of paper, also hanging from the ceiling. Why didn't he notice it before? The world may never know. He snatched the piece of paper and read it.

ff lore

"...She's gonna read the whole journal. There's no way I'll figure this one out," Hikaru sighed. At that moment, as if sent from heaven, a housekeeper walked past.

"Ah! Wait, you. Figure this out," He ordered her. (A/N: He has little respect for his employees...)

"Hai, Hitachiin-sama!" she bowed and then read the slip of paper. "Sir, if you say it aloud, but instead of saying f-f, you say second f, it should make sense," she explained.

"Good job, carry on with... whatever you're doing" he dismissed her. "Let's see... second f lore... second f-lore... second floor! She's on the second floor? Ah, she's making this sort of easy then. Let's see, it's been... 23 minutes? Oh, shit, that's two pages already. Thank god for Kaoru's doodles..."

-x-x-x-

"What the...?"

Haruhi stared at the three eyed purple slime monster, who stared back. "...What kind of journal is this?"

-x-x-x-

"Kaoru's doodles?" Kyoya smirked, writing something down.

"Kao-kun likes purple?" Hunny asked.

Even Mori let out a chuckle.

"Mmmph! Hmphmphmphmph..." came Tamaki's muffled comment and laugh.

"Sh-shut up, I was only 6 years old," Kaoru defended, blushing. "I'm going home now, I can stir things up a bit."

-x-x-x-

Ding dong.

Hikaru went to answer the door as quickly as possible- sure enough, it was Kaoru.

"Can't talk now, being timed, must find Haruhi, major problem, fucking hell, I'm so going to kill you later, bye!" he glared, then ran back up the massive set of stairs.

"Beware of run-on sentences!" Kaoru called after him. He followed him up the flight of stairs, then went to where Haruhi was. "Nice hiding spot," he complimented, "He would never think of looking in here."

"Welcome back, Kaoru. Thanks." Haruhi greeted, sitting on the twins' bed, reading. 42 minutes had passed, and the fourth page was the first one that was like an actual journal. "Want to read this with me?" she offered, gesturing for him to come closer.

Sup, Journal!

I normally wouldn't keep something as stupid like this. Mom told me it would be a good idea, though, so whatever.

My name's Hikaru Hitachiin, a first year at Ouran high school. My twin- Kaoru Hitachiin- and I are part of the host club. Basically, we act gay with each other and girls love it. We're all, "Oh, Hikaru/Kaoru, I don't want anyone else touching you, blah blah," and voila! 3 nosebleeds or more. Our record is 31 girls having nosebleeds at once. Milord- Tamaki Suoh- started the club. He compliments all of his customers or some bull like that. I have no clue how he comes up with so many compliments. Maybe he rehearses at home? I think he pretends they're him-- he's self-obsessed enough for it to work.

Then, there's Kyoya Ootori- the shadow king. He's fucking creepy. Might be a molester or something. Maybe a thief. He scares me.

Next are Takashi Morinozuka and Mitsukuni Haninozuka. Mori is completely silent while Hunny acts like a little kid. The customers like both of them.

Last, there's Haruhi Fujioka. She's not actually a guy, and she's not a lesbian. Milord forced her to join the club as a guy because of a Rene vase she broke. I guess it sort of fits her, her father's a crossdresser too. They're commoners, so I feel a bit sorry for them. She's never had ootoro, even. Haha, she's so deprived.

Kaoru glanced at Haruhi. She seemed pretty mad. Kaoru himself was trying as hard as he possible could to hold back laughter.

Her girl attracting quality is just her natural personality. Who would'a thunk it. Actually, it's not girl attracting, it's people attracting. She's not like other girls- well, obviously she's not, but- she's not stuck up (probably 'cause she's poor as dirt), she doesn't fall for the tactics of any club member (no nosebleeds, heart-eye syndrome, or fainting! She's incredible!), she's the only female capable of sending Milord to his 'corner of woe' (haha), and she seems completely oblivious to Milord's advances on her.

"Hey, Kaoru, what does he mean by advances? Tamaki doesn't make advances on me, does he?" Haruhi asked, looking genuinely disgusted. (A/N: Sorry, TamaHaru fans.)

Is she serious?, Kaoru mentally asked.

Also... her eyes are HEEEEE-YOOOOOGE. They're sort of cute.

Actually, she's cute in general.

Better looking than the normal girls we get in the club.

-Hikaru Hitachiin.