hello again all! sorry to have left you in suspense for ah... three months... (ducks head in shame) sorry. on a more unfortunate note, school's starting again. pah. actually, my first day is later today... ugh. anyway, i'll get on with it!

atlantian - lol, i'll see if i can't work in a "newbie intermission" in this one! i know... the poor souls of Stargate... we batter them so. hehe
Freckles-101 - sam, vala, and mitchell will all have their say... as will teal'c! that'll be fun! hehe, thanks a ton!
Love.Angel.Music.Baby. - hiya! of course i'll be doing a Jack Guide! how could i not? that would be... bad. thanks for the review!!!
flubber - okay, 3a referred to when Mitchell went to Landry's cabin and he was totally uncomfortable about it and i find both Cam and Jack hilarious! thanks!
Lisa - thanks a lot! i'm glad you enjoyed the Pegasus Guides! i hope i'll live up to my previous standards! thanks so much!
Kyia L. Kenobi - oh god... star trek and star wars guides would get ridiculously out of control... but it'd be kinda fun actually... hehe
Whirlwind-2005 - those minions... they always have a tendency of escaping, don't they? pah. thanks for the review!!!!
001ElvenWarrior - oh yes, now that we're in SG-1 land, i have a feeling these Guides might not end for a while... i have ten years worth of aliens to deal with!
Knightgirl4Jack - lol, i think jack's funnier in ways that cam could never be and vice-versa, but hey, who knows... enjoy!
Port-of-Seas - i have a feeling that this might just spirl into mayhem and madness! hope it meets your approval! hehehe
KariHermione - welcome to the madness! you'll see very shortly who's next! i hope you enjoy!
nwfairy - hehe, i love "jaffa revenge things"! they make me warm and fuzzy inside! lol... wow... i'm wacked...

okay, now i feel really horrible... reading your reviews i noticed that many of them say something along the lines of "happy end of school"... that makes me feel miserable... god, i'm starting school again today! OY! where'd my summer go? where'd my vacation go? (sigh) oh well... really sorry about that.

Anyway, enjoy the show!

Daniel, having really nothing better to do with his life at the moment, strode into his office and sat down. He sighed and watched his Egyptians dance across his computer screen.

That was an old screensaver… he should really update that.

Nah.

So here was Daniel, bored. He had finished all his paperwork a day or so earlier, unlike Mitchell. Cameron was just plain old lazy. Then again, there was nothing better to do… but nothing was infinitely better than paperwork. Daniel sighed again and rested his head against an artifact. He started to doze off when his computer unexpectedly chirped at him. Daniel gave the machine a puzzled look as he signed in.

"Since when do you chirp? I never made you chirp…" Daniel pushed his glasses back up his nose and realized that he never would have heard the chirp if he were busy. The thing might have been chirping for the last ten years… oh dear.

The chirp was due to a new email… from Landry. Oh boy. Daniel quickly opened the email and scanned through it. Wow… Landry was out of his mind, but it looked kinda fun. Hehe.

OOO

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Milky Way for Archeologists

1. Break 'em in fast and break 'em in good.

... a. This goes for colonels and generals. The faster they get used to you, the better.

... b. This also applies to shoes…

2. Try not to piss off gods.

... a. It has a funny tendency to come back at you in the form of a hand device or a rule-bound jellyfish of light called an Ancient.

... b. Jack O'Neill seems to be the only one completely immune to this effect.

3. Watch your daily habits.

... a. If pie starts to look exceedingly delicious at random times, run for an MRI.

4. Learn the lingo.

... a. From grunts to squeaks to singing plants; it's always in one's best interest to learn the language.

... b. If you don't, you might end up like Mitchell did… upside down and naked in a tree due to a… misunderstanding.

... c. Then there was Jack's "mishap"…

5. Don't bother to fear dying.

... a. It doesn't hurt… much.

... b. It's kinda cool in a creepy sort of way.

... c. I should know.

6. Always carry a reliable watch.

... a. You never know where… or when you might show up.

... b. Just trust me.

7. Always keep a watchful eye on your stuff.

... a. …Vala…

That should do it! Daniel sat back, quite satisfied with his work. That had kept him amused for all of… fifteen minutes. Hey, better than nothing. Daniel had just managed to excite fifteen minutes of this horribly boring day.

God… he couldn't wait to see Jack's face after this one. It would be an interesting reunion next time, Daniel thought, chuckling. This Guide should, hopefully, alert some of the newer staff to the happenings of their betters. Daniel wondered what they would think of them after all this.

The archeologist sat back in his chair with a creak and grinned. Ahh… minion-dom was his for the taking. Without further ado, Daniel clicked the send button and unleashed his newest weapon.

mhahaha! well, whadda think? my first chapter for anything in a good three months! was it any good? did you like it? please tell!

oh... and welcome back to school americans... mrgh