((A parody of 'A Christmas Story,' this chapter was written for my friend for his Birthday!))

With the back of a gloved hand, Felix wiped the sweat from his brow, a satisfied grin across his face. Standing and dusting himself off, he admired his handiwork, having just planted some fresh basil in the garden out behind his and Tamora's apartment complex.

The sun was starting to set over the city, spreading a warm, orange glow across the scattered clouds in the sky. The handyman sighed, leaning on the white picket fence to take in the magic of the moment. So beautiful; so peaceful…

'ZIP!' Felix nearly leaped in the air at the sudden electric burst from behind him. And with a grimace, he turned to the eerie purple glow of The Zapper 5000.

Ever since his ladylove had hung that monstrosity in the garden, he's had to put up with its harsh, artificial light and the heart-stopping bolts it administered to unsuspecting bugs that flew within its radius.

Some days he would turn it off so that he could have some peace and quiet while he tended to his plants. But if Tammy found out, she would bolt downstairs, turn it back on, and chew him out for 'not taking threats of serious garden infestation' seriously.

Now 'hate' was a very strong word, which never had a place in his vocabulary; but Felix was very sure that he hated that bug zapper. And he had suffered from it long enough.

What happened next, was a family controversy for years…

Upstairs, Tamora set to work in the kitchen, entertaining Ralph and Vanellope while her husband finished up with his duties outside.

"How do you like your steak, Wreck-It?" the sergeant asked, leaning over the stove with a hot grill pan.

"Oh, you could burn it, I don't care," Ralph replied, looking around the living room. "Sorry the kid and I came a bit early, we were just excited to see the place. It's nice!"

"Thanks," Tamora smiled. "We've really made it our own. I'm proud of it."

Just then, a loud crash came from outside below.

"What was that?" Tamora appeared from the kitchen, smoke billowing behind her as she took Ralph's offhanded remark literally. Her eyes were wide, piercing Ralph and Vanellope with questions they could only answer with a dumbfounded shrug.

"I think it came from out there?" Vanellope replied eventually, pointing to the adjacent window.

"What happened?" Tamora barked as she opened the window and climbed onto the fire escape. "What broke?"

The sergeant looked downwards and gasped. Hopping onto the ladder, she slid past the floors separating her from the horrific scene in the garden below.

Felix sat there on his knees, illuminated by a nearby streetlamp. Cradled in his arms and strewn about the dirt in front of him were fragments of her precious bug zapper.

"Tammy," the handyman stammered as she approached. "I don't know what happened…I was watering my plants and I—I broke your lamp."

Ralph and Vanellope dropped into the scene behind the couple, backing off slightly when Tamora's surprised gaze twisted itself into a pent up rage.

Kneeling, she grasped at the broken bits of her beloved bug butcher.

"Don't you touch that!" she spat, holding the remains close. She shot the handyman an accusatory glare. "You were always jealous of this lamp!"

"Jealous?" Felix blinked. "Jealous of an electric—"

"Jealous!" the sergeant nodded. "Jealous because…because," she trailed off, searching for a reason.

All Ralph and Vanellope could do was share worried glances as they watched the dramatics unfold before them.

"That's ridiculous," Felix cut through the tense pause with his indignant reply. "Jealous. Jealous of what?"

The handyman pointed a finger that the metal mess spilling from his lady's arms.

"That is the ugliest monstrosity of a trap lamp that I have ever seen in my entire life!"

Now it was out.

"Get your hammer," Tamora's voice dripped with venom as she leaned closer to Felix.

"I left it at Gene's," Felix didn't waste any time for his cool reply.

The sergeant let out a shout of frustration, tensing up. "You left it at the arcade. ON. PURPOSE!"

Tamora stood, quivering with fury. She stammered as she tried to come up with a real crusher. But all she got out as she threw open the door to the stairwell was:

"NOT A FINGER!"

Later that night, Felix, Ralph, and Vanellope sat in the living room, sipping hot chocolates as they eyed the sergeant in the corner of the room.

Ralph and Vanellope attempted to bury the awkwardness of the evening behind their drinking mugs. Their eyes continuously shifted between Felix on the couch, and Tamora, who stood at a craft table, piecing the Zapper 5000 back together by hand.

The handyman watched absently while she had her back turned, sipping at his beverage with a blank stare. And when the lamp eventually crumbled underneath the sergeant's touch, Ralph and Vanellope could have sworn they detected a smile on the 8-bit's lips.

Tamora slowly turned around, and Felix quickly assumed his neutral position on the couch. With a huff, Tammy scooped up her prized zapper and exited the apartment.

"Welp," Ralph squeaked, having had just enough of being in the middle of this 'lover's quarrel.' "Guess the kid and I should be going. Right, Vanellope?"

"Yep!" the girl replied emphatically, glitching off the couch and to the door. "Would love to stay and chat, butit'sreallypastmybedtime—BYE!"

"Bye!" the wrecker waved as they exited, not giving their friend any chance to interject. The pair let out synchronized sighs of relief when the door was finally shut behind them.

With the racer perched on his shoulder, Ralph made his way to the bottom of the stairwell and opened the door to the garden out back.

"Ralph," Vanellope whispered, pointing behind them. "Look."

On the opposite side of the garden was Tamora at work with a shovel, burying what the two assumed was the sad remains of her shattered insect killer.

The pair slowly tiptoed away; and as they turned onto the street, Ralph and Vanellope heard the distinct sound of TAPS being played, gently.