Hi there!

It's been a while, and basically despite the fact that I had four chapters already written I lost them, because my computer crushed D:

Anyway, it was kind of hard re-write this chapter, because it was difficult to get the grasp the idea all over again.

So U just hope you like it :)

Chapter 2: The beginning of the end

Sitting in the middle of my living room is not something uncommon, but Finn hugging me and willingly accepting to watch a musical without any complaint is. It's not that I do not appreciate his efforts, or that I reject how attentive he is, or how he wants to help. It's just that the 'Why now? Why not before?' bothers me. So I just stay there, trying not to move, because even when I try to be a little bit more comfortable he asks if I'm ok, which might have been nice or romantic for me a month ago, but now is almost as asphyxiating as the illness.

It's as if suddenly everybody thinks I'm made of crystal, now everybody is suddenly aware that I have feelings, that my ego gets bruised and that, apparently, I am not as strong as it seemed. It's sad they didn't notice before when one single word or a especially cruel remark would make me feel unworthy of everything. Surprisingly the only one that seems to notice my discomfort with the new 'treatment' is Santana. She doesn't look at me with pity, nor tries to soften her words when there's something she dislikes or bothers her, and I greatly appreciate it.

And when Finn just hugs me closer to him I remember, and I tense up . He notices, but doesn't say anything, and the memory haunts me. He was just having a talk with Puck near the lockers, when the words 'break up with Rachel' astound me and I just stay there, without saying a word, hiding so they don't see me. Puck talks him into telling me that they have plans to leave for Cali and start a business there, and Finn confessing that he loves me, but he's not in love with me anymore breaks my heart, but I can understand him. I feel the same, but the pressure, and how good we seem to get along, and how both of us compromise for each other, and how some people seemed to like this 'popular jock dating unpopular but talented gleek' because it is some sort of 'high school fairytale', it all worked for me. But when I compare what we have with what my fathers have, I can't help but feel disappointed. We have settled for each other, and that's not how it should be.

"I hate this part," he suddenly interrupts my line of thought.

"Uh?" It's all I can manage to ask.

"All this 'Oh God she's going to die' but then she just says she had a vision and looks fine all the sudden," I just shrug and say my point of view,

"It's okay by me, Rent is a sad conflicting musical, so I like that it has a relatively happy end, full of hope for them," I use that tone that used to bother everyone so much, trying to get some reaction.

"Yeah, you are right." He says and keeps watching. I almost rolled my eyes at him. It's all predictable, all annoyingly cute. I dislike it, I dislike everything. I'm not in my death bed, not yet anyway. I have plans, I have dreams and hopes, and despite that I've always wanted people to pay attention and care for me, this was definitely not how I expected, nor what I want.

"I'm tired," I say and I know what is going to happen.

"Sure, sure… I'm going to go to Puck's now, I have some stuff to do and… Do you need me to go with you upstairs? I can make sure you are in bed before I leave." And that's it.

"Finn, I'm sick, I haven't even started any treatment, so don't treat me like I'm dying, or like I'm a three year old who need to put up to bed for a nap before their parents attend their responsibilities." I can see that I've hurt him, and I hope he understands that this is incredibly uncomfortable to me.

"Ok… I'm going to leave now, and I hope you are better later, when I call you before sleep, ok?" this time I roll my eyes and don't do anything to hide it. And I feel a weird satisfaction at seeing his baffled expression.

"Bye, Finn." No goodbye kisses, not even a wave, I just go to my room and turn my iPod on. I walk near my window and see his car leaving. And I know this is the beginning of the end, and it's not as painful as I thought it would be.

I hope you let me know what you think :)