A/N: So here is a double update, just because I want to and I can (what a rare moment this is indeed!)

Ok! The second word:
desiderium - (n.) an ardent desire or longing, particularly for something once had and now missed; a feeling of grief or regret for the absence or loss of something or someone [latin]

Again, it's angsty, but it's a longer one-shot about the morning Petunia finds Harry on her doorstep.

Enjoy!

Petunia Dursley had her life turned upside down and inside out overnight. She had gone to bed happy in the knowledge that her life was perfect- plain and ordinary, just the way she liked it. But then she opened the front door.

She'd screamed so loudly that Vernon had come careening downstairs with his face still half covered in shaving foam.

They'd quickly carried the bundle that was baby Harry into the house- what the neighbours would think had they seen, Petunia dreaded to think- and argued in hushed tones about what was to be done. But Vernon had been running late for work, so they decided to discuss the... matter later.

After he'd gone, Dudley started crying. Petunia shot an uneasy glance at the bundle in the living room before going to tend to her son. As she dressed and fed Dudley, she couldn't quite ignore the soft gurgling sounds coming from the living room. A part of her wanted him to disappear, but another, more maternal part, thought, he isn't crying... at least he doesn't need anything... he's ok.

After putting Dudley in his play pen, she started cleaning the kitchen as she normally would. But today she was distracted. Of course she was.

Who wouldn't be? After having a baby just... dumped on your doorstep, who would be ok? No-one, that's who!

Petunia couldn't stand it.

She threw down her cleaning cloth, tore off her gloves and stormed into the living room.

I knew my sister was a freak! But I never knew how inconsiderate and rude she was! she thought. Who leaves their SON on their sisters doorstep, without so much as an ex-

Her eyes had landed on the envelope poking out from between the blanket and the basket. Petunia frowned. As she bent down and plucked the letter from the folds of material, Harry gave a gurgle and a giggle. Petunia jumped, making Harry giggle again.

Looking at the baby in front of her, she saw that he had inherited his Father's unruly black hair, even though there wasn't much of it, but his eyes...

She shook her head and looked at the letter. It was addressed to her.

"A letter?" Petunia scoffed in disbelief. "How does she expect to explain herself in a letter?"

She paused for a few moments, until, unbidden, rage took control of her senses.

"No!" she said loudly. "No, this isn't fair! All I want is a nice, quiet, normal life, with my husband and my son. Is that too much to ask?" She glanced at Harry. "Of course it is, isn't it, Lily? You always had a flare for the dramatic, didn't you? First, it was bringing home pockets full of frogspawn and potions that did Lord-only-knows-what! Then, it was casting your weird little spells left, right and centre, making things float, or shrink, or vanish completely! And now you leave your son on my doorstep, with a letter to explain why! What am I supposed to do with him? I won't have it! I am DONE living in your shadow, do you hear me?"

Petunias chest was heaving, her breath shaking with anger. During her rant, Dudley had started crying again.

Her expression softened at once. "Oh, its ok, Diddy! Mummy's here!" She scooped him up and stroked his face. He laughed and grabbed her finger, putting it in his mouth. She smiled. "My perfect little boy," she cooed.

Petunia closed her eyes as she rocked from side to side.

It's a dream. That's all it is... a dream. When I open my eyes, it'll just be me and Dudley. One. Two. Th-

Harry gurgled.

The illusion of perfection that Petunia was so desperately clinging to shattered.

She put Dudley back in his play pen and walked over to Harry, who peered up at her with her sisters eyes. His innocent gaze made her stop.

How many times had Lily looked up at her with those eyes, that same expression? Petunia smiled, in spite of the situation.

"I remember the day you were born... We were so close, Lily... What happened?"

She knew, of course, what happened and she knew why it had happened, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Not even after all this time.

Petunia picked up the letter she had dropped when Dudley had started crying, tore open the envelope and started to read.

Wait... this isn't Lily's handwriting...

And as she read the neat cursive, a sense of numbness spread throughout her chest.

Dead?

She had to read it again.

Surely not...

And again.

Not Lily...

And... again.

No...

"Lily..." Petunia whispered.

Through the numbness, a pain erupted so suddenly; images and memories of times gone by flooded her mind. Happier times. Simpler times.

Times that Petunia wanted back... and she was willing to do anything to get them.

But nothing can bring back the dead.

No matter how hard we try...

A/N: I hope you enjoyed your journey on the FeelsExpress, I know enjoyed writing it... although probably wasn't a great idea to do it on my lunch break, at work, in a crowded break room.

I was going for an angle where Petunia is torn between wanting her nice normal life back and wanting her sister back- I refuse to believe she wouldn't be heartbroken to read about Lily's death.

Anyway, please let me know what you think!

Mez ~x~