Crystal Flowers

by NekomimiToree

Crystal Flowers. Mama? Cold? Snow? Let go of me? The faint awakening. Gifts of water, light, darkness. Your insistence. My unspoken words. Our forbidden feelings. "You'll forget about it." "Remember that, will you?" Shui Jing Hua. The End.

2. Part Two

Synopsis: Crystal Flowers. Mama? Cold? Snow? Let go of me? The faint awakening. Gifts of water, light, darkness. Your insistence. My unspoken words. Our forbidden feelings. "You'll forget about it." "Remember that, will you?" Shui Jing Hua. The End.

---

A/N: I dedicate part two to marco2050. Your expertise and continued support make you the best beta-reader anyone can ever hope for. Your help on the actions scenes (the battles and the explosions) have really made this story shine much brighter than it would've been if I've done it alone. And thanks to Blinded by the Moonlight for your golden opinions and words of encouragement. Your enthusiasm kept me going even when I was running out of words to put down.

Enjoy this story, and Happy Early Chinese New Year!

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Excerpt from Finding What's Lost:

"Precisely. Years ago, he found a laboratory in the middle of the sewers and discovered a series of spell books. Among them was the ability to interrogate certain enzymes into the cells. That was how these monsters in the tubes were created.

"And Anhel. Leol scouted him to be part of another experiment. The other parts of the spell books detailed on that: the elements and how to change the human body into the elements itself. He called this "Direct Elemental Anatomy and Manipulation", DEAM.

And Anhel possessed the genes to survive the DEAM process. And I was pulled into this. They offered me change, a way to make the world a better place. So they took Ludibrium's treasure and Anhel, while I had to finish everyone else who was with us.

"We knew you would find my alibi fishy, but I didn't care. Soon, I would leave too, and Ludibrium wouldn't let you investigate me. I joined up with Leol, who worked for a group called the Knights. I didn't know much about the people on the inside. That didn't matter though. I was more interested in finishing the job and so I was to watch the prisoners. You've seen them right? Trapped in Adamasdyst?"

"Get to the point." Cathy snarls.

"The prisoners were from all around, and they all had one single point, special genes, genetic disorders, or a certain talent. In response to that, the Special Children program by Elite was made, the secret eradication of ones they labeled as "special". They all had the ability to survive the DEAM process. Anhel was one of the first successful subjects. It was a miracle he survived the pain. While his arm, his body was being liquefied into water, he screamed for your name. I do wonder why though. Why would he, a traitor, still think about you?"

-Maple Story: Finding What's Lost

---

Extraction 51 percent complete

"I'm still confused. What do you mean when you said the missing puzzle? What could go wrong?"

"Think about it. She could be aware at this very moment. That means she knows her memories are fading away as the extractions keep going. But why does it glitch. Why would her memory glitch?"

"Didn't the problem go away by itself? I don't think you should think this hard about something as complicated as memory."

"Remember the notes you passed me."

"I just wanted to know a little bit more on how it works. I couldn't get what—"

"I'm not talking about that part. Read lower, at the last section."

---

A child sat on the chair while her mother readied the pen and paper. The lady held the kid's hand with care and guides it delicately across the paper. She was as gentle as possible; her weight on the child was as light as a feather. If she held the hand too tightly, it would shatter. If she wasn't cautious with her movements, the child would never be able to write. If her warmth was too much for the girl, they would both fall apart. Her world was made of glass that binds her to her child.

Once the words were done, the mother said the words she wrote, but the child couldn't hear. The crackle of the fire was stone silent. The steam from the kettle produced no sound. And the presence of snow was undermined by walls of the home as well as by the beauty of the moment. On her own, the child repeated the words on paper. And with that, the silence was no more. Happiness from the mother could be heard. Squeaking floor could be heard. The child's ears were separated from the quiet slumber.

And with that, the mother voice could be heard.

Hua Shui Jing. But remember, this first one is our family name. The last two is yours. Shui Jing.

"But mama, I saw a character where you put two drops of water like this. What does this mean?"

"Silly girl. That means ice. I would rather have a water child than an ice child."

"What's wrong with being an ice child?"

"Because you will always be my special little Shui Jing, clear and bright and forever. Ice just melts."

"Eh? I get it mama."

Mama?

I breathe. I see. Where? Where am I? In this dim lighting, I see all around me the sparks from broken machinery and the flashing of red lights. It gives a bloody glow to the room, not at all white. White. Why white? Leol? Pass the broken glass, all I see is papers dump over the ground in emergency and the constant fuzzy screen emitting static. It takes me a while to move my legs, but once I do, they are still stiff like walking in thick lead. Slowly and carefully, I push myself over the tiles and closer to where Leol was. He should be here. He has to be.

But he's not. He's nowhere. The white beanie and thick sunglasses are nowhere to be seen. Where could he be? What happened?

I hear the sound of glass, and a figure produces from behind. He's in a glass helmet and a white suit with dark edges. Lining his back are clear, wing-like extensions, almost like a dragonfly. His boots and gloves shine the color of gold even in the dark room, somehow giving off a feeling of royalty. Whoever he is, I know I've never met him.

"Who are you," I ask, my voice nearly shivering.

"Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. Did you do something bad before you went on your beauty sleep?"

"I said. Who are you," I repeat, louder this time.

"A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. You can call me Narke and I've come here, to annihilate you."

"Annihilate me? Why?"

"The weapons first, fighting second," he explains before kicking an object across the ground up to my feet. "You should recognize it. It's your bow." I look down, and between the flashing lights, I can see the shape clearly. It is the same weapon that took away my brothers and sisters. And under the red glow, it looks almost like the sun setting behind the beach. Red water. Bloody water.

"Where are the arrows?"

"You have to make it, like this." He clasps his gloves together in the shape of a ball and starts to pull them apart. Then, in between, a small rod of light forms and shapes until a stair-like sword, four rectangles on top of another, shapes itself. "Talking by nature, silence by wisdom. I much rather finish this quick then waste time with idle words." He spreads his arms and the whole room burst into light. I feel a force pound my chest until I'm lying on the ground, the bow adjacent to me.

Taking the bow in my hand, I hear the sound of our weapons clashing against each other. His strength is weaker than mines and I easily overpower him and push him back. Wordlessly, he points his finger at me, and a light shot out. It scales across the room and hits all the machinery.

The next thing I hear is the sound of explosions covering the room.

---

Extraction 52 percent complete

"I…um…I…"

"Think about it a little. What are we extracting? What does the glitch have to do with it?"

"I know that. I just can't believe it. Could it be a side effect of the DEAMer process? Or maybe just because of increased brain activity? We have to be absolutely sure here!"

"We are not going to terminate the process! That would destroy her mind! You have to keep this a secret at all costs."

"But with her condition, you won't be able to tell what might happen! Her brain might crash and nothing might happen. Or she might die!"

"I understand perfectly. I will take full responsibility if that happens. You will not be in any trouble."

---

When the winds clear the dust, I can finally see my hand. It comes in two different colors. White, like the uniform everyone in Cnorion has to wear, and clear, sort of like the glass but more like plastic. The bow, the man in the strange armor, and my hand—I've seen this before. My frosted fingers hold onto the bow of sharp waves, and ready to educe death again. The great Arctic ice floe lives alone without trees or animals or friends, because it destroys whatever it touches. This is the exact same feeling I had when I took the third test.

Whatever.

Even if this bow and these hands killed my family, I told myself I can't turn back.

The man watches me through his glass helmet, not smiling nor frowning. But he's not striking. Just standing. Waiting for me to form my weapon and fight back. Closing my hands together, I can't feel anything but the coldness of the snow. I've been playing with it for too long again, I guess. When I pull the hands apart, it reveals the arrow made of ice. Feeling the weight in my hand, I know it'll never fly with a density like this. Dropping the bow and arrow to the floor, I forge a crude sword as my weapon. I'm still at an advantage; I can still overpower him.

We charge at the same time and clash between the rubble. He strikes first and I immediately knock it out of the way. Catching him off guard, I swing the sword at his shoulders when a second sword forms from his other hand. He stabs the first sword with light speed, going through my stomach. Nothing at all. No pain. No blood. Not even a tickle. There's only the feeling of cold where the sword is. Ice is my blood.

I batter my icy weapon at his side, but it's not sharp enough to go through his steel armor. The two swords slices me again, one at the shoulder and the other near the first wound. But still there is no other sensation. He puts his palm where the ice formed and my body flies backwards into the ground. Cranking my neck, I find the gap where my stomach used to be before it fills in itself with ice. What remains is the hole of my uniform and the soft, light flesh. Is it flesh? Or is it ice?

I touch the skin with my hand, and hiss at the cold. My stomach feels real enough. But my hands are still fake and destructive. I stand up and find the man had move farther from me. In his hands is the white light he uses as his weapon. I can remember his palms touching me, and there was a jolt of sort. Can I do that too? Stretching out my hand, I open my palm and gather as much ice into it as possible. I imagine myself holding an arrow, and before I even think about releasing that arrow, an ice crystal flies from my hand. It travels a good thirty meters but misses the man by a mile.

I try to readjust my aim and fire but he catches my hands and shifts it upwards. The arrow rises in the air and shatters by itself. "How do you move so fast," I scream, half scared and half amazed.

"Victory is yours. I concede defeat. Here, come with me."

"With you? Where?" He releases his grip and goes into a portal. I swear it wasn't there a moment ago.

"To see Leol."

"Leol?" He smiles through the glass and bathe himself in the light. As I step forward my hands shake and my legs tremble. Why am I hesitating? Is this some kind of trick? I summon another ice sword for defense and charge through the light nearly bumping into the man in armor. When I finally stop and look around the room, my sword breaks into pieces and rests itself on the floor.

A blast of purity sinks into my thoughts. In one corner, near the door, is the desk. On top is a pile of neatly stacked papers held down by a pen, several color pencils, and an army of crayons. One by one, I move the utensils aside to clear the topmost drawing and sure enough, it was there. Purple spikes, solid net, the sun, the crest, the stars. A gift from Leol, a weapon that killed my family, a past I left behind on my most recent battlefield. A nameless bow called Death and Ice and many other things. I can't help but stare at the artwork and imagine its solid figure in my hands.

"All art is concerned with coming into being...for art is concerned neither with things that are, or come into being, by necessity, nor with things that do so in accordance with nature." When he finishes the quote, there is a quiet air in the room until he closes the door and leaves me to my own. A sudden breath of snow wafts around the room and I have to situate myself on the bed to escape the smell of blood. Another image pops into my head. It's the red water at dusk. Free and vast, never bothered by thoughts or action, misery or sadness, anger or hatred.

Just flowing, living, and existing. And not confined into the same room with the same white bed and the same white walls and the same white memories. But this is not the same room. Merely another copy and paste. This is the third copy I've seen. I take a moment to analyze the room, and come to terms with the feelings I left in the last copy. It'll never be different. That's true. But I can always change. That's true too. During the awards ceremony, Leol told me to live life the way I want to, the way I need to.

I reach for a color pencil and touch the wall. It's possible, I tell myself. And I start to draw. I don't know what I'm drawing, or if I'll ever finish. But as long as I'm drawing something, anything is fine. Right, Mae? Edward? Sean? Kyra? Ryan? Sonata? Teresa? Oh, and Sarah. You don't have to forgive me, I'll forgive you. We can't be family, but at least, we can still be friends, right?

---

Extraction 53 percent complete

"Please Leol! You have to stop! There is no way for you to tell what part of her memory is thirty percent!"

"All the more reason to research deeper!"

"I beg of you, open the door, please!"

"Stop bothering me and go away!"

"What are you doing outside? Shouldn't you be in there?"

"I'm so glad to see you Commander Yang. He locked himself inside the room and wouldn't come out! He wouldn't eat! Please stop him!"

"Leol! Get out, now! I can have you arrested if I open it myself! Hey!"

"What do you want?"

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Look, alright. She has no one. No friends. No family. I am the only person who can do this for her. I need to realize her final wish. It's the last thing I can do to make things right for her."

---

I only notice the door opened when a different, fresher breeze drifts into the room. Leol stands there, watching carefully at the artwork I drew. And when I face the drawing, all I see are strange lines crisscrossed and curved and arranged in three neat squares. Somehow they remind me of a dream I know I had, but I just don't know. What was I drawing? Where is Mae? And Edward? And their baby? Was it all just a dream?

My sleeping disorder, of course. It has to be playing tricks on me. I sleep walked to the wall, that's all. It's the only explanation. "What have you been doing, squirt? Don't you remember graffiti is a violation of the rules," Leol remarks. "Squirt, are you listening to me?"

"Huh? Yeah, I heard you. I'm wondering. That's all."

"Shui Jing Hua."

"What?" I look at him and expect him to look firm. Rarely, does he go beyond 'squirt' to refer to me, and I can't remember the last time he used my full name, if ever. And when I see his smug and graceful expression, I know he's still the same Leol I remember.

"Hey, no need to look at me that way. I'm only reading your name." Before I have time to protest, he points at the wall. Looking back, I can finally see it. Three syllables. Three sets. Shui Jing Hua. By why is it my name? How do I know to write this? "Is there something wrong?" I ponder the question while staring at the symbols. My heart tells me a million questions, but my mind can't quite put it into words. It's fear. Somehow I'm scared to ask.

"No, there isn't anything."

"That's great, then. For a while I was feeling a bit scared. What say you and me go to the canteen and grab you something to eat? You've been sleeping for so long."

"How long was it?"

"Eh…a week." I react mildly to the answer.

"Can I go to the café instead?"

"No can do, squirt. I've been ordered to get you some real food, not junk. The cafeteria will have to do for now."

"Ok, then. Let's go." I take a last glance at the wall before stepping into the new halls. The first thing I notice is a carpet, bright red with intricate golden edges. In my last two halls, such a thing was unheard of. It was always possible to trace your legs on the smooth marble when the weather grew warm. And the walls never had paintings. I always thought it was an unspoken rule for the walls to lay barren and white. As I travel in my sneakers, I stare more at the chandeliers, than at where I am going. I can't tell for sure, but more or less, they are glass, and they represent my status right now. Higher, definitely. But by how much?

Downstairs, the floor contrasts greatly with upstairs. The same colorless furniture and the same colorless tiles fill the wide lounge space. Below a balcony is the TV surrounded left and right by a random arrangement of tables and sofas and chairs. Above the balcony is a stretch of windows and at the center is a glass door. Through the glass wall, I spot the ever-blue, cloudless sky. This is what you get for living so high up. But if that's the case, then where does the snow come from back in…

I shake myself loose from the thought, and head through without thinking any further. It didn't take long to cross over to the cafeteria, but the turns and twists of the paths leave a confusing impression. After a lunch consisting of veggie ravioli, a bread roll, milk, and grapes, Leol strikes another conversation with me. "Alright squirt, you still want to go to the café?" I have to pause for a second before answering. But when I clear up the emotions swelling within me, I answer with confidence.

"No, not anymore."

"Then, is there anything else you want to do? Something you always wanted to see? Today is entirely dedicated to you. You can do whatever you want."

"I would really like to rest."

"Rest? But you've rested for a week!"

"Please, Leol. Just—" I pause before I finish. It's not right to reject him like this. All he's trying to do is to help me like a friend would. There exists again, the same loneliness I felt back in Cnorion. At that time, it didn't bother me at all, until I discover the friendships in the last months. Between all this confusion with the words on the walls and my uncertain future, I shouldn't really rest. What I need is a friend to cheer me up.

"Um…actually. Ok. I want to go somewhere."

"Great! Where do you have in mind?"

"Um…I'm not sure…" I roll my eyes around to an approaching boy behind Leol.

"Hey! Leol! What's up? Whatcha both talking about," the boy says, pulling a chair from across the table.

"Good timing. We were discussing about Shui Jing here." Leol puts his hands in front of my body like he is presenting me. "It's her day off and she can't decide where she wants to go. You got any good ideas?" The boy examines me with bent lips. It's a weird feeling being looked over like that, but I didn't speak a single word.

"I would say the beach, but she's a little pale."

"Nothing a little sunscreen can't fix."

"Are you sure sunscreen would cover that? She is very pale! It's unbelievable! And I thought I got it pretty rough at the beach." Anhel twists his lips further and press his eyebrows in a scowl.

"Anhel, please don't mention that ever again."

"Why not? It wasn't my fault that someone forgot to bring the sunscreen. I like water, but you know how I react to burns. My skin was like lettuce! You can peel the skin off!" Leol guffaws at the comment, laughing so hard that he takes off the glasses and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

"The best part was when Narke started pulling them whenever you weren't looking."

"You know, I liked him better with his spacesuit on."

"Of course." After the conversation dies down, they both turn their attention at me. "Is the beach ok with you?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, then it's settled. We'll meet at the station in an hour." Without leaving another word, Leol heads out of the cafeteria. Anhel shakes his head in disagreement at Leol's back.

"So, where is the station?"

"You don't know? I'll take you there, then, right after we pack up."

"Um…ok. Sure. Where is your dorm?"

"Where is my dorm? You know exactly where my dorm is. We live in the same building, silly! I'm a DEAMer, too."

"DEAMer?"

"It stands for Direct Elemental Anatomy and Manipulation. You know, you can do this." He raises his hands on front of my eyes and wraps one around the other. I look at him, puzzled for a moment until his hands collapses and water splashes over my eyes. My body tumbles to the ground, and I watch the water recollect around his handless wrist. I open my mouth to let out a scream, but nothing comes out of my mouth.

I can do that too. I am a DEAMer, just like him. But I control over the cold. He manipulates the water. "Sorry for freaking you out like that." Anhel stretches out his reformed hand. The fair complexion and five finger shape remains the same, as if nothing happened. When I touch it for the first time, I gasp It doesn't feel like water at all.

Back at the dorms, Anhel waves to me as we split to our individual rooms. I didn't wave back to him or smile back at him. Once I'm at the front of the door, I remember I don't have the key. I look around the floor for someone to help me, unexpectedly bumping into Reina. She has her hair in a bun, and a pen between her lips. Without saying anything verbally, she drops the key in my hand and leaves in a hurry. What is she doing here? Why is she in such a rush?

Maybe I'll ask her later.

After a quick shower, I look around the room for anything I could wear to the beach besides the white uniform I'm left with. But the drawers and the closet only contain copies of the same exact thing. Giving up, I shove a new set from the hanger and toss it over the bed sheets. Then I finally notice it. Embodied upon the white coat is my name in small, dark letters. Shui Jing Hua. Looking back at the wall, I compare the two different scripts. There are two ways to spell my name, one with letters and one with symbols. And the symbolic one is taught to me by my mother, whoever she may be.

I turn to the mirror by the desk and take a look at my collar. Then I check the belt, making sure it's not lopsided. All set, I guess. When I open the door, Anhel's leaning on the opposite wall with a surfboard by his side and his whole attire consists of water proof material. "You took so long just to wear that?" I take a look at myself, from the sneakers up to my sleeves. Comparing myself to him, I instantly know this is a bad idea. For some weird reason I'm making a big deal about how I appear, when for the last couple of years I could care less.

"I showered, too," I quickly refute, hoping he wouldn't notice my embarrassment.

"Showering doesn't take forty minutes, you know?" He shuffles his dirty blonde hair off his eyes, pulling it back with water.

"How would you know? You probably don't have to shower at all!" I yell, blushing further.

"What's with the attitude? Last time I saw you, you were quiet as a mouse." He stares right into my eyes, making me feel weird and out of place. I squeeze myself against the wall, hoping to hide myself with no success. "Well, it's fine to talk. Better than having a zombie joining our group. We should start going, the station is a bit ways from here." He motions for me to follow him. "Hey, about before. I actually shower, but a lot of people think I don't just because I'm water. Water can get dirty too…"

He goes on and on about pointless things about his life. Some of it is funny, like how he reminded me water can't wash sticky stuff without soap. I am supposed to know that by common sense, but I take it for granted so much. Some of his talks are also full of action, like the time when he was surrounded by monsters that were immune to his powers. But the words that got me the most engaged is when he talks about the other DEAMers. All of them sound so cool, and friendly. Pretty soon, they would be my new friends, and I would be going on missions with them.

"…and he threw the ball right into my face. After that I wouldn't talk for a week until he started to act like a monkey. It was so funny, I couldn't stop laughing," Anhel muses.

"Sounds like something Leol would do," I add, imagining Leol acting like an ape.

"Except he would be really bad at it!" We both laugh at the same time. I clutch my stomach and close my eyes to stop myself, but every time it starts to die down, the slightest of movement would start it back up again. My stomach start to hurt from my exertion of energy, finally forcing my mouth shut. But Anhel goes on laughing and laughing, looking like he wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"Oh sorry I'm—," Leol huffs, completely out of breath for running, I suppose. The both of didn't notice him at all until now.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. What took you so long? The last departure was twenty minutes ago."

"What? It was?" He looks around the station, finally arriving at the clock above the ticket counter. Six twenty. "Ah, so sorry guys. It took a long time to clean up my files. And you were looking forward to it, too, squirt."

"It's ok," I reply.

"Great. Next time you have a break, I'll go to the beach with you. Promise."

"Next time, tell me you'll be late before I dress up and brought my board," Anhel complains, stepping onto his board. Water shoots out from the floor and carries him out of the station. Leol offers to take me back, but I reject the invitation. I remember how to get back on my own. After he left, I linger at the empty area, reminding myself of all the things Leol done for me. It's too much for one person, but…

Thank you.

---

Extraction 59 percent complete

"You're right. I have to eat. I need the energy to continue the research."

"So what is all this about?"

"It's Shui Jing. There is something she's trying to tell me. She must've been hiding it for too long. Her memories, they are like a breath of regret. It's interfering with the process and caused a glitch to happen. If I can find where in her memories caused the glitch, I might be able to trace the source of her regret."

"I've read your reports in my spare time. Even I know that if something wrong sparked in her mind, her powers could kill us all. Her mental condition brings an even greater risk."

"Don't tell anyone, please. At least, not until I do this one thing for her."

"Even if you solve the mystery, how will she know?"

"She will. She's aware. Watch. Shui Jing Hua."

"The readings! They're spiking! Leol! You have to do something. We can't let her wake—"

"Oh shut up!"

"I see. But the extraction?"

"It'll continue. I'll make sure no one finds out."

"As your partner and commander, I can only cover for you for so long. When the time comes, I will lock you up and put you in jail in accordance to my orders."

"Thank you, Yang."

"Don't thank me. You have until one hundred percent. You know what will happen then, right?"

"I understand. Assistant! Recall Ryan, now! Tell him it's an emergency!"

---

Mama? I think I need another blanket.

Oh dear. Water child! You're burning up!

Yeah…all this gooey stuff is coming out of my nose.

Don't touch it! I'll clean it up for you.

Thank you, mama. But I can do it myself.

It's dinner time already. Stay right here, I'll make you some porridge.

No, mama! I don't want you to leave! I want you to be here.

I can't do that! If you don't eat, the cold won't go away. Be good and wait for me, I'll be fast.

But mama!

Oh, how I wish I live near the beach. It's nice and sunny there. I hate the cold.

Eh? Then why do you live here?

When I lived in Henesys, I wanted to live somewhere with snow.

Cold? Snow?

Another dream. Or is it a memory?

Shui Jing Hua. I check the words one last time before it disappears into the white. "R—Reina? What are you doing in my room?"

"Leol said your room was a mess." She discards a piece of cloth into the trash bin besides the desk. "It's time for breakfast. Everyone is already waiting downstairs." Her high heels tap against the floor as she brings a box into my lap. From the size of it, I can already predict what's inside. The bow. And from the weight of it, all sixteen arrows are still there. And more. Reina looks at me carefully, crossing her hands over her chest. Slowly, I strip off the ribbon and gift wrap and open the box. What I see, then, are piles and piles of clothing organized by color. Shirts, pants, undergarments, socks, mittens, scarves, red, blue, yellow, white, stripes, polka dots, hearts, flowers, birds, and one more. A rough gray shirt that's knitted very closely and heavy to the touch.

"That is a shirt made of yarn from a type of metal. He really cares too much about you," Reina remarks, telling me the gift come from Leol. "Even though it's secondhand, it can block against most projectiles and nullify most types of magic." She has the silent edge of jealousy in her voice at the last words, but from her gaze, it's probably not aimed towards me. Is she jealous of Leol?

I pick out a white tee with a deep blue outline of a blue jay in flight. The wings stretches to the tips of my shoulder, it's body perches across the middle of the loose shirt, and it's head pokes all the way to the back. When I put it on, the bird imprints itself onto my body, and it wings seems to droop, ready to settle. Looking at myself in the mirror, with the shirt and faded jeans, I don't recognize myself anymore. It's still white, but with colors. Reina helps me into the special shirt, the metal fibers of it compress to fit my body and preserve my curves. After a quick face wash and teeth brushing, I cover the shirt with a solid gray hoodie.

Downstairs, I meet Narke, the man I fought against right after I awaken. Without his armor, he looks like a sickly young adult. His skin is a bleak pale peach and his spiky bangs droops darkly as if his hair had died. Even his solid, dull clothing reflects his dying nature. If anything is lively in him, it is the eyes, shining with bright intelligence and brimming with overflowing understanding. "My name is Gaelizulge Narke, DEAMer of light," Narke says, holding out a hand. For a moment, I blank out while shaking his hand. I don't know if it has to do with his posture or his voice or my previous encounter with him, but something about him seems invitingly spooky.

"Um…my name…uh…Shui Jing, DEAMer of…ice," I stumble, whispering the last word.

"If you're not used to being so formal, you don't have to. My family was aristocratic, so it is a habit of mines." He lets go of his hand and the both of us begin for the cafeteria. On the way, only Reina and Narke converse, while I watch him talk and laugh and smile. I brush my hand as I walk, as if there is dirt stuck on it. And then I realize it now. Narke's hand feels too false. He's a DEAMer, yes, and my hand feels false. But this is different. There is no warmth, no feeling, only a single touch that didn't exist at all.

Thoughts of that time come into my head. The time when I was in the snow, lying on the ground. My bow was in front of me, and I pick it up. Then I released an arrow, somehow, and it killed Mae. She lets go of her own arrow, and it flew past me, hitting Sarah. Then it was complete fear. Everything just starts to melt in front of me. I can't take it. I…I…I…

"Shui Jing! Shui Jing! Shui Jing!" I spot the eggs and bacon on a plate on a table. A cup of water spilled over, soaking my jeans. Reina breathes next to my ear, her arms covering my shoulder blades. She appears in shock and at the same time composed.

The morning sun stings my eyes and the yellow spills over the polished table. I see an image flash across the table, but I can't make out what it is. It is like a magician's magic, except the magic only lasted for a moment in space.

"I remember something. But I don't know what it is. It's hurting my head."

"Don't try too hard," Narke says, enunciating each word in a mesmerizing tone. "When you sleep for too long, you'll start to forget things. For thou dost forget misery, as waters passed away thou rememberest. Don't try to remember things that would only hurt you."

"Narke's right. Don't start to dig for your memories," Anhel says, "or you'll give yourself a headache. Just relax."

"But I know this is important. I have to remember it! I know I have to. It's too important," I protest.

"Leveled heart and calm breathing solves problems. Calm down a little. Or you'll start blurting things out randomly. Like Anhel."

"Hey, don't start blurting my things out!" Anhel's chair scoots against the floor as Narke leaves with his plate. "Where are you going? Come back here!" His face brightens as red as a tomato and Narke responds by producing an apple.

"Eat it, plant the seeds, and keep the doctor away." Narke releases the apple and Anhel catches it with both hands. "Oh and the color suits you. Matches with the face." Narke glows bright like the sun and disappears in the speed of light, leaving the plate. Anhel catches it in time with his water before proclaiming he'll find him.

"You're smiling," Reina giggles. From the way my cheek muscles are moving, I guess I am. But I have a strange smile. Wait. How do I know that? Did someone tell me that, and I forgot about it? "Would you like the day off? I'll contact Leol right away."

"N…no need! I feel fine. Today is supposed to be my first day. I don't want to miss the missions." As I leave the chair with my plate, I continue to have the same image of Sarah and Mae, but as I try to go further, all that's left is the colorless snow and a pain in my cheeks.

Maybe I really should calm down. It's probably useless.

---

Extraction 60 percent complete

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"What will happen at one hundred percent?"

"Her mind will collapse and disintegrate. She'll become essentially pure Mana, and we'll all die in the blink of an eye."

"What? How is that possible? Aren't we just extracting her memories? Shouldn't her mind calm down the more we pull from her?"

"But remember, she is awake and aware. If you were having your memories extracted, and you know it is happening, and that creates new memories, what do you think would happen? At best, you'll ignore fate. But, that glitch tells me she wouldn't give in so easily."

"B…b…but! We have to stop it right now! It's too dangerous! It's like working with a bomb!"

"No one is stopping it, except for me. If it comes to it, I'll personally pull the plug on her, but not until I figure out what she wants me to know."

"Hello, Leol. Long time no see. What did you call me for?"

"Ryan, good timing. There is something I need to ask."

"Ask? It better not be something about her. You know how much I hate her."

"It is."

"Then I'm outta here! If it weren't for her, Kyra wouldn't be—"

"Just give it a rest! Serenade said she'll wake up soon enough."

"And you want me to trust that half-man half-woman monster! If you ask me, the Knights are made up of nothing but people like him."

"Be quiet! Do you want to get yourself killed?"

"I can say whatever I want, and whatever I don't want! If anyone tries to hurt me again, I'll burn them to the ground!"

"The only one hurting you is yourself. You know it was your ignorance that hospitalized Kyra. You were the one that taught her suicide."

"I always knew you were scary. Fine, ask me anything. But if I don't want to answer it, then I am getting out of here."

"Then let's start off with the first time you met her."

---

Heavy breathes fill the air as I reach my limit. My motionless body tenses when the Desert Giant, a monster made from sand, positions its arm for the next attack. I can hear the beat of my heart as I lift up the melting spire. A large shadow cast over my eyes, sharpening the image of the monster. I grip the ice harder in front of me and hear a crack in my weapon. The sun glares into my eyes again as the wind cracks, signaling the attack. Staring right into the incoming fist, I beg for someone, anyone to save me.

As the blow swings closer and closer, it stops. The shadow dissolves little by little, until the last dust particle is overtaken by the winds. At the same time Narke opens the water canteen, I collapse into the grainy, solid earth. The sands bury slowly over the bird until Narke stands in front of the sun, against the winds. He pours water over my cheeks and dumps the sunblock over my stomach.

"Haste will do you no good. Mentally or physically, patience would yield the greatest reward," Narke advises, smiling weakly. Resting my fingers across the water, I only manage to lower the temperature of the water, not freeze it. I need water to freeze in order to control ice. Without water nearby, all I have is my body and the full canteen. When Neinheart passed the mission to us, Narke told me stimulated weakness postulates strength. And Anhel told me the search for the some temple in the middle of the desert isn't the true goal to the mission. The true goal was to train me.

"I'll be quick," I quip, not taking his proverbs into consideration. Using the towel, I wipe off the mixture of water, sweat, and sand off my face and arms before reapplying the sunscreen again.

"I found an oasis a mile from here, we'll rest there. It's secluded in between the sand dunes, so no one can find us." We silently start for the water, not moving too fast or too slow. Narke's pace. Slow and steady wins the race. The monsters stalk along a far distance, their empty eyes fearful of the pale-faced boy guarding me. At the oasis, the Desert Giants still observes us as I fill myself with water. "Pitaya?" He puts down two halves of a fruit in my hands. I look at the food suspiciously, thinking how he could've brought fruit along. It's not like we brought a backpack or anything.

"Where did it come from?"

"I grew it." He dismisses casually .

"Oh." I dig my fingers and pull out a piece of fruit. "Wait! What did you mean by grew?" Narke cups the air with his hands. Along his thumb, a green, almost yellow, string emblazes the pale skin. That's where I notice it. His nails are shaped like hearts with visible veins running underneath. And looking closely at his hair, some of it is thicker than others. Looking back at his hand, the green image at his thumb rises out of the skin, moving and stretching. The string branches off differently, uniformly creating the shape of a bare fir tree. Purple spheres pop out from the ends of each branch until the fruit is complete. Grapes. I put my hand on the packet of round fruit, feeling the plumpness that comes with water and the tenderness that comes with flesh. It's real.

Facing Narke again, I gasp when his hair changes color from raven black to bright green. The thick strands of yellow separate the fibers into sections and shapes. Leaves. He takes his time removing his article of clothing, dumping the shirt and pants in the sun. A vague, almost imaginary white-gray skin stretches over his sleek body like the skin of an apple. But the most amazing thing about him isn't his dis-proportioned stature or the color of his skin—it is the still heart protruding on the outside of his chest. Almost, I can hear the beating of the outside heart. And the last thing I see with his transformation is the sharpening of his ears, and the shedding of eyebrows and eyelashes. The eyes, formerly black, fills with the pigment of grapes. His skin changes color, giving him a green, closefitting shirt, and white pants.

"In your language, you would call me a plant," Narke says, positioning his hand on his heart. "But to me, I am Breath. My people are the lungs of the moon. And Gaelizulge Narke means 'breezes of the self.' Or…" He gazes into my eyes.

"I…I…I…," I stutter, thinking of a way to ignore his monstrous abilities. But the more I try to ignore it, the more confusion covers my thoughts.

"Shui Jing! Are you ok?" There is just enough time for Narke to catch me as I collapse into his arms.

Where are you, water child?

Mama? I'm here! Look! There are a lot of Snow Roses here! I'll get one for you.

No! Don't go near them! The thorns are poisonous!

Poisonous? But the healer picks these all the time.

She has the antidote, so she doesn't mind. But if you don't, the poison would cause you to fall asleep.

Eh? Really! Mama! Mama? Where are you, mama? Mama! You're hurt! What are you saying? Help! Help! Huh?

Let go of me?

I wake up with a start. Tumbling over to the desk, I quickly throw a volley of color pencils around the table and start working on the picture. Yellow, peach, yellow, black, yellow, white, yellow, yellow, yellow. I take the black and jab it at the face, trying to remember the features of the person. But it's too late. I lost it. Ugh! I lost it! I lost it! I lost it! I lost it! But I have to remember who it is! Mama? Where are you? Who are they?

A deep sense of loneliness weighs in my eyes as cold tears run down one drop at a time. I cry and look at man with disgusting yellow hair one last time and roll it into a ball and throw it into the trash.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that, they lied to us..."

"Yeah, they lied about that. So what? It's a white lie."

"But why lie…" Pause. "Don't tell me you never thought of this."

"Well…no, I didn't. Why should I?"

"…then suddenly we were brought here and they taught us to read and write and fight. There's something very wrong here!"

"What could be wrong? They gave us a home and food and even a family. You—"

"They're not even your real family! They are kids just like us who's been lied to!"

"So what? You're happy! And I'm happy! Everyone is happy with the way things are! You're being too sensitive!"

Huh? Where? Where does this conversation come from? Lied? Who lied? Family? Argh!

A discreet fist bangs on my door and the door cracks open by itself. Lightly squeezing her head through the opening, Reina smiles and waves before revealing the rest of her body. "Oh, you're awake," she exclaims, fruitfully excited. She dances to the desk and pulls me down the stairs.

"Whoa. Where are you taking me," I ask. She didn't seem to have heard me so I try again, "Reina! Where are you taking me?"

"No time for questions." Her voice sings and hums. Outside, the sun is already at dusk, giving a familiar scent of darkness. Even so, she insists on dragging me down a stretch of road to a familiar café. Reina taps on the glass window and tells me to look through in a sing-song voice. I remember a lot in that moment. A lady, with her back facing the window, works on the next order for the customer. When she turns, I nearly call out her name. But once I get a clear view of her face, I know she isn't Teresa. But who could she be? A new student?

The single customer takes the dessert with him to the table and notices me once he settles on a chair. Upon seeing me, he happily motions for me to go in. Clutching the handle, I sense the numerous other times I opened this door coming back to me. Six months. Every day, afterschool, Mae and I go to the café. The three of us were the best friends; nothing will ever separate us. And we always talk about useless things between cookies and cake.

Wait…three? A disgusting taste slowly finds its way to my tongue, coloring the memories of my friends. Mae, me, and someone else? Someone special, someone around me. He…can't be Ryan, can he? Ryan always gets into trouble, so he isn't always there. And this person, this boy, he was always there, sitting next to me. It feels so sour to think about him, but I was laughing and smiling whenever he was there. Why would I forget about him if he is in all my happy memories? J…Ja…Jas…Jay. His name was…Jay?

"Hello! Earth of Shui Jing," Anhel snaps, slurring my name in annoyance. He presses his head on the glass door, squashing his nose and cheeks into an unrecognizable blob. I'm not in the mood for laughing, so I enter without changing my expression. He seems to notice that and returns to his seat, digging deeper into his order, sky blue ice cream. A new flavor. Did Edward tell me that? Or…Jay? "Reina sure was in a hurry. Do you think she has a date?"

Upon hearing the word "date," my mind shifts from Jay to Leol. I remember hearing from somewhere that Reina liked him. Before. "Who do you think he might be?" I ask, sounding too casual.

"Your guess is as good as mines." He remarks, sound too sarcastic to be Anhel. Upon seeing my confusion, he quickly shifts the subject, "Do you know why she brought you here?"

"Why?"

"Because a certain someone wanted to see you, but he didn't want to call you himself. Speaking of which, where is he?"

"The owner is answering a call. He'll be back soon," the employee behind the counter informs, wiping the dough off her apron.

"The owner? The owner of the shop," I ask, wondering why the owner would want to speak with me. As I recall, I've never even met the guy. I guess rich owners don't have to work at his own store.

"Yeah. Narke owns the shop. Being the third DEAMer does have its quirks. That guy beat me by a year." Narke. The sudden mention of his name reminds me of his true form. A disgusting, misshapen human lacking the hair a human should have. His voice, dead and dying, resounds in my mind as I remember how captivating it was. A wispy image of Jay flashes in my head. Somehow they are alike. Their hairs are just the same: disgusting, dying. "I heard he freaked you out a little. He really shouldn't have."

"What does he want?" I ask, not knowing if by fear or anger.

"I don't know, really. Since he spilled the beans on his identity, I guess I might as well too."

"You're not human either?"

"I'm human. Except that, I'm actually an adult." My mouth opens in surprise.

"Wow, you're short."

"What? No! I'm not short! I'm taller than you." I take a look at his legs. If that chair is any higher, he wouldn't even touch ground.

"By an inch?"

"What? Not by an inch! I'm taller than that! I have to be! You're making this harder than it should be!"

"Making what harder?"

"Just listen, alright. I'm using my water powers to keep myself looking like this."

"Why would you do that?"

"There is someone I will see again one day. But I want her to be able to recognize me when that time comes. That is why I have to keep myself young."

"Then…is Narke also keeping himself young?" For some reason this question takes Anhel by surprise. He diverts his eyes and moves the spoon around the ice cream.

"I don't know really. He's already a high-ranked Knight after I joined. Actually, no, I heard from somewhere that he is an ex-GM Elite member. That means he drank from the fountain of youth or something. That's what everyone says."

"GM?" In Cnorion, I heard a lot of things about them. "Who are they?"

"Who are they? No one taught you that," Anhel exclaims, a clear irritation in his words. "They are the reason I'm here and not with my teacher. All they do is bully her and make her life hell. And there is no way for her to escape them unless someone stronger saves her. They're evil! I joined the Knights because they want to rid the world of GMs."

The doorbells jingles as another customer comes in. I watch Narke's movements. The eyelashes flicker in accordance with the wind, and his legs tread the tiles carefully. He put himself into clothes, disguising his heart from the eyes of the beholder. Everything he does and everyway he looks is human. Therefore, he is a living lie. He isn't human. He doesn't eat like we do. Talk like we do. Or feel like we do. That feeling of fakeness in his hands, and the resonance of his voice is the traits of a plant. A dying plant. A talking plant. A monster plant.

"Are you scared of me?" Narke sighs. A gripping breath finds its way into my lungs, choking me. Somehow, I have a feeling he's mentally choking me with his appearance. Or maybe, since he controls over Light, he is already having an effect on me just as we speak.

"I have to go," I say, raising my voice. Ducking my eyes from his sight, I dodge towards the door, bumping a man behind Narke. For a moment, the man gaze crosses over with mines. Another image comes into mind. This time I'm next to the snow roses and my mother is lying next to a tree. From behind, the strong arms belonging to a man tighten around my body like a python. And turning back, I see the same thick, silver bangs and angry look.

"Yang Ignotch, long time no see. Here for some ice cream?" Before he can speak a single word, I head out of the door, and run blindly through the air.

"I've been thinking about this home. I don't think we can trust them."

"…The Outside isn't really polluted, right? We both know that. Everyone knows that by now."

"…Why would they keep us in Cnorion?"

"Because they are hiding something from us! We were raised in Cnorion…"

---

Extraction 67 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"Pretend that nothing is wrong and that we're on a normal coffee break."

"But how am I supposed to relax when—"

"Be quiet! You cannot say anything about Shui Jing!"

"How can you be so calm when we might die any second now?"

"Because I am not calm. The best poker face is made when you can convince yourself a lie is true. I'm pretending nothing is wrong."

"I don't know. This is dangerous. Maybe we should just quit before—"

"Didn't I just tell you to be quiet?"

"It's too hard! I'm so scared that something might happen! I don't want to die! I didn't sign up for this!"

"Go away! Shoo! If you won't shut up, leave! Now! I don't want to see your face!"

"Leol."

"Anhel, how unexpected."

"I heard from Yang about the situation. There's something I left out in my report that I didn't mention."

"What is it?"

"Well, since I have the ability to draw out the real emotions of people, I sensed something with Shui Jing. Since the first time we met, I could feel a lot of guilt and confusion in her. I didn't think it was significant, but after the incident…"

"You think she was a traitor from the very start?"

"I would think you figured it out before I did. But I guess you were blinded by your love for her."

"Nonsense! The reason I don't suspect her is because I know her!"

"Do you? You call her daughter, but yet, how many times have you actually seen her? But even if you did, I don't think it would make much of a difference. The way she turned out, everyone had a role in it. If anyone can help her, it's you. Good luck."

"You're going to go?"

"As much as I have confidence, I wouldn't want to be here when she explodes."

---

"Good morning, Shui Jing."

"Morning, Anhel."

"You look a bit tired. Did you get a good sleep last night?"

"Huh? Um…yeah."

"Is something wrong? If there's anything going on, you can tell me. I can help you, you know?"

"Oh, I'm fine. It's nothing."

"Alright. Just call me if you need me."

"Actually, Anhel. Can I ask you something, but promise to keep it a secret."

"My lips are sealed."

"Can you tell me all you know about Yang?"

"Yang, why do you need to know about him?"

"Answer me, please. You don't need to know why, right?"

"It's just too vague. Well, I know he is Commander, and uh….he likes to take his day-offs around the café. I don't really know much besides that."

"How about when he joined?"

"Uh…I'm not too sure on that."

"Then I have another question. Have you ever seen someone with blonde hair?"

"Shui Jing, I've seen lots of people with blonde hair."

"Um, well, the color hurts your eyes. It's like the color of vomit."

"Mmm, doesn't ring a bell. Have you seen someone like that?"

"Sorta."

"I'm going to go down right now, want to come with me?"

"I'll go down later."

"Ok."

---

Extraction 72 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"Hey, he's watching us."

"He does that, no worries. Remember to lie to yourself."

"Ok. Act casual. I'll remember that."

"What's in your mind?"

"Huh? Nothing. I'm not thinking anything."

"Fine, then. Enjoy the coffee."

"…"

"What's taking those two so long?"

"…"

"Oh, there they are. James, Narke! Right here!"

"Leol, what! You're actually out of your lab? I don't believe it! It's the end of the world!"

"James, lame jokes would get you nowhere. He who talks is knowledgeable. He who listens is wise. It's simple, really. Not that you'll get it."

"What are you blabbering about now? You calling me stupid! Last I check, you're the third DEAMer! I don't have to take orders from you."

"Hence you're the fool."

"I'll show you who's the fool when my darkness conquers your light!"

"Darkness? Can it really conquer the light? No. It can only hinder the light. But in the end, it is light that conquers all. Therefore, the sun rises even at the darkest point of night."

"You are going to start making sense right now!"

"Guys! We're not here to fight! Quiet down!"

"Tch. We'll settle this later."

"I called the both of you here about Shui Jing. You both were the last to work together with her. And the both of you were also with Jason at the time. I need to know as much details as possible."

"You know, now that you mention it, those two were pretty close together. They seem like a cute couple."

"No, I don't think so. After your mission with her, I eavesdropped on them. She seems genuinely afraid of Jason. As for the reason, I still can't quite put my finger on it."

"She was afraid of Jason?"

"Maybe she knew something we don't. The incident is one big mystery. I doubt anyone knows the answer."

"Hey, Leol. I think, maybe, Jason was using Shui Jing and she found out? Maybe that's why she was so scared."

"Whoa, your assistant makes some crack pot theories."

"No, he could be right. That's one possibility we can explore. But since it's not in my area, I'll let you figure it out, Leol."

"Well, I'll go too, enjoy the coffee."

"Hey, Leol. What do we do now?"

"Let's go back."

---

No dream last night. Yesterday, I went on a training mission with Anhel and afterwards, I was allowed the rest of the day to myself. I didn't talk to anyone that day, except to Anhel in the morning. He didn't know too much, or he could've just lied to me. Counting his age, he has to be a Knight for at least six years. But I trust he wouldn't lie to me. That I knew.

I also tried my best to recall back to that time, but I still couldn't imagine his face. Then, I got to thinking that maybe the reason I don't see his face is because I don't know how he looks like. All I saw was the hair. First it was blonde, and then it was silver. And I saw silver after I saw Yang. That was when it dawned to me. Everything was a figment of my imagination. It all made sense. I could easily imagine the kidnapper to be anyone. Anhel, Narke, even Leol. It was just a bad dream that I had. It's not even real.

My name. Being sick. Her delicate warmth. It's all a lie. I must've known how to write my name in another language from somewhere else. Maybe in Cnorion and I just forgot. My sleep disorder does that to me. That can also explain the vomit hair. Other than some made up person, who in this world has that hair color? Exactly, no one.

So Shui Jing. It's ok. No matter how real things seem, it is only your mind playing tricks on you.

I hear the knocking on the door and Reina's voice. She wants me to be down by five minutes—just enough time to dress, but not enough to brush my teeth. Picking out a relaxing top with a shirt-size happy face design, and a pair of shorts, I quickly dress up and rush down the stairs. Reina's checking her watch by the time I'm down. I'm guessing that means the schedule today is going to be busy.

"It's seven already. Where could he be?" Reina mumbles, redoing her bun.

"Where could who be?" I ask, causing her to jump from my sudden voice.

"Oh, you're down already. We're going to have a new member. I think he's someone you've been dying to see."

"Who is he?" Reina slips a pen in her hair and points right behind me. Up there, on the top of the stairs is him. Someone old. Someone new. Someone I remember. Someone I forgot. Blonde hair. Brown eyes. A weird smile on his face. It's him. I don't know him, but I do.

The headaches return, stronger than last time. It's devastating my brain, but I struggle to stand as he walks down the stairs step by step. Creaks from the wood. An outstretched hand.

"It's been a while, Shui Jing. You still remember me?" And then all goes dark.

J… Of course I remember your name.

"Sorry. Did you get some cold stuff to show me?"

Ja… Memories coming back to me uncontrollably.

"Yeah! It would be like the ocean in the sunset!"

Jas… Even those I didn't know existed.

"There are many things I want to protect, that's all. And there are many things I want to know and only strong people can discover them."

Jaso… They all return to me little by little.

"I've been thinking about this home. I don't think we can trust them."

Jason… How can I ever forget about you?

"Shui Jing! I—"

Jason Cerge.

I open my eyes. The first thing I see is him, brushing his delicate fingers over my smooth, glassy cheeks. It's soft, and warm, and full of reminiscences. Jason Cerge. I remember you now. You are my best friend for as long as I can remember. Since Cnorion. Since this home. And even now, you returned to me. I have to make sure you are real. If you are just another piece of my imagination, I don't know what to do anymore.

Cradling his waist and arms, I find he lost a little weight. But I don't want to ask him why. Or where. Or what. Or when. Or who. Or how. Because if I do, he might vanish right in front of me. I can't let that happen. He is my last family member and the joy he brings me is happier than the bitter loneliness I feel without him. I reach for his head, reaching even when he pulls away. Reaching until I can't reach anymore.

"Come closer, please," I beg.

"I can't. I'm the DEAMer of lightning now. I'll hurt you." My reaching hand falls flat on the bed. I get it. I'm the DEAMer of ice. He can electrocute me since I'm a form of water. But I can't let that stop me. It's something we've never done before. But I don't want to ask for permission. This moment, I'm afraid to let it go. I cup my hands around his. His gloves are wet from brushing my face, but they are still so warm. It's hot.

"This is enough. I'll be warm forever. As long as you are here, you can be my heater. And I'll always feel cold, just for you, even when I'm not."

"What are you talking about?" Jason laughs, but keeps his hands where they should be. Carrying his warmth up to my face, I rub the frozen tears along the glove. This is the second time I neglected your warmth. The first time, I thought our friendship meant nothing. You were the boy who just happened to hang out with the lonely girl. The second time, I forgotten all about you and thought you were unimportant to me. Sorry, Jason. Forgive me.

The door pushes open and we release our hands before Reina comes in. She has the quiet look on her face and her movements reflect that. Her shoes don't tap against the floor anymore. I look down and spot a pair of sneakers. Then I remember. This morning, she wasn't hearing her heels either. And not only that, she somehow lost her energetic vibe. Just two days ago she was excited the whole day, jumpy even. It's baffling to see Reina so different today. Jason gives me a strange look, telling me he doesn't recognize her either.

"You're awake," she states, her voice sending a sharp chill down my back. "There is a mission for the both of you."

"But she just woke up!" Jason objects.

"And she rested for that long. Sorry, I don't make the rules."

"Then tell me who makes them!" I tug on his sleeve and when he turns, I shake my head. It's ok. I feel fine. "You sure?" I nod. "Alright, we'll do it." Jason says without diverting his eyes from mines. Reina leaves an envelope on the bedside and dismisses herself. "I guess I can't really convince you to say no," he remarks before opening the file. I smile, but I remember now. He thinks I look scary when I do that.

I notice the setting sun and say, "What time is it?"

"You slept for twelve hours. It's seven."

"Oh. Where have you been all this time?"

"It has been over a week, hasn't it? I saw you sleeping in ice, and Leol said you would grow stronger than me. I wanted in on that, too, so I signed up for being a DEAMer."

"No, I don't mean that. I mean, during a graduation ceremony! What happened to you? No one could find you! Not even Leol or Reina knew where you were!"

"Hey, calm down. I had things to think about."

"Things? Were you still mad at me for what I did?"

"Yeah. But then, I thought, we're friends, like it or not. And I choose to like it. And when I decided to become a DEAMer, I remembered something. During the second test, I wasn't quick enough. I couldn't jump into the portal because I was wounded. And you had to fight all the others so your team can live. If I was there, I would also choose to kill Mae." When he finishes, the room turns into silent glass. This is the first time he accepted my decision. I never once thought it was the right thing to do. But with just a little bit of talking, he lifts the guilt within me and made it his own.

Still, I can recall that time. It'll haunt me for the rest of my life, and stay with me the same way arms and my legs will. And maybe, I'll have to face the memory again and again. And I'll need Jason to be by my side whenever the nightmares repeat in my dreams.

"Jason, I'm scared," I whisper.

"Of what?"

"A lot of things. The dark memory and losing you and being lost." He opens his mouth in wonder, maybe rethinking about who I am. I didn't know there is a side of me that would one day depend so much on one person. He probably didn't either.

"Actually," Jason sighs, "I'm scared of these things too. But I don't really want to think about those anymore. The most important thing to me is getting answers. That is why I want to keep growing stronger."

"Answers? What answers could you possibly need?"

"Like, why am I in Cnorion? Why did they force us to do all these things?" I listen to the sharpness of his voice and allow the implications to sink in. Despite everything he has now, he still doesn't trust this home?

"Why would you need answers to that?" I retort, giving him the same sting he given me. He takes it painfully, and his eyes look every which way, trying to stall the answer.

"I told you before. There is something very strange happening. I need to know why."

"And why is—" I stop and stare in bewilderment. He's angry. And I can't lose him. If somehow my question turned out to be offensive, he might leave me, even for a moment. I don't want to risk that.

"Go ahead. Say what you want. I don't want you to bottle up your feelings anymore," Jason commands and goes on to explain, "you always looked like you are trying to bear everything to yourself. If you are, then stop. I need to know what you are thinking."

"Jason…I…I don't want you to know what I'm thinking. I'm not done sorting everything yet. I'll tell you once I'm done."

"If you need time, then I'm fine with it. It's almost eight; we have to get ready for the mission." The mission! I almost forgot.

"Why is it so late at night?"

"Who knows? It says we need to dress up casually and meet someone at the station. Do you want to go now?"

"Sure."

"Last one there is a rotten egg!" He gives me a strange look before dashing out of the room in the speed of light. Well, I'm not about to lose to him! Jumping into the sneakers, I sprint after him, through the door, down the stairs, across the grassy field outside. Even with his head start, I easily catch up to him five minutes after the race started. Is he going easy on me? I speed up my pace, forcing him to do the same. The sunset glares sweat over our faces, but neither one of us is willing to slow down. Rather, we continue to accelerate faster and faster. Our shoes slides across the smooth floor of the station, right before we hit the wall. The station was empty; it already passed the last flight.

I've never ran this fast before—maybe being a DEAMer increases your stamina. "I was first," I proudly announce. I'm fairly certain he lost by an inch when we stepped in. "So what do I get?"

"You get a—" Jason starts, but is cut off by a gruff and low-pitched voice from the second floor balcony.

"Are the both of you the DEAMers of ice and lightning?" A golden dragon lies on his dark robes and a red sash circles his waist, giving him a sense of strength. The single row of spikes traveling from forehead to nape further shows off his power. His hands hover off to the side of his body in fists; his eyes slant and squint. Somehow, they radiate a feeling of danger.

"Yeah," I yell and he shoots down the stairs onto the mosaic floor.

"Catch." He throws a small, green object the size of a golf ball. I catch it easily and roll it around my fingertips. It's completely smooth and without blemishes in its color. It could be a marble, or a precious gemstone. "James Beckham's the name. I'm the DEAMer of darkness."

"Shui Jing Hua, DEAMer of ice."

"Jason Cerge, DEAMer of lightning."

"Alright, now that we got the intros out of the way, follow me. And hold onto that stone. You'll need it." We climb a set of stairs on to opposite side of the station. James stay several steps ahead of us while we go at a slow pace, still tired from the run. Jason focuses himself on the station; I don't think he stepped in here before. I only did once, and I barely remembered it. From the outside, you would imagine another white, marble building. But once you step in, you can follow the red carpet to any corner of the caramel cream interior. Downstairs is the ticket area, along with several café and a gift shop. Upstairs is a miniature mall selling clothes, accessories, and everyday items.

Near the station exit, I see a clear view of the sky. The sun had already set under the clouds, leaving only a starry, starry night. Moonless. And freezing. I can feel the cold breeze, and it is very cold up in the clouds. But I don't feel cold. It's like my nerves doesn't react to the cold anymore. No goose bumps. No shivering. Maybe, since some people aren't bothered by warm, I'm not bothered by cold.

"What is the mission about?" I ask when there isn't anything good to see. "Is it another training mission?"

"Training mission? Have you guys been on training missions lately?"

"We're new."

"What? They gave me two newbies for the mission?"

"Apparently," Jason says, "we were DEAMers for only the past few days."

"Past few days? You're serious!" He stomp his feet on the ground and gives us an annoying look. "Ok, change of plans. Just to make sure nothing goes wrong, the both of you are going to follow my lead, understand?"

"We're following you already," Jason says. I tug at his sleeve, and whispers,

"What do you think is the deal with him?"

"Dunno," he whispers back, "but I think we should listen to what he has to say."

"So how good are the both of you at stealth?" James inquires.

"Um, well," I mumble, thinking back to my days during training.

"Do you think you guys are at ninja level or something?" Jason and I swing our glances around and tap our feet on the ground. When we didn't answer James asks, "Did the both of you did any sneaking around during your training?"

"We know what stealth means. But I haven't really tried sneaking around. I'm the DEAMer of lightning, so Leol said it's not my style. I'm more of a one-on-one kind of guy."

"Oh, right…" James's expression darkens. "Hold on. I need to make a phone call." Jason gives me his confused look and I shrug. "Hey! Narke you son of a bitch… What do you mean Neinheart approved it… Do you know how much I'm screwed if things went wrong… Fuck you!" He chucks the phone off the edge of the platform and into the sky.

"Your phone!" I reach out thinking I can catch it. Not a chance.

"Never mind that! They'll just issue a new one. Dammit! They sent me on some crap mission." He punches the pillar repetitively while yelling a round of cussing. When he is done he shouts, "Ok. It seems this is going to be a training mission for the both of you. But it's going to be a little extreme. So I need to set some guidelines. First, I am known as the Stealth Knight and it's my job to teach the both of you about stealth. Second, if somehow, one of you messes up, I'm not going to save either of you. Whatever happens is tough luck, got it?"

"Aren't you supposed to be our mentor?" Jason grumbles, his volume between a shout and a scream. James frowns darkly.

"I didn't sign up to be a mentor. I didn't mind if I got people fresh off training, but instead they thought I meant fresh off the grill. And this wasn't supposed to be a training exercise either. They probably didn't take it seriously when I told them it's time to bomb the hellhole."

"Bomb? Are you planning to hurt a lot of people?"

"Look, the place we're bombing is called Ludibrium Castle, alright. There are not enough people there to cry over."

"So there are people there! I'm not going to blow up people!"

"Jason," I speak up and when he relaxes, I continue, "let's do it. I'm ready."

"What are you saying? You're actually going through with this!"

"Why shouldn't we? I don't see anything wrong with setting up a few explosives."

"People are going to get hurt! That's what's wrong!"

"We don't even know them. Why are you like this just because we might hurt strangers?"

"Like what? Angry? You might think it is fine, but I don't."

"Guys, girls, listen to me," James says, positioning himself between us. "The goal of this is to cause a panic, nothing serious. We don't have to blow people up." Jason thinks about the ides for a few seconds.

"I'll do it. But I still don't like it."

"No one expects you to like it as long as you do it. We don't look for positive behavior. We want results. So with that in mind," James lifts a green marble up to our faces, prompting me to check if mines is still in my clasp. Comparing them side by side, they are identical in color, shape, and size. In the dark platform, the marble becomes a dark, almost mysterious black instead of its shimmering green. "We should get going immediately. From the look on your faces, I'm guessing you never used one of these." James laments, playing the marble with his fingers. "Just hold out your hand and it'll do the rest." He turns around and demonstrates, pointing his hands into the distance. A million dots of light flutter around the area until they gather into an oval sphere. Most of the lights were bright diamonds, but where the moonlight reaches it, you can find hints of rubies and emeralds. Eventually the lights flip over like a curtain and disappear into the night until all that remains is a winged creature.

I gape at its size. It was big. And blue. But mostly big. No, it's large. Gigantic. It lifts its head, scaring me into the back of a pillar. It stares at me with eyes as large as a basketball, and fluff its wings to straighten the bristles. James climbs from the rear up to the base of the elongated neck. The bird lets out a quiet, bone-chilling hum before screaming, "Caw!" and takes flight into the skies. It levitates off the platform. James's waiting for me to summon it.

"You do it," I utter, trying to be as quiet as possible. Hopefully, Jason doesn't detect the fear in my voice and the shuddering of my hands as I give the stone to him. It's funny how I expected a station to travel through flying trains or levitating airships. If I went on the beach trip, would I be riding on a bird too? I shiver at the thought. It's too big, and it doesn't look comfortable enough to sit on. I have to find out how Narke makes those portals.

"Hello? Earth to Shui Jing!" Huh? I turn to the direction of the voice to only find a vast, night sky.

"Wah!" I scream when I feel the bird flying below me. Somehow I'm on the bird without remembering it. "How did I get here?"

"I think the girl blanked out on us," James mumbles. I look around but couldn't find him. He's probably below or behind me. Turning, my eyes meets Jason's, and it takes me a while to feel his arms caressing around my waist. It's lodging me onto the bird so the only way I'll fall is if he falls with me.

"Are you ok? Do you need to go back?" Jason whispers as if his voice might crack the sky if it were any louder.

"No," I bluntly answer in the same whisper. I don't want to somehow disturb the flying bird with my voice. "Hey, want to play a game?"

"What kind of game?"

"I'll ask you a question, and you answer it. Then, you can ask me a question. We'll both exchange questions, and there's only one rule. You have to always tell the truth. Promise?" I hold out my pinky. "You said you want to know what's in my head, and I want to know what is in your head. Here's our chance." He contemplates his choices without moving his head or his eyes. They keep their unwavering attention on me, as if admiring my unrivaled beauty. As if.

"What do you want to ask me?"

"I can't tell you, unless you promise." He hooks the pinky without a second thought and I begin, "Do you trust this home now?" It's a sensitive question, but I really need to know. I keep myself as low as possible, so James wouldn't hear us. I think Jason knows that too.

"Sometimes, I just don't know. It is true they gave us a home and so on, but they also do these dangerous things. I want to know why, but I can't ask." In his words, I see his solitude and confusion. I suddenly feel the need to let him know he is not alone in his thoughts. I want to tell him that I, too, don't trust this home. But I can't lie to him. He'll see through my act in a batter of an eyelash.

"Your turn. Ask me something," I remind him.

"Right. What is in your mind?"

"That's not fair! You can't ask that straight off."

"You never said I can't ask that."

"But…"

"I'll ask you something else, then, if you don't want to answer. Shui Jing," he pauses and breathes out. From our proximity, I can smell his scent. It's sweet and attractive. Like honey. "Do you love me?" I wince at the question. The question is too fast. So fast, that I'm not ready to answer it. Actually, maybe I am ready. But, I don't want to tell him yet. I can only watch into his eyes, and submerse my thoughts into him. He's not kidding. He's really asking me if I love him.

"I… Of…of course, I," I stop. The words get zapped away from my tongue when I'm saying it. It's thick like tar, heavy like bricks, and stings like nails. "Of course I," I start again, "love you. You are my best friend. Who else will I love?"

"I don't want to know if you love me as a friend. It's not enough. I want to know if you love me the same way Mae loves Edward. Because I love you, and I can't hide it anymore." My body freeze. Has my powers gone out of control? Is it paralyzing my body? No, it's from his…his…confession.

Behind us, there's James, yapping away on a phone. I try to let my mind wander. James. Jason. Why does he have a new phone? How can he love me? He must have two phones. I'm not really a person who can love. He throws his phones a lot. I can't think anymore. That's why he has two. I want to scream. But James would hear me scream. I don't want anyone to know about this conversation. I…

"You don't have to answer me, if you don't want to. You can tell me, on our next game. When you are ready again to tell me what is in your mind. I just want to know, if…like," Jason twists his words around. This is the part where it becomes thick like nails, heavy like tar, and stings like bricks. No, I'm going crazy. "Like, if you would want to be with me forever. Just…the both of us." I listen to his crazy idea. Every last word is full of love and hate that I can't explain. It's too sudden, and too unlike Jason. I would've been fine being friends with him for life. But a chance to be his lover? Should I pass it up? What do I even want?

"Here's a map for you and a carton of six bombs." I look up and to my right. We're already at the castle walls! I don't remember walking here… "The red circles are yours, and the blue is mine. I have the detonator, and you have an hour to set it up. See, small bombs. No one would get hurt." James explains, shoving the map in my hands, and a round cylinder in Jason's. I take a deep breath, trying my best to calm down my anxiety. We're on a mission—it's not time to blank out on love.

"Hey, shouldn't we dress up in black?" Jason asks.

"No. Two reasons. One, if a light is shining right at you, they can still see you in black. Two, this is to train your stealth, so I'm not going to soften it for you."

"Won't we be screwed if we get caught?"

"It's not exactly my problem to think about. If you are really careful, there might not even be a need to fight. But just in case. If you find a toy walking around, cover their mouths and shock them with your lightning. A little jolt and they'll fall flat."

The moment he finishes talking, he leaves us by ourselves. Jason and I stare at the wall. Smooth on the sides but bumpy at the top. It doesn't look easy to climb, or too comfortable to settle on. But we need some way to get up there. Jason tries for magnetism only to slide down when he jumps. I suggest making holds from ice, spacing them a foot away from one another. The idea works, except the ice is incredibly cold. Jason suppresses his yelps when he climbs first. When it's my turn, I slip easily from one step to another, twice as fast as Jason. He blows into his rubber gloves, and shakes my shoulders a little when I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey. Do you want to split up the job?" Jason proposes, holding the map. The first question that pops in my head is: why would he want to do that? I guess he would want to leave me alone since I never did answer that question. Maybe it was really hard for him to tell me as much as it is for me to admit my answer. It might be better if we do split up. It's a little risky, though… I don't want to leave Jason all by himself. But I don't know if I'm any good at stealth. I might just slow him down.

"Ok…I guess," I answer even though there's too much to think over. He shoves the map into my hand, and points me at the three closest to a wall. Easy escape if I'm caught. But they're spaced pretty far from each other. Two are located around the church, and the last one is at the kitchen. From one side of the castle to another.

"Are you fine with that?"

"How will you remember where are yours?"

"I'll remember. Here, take the carton, too." He empty three flat discs for himself and leaves the rest to me. "If you're ready, I'll race you."

"Let's not. I want to take this slowly."

"Fine by me. We'll wait for each other right here, on this spot."

"Don't get lost!" I slap his head by using the map and make a dash for it. I run to the direction of the kitchen. When I arrive to the kitchen, I know I'm alone by now. In a way, I'm not being very stealthy, since I don't try to sneak around. But, in another sense, there's no one around the kitchen at night to find me. Jason couldn't have picked a better place for me. Opening the carton, I ponder over where, and how to put these bombs. Do I just lay them anywhere? What if somebody finds them? Is there an on/off switch somewhere? I sit on the ground, checking the little trinket on the little moonlight I have in the kitchen. As far as I can tell, there's—

A door squeaks. Footsteps. My body reacts quickly, almost bumping into a nearby stool. But I manage to suppress it in time, before anyone notices. Resting my face flat on the ground, I hear the steps from the other side of the counter. They're going to find me if they glance over! I position my eyes upward, looking for any signs of the others. Then I notice the footsteps stopped and all that remains is…a wave of sawing sound. And the ruffling of paper.

"Your majesty, the Prince, you could always ask the servants to cook up something for you," a fake, mechanical voice booms. I would've screamed my head off if I didn't cover my mouth just in time. Who could be talking like that? It's like the language of a whirling hair razor. Wait. James said this castle is full of toys. Maybe, this is it.

"No, I don't want to distress them further. The ball was a complete success, so they deserve to rest. And something as simple as a midnight snack shouldn't require the need of a servant," a softer, more humane voice says in a humble tone. This voice cools me down a bit, enough to let go of my mouth, and scan around for a place to hide. It's time to see if I have stealth.

I find my fingers sliding onto a depression on the counter. It must be the sliding door to the storage. My nose catches a ticklish, bubbling feeling when I sniff around. Whatever is stored in the counter smells like soda. I'm about to push it open when I realize: it might make some noise. I have to do this carefully if I don't want to get caught. Readying myself, I pull it sideways, thanking myself when I notice how smooth it is. If it didn't do it carefully, it might've bang against the edge of the counter. The alcove is small; there's only a tiny space for me to fit in if I hug my legs. Quickly, I slip into the space and the close the door, putting my finger in the way so there won't be any noise. I didn't want to make any sudden movements, but I'm so nervous right now, all I want to do is hide.

"I think I found the peanut butter," the fake voice says. I replace my hand over my mouth. I hear the footsteps again, and in the small crack, I spot the shadows looming just outside. My legs jerk an inch, and I close my eyes. If I don't see them, then I won't react.

"Now all we need is the jelly. There's nothing like peanut butter and jelly with milk as a midnight snack," the gentle voice says, a little pleasing "mmm" coming from his throat. After a round of movement, I finally submit and put my other hand over my ear, and shut down my last ear by pushing it on the ground.

Why did I choose to split up? It's so dumb of me. If he was here, I might not feel so nervous. I can just list so many things he can do for me right now. He doesn't even have cramp into the same counter as me. Just his presence can bring relief. He can distract them for me, too, if he wants to. And if I get caught, then he'll at least be with me. Two buddies together in the same mess, instead of me all alone. I hate feeling alone, now. I hate that feeling that might haunt me for the rest of my life. If Jason is with me right now, I would tell him my answer and we might live happily ever after. I don't want to live with regrets.

Later, I don't know how much later, but later, I hear the quiet, stillness of the room. Are they gone? I wait for another minute or two before stepping out and do a quick scan of the room. No one. Heart beating rapidly. I allow myself to breathe again before taking a look at the map. Jason. I need to find him. Right now. There's a room circle in red not too far from here located in the main building. A guest room. He's there. He has to be. I'll find him.

I toss one disc onto the floor without caring for how it is used. It'll be James's problem. Hastily sneaking across a small yard of…fake, plastic, trees…I find my way into the building. The entrance isn't locked, nor guarded. It's strange, but it might also mean Jason is here. The room is only three doors down from my right. One… two… three... this is it. I click the door and step into the room, quickly closing the door behind me. There's no one in there. Wait. Maybe, he heard my footsteps and hid somewhere.

"Jason? Are you there? It's me, Shui Jing." I hush, scanning the bed, the closet, the desk, everywhere. High to low. Left to right. Where are you?

Giving up, I rest the carton on the bed and unroll the map.

"Hello?" a voice suddenly questions. It's quiet, but I recognize it. Jason! Looking around, I finally realize the source must be coming from the neighboring room. To my left, I find a door leading to the next room. "Hello?" Jason repeats. The voice is loud and clear behind that door. He's leaning on it, I bet. I wonder how he'll react if I open the door. Resisting a smile, I put the fingers around the doorknob. "Is this GM Core?" I pause. Did I hear it right? Did I just hear him say GM? It must be another GM… Or maybe I heard him wrong. "I would like to report something strange happening in Ludibrium Castle. You must warn the people there immediately! There might be a bomb!"

…

It takes all I can to suppress myself. It's ok. All I have to do is not open the door. I won't have to know if the voice is actually Jason. It's better that way. The mission will go fine. No one would find out. Jason didn't say a single word. If it messes up, I was careless. Someone spotted me. That's all. No trouble, right? It'll all be fine. Jason and I would be fine. Just let go of the door. Just leave. That's all it'll take. "I met someone named Azure. I'm his spy."

I slam the door open. From the sudden movement, Jason leans himself backwards; the telephone wire drags the whole thing down the table. The telephone set cracks against floor, creating a disturbingly loud racket. Above him, I look down on him, seeing his most recognizable feature. His hair. It really is him. "Talk to you later. Bye!" He clicks the phone back into place, and pushes himself up until he's face to face with me. I can't move a single step.

"Did…did you just called—" I start, stunned by what I just heard.

"I can explain! Listen to me!" He grips my wrists until I feel pain. "The Knights, they aren't as simple as you think! They are using us! They are the evil ones! The GMs are here to help us!"

"No! I'm not listening!" I free myself and cover both ears, hoping it'll drown him out. But I can still sense the vibrations of his voice and discern his dialogue. Every word of every sentence finds itself in my head, and sticks there.

I have to remind myself that he's lying. The GMs are the bad guys! The Knights gave me a home, and a family, and so many other things! Leol gave me so many things! They can't be bad! They can't be! You're lying! You're lying!

"But remember that you're the one who killed me."

Remember, the Knights forced you to kill your family!" Jason shouts. My eyes lock with his, and I feel as if the world is moving beneath me. Jason pulls my hand apart, and then it hits me, throwing me off the floor and into a table.

When I open my eyes, my head hurts. My vision blurs, and my ears ring. I can still feel it, though—the vibrations and aftershock. As far as my eyes can see, there is a shivering mixture of red, and orange, and yellow. And heat. Trying to move, I feel unbearable pain somewhere on the lower part of my body. The heat grows violent. A piece of rubble from the sky crashes and burns the carpet.

Where are you, Jason?

Through the fires, I search for the last family member I have left. Eyes blurring further, I reach out, hoping to feel him. But he's resting on the ground, still and silent and shattered. No. Jason. Please. Save. Me.

The heat spread uncontrollably like madness consuming the conscience.

"Where are you, water child?" Mama said. I looked. I didn't see her.

"Mama? I'm here!" I said. There was a pretty flower and I picked it up. "Look! There are a lot of Snow Roses here! I'll get one for you."

"No! Don't go near them! The thorns are poisonous!" I stopped. Good thing I didn't touched it. Mama always knew what to do.

"Poisonous? But the healer picks these all the time." I always saw her with these.

"She has the antidote, so she doesn't mind." Mama said. I got it. "But if you don't, the poison would cause you to fall asleep."

"Eh? Really!" I turn around. Mama isn't there. "Mama! Mama? Where are you, mama?" I asked for her. I saw her next to a tree. "Mama! You're hurt!" Her mouth moved. I didn't hear her. "What are you saying? Help! Help!" Someone held me. I wasn't able to move. "Huh?" I saw him.

His lips were twisted in a crooked and evil smile. His eyes glowed in the dark, snowy forest, and they injected you with paralysis. The last thing I saw was, without a doubt, hair that I recognized.

"Let go of me!" I screamed.

"Let go of me!" I scream. The same hands as before hold my hand tightly. "Let go of me! Jason!" I scream again, pushing him on the floor. It's him! I know it now! It's him! He's the one! "Go away! Leave! Let go of me!" Taking whatever I can get my hands on, I wave the object around, not knowing what it is or what it does. All I want is to get rid of him!

---

Extraction 91 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"Leol. We meet again."

"Reina? Are you still mad at me?"

"I'm here to tell you how much of a failure you are."

"What are you saying?"

"I heard what you were doing. Do you remember when Jason came back? After Shui Jing was shocked, he spent the whole time in her room. And guess what I saw. Go on, guess."

"What? Tell me."

"They were holding hands."

"What are you saying?"

"What I am saying is that you failed to notice Jason was tricking her all along. Irena was right when she told me about you. Your wife was tricked into divorcing you! Your daughter was tricked by a street rat! And Shui Jing turned into a traitor too! Everything crumbled right in front of you! Because of you, she is going to die! You are going to die! Everyone is going to die!"

"You mean…Jason was… I…"

"Leol, are you alright? You look a bit pale."

"Tell me! Reina! What could I have done?"

"This!"

"Ow!"

"You don't know how satisfying it is to slap you, Leol! I never thought seeing you cry would feel so good to me! Irena was right! You are just a pawn to the Knights! You can't do anything!"

"Hey! Stop saying things like that right now! He's a great scientist!"

"You're the assistant, right. I suggest you stay far away from him if you don't want to die too!"

"Why you! Leol! Where are you going?"

"Leave me alone."

"Leol! Leol! Open the door! Leol!"

---

I don't remember speaking a single word since. For the last week, I spent my time in the hospital, nurturing my second degree burns, and the bruises on my hip. There were no broken bones, "thank goodness" said Leol when he visited me. Over this week, everyday brought a different person—James, Leol, Reina, Anhel, and today, Narke. He dons a cheap hooded cloak that covers his body and his face from my sight. Anhel might've spoken to him, but I don't really care.

Narke told me a lot of things. Today was the day I'm getting out of the hospital. Reina quitted her job as our manager. Leol was promoted with a new assistant, and it was his job to train him adequately. Anhel was on a mission, the details of which I'm still not certain. James went back to his role—a spy planted within Ludibrium. That's how he got the maps. And Jason. I didn't ask for anything about him, but Narke told me anyways. His arm was broken during the explosion, and he was assigned to a short-term break. And he also told me, Jason was the one who pulled me out of the fires.

Jason.

Who are you, Jason? Over the years with him, I felt I knew everything about him.

I was wrong.

That, plus the fact that he was the one who captured me, pained me the most. It wasn't a lie, or an illusion. I saw him plain as day in that dream. Anhel and Narke are keeping themselves young; anyone could do the same. I had it all figured out. Jason was a DEAMer. He kept himself young to deceive me. He tracked my progress in Cnorion. Everything was a set-up, the same way my mission with him was. From the very beginning, everything was a lie. My family, my home, everything. It took me the whole week to accept my idea and come up with a plan.

If Jason and the Knights were the ones who kidnapped me, then I needed to escape. The Outside, where the beaches and deserts and Ludibrium are, is where I'll run. And I'll hide someplace where no one can find me. Not the Knights. Not the GMs. Then I'll find my real family.

That's the plan I devised yesterday. And today is my chance. Narke and I will be going on a mission pretty soon to Henesys. The place couldn't be any better; I remember my mother mentioning the place in one of my dreams. And the mission is simple. Track someone down and follow him—an intelligence gathering mission. I'll disappear in the crowd of people with no way for Narke to track me down.

Narke gives me a cloak to wear for the mission and offers to take me to breakfast. I deny his offer and opt to go back to my room. There's nothing there I really want to bring with me, but you'll never know. I make my way back quickly, using the signs to recognize the way.

The entire building is empty; he was right when he said everyone was out. Hurriedly, I make my way up to the room, and look for anything worth bringing with me. My art? Trash memories of Cnorion. My bow? I don't even know where it is anymore. And even if I do, I don't want a weapon. I'm done with weapons. They shot down enough people and tried to bomb me into bits last week. Clothes? From Leol, who tricked me. Yeah right I would pick that. When I wrestle through all my possessions, I can't find one thing unrelated to the Knights. They are all, one way or another, part of my horrible memories. If anything is worth my time, it's the armor Leol gifted me. I might be able to sell it for food. I know enough about the Outside to know that nothing comes free.

I change into a chocolate brown shirt spread with mild strawberry-pink flowers and curvy lines and a pair of jeans with holes at the knee. Then I pull on the armor and slip my arms into the sleeves of the cloak. "Good riddance." I hiss, taking a last look at my room before closing the door. With everything done, I run straight to the cafeteria and eat my last breakfast—ham, cheese, and waffles.

"Slow down, you'll choke," Narke warns in his inhuman voice.

"I want to get out of here as soon as possible," I enthusiastically retort, trying not to sound angry. Narke simply laughs it off and go on ahead to prepare the birds. Curiously, I'm not afraid of the birds today. Is it because of my stubborn rage? Or because I know it's going to be the last time? Nevertheless, I finish the rest in a single mouthful and dash for the station.

Narke already summoned the birds, saving me from going through the trouble myself. Before going to Henesys, we make a stop on a snowy island for a boat. He describes the mission in the meantime: what were supposed to do, how to act, and how to approach people. Then he tells me about the island. This is the same icy island where I met Leol. That means this is also the same place where Cnorion is. It's there somewhere. Maybe in the snow-capped mountains or the forests. Either way, it's ironic that I have to see this place one last time before leaving.

While I'm thinking, Narke pulls me into the ship. "If we go by sky, the GMs would be able to detect us," Narke says. I keep myself around the stern of the ship with Narke on the opposite bow. When I look out into the sea, I can see the horizon of the Outside.

At the beginning, all I was was a lonely child trapped in a world bounded by a glass dome. I understood little about the Outside and ignored it. Then, I somehow climbed my way to the Knights. I felt warm, when in fact everything was cold.

Nothing can contain me now. The Knights can't stop me.

But then again, this is Narke I'm partnered up with. Physically, I can outmatch him by a mile if I tried. But his speed is another thing. Being light, it'll be impossible to run away from him. Well, if it comes down to it, I'll have to fight him. I never fought against anyone with intelligence before. This monster wouldn't go down too easily.

But… I form a sword from my wrist. It's hard and cold, just right for freezing him to death. I have my own abilities. And the cold always leaves a plant monster to die.

Just then, I find the ocean stop moving and immediately reform my hand. On the bow side, I hear a large splash. Is that the anchor? "Change of plans. I just received news that our target could be in Lith Harbor," Narke sighs, mumbling something under his breath about James. I don't know what's wrong, but I have a mental idea. "There are too many GMs around the harbor. We'll take a detour and land at the beach." He points to the front end of the boat, and I stretch my neck out. Still I couldn't see it, and decide to walk over. There, in the water, is a raft big enough for the both of us, and nothing else.

Narke goes in first and take the initiative with the paddles, leaving me as a passenger. He rows the small boat a short distance from the ship before it starts to move again. The ship soon appears nothing more than a dot along the ocean's edge. I watch carefully at Narke. This could be my chance. He's wide open. One stab could end this. And even if it doesn't, I could crush the boat. I'll drown this plant, and my ice would ensure my safety. I'll walk my way back to the mainland over an icy bridge.

"You're terribly silent today," Narke observes. I ignore him and begin carving a weapon behind my back. "Is it because of my presence?" Just a little bit more, and I'm done. "I don't wish for any distaste between you and me." He stretches his head up until I see his lips. "Have you ever heard of yí qí?" I stop forging the weapon. What did he just say? I resay it in my head. Yí qí?

Shui Jing Hua?

"Huá Shuí Jíng. But remember, this first one is our family name. The last two is yours. Shuí Jíng."

I can hear the similarities. He knows the language of my name. "It is a word that means kinship. Since the both of us are DEAMers, we need to be able to understand each other. I want you to change your opinion of me," his eyes divert to the shoreline in the distance, "and to do that, I'll assist you with anything you'll need." I take a split second to understand his words and remember what I have to do. Yeah, you can assist me. Just don't struggle too much. I prepare the dagger for a lunge. Gripping it tighter and tighter, I know I can't hesitate. Ready. Set.

Go.

My hand stretch at the same moment he notices me. Too late now! Too late! "Get down!" Narke throws himself over me, stabbing the blade through his abdomen. Two objects, similar to arrows, zap across the sky, barely missing Narke's back. "He discovered us!" He? Who? Before I have time to wonder, the floor of the tiny raft glows a familiar white light, and I fall through. The ocean disappears into nothing. No, not nothing. I see the sky now. And I can feel the land. It's grainy… Is this sand?

"Trying a preemptive strike," Narke says, calm and vigilant. I move up from the ground and stand next to him. Another stranger stands across from us, in the middle of the beach. A similar cloak covers his clothes and body, and one of his hand shields his face. For a moment, I feel like I know the body shape and the height. It reminds me a little bit of Jason. "What a coincidence that you're on the same secluded beach that we'll be landing on? Are you planning to meet someone? Out with it!"

The stranger staggers a step back, his eyes remaining still at Narke. Narke takes a step forward until he's shielding me from the sun. The stranger waves his hands to his side, summoning a white portal. In a moment, Narke's in front of the man, and kicks him into the ground, pinning him there. "It is not wise to ponder flights of fancy. Now tell me, what brings you here?" I walk over, wondering who the stranger is. But before I can see his face, the sands rise up, and an invisible force pushes me away. The bruises on my hips act up again, bringing with it sweltering pain.

"Why is it not wise to ponder flights of fancy? Nothing is impossible if you put your mind into it," a deep, clear voice says. Once the sand settles, I find everyone standing except for me. Narke's in front of me again, and the stranger is still covering his face. But standing in front of the stranger now, is another man wearing a thick body vest and holding a broadsword twice his size. It looks too heavy to use, but somehow, he's wielding it with ease.

"GM Zachary," Narke says with his voice full of snow. So that's a GM? I try to get a better view of him, but his sword, positioned across his face, covers my view. Narke looks at me with dead eyes, and then back at the GM. "It was a trap all along. You took away my powers."

"Only temporary. Just enough for me to take you down."

"Shui Jing Hua. Run and hide. I'll stall him for as long as I can." He produces a simple rapier out of nowhere, and holds it defensively over me. It looks like it'll snap under the weight of the broadsword.

I look over at the trees and thick vegetation covering the inner half of the beach. And then back at Narke. This is my chance to escape. And I take it. I take it without hesitation. Everything passes through me. I keep on running away from everything I learned and knew in these last few years of my life. I don't know why I feel happy, but I am. And it keeps me moving. Running, running in the Outside, feeling the sands, and mud, and grass pass by your feet and seeing the wilderness for all it contains. This is what freedom means.

No more questions. No more guilt. No more—

A hand holds me. I'm not able to move. Jason. "Let go of me!" I flip around and ready an ice sword. He has a glove in his mouth and his right hand sizzles with electricity. And, in a quick motion, I feel the warm touch of his hands caressing my frozen cheeks.

Water conducts electricity. And ice is water.

I'll never spread my snow to the world.

I'll never be free.

---

Extraction 92 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"Commander Yang! There you are! I need your help! It's Leol! He's going nuts again!"

"Just leave him alone."

"Leave him alone! We can't do that! We need to knock some sense back into him!"

"I can't do that. I've known Leol for half of a lifetime, and he is finally doing something responsible. He was never focused enough on his marriage or his daughter, and that is why his family fell apart. But for Shui Jing, he is determined not to give up. I cannot stop him from being a man."

"You're going to let him die just so he can be a man? What kind of friend are you?"

"Get out of my way. I'm busy."

"Fine, if that's how you want to do it! I'll find someone else to help me!"

"You don't have the guts to."

---

"Where are you taking me?" I sheik while his hand move from my backbone up to my nape. It's his signal for me to stop moving so he can check the location. I take this time to define the situation. So far, all he's doing is leading me through a forest of fir trees topped with snow. It's so thick in here that getting lost is only a matter of time, unless you have a map. He's purposely picked this path, so I can't escape without trying my luck. And as a secondary precaution, his other hand is uncovered. He'll shock me back into a coma any time he wishes.

"I know you have a lot of questions. I have some, too," Jason says, moving his hand down. "Turn left and go forward." I comply, moving in a normal pace. I don't know how I got in the icy forest, but if he thinks he can control me, he better rethink.

"The first chance I get, I'll run," I voice.

"You'll never get that chance," Jason returns. "As a matter of fact, I feel like playing a game."

"I don't want to play your games! Just let me go!"

"It's the question game, your favorite. Let's begin where we left off. Do you love me?" I cringe at the question, not from shock, but from disgust. Who do you think you are to me? You're not important anymore!

"I'll never love you," I answer, adding as much spite in my voice as possible.

"Fine. Your turn."

"Where are you taking me?"

"To El Nath."

"Why are you taking me there?"

"It's my turn to ask questions. Do you love me?"

"Didn't you hear my answer?"

"Then say it again!"

"I'll repeat it a hundred times. I don't love you! I'll never love you! You are nothing to me! I hate you! I never want to see you ever again! I'll never love you! I'll never love you!"

"Stop! Fine! Your turn."

"Why are you taking me there?"

"To see your mother." I halt my steps. He bumps into me from the sudden stop. I expect him to tell me to move, or send a jolt across my face again. But nothing. This must be a trick… He doesn't know my mother. It's another charade to confuse me. "We have to get going!" Jason takes a hold on my forearm and pulls me in the direction I'm facing. Through his touch, I can feel his anger and rage. I can feel the wetness from his gloved hand. But this wetness doesn't contain the familiar cold of snow.

It is the warmness from his body. "It's your turn," I mumble. Did he spit on his hand? Or is it something else?

"Do you trust me anymore?" His voice comes in tiny waves. It's like his entire body is moving like the water at the beach, except much more violent. I have to answer him as truthfully as I can.

"No." He ducks his head under a branch. "My turn. Why are you crying?" This strikes a chord in Jason. I can tell from his grip softening, and his movements slowing. "You have to answer me. It's another rule," I lie.

"It's because I'm tired of everything!" He screams and let go of my hand. I feel my heart drop. He never spoke to me in a voice with so much hate in it before. "You don't love me. You don't trust me. And I keep seeing you being played like a fool, and I can't save you! No matter what I try! What I try! I'm never enough to replace your family and friends!"

"Are you jealous?" I ask, instantly hating myself for sounding concerned.

"You still don't get it! I have to take you to your family! I have to let you know the truth!" The truth? I remember what the truth is! You called the GMs! You got me in the hospital for a week! You— I remember the injury in his arm. He faked that too! You are a liar! That's the truth!

"I want to know the truth too! I want to know who you are and why are you doing this to me!"

"I am Jason Cerge! I want to show you the truth! And I believe it's my turn to ask things!"

"I'm not answering anything anymore! This is stupid!"

"You're coming with me!" His hand clutches mines again, and his other hand produces an electric spark. The game ends. Under his mercy, he forces me through a forest. When I think about where he's taking me, a cold chill overtakes my body. The Knights? GMs? I don't know anymore. But when we're out of the forest, I can see a small town by the mountains. It radiates with snow and sunshine, and smell of warmth in the cold. This must be El Nath.

Is he really taking me so see my mother? Cold? Snow? In a dream, my mother once mentioned about the cold and snow where she lived. And there's a healer who gather snow roses. Snow Roses, native to El Nath. Thorns are mildly poisonous, while the petals have healing properties. I remember hearing that from somewhere. Maybe I forgotten where and maybe it's not even true.

I'll know sooner or later.

He drags me across the town. The roads are ridden with fresh snow, covering the footsteps that were previously there. The ropes and ladders, the lighted porches, and the benches are all empty and bare. Looking up, snowflakes begin to fall. Each one of them is special, because none is ever the same. But only in shape. They are all still snow, and they are all still cold. They chase away the people of the town, and force them indoors.

It didn't take long for Jason to find the right house. Has he been here before? Who's inside? Narke? Anhel? Leol? Or the GMs? Or maybe that was a lie too. GMs don't exist. A fairy tale used to trick me. I wouldn't be surprised at all.

Jason only needs to knock once before someone opens the door. She was waiting behind the door all along. She was expecting us. I don't know who she is. Not my mother. Not someone I know. Friend or foe? Foe.

"It started snowing already! Please come on in," she moves out of the way for Jason to pull me inside. I can't tell how old she is. She's more youthful than Reina, but older than me. But if she's a DEAMer, she might as well be an old hag. "Have a seat around the fire and help yourself to the snacks at the table."

Jason follows her down a short hallway and turns a left, into a sort of living room. The short glass-topped table and the wooden chairs are settled in a handy area around the fire. But behind the chair, in front of the chair, and on the table are scattered with towers of towers of marked boxes. They come in only one, cumbersome size: big. Between two boxes, I spy a tea set, and some muffins.

Jason forces me into a wide chair, and squeezes me into a corner. One hand clutches my lap, preventing me from leaving. The lady settles on a small chair to the side from us, and the next thing I notice about her is… "Your hair!" I chime. She swims her fingers through the orange curls, dropping the object I'm looking at. It has the poisonous thorns stripped, leaving the stem and white petals. She notices me staring at the flower and puts it on the table.

"You think the rose is pretty?" I nod. "You can have it."

"Oh no, we can't," Jason pipes. I look at him with an annoyed expression.

"It's alright. I have tons to give away. It's very simple to make." I smile at the lady, and reach out to take blossom. Jason takes his hand away from my lap for a moment and stops me from touching it.

"We're not here for flowers." Jason stares at me, mouthing the words "stop it." I ignore him and cross my arms around my chest.

"Which one of you is sick?" the lady inquires.

"Sick, no. We're not sick. I'm here to look for…," Jason bits his lower lips, "Mrs. Hua." Oh great, here we go. I know how it goes. The Knights or whoever can't find my real mother, so they got some lady. Next she'll tell me she moved or something.

"Mrs. Hua? Oh, I'm so sorry. She died last month." Bingo.

"What! That can't be! I need to see her!" Jason stands up, pretending to be bewildered.

"Please. Spare me the act," I stand up too and travel the way where we came in.

"Where are you going?" Jason clutches my elbow and raises his hand as a threat.

"Is that all you can do? Go ahead and shock me, then! It's better than all the monkeying around you and that lady is doing!"

"You still think this is all a lie?"

"What do you take me for? I'm not a child anymore!" I shove him off, and go for the door. When I reach the frame between the hall and the fireplace room, I spot the kitchen. It's right across from me. Actually, from where I'm standing, I can't tell it's a kitchen. There's no visible stove. All you can see is an empty room until you step in. When you step in, there is a table to the right, and beyond that is the stove along the wall. The stove is only bricks, nothing special. But there is a kettle on there all the time. And when the water is boiling, the silence breaks.

I know that because…it's in my memory.

If my memories are a lie, then why is the lie right in front of me? Hesitant, I take a precautionary step, one after another, until I see the whole of the kitchen. It's exactly the way I remember it. A table, a chair, a stove, a kettle. The squeaks of the floor, the sound of rising steam, the joyful laughs. They are the exact same thing as years ago. And on the wall, opposite to the stove, is a piece of paper. It was something I wrote a long time ago.

"Hua Shui Jing," I read. It was the first words I written, and my mother taught me how to. My whole body cries from the truth. It is true. This is my home.

"You know how to read that language? I'm surprised. It's quite ancient," the lady comments without knowing about my tears. "That was the name of Mrs. Hua's daughter. She always told me stories about her. That was written—"

"That was written on a snowy day. Shui Jing was only about three years old, and her mother was teaching her to write her own name. The child couldn't hear anything for some reason, but knew about her mother. She remembered the warm hands holding her cold hands. Each stroke was delicate and uninterrupted until the water boiled. That's when the child could hear her mother laugh.

"There was also another time when Shui Jing had a cold. She was too attached to her mother. It wasn't possible for the mother to stop worrying because Shui Jing was always begging her to stay. Then the mother talked about the beach. She used to live in Henesys, but wanted to be somewhere with snow.

"You know her? From the sounds of it, I would think you were her daughter."

"I am. I am her daughter. My name is Shui Jing Hua. And—"

I saw him.

His lips were twisted in a crooked and evil smile. His eyes glowed in the dark, snowy forest, and they injected you with paralysis. The last thing I saw was, without a doubt, hair that I recognized.

"Let go of me!" I screamed.

And the person holding my arm with both hands is Leol. Another pair of strong arms tightens around my body like a python. And turning back, I see the same thick, silver bangs and angry look. He is Yang.

More tears stream from my eyes.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say you are her daughter?"

"She did," Jason answers for me.

"That can't be right. Shui Jing shouldn't be as old as you. She disappeared five years ago, when she was four years old. And you're too pale to be her. I have a picture of her right here."

"Oh, thank you… Shui Jing. I think you better take a look at this." Jason shows the photo in front of me. In it is the mother next to the daughter.

And the daughter looks nothing like me.

Her hair is brown. Mines are white. Her eyes are brown. Mines are darker than dark. Her skin is fair. Mines are snow. She is human.

She is the water child.

I am the ice child.

I am not her.

I am not Shui Jing.

---

Extraction 93 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"So it's still happening?"

"Yes, that's right."

"But Leol didn't mention a single word about it."

"Um…uh…he instructed me to keep it a secret."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he didn't want the process to stop and lose Shui Jing."

"So why are you telling me now?"

"He's going nuts. He wouldn't sleep or eat. If this goes on, he'll collapse. I don't want that to happen."

"Hmm…A good dog you are. Not loyal enough, but unlike Leol. Defying the Knights. I supposed he can't be left unpunished."

"What are you doing with that bow?"

"One shot is all I need to destroy the cryonic tank. But let's say I aimed it a little off. Would she be intact?"

"What? No! You can't do that! If she's wounded during the process, her mind would—"

"It doesn't matter. We can always reshape her. Her body is all we need. Besides, she would prefer this anyways."

---

"It's funny. Even after knowing everything was a lie, you are still real. Are you sure you want to join me? Is it worth it?"

"I don't know. The GMs are looking all over for us, as well as the Knights."

"Jason, I'm glad you are with me for so long. But if you think it is dangerous, I'll go alone."

"No, that's not what I mean. I don't know if it is really worth it for you. If I could touch you, I would stop you and go alone. Whatever you decide to do, I'll have to support you."

"To know who I am, it is more than worth it. I just need to know what truth to my life is. I need to know where I came from and who my real family is."

"What if you found more lies? Wouldn't you still be sad?"

"There has to be a truth, I believe in that. And I at least know one thing: there are many people in Cnorion who also share my fate. I'm not only going to seek answers, but I also want to destroy the prison. They've been prisoners for far too long."

"I didn't know you cared for others."

"I don't. But I know you do."

"You really do know a lot about me."

"I don't. Everything could still be a lie. So I trust my feelings by trusting you. There's no one else I can agree with. There's something I want to know, though. Like you said, we'll be hunted by both sides. If something happens to you—"

"For you, I'll live. I live, just for you. I promise, I'll run and stay alive, so that we can find each other. Will you promise to do the same? Live, for me?"

"Of course."

---

Extraction 94 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"No!"

"Leol!"

"You're bleeding!"

"Assistant! You backstabber! I told you not to tell anyone!"

"Worry about that later! Your arm is bleeding!"

"You should listen to him. Don't worry, I won't touch her."

"I was just looking for you. It was a good thing your secretary told me where to look."

"My, she sure can't keep secrets, can she?"

"You were the last to see Shui Jing. I'm out of options here. You need to tell me anything she told you."

"And why would I disclose that?"

"Because we're running out of time! I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to die with me!"

"Out of my way, I'll end this in one shot!"

"No you won't!"

"Are you crazy? She'll kill us all. Assistant, you do it."

"Um…how can the both of you be so calm? I'm—"

"You wouldn't dare! I'm a Night Lord! I can stop the both of you at the same time!"

"Fine. Don't think you win, though. I'm just telling you her last words. That's all."

"I'm watching you."

---

When we cross the portal, I'm not surprised by the terrain. This is the same island where Narke and I stopped for the ship. And it's nothing less than a cheap copy of El Nath. From the shoreline, my eyes can only see the twisted firs stretching for miles and miles and deathly snow cluttering the earth. This must be some sort of sick-minded joke. If it were a few months ago, I might still love the snow. But now, the white only reminds me of the uniform the Knights forced onto me.

I look at Jason for comfort—his hair always brings a smile to my face, especially when he's not pushing me around. But while I'm smiling, he's ducking his head in gloom. It gives me a good view of his hair, yes, but it also gives me a bitter feeling to see him like this. Even though he didn't mention it, I know how he is feeling. He thinks this is stupid and it is. The only reason we would succeed is when pigs fly.

But I don't care. They forced me to kill so many people. They made me into a criminal. They somehow gave me all these false memories. Even if I don't find out who I really am, someone has to pay one way or another.

Swallowing these feelings momentarily, I lock my finger with Jason's, startling him to look up. "Cheer up," I try. "What happened to 'we'll stay alive and find each other'?" Jason chuckles softly and squeezes my hand tighter, giving me a jolt of surprise. Maybe this is his way of telling me he won't let go of me, the same way I won't let go of him.

"It's still in here," Jason finally answers, moving my hand to his chest. Under the cloak and the coat and his skin, I feel his underlying pulse. It's there; I can feel it. "But I feel like I failed you." His lips contort in guilt. The pressure of his heart stiffens. "We don't deserve to be best friends." He releases his fierce grip on my hand, stabbing my tongue with a sharp bitter flavor. For a moment, I thought he said I don't deserve to be his friend, until I realize what he means. He must still be blaming himself for forcing me to see my "mother." It didn't turn out the way he imagined, and we're on this island because of that.

I won't let Jason change my mind. I resolved myself that I'll do this with or without him. But I know that's a lie because I simply can't live without Jason anymore. At least, until I know the truth, he'll always be my truth. He is the only person in this world who I know won't lie to me. Guilt stabs its way up my forearm. My selfishness has pulled him into my problems. And the worse thing is that, even with the guilt, my anger towards the Knights wouldn't allow me to feel remorse.

"Don't…don't say that," I whisper, making my voice soft and pleasing, "we deserve to be friends. We've been through so much, and yet we are still together. I'm sorry for bringing you here."

"No, it's not your fault." He raises his voice, catching me off guard. "I'm sorry for bringing you here. Truth is, since a year ago, I met a GM in Cnorion and he told me a lot of things," Jason starts, tears suddenly streaming down his eyes. I want to touch his face and wipe off his cries. But when he brushes it off himself, I remember the consequences of touching him. I need some way to calm him down, and so I stretch my hands around his hips. It's the next best thing I can do for him without hurting myself.

"They told me about monsters. They were big, and misshaped. And the scariest thing was that they were created from human flesh. They created them in these tall glass tubes and choke them in some type of fluid. He told me that the people who were released are those monsters." He chokes and cracks while I clench my fist behind his back. "Every day I listened to the announcements and was so excited to see the Outside. I never thought…even for a second. After the GM left, I listened to make sure our names weren't announced. I was so scared of losing you.

"But when Reina said our names, I was too scared. I wanted to tell you. I thought maybe we can hide somewhere in Cnorion. But it was their city, and I couldn't do anything but cry. I thought that by not telling you anything, it was protecting you. But they took you away anyways. I thought I would never see you again." By now he kneels in the snow; tears still fall from his eyes.

As he tells his story, I kneel there, holding onto him. His body shivers quietly.

"It's ok," I promise him. My mind quickly churns for a moment when I'm guilty towards Jason. What can I say? He holds me dear enough to cry over me. While all I did was find him slightly annoying and only thought of him as the boy who hung out with lonely girl. My position in his heart is probably greater than his position in mines. I can't lie to Jason… "What you're saying is silly," I begin, using sarcasm to conceal my uneasiness. "I should be the one crying. All that time in Cnorion, I didn't really treasure you as a friend at all. You—"

"No, please, don't say something like that. I'm the one who failed you. Everything I did was horrible!"

"I—"

"Just listen to me! It's been bothering me for a long time. I need to tell you the truth. Remember when I told you I love you during the Ludibrium mission? When I told you that, I was thinking that if I got you to love me, I can convince you to leave the Knights. I tried to use the same way the Knights did." The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm not mad or anything like that, just surprised. I suppose it is farfetched to believe someone might love me. I feel like a fool for even believing that for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok." I look away. There's no reason to cry. I won't cry. I can't. I'll save it later, when we free Cnorion. I pick myself up and start for the direction of the trees. When I take my first step forward, Jason tugs at the base of my shirt. His eyes, after crying, look like it came from a puppy. He doesn't want me to go, but he knows it has to happen. I watch him slowly let go before standing up himself. Together, we walk silently in a random direction. After hearing his story, the both of us need time to absorb the news.

There is a desire for me to tell him my answer right now. He told me so much and shared so much with me. Shouldn't I do the same? It wouldn't hurt either of us, right? The feeling isn't mutual anymore. But I'm hesitating. Why am I doing something like that when I already know his response? It's probably because it's so silly. Yeah. We're only two young teenagers who know nothing. We've only been in the Outside for how long? It only feels like we know the meaning of love. One day, we'll just look back and think this is all a mistake.

But if we don't know love, then how do we know friendship? I call him my best friend but I don't even know how to put things into words. I can easily call him anything else. Friend, best friend, lover, brother. I don't really know how to distinguish him anymore. I guess all I really know is that he's important to me. Maybe that's enough.

I honestly don't know.

When we arrive at a snowfield valley at the end of the forest, a sound buzzes. I heard it twice…no I heard a lot of times before. It is like a sound when… in the air… something moves. An arrow? An arrow! No, that's not it… I also hear the snow rubbing against each other. Swallowing, I look in all cardinal directions, trying to single out the source. Nothing comes up until out in the corner of my eye, something moves an inch from my head.

Turning around, I remember Jason and see him taking a protective stance around me. One arm encloses around my body, and the other stretches out, fending off everything that splashes in my way.

"I don't believe it," Anhel's voice says. I move Jason aside and find a better view of him. His legs are half buried in the snow, and his breath breathes in such thick vapor that a fog masks his image. He's on the verge of freezing, even if he's not shivering. I'm not surprised. His powers are probably wetting his clothes as we speak.

"You don't believe what?" I ask, not really caring for his answer. It's just fun to watch him struggling to answer.

"I…can believe that he might be a traitor! But you…I never thought…about it at all. Why would you do this to us?"

"What do you mean why would I do this to you? You should ask them what they did to me!"

"So what if your memories are from someone else? That's no reason to do this! You were happy with us! Everyone treated you like a friend. We shouldn't have to fight. Just come back to us." By the time he's done, his voice grows into a small whisper. I respond to him by raising my hand and gathering the cold. "Are you honestly thinking you can stop me?" I increase my focus, drawing as much ice as possible. The arrow immediately launches itself without my control.

"Come on," Anhel whines, sidestepping the arrow like it's a dodge ball. "Do you really think teenagers like you—" The left side of his body freezes over, focusing primarily around his head. I smile. I don't have to hit him to freeze him.

"I'll go up close and take him down in one shot," Jason says.

"We'll go together," I say, not letting my eyes wander from Anhel's angry face. Putting my palms together, I pull out a sword of ice. Angling our legs in a dash, we propel ourselves at the same time towards our target. Anhel stays there, unable to move from his predicament. Our attacks strike him at the same time, one flash freezing him completely, and the other destroying the ice monument into pieces.

"I guess it is true when they say one mistake is all it needs," Jason mouths.

"Mmm, we still have to find Cnorion." I look ahead at the path. With the cliffs surrounding the left and right, there's only one way to go.

"Wait. I feel something strange. Let me see first." I look at him squat near the icy remains of Anhel and stick his hand out at the ice.

"You're not feeling sorry, are you?"

"No…it's just I…" Jason slows down with each word. I begin following his eyes around. He looks to the left and the right and then focuses on the ice. After a moment, he stares right into me, and I start to hear sounds too. Scratchy sounds. Where are they coming from? It's not the front or the back. It's… "Below us!" I react then, moving hastily as if I've stepped on a land mine. But it's too late already. A geyser of water rises from below ground. It did little to hurt us. Instead, my clothes absorb all the water.

The geyser only lasts for a second, but somehow it creates a strong rain, darkening the earth. A layer of water spread over the snow, and once the rain stops, the sun reflects off the ground, blinding the eyes. I spot Anhel, an entire arm frozen in ice, but other than that nothing. No scar, not wound. Not even a cut. Making a weapon, I tell myself, I'll end it right now.

"Instead of worrying about me, you should take a look at him first."

Jason? I find him curling on the ground. His body shakes and twists and turns all at the same time. Kneeling next to him, I can see the pale in his eyes and the redness of his skin. "What's happening to him?" I demand.

"The traitor's dying, that's what. It's too late for him now. If the cold doesn't get to him, the water will pop his organs."

"Then how come nothing is happening to me! There has to be something else you did!"

"I did nothing! You should know why you're not dying! You're the DEAMer of ice!" He spits on the ground and turns around, the ice already spreading to his chest.

I change my attention to Jason. His face goes from intense red to purple, and the shivering is slowing down gradually. I know this. It's the sign of someone dying. The doom in his eyes and the movements of his body tells me. No. I can't let him die. Any other boy in the world can decease for all I care. Maybe if I hug him. My body heat can keep him warm! No! I'm too cold! It'll make it worse! I have to get him into some dry clothes! Yes, that's right, dry! But where? Who? Cnorion? I won't…I won't make it in time!

"Help! Somebody! Help! He's dying! I'm sorry! Please save him! Anhel! Anhel!" I scream, knowing full well the uselessness of my effort.

…shaking stop. Everything stops. It's no more.

…take a look at…still body, and magically, all the color returns to... For a time, … feel … pulse. … touch his face, … feel no shock. No reaction. Nothing. … not reacting to … anymore. No.

This…be… Why did…do… … … … … … …

Memory … … …

… … … … Snow Rose.

---

Extraction 95 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"You killed my family!"

---

"No, Shui Jing. You don't have a family for me to kill."

---

Extraction 96 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"Shut up! I've had enough of your lies!"

---

"How do you expect to defeat me? You can't even hit me."

---

Extraction 97 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"I won't let you use me ever again!"

---

"You think you can just kill you self? You are our property. That means we determine your lives. Not you."

---

Extraction 98 percent complete…GLITCH…GLITCH

"I'll live to kill you!"

---

"We'll see about that."

---

Extraction 99 percent complete…ERROR

"Is that really all that she told you?"

"Right down to the last word. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a job to finish."

"No, wait!"

"We only have one percent left, Leol! Even I must admit I'm afraid to die!"

"Just wait a minute! I'll figure out—"

"ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! MEMORY EXTRACTION STOPPED! EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN INNITIATED!"

"She's having a spasm! The vitals are dropping! She's going to die!"

"Get her out of that thing right now!"

"We can't! The computer is frozen!"

"Out of my way!"

"Yang! Don't destroy it!"

"What did you do?"

"Hey! Assistant! Worry about that later! She's in cardiac arrest!"

---

"What? What is this place? It's so bright."

"Shui Jing!"

"Who are you?"

"Did you get some cold stuff—"

"Huh? What's—no!"

"He's disappearing. Shui Jing, everyone's going to disappear."

"Huh? It's you! How do you know my name?"

"You don't remember me now."

"Am I supposed to remember you?"

"No. It's better if you forget about me and everyone else, too."

"Everyone else?"

"Mae and Edward and Sean and Sarah and everyone else, they've been causing you too much pain. But today, you would be reborn again. You don't have to remember us, but you have to live for us. You are the only family we have left. You mustn't die yet. Oh, I'm disappearing too. It's time for me to join the others."

"Wait! Before you go! Tell me your name, please!"

"What's the point? You'll forget about it, and me."

"I feel there is something important about you that I need to know. I want to reborn knowing who you are. Or at least know before everything ends."

---

"Hang in there, Shui Jing! You can't die yet! We need you!"

"Leol, stop, please."

"Shut up, Yang! If you didn't come in and break the machine, she might be still alive!"

"If I didn't stop it in time, her powers would break free! She would end all of our lives! She would end her life!"

"Even so! I might find a way to stop her! Now it's too late! You killed Shui Jing!"

"It's not like she'll fire you for failing to save her."

"That's not the point, Irena! She's a part of me! She's a life! She needs to live!"

---

"Everything is fading. My name? Is it really that important? I really wish I could've been with you. You are lucky to get another chance. My name, will you really remember that?"

"I will! I promise! Even if I'm reborn, I won't forget your name!"

"thank you."

---

"Who…where…who am I? Why is everything so…fuzzy?"

"Shui Jing? Oh! Oh thank god you're alive!"

---

Epilogue-Memory Eclipsed II

I touch the edge of the window, scraping my fingers over the snow. I'm not really good with words because I don't really know how to read or write. I wish I can describe this feeling within me. Whenever I touch snow, my heart feels like magic. It pumps blood faster, and everything slows down all around me. People don't notice it normally, but I do—the drift of the wind, the formation of snow, and the mystical feeling where every fiber in your hand reacts to the touch of an object. Every morning I stare out this window for a few minutes…or hours. Depends on how long the feeling lasts.

No one else I know can do this. They call it strange. I guess it's because I'm strange. Whenever I pick up the snow in my hand, I know I'm different from everyone else. They recommend I change this daily habit of looking out the window, but I don't want to. After the moment ends, there is always a pretty plant between my fingers. It's called a Snow Rose. The name just popped up in my head and stuck there. This rose is me. It is the last thing that tells me who I am. No wait. A flower can't talk. Plants can't talk.

"Hey! Shui Jing! Do you want to have a snowball fight?" Leol asks, waving and yelling.

"Sure! I'll be down in a minute!" I slip the rose into the vase by the window and head downstairs.

Maybe, if I listen carefully, I can imagine a voice telling me who I am.

---

"jason cerge"

---

Crystal Flowers.

The End.

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A/N: Final thanks for all the readers and friends who read this story. And Shui Jing, don't worry. Keep on reaching, and you will eventually find your happy ending.

Remember to review, everyone!