He paced.
Ten steps. From one end to the other. Ten steps if he controlled his strides. Ten steps, that was the width of the window he had his back to everyday. Ten steps, so quick and short. It was the distance he permitted himself.
She is late. They are late.
Annoyance had given way to worry. The Tempest wasn't back. His hunger gone, his work forgotten, his chest hurt while his guts twisted.
Where are they? Where is she?
His eyes flashed towards the communication officer. "Any word?"
"No, sir."
Evfra balled his fists and paced. He fought the urge to put a call directly to Ryder herself. He fought the urge to run out to the docks. He fought the urge to believe his gut that something was wrong.
Ryder is smart. She is tough. I trust her.
His boots clomped. Ten steps up, ten steps down. "Evfra!"
He jerked his head around. It was Sohkaa Esof, one of his agents positioned at the docks to keep an eye on visiting aliens.
"The Tempest, it is docking now."
Evfra heaved a sigh of relief. They were back. She was back. He had to see it for himself. Brushing past Esof he walked as quickly as he could without running towards the docks.
He arrived just in time to see her zoom by. His eyes widen as he stood and stared.
I told you to stay safe.
He spotted Jaal limping off the Tempest. "What happened?" he demanded.
The image refused to leave the back of his eyelids.
She was still, so still. Face bloodlessly white while her blonde hair plastered against her head with blood. Her armour broken in parts, shattered in others. Her undersuit sliced open, bare skin exposed to the air as the asari doctor was straddling her still body with her hands pushing against her chest.
Over and over and over.
"What happened?" he asked.
Jaal's jaw tightened as he looked away. Ancestors, what the hell happened on Sansesyol?
Duty demanded he seek answers. Duty demanded figure out what went, duty demanded he fix things. But Ryder wasn't something he could fix.
It was ten hours later, well into the next day, when he managed to pull himself away. His normally purposeful stride was reduced to a fast shuffle. He needed to sleep, he needed to eat but most of all he needed to know.
The hospital was bustling more so than usual. Most of the APEX and Resistance fighters were wounded in some way but most of them were treated and discharged to recover in the barracks. He stopped at the counter, trying to seek the location of the Pathfinder and her crew. Before he could ask, someone called out. "Evfra!"
It was Cora Harper, Ryder's second. She limped over, the gash on her forehead slathered with medi-gel and missing a bandage. "Follow me."
Evfra complied. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from interrogating her on the spot. Even though she was limping, she walked fast. Evfra had to lengthen his stride to keep up. They took the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, Harper leaned against the wall and winced.
"We were hit by an architect. It tossed one Nomad against another. Ryder and the others had to distract it as we helped get the rest to safety. And that was after we took out a couple of kett outposts and running low on ammo and juice."
Juice, that was what Ryder called her well of biotics. Powered by a range of sugary sweet drinks and carbohydrate filled energy bars, it was the strange and mesmerising power that saved his life three months ago. And she was running low on that. Shit.
"Fuck," Harper sighed as she ran a hand over her face. "Ryder was the last one out. She was out on ammo, using only her biotics. One of the Architect's arms or legs, whatever the fuck it is. It nailed her good. Lexi couldn't fix her back on the Tempest, the best she could do was to keep Ryder breathing."
"Ancestors." Evfra exhaled sharply, his weight pressed against the wall.
His leather armour was suddenly too tight and the space too suffocating. His chest slammed against his ribs as though he was in danger and he needed to get behind cover.
"Is she…"
"She is out of surgery just a couple of minutes ago. I was going to give you and the Moshae the news when I saw you."
Evfra nodded mutely. The doors opened and he straightened. He was the Leader of the Resistance. His heart wasn't clenching in odd ways. He wasn't thinking about the last time he saw her. He wasn't remembering the way she smiled at him. He wasn't remembering the last time he saw her at death's door or her joke of dying then.
He was the stone cold Evfra de Tershaav.
The hallway was hush. The rest of the crew were hanging around outside one of the rooms. Some of them sported bandages or medi-cast on their limbs. Jaal had his arm in a sling. His rofjinn pulled in an awkward manner with his chest bandaged. But more importantly, the usually bright blue fabric was also stained with red blood.
Hers?
He pushed the thought of his mind. She was fine, out of surgery and fine.
Fine. His gut roiled uncomfortably.
The others parted to allow him to enter. The door slid close behind him. Inside was the sterile scent of antiseptic and disinfectant. The monitors beeped, the machines hissed. His eyes took in the person lying on the bed. Tubes and wires were the only things confirming that she yet lived.
Alive and fine. His chest clenched tighter at the lie.
The asari doctor cleared her throat. His eyes flicked over to her. "How is she?" he asked, his tone hush, almost reverent.
She sighed wearily as she lifted her omni-tool. "Brain swelling, which we had to operate to relieve the pressure through surgery earlier. Broken ribs, shattered left radius and a severe concussion."
She lifted her head. "That's just what I can glean for now. We're keeping her in a medically induced coma while the swelling go down. Once the swelling goes down, we'll bring her back and assess her cognitive functions and potential brain damage."
Evfra could only nod. His eyes tracing the tube that disappeared between her lips down her throat. It was breathing for her. Her face scratched and swollen. She no longer looked like herself.
"How long?" he asked, his hands tightened on the frame of her bed.
"I don't know, I really don't know."
Murmuring tickled the edges of her awareness. It tugged like a dog refusing to relinquish its prize. Shadows pressed on all sides like, undulating like mirages on Elaaden. They coaxed like sirens of myth, gentle and seductively.
Rest, I deserve some rest right?
The voices were myriad. They echoed, coming closer and drifting away. Sometimes it was one, sometimes it was more. But the shadows always won.
I'm so tired. Whatever it is, it can wait. Right, Dad?
She felt like she was floating. Water lapping against her bare skin. It was peaceful, dark and warm. The tiny waves tickled her ears, they were fingers lacing through her hair. Comforting and safe, she let go and sank into the depths.
Just five minutes more, please, Dad.
Her skin buzzed strangely at times. It usually concentrated on her hands. The sensation urgent and erratic. They jolted and jarred. Tethers that kept her from drifting away. Rope that dragged her up from the depths. Always saying "Stay with me. Stay with me."
Snooze the alarm, please.
The transition was violent. There wasn't a slow receding of shadows. There was only insistent and constant beeping that assaulted her ears. Her body screaming at her, "Something is wrong. Danger, danger, danger!"
Her eyes were closed one second and opened the next. Her vision blurry as shadows hovered over her. Two blue figures, the smaller one nudging the larger one away.
"Can you hear me, Ryder?" The voice was vague and far away.
Still her brain wouldn't stop insisting, "Danger, danger, danger!"
She blinked harder, struggled valiantly against the anchors that weighed her limbs down. Her mouth opened and closed, fighting to speak but she managed nothing more than laboured breathing. She was choking, she must be dying.
Is this finally it, Dad?
"Calm down, Ryder. You're intubated, just try and relax."
Could she trust the voice? The voice was causing her pain. Everything was confusing and scary. And that meant one thing, fight. She tugged at her core, the familiar dark energy wasn't there. It wasn't buzzing under her skin like always. It was just gone.
Panic flared anew as her eyes darted about, seeing but unseeing. Tears clouding her vision. Pain streaking up and down her body. The beeping screeched louder and louder. Her brain shrieking, "Danger, danger, danger."
The larger blue figure pushing the smaller one aside. A warm hand cupped her face, tilting to face the figure. Her eyes blinked harder and harder, her body trembled. Who? Who? A buzzing ran from the hand to her face. It was gentle, it was comforting, it was familiar. A finger brushed the tears streaming from her eyes away.
It was like the clouds parting for the sun. Her vision cleared and she saw him.
Evfra.
"Follow my finger," Lexi said.
Ryder sighed and complied. "One week! Lexi, I lost one week!" she exclaimed, her left arm twitching. It would have been used to stab the air if it didn't hurt and encased in a medi-cast.
"Yes, Ryder. One week and count yourself lucky that it was only one week."
She bit her lip for a moment. Looking at the eye bags that hung under the asari's eyes. It lasted for all of two seconds. "Still, there is so much work to do now. I could have beaten this shit in two days."
Lexi ignored her and held her omni-tool up. Her fingers tapping against it, noting down whatever findings she gleaned from the test. "We almost lose you," she said, her voice quivering a little. "One week going from what we dragged off Sansesyol to being awake, cognitively all there, not a vegetable, not comatose, not brain dead."
Lexi took a deep breath, getting her voice back under control. "Yes, one week is a Goddess blessed miracle."
Guilt pressed against her chest. She clamped her mouth shut. That lasted five seconds. "But… I did nothing wrong. It was a freak accident."
The scanner bathed her in orange light, up and down it went, taking multiple passes of her body. She had graduated from having her medical gown placed over her naked body to actually wearing it loosely. She was working on being able to get to the toilet and actually pee into a bowl. For now, she had to tolerate the tube up her urethra.
The machine beeped indicating it had completed its job. Instead of checking the readout, Lexi turned to look at her. Ryder held Lexi's gaze for as long as she could but eventually the gut wrenching fear of what might could have been she saw there made her look away.
"I didn't say you did anything wrong but…," Lexi's grip on the frame of her bed tightened. The metal shook a little. "You just have to be more careful. We only have one of you. You're ireplaceable."
Ryder took a deep breath. All her other protests died in her throat. She nodded. The rest of the examination was conducted in silence. Other than Lexi's occasional tapping, it was the machines humming and her breathing.
She had been trapped on bed for one week unconscious. That wasn't so bad, well other than the mounting work would be waiting for her, since she was unconscious for all of it. It was the week after that that was hell. Being weaned off the endotracheal tube took some doing, then it was test after test, to make sure her cognitive functions were intact. SAM being disconnected to allow her brain to completely rest during the coma. The silence in her head was strange and unfamiliar now. She missed her buddy. But that required a trip to the Hyperion for a full diagnostic check before Lexi would allow her to reconnect to SAM again.
But all in all, it was fine. She was fine, well other than the sore ribs and a broken dominant arm. But nobody took her word for it. It was just as well, since she was't a doctor.
"Tell me what is the last thing you remember?"
Ryder sighed. "Waking up this morning."
Lexi gave her the patent-pending look™.
"Right, sorry. No jokes," she groused.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she sorted and sifted through her memories. It was like trying to hold water with her bare hands. The more she tried, the more harder the task was. Her head was already throbbing most of the time. Concussion, that was what Lexi told her.
Well, the con-fucking-cussion can suck a dick.
She frowned, eyes still closed. "I had a meeting with one of Kandros' APEX captains, I think. I met up with Evfra?"
"You meet with the captains and Evfra almost everyday," Lexi pointed out, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let me put it this way, what's the last thing you remember before waking up here?"
Ryder blinked. "Last thing huh…"
She remembered the endless meetings she had with the Resistance members verifying the plans they had made earlier. She remembered running the plans through with their APEX counterparts. She remembered speaking to the Moshae. She bit her lip unable to control the flush rising up her checks.
"You remembered something." It was a statement, not a question.
Ryder nodded. "Err… It's a conversation I had with the Moshae," she said, averting her eyes. "Rather, the Moshae had with me."
"Is that the last thing you remembered?"
She cocked her head. "No, I don't think so. I remember something about a special dinner with someone. Was it with the captains? Maybe a celebration?"
"And that's the last thing?"
"This was the morning of? The night before the joint exercise?"
"I… I'm not sure," she pressed her hand against her temple, trying to hold her head together by sheer force.
"That's enough. It's fine. I think this is as far as your memory goes."
"Will I remember?" Ryder asked, frustration forming a crease across her brow.
Lexi glanced at her omni-tool and was busy with the machines. She didn't answer. Ryder grunted as she tried to lever herself upright. Lexi pressed her back onto the bed. A single tap on the bed controls and it shifted into her into a sitting position.
"I am not an invalid," she pointed out.
"You're just close to one."
Her jaw tightened. Lexi patted her arm and handed her the controls to her bed. She gathered up her datapads. "Rest, that's what you need to do. I'll be back tomorrow."
As she had one foot across the threshold, Ryder called out. "Lexi."
The doctor stiffened and turned to meet her eyes.
"Will I remember?"
"Unlikely."
The silence that was left in the wake of Lexi's departure was deafening. Ryder hummed to fill it.