This is my first story as you can tell... and I need some help I want Naruto or Naruko to be a badass seal master. I want this story to be a quick 4 chapter story but I need some serious suggestions on how to pull off the biggest prank/search and rescue/wake-up call the leaf village has ever seen. - suggestions are loved- and thanks for all the reviews! Grammar is a little rough - sorry!

-BLACK ST*R-

NARUTO POV

Jiji must still think I am stupid. A seal master is anything but... My parents were not dumb, my Uzumaki clansmen were not dumb. The worst this village could do to me was ignore my presence and raise grocery and clothes prices.

I learned the basics of reading, writing and math at the orphanage and that was all I needed. As soon as I could string a sentence together I was kicked out.

FLASHBACK

As my 6 year old self walked around the village I received glares and people calling me names, but at 6 what can you do but ask why and cry. No one cared, no one stopped. So I ran, ran as fast as I could and ran smack dab into a little piece of my clans history, the Uzumaki Clan's Mask Storage Temple. Your boy struck gold.

I was stripped of my artificial henge in .2 seconds after entering the establishment. My father was a great seal master but the Uzumaki's were better.

I thank them, my clansmen, everyday now for showing me but at that moment seeing long hair and no penis can scare a boy um girl um me. I'm just happy this place was secluded and no one cared enough about me to look. Becasue I never screamed so loud in my life.

After I calmed down. I was quickly enveloped in love and strength by all the ghost and spirits of my clansmen. They felt abandoned by the village and I promised to make sure that it would never happen again. While I was there I learned a lot. When I left for the village, so Jiji wouldn't get suspicious I kept my henge because no one really needed to know, except the Hokage. But he knew before I did, I think, I can't really say for sure since I never personally told him myself.

I mean I'm an Uzumaki with a demon in my gut who doesn't feel like dying anytime soon so I thought eh... I can probably depend on Kyu verses the staff at the hospital who may find a way to prolong my agony.

You're probably wondering what a bunch of dead people can teach a 6 year old attention seeking kid and can tell you honestly, a lot.

Anyway after a week or do being at the temple I went into the village to get supplies and ramen. I guess I got lucky because that was the day jiji decieded to visit me, at the orphanage. To go there and find me missing he was about to send out a search party until he spotted me getting thrown out of another grocery store.

That grocery store owner knows now not to mess with an angry Hokage. Jiji came into the store so quick and had his ANBU guard practically destroy the store that it was shut down for several months. He also had the owner thrown in prison for a month, after he was sent to Ibiki.

I laughed, loudly at this and Jiji turned his attention back to me. I jumped at his angry expression he blinked and quickly changed his features to a look of concern.

"Where have you been Naruto?" asked the Hokage.

'Really?' I thought

"I've been sleeping in the woods. Why jiji?" I questioned.

"Why were you sleeping in th words?" ask Jiji.

'Again, really where else could I go, you? ha' I thought.

"The lady at the orphanage said I was smart enough to leave the orphanage and pointed me to the woods and said 'animals like you stay in the woods' so that's where I went." I proclaimed.

'Why can't these people respect the Fourth's promise.' Thought the Third.

"How about I get you, your own place? Since you a big kid now?" exclaimed the Third.

I laughed a little 'Yeah that sounds about right give a 6 year old an apartment. Smart jiji smart.'

"Really!" I shouted, "But I don't have any money how am I buy to get things."

"I will send one of my ninja to you every month with money." stated the Hokage

After searching all day we finally found an apartment in the not so nice side of the village. The Hokage looked sad at the building but pasted a smile on his face and walked with me up the stairs.

FLASHBACK END

NARUTO POV

Now 5 years and 2 failures in the Ninja Academy later I can honest say that I am the epitome of an epic and well trained liar, manipulator and thief. I can walk, talk, and act a good game and no one has noticed a thing.

Jiji finally told me after the scroll incident about the Kyuubi and me being a girl. I cried a good cry, my mask of idiocy never falling. I asked if I could stay a boy and he said yes but your leader may see past your henge since he is a jounin.

I nodded, but weeks went by and I asked Jiji are you sure he will find out and Jiji promised saying yes. Kakashi is one of our best his whole motto is look "underneath the underneath." And here we are days after out one C to turned A rank mission later and nothing.

Jiji lied. And I hate being lied to. I know crazy right. But come on cut me some slack I am 100% girl henged to be a 100% male by my father at my birth. I was a lie from day one.

PRESENT TIME

And here I stand, back to my orange wearing, bright smile self waiting to be recognized by a fallen wolf, the emo bastard or the pink haired banshee but nope, nothing.

Hinata sees me, she nods.

Sigh.

I walk up to my team. I give them some lie about how I was at the ramen stand and forgot the time. No one even batted an eye at my obvious lie.

Seriously, what is wrong with this team. You just went to the ramen stand and you didn't even bat an eyelid at the lie. I think it is time for some drastic measures.

I am going to pull the biggest prank this village has ever seen. It's a chance some people may get seriously hurt but at this moment I don't care. We can blame it on Orochimaru or something if that occurs.

I better warn Jiji, Hinata, and Shino so that they can tell their families to be prepared.

The pink haired girl is screaming at you kit?

'Oh shit, time to act stupid.'

NORMAL POV

Naruto places his hands behind his hand.

"NARUTO you BAKA! You had Sasuke-Kun and me worried looking for you all because you wanted some RAMEN!" Sakura shouted.

"YOU IDIOT!"

Sakura runs up and hits Naruto on the head.

"Ow... Sakura-chan I said I was sorry, you don't have to hit me." Naruto rubs his head.

Kakashi standing nearby with an orange book in his hands walks over and grabs Sakura before she hits Naruto again. Which was good because she was about to be killed by Hinata. Who looked like she wanted to stab Sakura in the neck with a kunai.

'Damn, I forgot she was here.' Kakashi thought.

"Okay you guys," Kakashi claps, "now that we found Naruto you all can go home. I just wanted you guys to know that and to be at training ground 7 tomorrow morning at 8 Ja ne!" Kakashi POOFs away.

'That bastard, anyway so who cares. Instead of calling out Sakura lets mix it up today and have lunch with Hinata.' Naruto thought.

"Hey Hey..." Naruto starts.

"I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU, YOU BAKA!" Sakura screeched!

'I wasn't asking you, you pink haired bitch.' Naruto thought.

"I wasn't asking you Sakura-chan I was talking to Hinata." Naruto walks towards a nervous and shy Hinata.

"Hinata would you mind going out with me for lunch this afternoon?" Naruto says smoothly.

"Are you sur..e... Naru.. to...kun?" Hinata stammers.

Naruto reaches out and grabs her hand, and they leapt off together leaving behind a stunned Sakura.

She turns around an sees Sasuke walking away. She runs after him yelling, "Sasuke-kun!"

THE NEXT MORNING

Naruto is walking towards the Konaha Gates.

NARUTO POV

Today its time to show people why the Uzumaki's were both feared and respected.

"UZUMAKI SECRET ART: SUMMON HELL RASIER KAIZER" Naruto whispered.