"Down!" Kakashi yelled as a huge sword sailed through the air.
Everyone dropped to the ground, except Naruto who just stood there.
His teammates watched in horror as the sword cleaved through Naruto's neck before slamming into a tree 20 feet away.
*POOF!*
They all breathed a sigh of relief as Naruto's body poofed away in a puff of smoke, showing it was just a shadow clone.
"Sharingan Kakashi..." a shirtless nin announced as he appeared atop the massive blade. "I'm just here for the old man, let me have him and you and your genin can go free."
"Zabuza, the Demon Swordsman of Hidden Mist," Kakashi said climbing to his feet. "What do you want with my client?"
"To kill him, I'm under contract," Zabuza announced.
"Sorry, we're being paid to protect him," Naruto said, stepping out of the woods slurping noodles from a bowl of ramen.
"Paid for a C Rank mission," Kakashi felt he had to point out. "Zabuza's presence makes this at least an A Rank mission."
"So let's put it to a vote," Naruto suggested before handing his empty bowl to a clone. "Take this back to Ichiraku's please."
The bowl in the clone's hand vanished and the clone blinked and examined his surroundings before walking into the bushes.
"I vote we continue!" Tazuna exclaimed pleadingly.
"Civilians don't count," Kakashi said, though not unkindly. "I vote we cancel the mission; we were not paid nor prepared for an A Rank and I can't face Zabuza and guard you genin at the same time with any degree of certainty."
"I agree," Sasuke said. "We weren't contracted for an A Rank and all of my preparations were for a C Rank. Going into battle unprepared should only be done as a last resort."
"Sorry Tazuna, but I'm with Sasuke; we simply aren't trained for this yet," Sakura apologized.
"Well there you have it old man," Zabuza laughed. "You get what you pay for."
"I haven't voted yet," Naruto pointed out.
"Three to one baka," Sakura groaned, "your vote doesn't matter."
Naruto gave Zabuza a feral grin, ignoring Sakura. "I vote to continue, so even if you don't have to face my team you still have to face me, myself and ..." in place of the word I the tiger clones in the forest roared, making the air tremble.
"What the HELL is that?" Zabuza demanded.
"I almost feel guilty for what I'm about to do," Naruto said cheerfully, while grinning widely.
"You don't look like you feel the slightest bit guilty!" Zabuza accused Naruto as green and orange tigers slowly slunk out of the underbrush.
"I did say almost," Naruto pointed out helpfully. "I'm going to set dozens of the most vicious creatures known to man on you."
"Tigers aren't that fearsome," Zabuza said bravely.
"Unfortunately this breed has a tendency to go for the nuts first," Naruto said gleefully as Zabuza paled and his eyes darted about trying to watch all the tigers at once.
"Sic em!" Naruto ordered, and Zabuza was washed off his sword by a river of biting and clawing squirrels raining down from the branches above him.
"Naruto, I'm in command of this mission," Kakashi said formally, "and as such my orders are law."
"So we shouldn't use my distraction to withdraw?" Naruto interrupted him.
One of the nearby clones examined Sakura closely, circling her before poofing away.
"Huh?" Sakura asked, confused by Naruto's actions.
Without a word another clone walked up and put his hand on her shoulder and then she popped like a typical Shadow Clone.
Sasuke stared horrified and then noticed a clone circling him and stabbed it, causing it to pop.
"It was just going to pop itself anyway," a Naruto said, approaching Sasuke who was nervously backing away, both of them ignoring Zabuza who was rolling around on the ground in a panic, screaming like a little girl and carpeted in bright orange squirrels.
The Naruto standing in front of Sasuke stopped moving and shook his head. "You're just making things hard on yourself, hold still!"
"I don't feel like being popped today," Sasuke replied nervously.
The clone next to the Naruto talking to Sasuke poofed into smoke, and a moment later Sasuke felt a hand on his shoulder and a voice whispered in his ear, "It's already too late."
Kakashi reached for his Sharingan eye and backed away from the clones while Tazuna looked on in horror as Sasuke poofed into smoke.
"Naruto, what did you do to them?" Kakashi demanded, his Sharingan eye spinning as it tried to find the real Naruto; a futile effort as they all had the same chakra signature and were physically identical.
"You wanted us to retreat right?" a Naruto asked. "So they'd be safe?"
He had to step back and allow a screaming Zabuza to run past, followed by a river of squirrels before answering, "Yes, I did."
"Well that's all I'm doing, making sure nothing can hurt my teammates," Naruto said with a proud smile.
0oOo0
Sakura blinked and looked around Team 7's meeting spot as Naruto removed his hand from her shoulder. "How did I get here?"
"Replacement Technique," Naruto replied easily.
"But that's only Line of Sight!"
"Well, yeah..." Naruto admitted, "But using clones I can see a lot farther, though I still have to make sure I have an exact replacement for you, meaning a matching clone, otherwise the chakra cost would be insane."
"That's why you examined me so closely!" Sakura exclaimed.
"Yep," Naruto said agreeably, making a clone duplicate of Sasuke and putting his hand on its shoulder. Rolling his eyes he walked behind the cloned Sasuke who had pulled a kunai and balanced himself on his heels and leaned forward like he was whispering in his ear.
"Aaaah!" Sasuke shrieked like a little girl and flung himself forward, his now red eyes spinning with a fully active Sharingan.
"Sasuke?" Sakura asked, wondering what had scared him so badly.
"Sakura! You're alive?" he exclaimed in shock, and looked around. "And we're home?"
"Yeah, simple Replacement Technique," Naruto explained, "had to use clones so it wouldn't take all my chakra to switch with you."
"Sasuke, your eyes!" Sakura breathed in wonder, pulling out a compact.
Sasuke calmed down and stared at his eyes in the mirror. "Ok, you've managed to help me activate my Sharingan; I won't kill you for making me think you just murdered Sakura and were about to do the same to the rest of us."
"What?" Naruto asked, confused.
"Try and see it from the point of view who doesn't know what you were doing dobe!" Sasuke growled.
The Kakashi clone knelt down and bowed his head like he was awaiting the killing stroke.
"I get what you mean now."
A clone placed its hand on the Kakashi clone's shoulder and a moment later they could all hear Kakashi muttering, "It's all my fault, I failed and got them killed just like my original team."
"Kakashi sensei..." Sakura trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Maybe saying it was time to rejoin his team was a bit much," Naruto replied.
"What?" Kakashi asked, looking up and seeing where he was.
Sasuke stared at Kakashi in shock for a moment, before grabbing Sakura's compact and holding it up to his face.
"Mangekyou Sharingan," Kakashi said and suddenly corralled his students in a big hug, "you're all alive!"
"Uh, yeah..." Naruto agreed, "I used the Replacement Technique paired with Shadow Clones so we could retreat safely."
"You are truly a frightening individual," Kakashi declared solemnly. "Now! Who wants to get drunk with their sensei?"
"I'm in," Sasuke said instantly.
"I-I'm in," Sakura added, not wanting to be left out.
"Sounds like fun," Naruto agreed.
"How can we think of fun when we just left the old drunk to die?" Sakura complained.
"Please, he has about a thousand Naruto's with him; he'll be fine!" Naruto replied.
"A thousand …" Kakashi's eye lost focus for a second, and when he regained it he noticed there were still a plethora of Naruto clones in town. "First one drunk gets to learn a new jutsu," he promised.
"Woohoo!" Naruto cheered, "I'm going to get drunk faster than any of you!"
0o0o0
"Hey Tenten," Naruto called out as he approached Team Gai's regular training ground, where Gai was sparring with Lee while Neji practiced deflecting kunai with Tenten's help.
"Uzumaki?" she replied, not having seen him since she graduated the year before, but having seen quite a few clones of his today.
"That's me," Naruto said. "I'm here to collect on that favor you owe me."
"Favor?" Tenten asked as she tried to recall what he was talking about.
"The favor you promised when you said and I quote 'Dear lord in heaven if someone doesn't do something about these two idiots and soon I'm going to snap,' you promised you'd do anything and that you'd be my friend for life."
"Oh! That favor," Tenten said, having repressed anything surrounding that favor through force of will. "That was almost two years ago, you can't hold me to promises made in the academy, we were just kids."
"Ok," Naruto said mildly.
"Ok?" Gai asked. "You accept defeat this easily?" He wondered what had happened to the genin who never gave up his rival had mentioned.
"Some things are only of value when freely given," Naruto replied, as thousands of minds thinking countless thoughts had made him a bit philosophical. "I'll simply undo the favor I did for her and consider us even."
"What favor could you have done two years ago that could be undone so easily now?" Gai asked curiously.
Naruto waved his hand and two clones appeared and ran off in separate directions. "She was being harassed by a pair of genin who took an interest in her."
Tenten groaned as she remembered the pair and everything surrounding the events in question. Naruto had been kind of a friend at the time but after he'd claimed credit for getting rid of those two idiots when she knew for a fact they'd just stopped chasing her to pursue someone else she'd begun to distance herself from him.
"You didn't do anything Naruto," she said with a sigh, not wanting to embarrass him despite what he'd done back then, but not wanting to look bad in her teammate's eyes either. "Mizuki sensei told me they just found some other girl to follow and you were planning on taking credit for it."
Gai's eyes lit up in understanding. "Speaking of the traitor, has he been sentenced yet?"
"Yeah, I got done testifying against him last month. Despite his crimes he only got sentenced to 20 years and they tried to rescind my graduation from the academy."
"If I remember correctly you were dead last in your year and had failed the graduation exam several times," Neji spoke up, feeling a slight need to get in a dig against Naruto for his dismissal of Tenten. "they were right to have done so."
Gai continued on as if Neji hadn't spoken, "How did that turn out?"
"The Old Man said that if sneaking into the Hokage's Tower defeating the Hokage and discovering and neutralizing a traitor didn't qualify me to be a genin he'd like to know what did. The three Council members who kept arguing after that were sent to Ibiki for an 'attitude adjustment'. When the Old Man puts his foot down its best not to be under it."
Gai laughed. "Truer words were never spoken."
Naruto grinned, finding that he was beginning to like Gai; there weren't many adults he could say that about which prompted him to make an offer he normally wouldn't, "How much is Zabuza of the Mist worth and could you take him?"
Gai blinked at the sudden change of topic but pulled out a Bingo Book and showed Naruto the listing.
"Wow, that's a nice wad of cash."
"Indeed, I believe myself to be more than a match for him on land; though I don't like to boast," Gai said modestly.
"If I could get him here, would you give me 10% as a finder's fee?"
"I'm going to assume you know of a way to bring him here and not that you know of a dangerous missing nin near the village and haven't reported it," Gai said, shaking his head and beginning to remove his weights much to his team's shock. "I will accept no more than 50% of the fee. I assume from your tone we have to move quickly on this?"
Naruto grinned broadly; he was REALLY beginning to like Gai. "I have found a unique way to combine a couple of simple jutsu so I can bring him to wherever you want, but he's starting to regain control of himself so it'd be safer to do it quickly; it'll be like I switched him with a kawarimi."
"Defensive Formation; Earth Wall!" Gai announced, his team quickly responded by entrenching themselves behind a fallen oak. "Anytime you're ready Naruto."
"On it," Naruto agreed and snapped his fingers, vanishing into smoke and a minute later a dozen Naruto's arrived with one giggling and riding piggyback on another.
The Naruto carrying the giggling one quickly took charge, "Set it up but make him bright orange, so Gai will know when to strike."
"Why does that clone appear to be drunk?" Gai queried.
"Because I am drunk," the clone in question replied with a grin. "See original me and my team are completely … soaked? I think that's the word. I accidentally traumatized Kakashi and Sasuke, so it's group bonding by drinking right now, but Cloney said they needed a clone with a lot of juice for a long range switcheroony, so original me, who is drunk, made me, who is also drunk."
One of the clones had turned into Zabuza wearing a bright orange outfit while several others turned into orange squirrels and clung to him.
The drunk one grinned and giggled. "I got enough power to do this as me, but that's not as much fun," he said, not really explaining anything before becoming a squirrel.
The clone in charge nodded. "When his clothes change from orange it'll be Zabuza, begin!"
The drunken squirrel scurried up the henged Naruto's pant leg causing him to panic and less than a second later his clothes changed color.
No one even saw Gai move; he was just suddenly standing over an unconscious missing nin and pulling out a roll of ninja wire from his vest to restrain him.
o0o
Haku debated with herself about whether to help or not. Zabuza had told her only to interfere as a last resort, but what she had seen so far was truly frightening; masses of bizarrely colored animals acting as one, and a nin who'd killed his entire team by popping them like clones.
She really couldn't imagine how things could get any worse... and then Zabuza's clothes turned bright orange like the animals that had attacked him and he stopped fighting as the animals dropped off him.
'Oh god! He's become one of them!' she thought to herself before attacking. Screw the plan, she was going to save him!
o0o
Naruto didn't know what was going on, one moment he was henged as Zabuza and enjoying the scenery and the next he was being carried off by some crazy nin who was promising she'd fix him.
"I will protect Zabuza no matter what!" she swore as she escaped with the henged Naruto over her shoulder, tied up with ninja wire.
"Zabuza is fine," Naruto tried to reassure her. "He's with us now."
"What do you call yourselves?" she asked shakily as she quickly sat him down, glad its mouth was covered so it couldn't bite her and infect her with … the orange!
"Naruto Uzumaki, pleased to meet you!"
AN: Typing by godogma!