Hi you guys!
I suck at updating. Literally, and I apologize for that! It's just that it's been a total lack of inspiration to me, and my writing has not improved at all. But I must say I'm really satisfied, because my inspiration is at the top again (well almost!) and I meant it when I said I wasn't going to delete this story. Thanks for the reviews, appreciate it very much!
miesie-chan; Yes, now that I think about it, Cloud had a little hint of Gippal in him during that chapter. Thank you so much for liking it!
I have created my own image of Cloud, and after going through parts of the game again, I realized that he has totally suffered. But that his wonderful personality is regained by the end of the game, and that he is not unhappy or sad at all.
I'm sorry if that is not how you see him, so I warn you right now that my version of Cloud is more of a.. talkative/ironic/funny/awesome one. But when one suffers from massive feelings exploded into your head all at once, you do get messed up, right?
And again. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes etc etc!
Copyright.. uh.. uhm.. I do not own Cloud (don't we all wish we do?), and I do not own Barret, Yuffie, Tifa, Rikku, etc etc.. Square Enix do! Does.. do? Does? Do. Does!.. do?
I stood in front of Tifa, looking down at the floor as she started her explaining.
She said she was sorry, she said that this was the best way, she said that she had no other choice.
She couldn't understand to why it was infuriating me, she couldn't understand why I even wanted to be a part of this.
Neither could I.
I couldn't understand how much I wanted to be a part of your life.
I couldn't understand how much I wanted to be by your side.
There was no understanding from anyone close to me, either.
I never knew why the presence of you brought happiness into my life.
Took the heavy burden of my shoulders.
How everything seemed so easy with you here.
Irony was making its grand entrance into my life.
One week and I was already caught.
One week and I was already charmed.
One week and I was already crushed.
Broken into pieces.
There was no one that could find you. No one that was allowed to see you.
You were hidden, hidden from everyone.
And me.
Bullshit.
Total bullshit.
They were acting as if I wasn't there, as if my ears were plugged with two blue whales, making it impossible for me to hear a single thing. It's funny how they did that when I was sitting right next to them.
"I swear, she's like Cloud's sister or something! How could he else have been so happy to see her?" Yuffie would rant about how weird it was that I suddenly was talking more than I'd done for the past five years. Aren't they just mixing with a lot hot spices now? I love talking. Chit-chatting. It makes my life complete. I do it every day. The minute I wake up, I text my homeboy to see if he's alright and what he's doing, all that meaningless stuff just completes the purpose of my life.
Ehrm.
"Yuffie, he wanted to shower her with a sprinkler. Is that some sort of thing you'd do to your sister?" Tifa asked and sounded oddly serious. I was surprised. I'd expect her to tell Yuffie off, not allowing anyone to even mentioning her again. Maybe she had known Rikku for years?
And if it weren't for the fact that she had said that sentence during these circumstances, I would've grinned.
"Oh, but you never know with Cloud!" I wasn't making eye-contact with anyone, but I could feel how Yuffie was trying to murder-glare me. Didn't work.
"See? Now he's all shutdown again! Like, 'oh-my-god-my-life-sucks-so-badly-i-think-i'm-gonna-puke-tears'!" Yuffie never stopped to amaze me with her creativity. Where does she get everything from? Her head? I just thought it was an empty hole inside her skull.
This one time, Caith Sith would blow as much air as possible into her left ear and Barret would stand beside her right one, holding a hairdryer with its power on max just to prove there was nothing in there.
Pretty funny if you ask me.
"It's not like she was important anyways," My head jerked up as I met Yuffie's eyes.
You were the most important thing in the world to me.
My eyes quickly showed signs of no affection at all for what she said, and I could tell that she was disappointed. She had wanted a reaction from me, and she was pretty close to almost getting one. Almost.
I had barely known Rikku for a week, and obviously they were freaking out more than I did on my act of showing some sort of emotion.
What was it? What made her so special? Why she of all people?
They were blind. So blind. I told myself I was blind too. That it was nothing. You felt nothing. It's just some girl you saved, as well as I could've saved Tifa from danger. Those lines were the ones I repeated every day to myself. Every day.
I felt ashamed for being so wrong; something told me already then that you were the girl.
Every day I grew more distant. Every day I grew to become someone I didn't know. I stopped talking and would only do that when I felt I needed too, and I'd avoid everybody as much as I could.
Especially Tifa.
Because she knew.
"Cloud, it's not right.." She'd tell me. "It's really complicated. You shouldn't." I pretended as if I didn't know what she was talking about. I never answered her, I just shrugged my shoulders and met her eyes with a slightly confused and non-understanding look.
She'd remind me now and then by saying similar words to these that Rikku was still out there somewhere. Tifa was the only one that saw her. Regularly.
I felt jealous. Pissed off. Angry. Furious. I was the one who saved her life. I was the one who helped Tifa out. It was me.
No matter how much I pushed those thoughts away, the feelings never disappeared. Or decreased. They were lingering there in my body, controlling my every move.
It would increase those feelings I had every night I heard Tifa coming up the stairs in the middle of the night. Because I knew she had gotten back from meeting her. Rikku.
In the beginning I'd see Tifa take off too, but I couldn't handle that. And it was impossible to follow her. I have skills, but I'm not a ninja.
I couldn't say anything. I didn't have the rights too.
One day.
One girl.
One week.
That was all the time it required to change my life completely.
Because of you.
I was messing around with Fenrir, just to have something to do, almost regretting not going around and messing with Yuffie along with Barret, just bothering not to.. bother her. Was I happy? No. Was I miserable? ...no. Was I empty? Yeah. Pretty much. I was there, I saved her, she had touched me, communicated with me, she made me smile without even putting an effort to it. How did she do that?
I felt someone sneak up behind me. I slowly stood up to turn around and spotted Tifa with a rather.. sad expression.
"It's killing you, isn't it?" I held her gaze for a long while before I grabbed my stuff and turned around as I walked towards the garage, pretending again as if she was talking bullshit I've never heard of.
"Cloud.. I'm sorry, but you have to understand. She doesn't.. belong here." Those words seemed to hurt her almost more than it hurt me. I manipulated myself that what she said didn't matter to me.
At all.
They meant everything.
"I'm going for a ride." I walked back to Fenrir, having her following me as she grabbed my arm and stopped me from taking a step further.
What the-? Aouch.
"Please stop. Don't act as if nothing's wrong. It's hard for me too, you know. I don't want to let her go,"
"So don't." I quickly responded to her as if that was the easiest thing to do in the world while not "caring".
"I have too!" She looked as if she wanted to explain everything to me. She looked as if she was suffering, suffering from the silence. I couldn't help her. Why should I? She intended to say quiet anyways. And I was going for a ride. A long ride.
"Tough luck Teefs," She let go of me and looked genuinely hurt, and for a short moment, I regretted being so cold. She wasn't going to let this go so easily, and I knew she'd force me to tell her that I did understand what she was talking about. Why she did this.
But I didn't. And I didn't want to.
I hated feeling like this. Helpless.
Angry all the time. Thinking about it all the time. Letting it occupy my entire life.
I needed to clear my head.
And seeing Tifa everyday would just remind me.
Of you.
That's why I was gonna go for a long ride.
WOSH! So that was it from me! Hope you'll review. I love them. And I was totally gonna write more on this chappie, but I decided not to because it would ruin everything!
But I have everything figured out, so look forward to next chappie. ;)