Cold Water
The sun rises over the hills as I approach Pallet Town. A burst of excitement fills me as I look down into the valley where the quaint little town lays sleeping. Pallet, and specifically the Ketchum residence, have become like a second home to me. Besides, I would also be seeing my friends today.
I ring the doorbell of the small white house and wait nervously for an answer, my palms growing sweaty. Maybe Ash and Brock have already arrived. Maybe Mrs. Ketchum forgot to tell me that Dawn was coming and maybe she's with them. Maybe they don't want to see me at all. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"Hello, Misty," Mrs. Ketchum greets me as she opens the door. She envelopes me in a big hug, much to my surprise (and delight). Maybe someone does care about me…
"Come on in, dear. I've made a nice big breakfast for you," Mrs. Ketchum states as she leads me into the house.
Oh, no! A nice big breakfast? What am I going to do?
"Um, thanks Mrs. Ketchum, but I already ate breakfast."
"Are you sure you don't want just a little?" The poor woman looks a bit hurt. See what you do to the people around you? You just make them upset.
I'm not sure what to say.
"I really do appreciate what you've done for me, Mrs. Ketchum, but I'm just not hungry. Maybe you and Mr. Mime could eat it and enjoy it." There, let others enjoy it. They deserve it more than you do.
Mrs. Ketchum lets the matter drop. Good, she doesn't suspect anything. It's a good thing that I've worn baggy jeans and a sweatshirt to hide my shrinking body.
Before I can say anything else the doorbell rings again. Oh, God, this must be Ash and Brock (and possibly Dawn) now. What do I say to them? What if they're angry or annoyed to find me here? Again I find myself questioning my decision to come here. I back up into a corner, trying to hide myself from view.
"Hello, Professor, Tracey," Mrs. Ketchum's delighted voice answers.
Oh, good. It's just Professor Oak and Tracey. Wait, Tracey? I had forgotten all about him! Losing my anxiety, I leave the corner and bound towards my friend.
"Hey, Tracey!"
"Oh, hey, Misty! It's good to see you! Mrs. Ketchum had told us you were coming," Tracey replies.
"How are you, Tracey? I haven't seen you in so long! Daisy's been missing her favorite handyman," I tease in a sing-song voice.
Poor Tracey blushes. "Um, yeah, well, I've been really busy at the preserve, hehe, but you can, um, tell Daisy I miss her, too."
I always know how to make Tracey squirm. I can't help thinking about how this is just like old times. Maybe things haven't changed between my friends and me. Maybe things will be OK…
"So, Tracey, what are you doing here?"
"Well, the professor and I had wanted to congratulate Ash for doing so well in the Sinnoh League…"
Before the Pokemon Watcher can finish the doorbell rings again. I don't even have time to panic because Delia's already hugging her "sweetie."
"I missed you, too, Mom."
That voice, that voice I used to hear everyday. Now, though, I haven't heard that voice in so long. I've missed that voice.
"Hello, Pikachu. Hello, Brock," Mrs. Ketchum states happily. "Why don't you all come in? Everyone's here to see you!"
Ash, Brock, and Pikachu enter the house. (Dawn, luckily, isn't with them.) I immediately look towards Ash, whose eyes quickly meet mine.
"Misty!" he cries as he runs over to me and gives me a big hug. Ash has never hugged me before. I'm sure I'm blushing, but I don't care; I'm too happy to care. Still, my happiness doesn't last for very long.
Misty, you know he just feels sorry for you, the voice states. You keep showing up at his house like this without even being invited by him. He must think you're pathetic. He doesn't really care about you.
"Misty, is something wrong?" Ash lets go of me and looks at me seriously.
"No, nothing." I realize that I must have spaced out or something. "I'm just glad to see you, Ash."
"Well, I'm glad to see you, too. Come on! Let's go unpack our stuff!" Ash grabs my hand and leads me toward his bedroom.
"Cheers!"
We all raise our glasses and touch them together.
The professor clears his throat. "I'd like to make a toast to Ash. Congratulations, Ash, for doing so well in the Sinnoh League! May you continue to train hard and work toward you goal of becoming a Pokemon Master!"
As we toast Ash he smiles and humbly replies "thank you." His cockiness has decreased since I first met him, but I still see that familiar confidence and competitive spirit in his brown eyes.
Mrs. Ketchum had made us all a special lunch to celebrate Ash's performance in the Sinnoh League. I couldn't escape the situation, so I sat at the table with the others, pushing the food around my plate and taking small bites, pretending to eat.
"Misty, don't you like your lunch? You've barely eaten anything." I turn to look at Tracey, who has addressed me.
"Oh, sure I have. I'm just not that hungry right now. I must say, though, that I really enjoy your cooking, Mrs. Ketchum. Daisy's is, like, totally abysmal!"
Everyone laughs (except for Tracey, who I see silently frowning), and I know I've successfully changed the subject. They won't bother me about food anymore.
After Professor Oak and Tracey have left Ash and I sit on the couch watching television while Brock helps Mrs. Ketchum bake an apple pie for a town-wide contest she's entering tomorrow.
I avert my eyes from the TV only to find Ash looking at me.
"What?" I'm slightly surprised by this.
"Nothing," Ash replies, blushing slightly. "I guess I'm just wondering if you're alright, Misty. You look different or something and you don't seem your bubbly, happy self. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about you isn't quite right."
Oh, Ash, if only you knew! If only I could tell you. Could you help me?
No, you can't tell him. He doesn't really care about you. He only wants to take your perfection away from you, to make you even less like May and Dawn, the girls he really cares about. You don't need him or anybody else. Asking for help would be a sign of weakness, and you're weak enough as it is already.
"Misty?"
"What?"
"Are you OK?"
"Yes, why?"
"I don't know. I'm just worried about you."
Ash is worried about me? I can barely contain my happiness, happiness that, of course, doesn't last.
Ash isn't really worried about you. If he were so worried about you, why didn't he contact you during these last few months, months when you've been suffering, when you've needed him more than ever before? Was he there for you then? No, he was too busy being with Dawn. What makes you think he cares for you now when he never has before?
"That's funny, Ash," I snap. "This is a nice time to start caring for me!" I'm practically yelling now.
"What?"
"You heard what I said! If you cared about me so much you wouldn't have gone for so long without contacting me!"
"Misty, wait…"
"No!" I somehow manage to calm myself down a little. "I'm really tired. I think I'm going to go to bed."
"But it's only four o'clock!"
"Look, I've been traveling all day and I need some rest! Why don't you just leave me alone like you have been lately?!"
With that I trudge upstairs, turn out the light in Ash's room, and climb into my sleeping bag.
Ash and Brock don't come upstairs to the room until after 11:00. They quietly climb into their bed and sleeping bag out of respect for me, respect I don't deserve. I pretend to be asleep even though I've been awake this entire time. I have the hardest time falling asleep nowadays despite the fact that I'm always horribly tired.
After I'm certain that Ash has fallen asleep I glance up towards him. His messy black hair partially covers his face, but I can still see the little smudges of dirt that smear it. God, can't that kid ever get clean? Pikachu cuddles next to him. What an inseparable pair! Sometimes I think that Ash cares for Pikachu so much that he'd give his life for the little mouse Pokemon. That's the way I care for Ash. That's the way I wish Ash would care for me, although I know he never will.
When I left Cerulean City I never thought that I would find a friend so quickly. Driven away by my sisters, who were cruel at worst and apathetic at best, I simply peddled my bike in a blind rage, not knowing where I was going. As I sat on the river bank where I fished out Ash I contemplated giving up and returning home. Traveling was lonely and I was unsuccessful at it; I hadn't even caught a single Pokemon. Then I found Ash.
I never really wanted my bike back to be honest. I didn't care about it that much. My bike was an excuse to find a friend; I saw my opportunity and I took it. All I really wanted, more than anything, was a friend.
I immediately noticed something different, something special about Ash. The way he cared for his Pokemon and his friends was different from anything I had ever known. Much to my dismay I found myself developing a crush on Ash Ketchum.
I think I realized that I loved Ash when we were on Shamouti Island and the legendary bird Pokemon were wreaking havoc. Ash, as usual, had confidently volunteered to play the hero, but his heroics had gotten him into trouble when he had found himself unconscious and falling into the ocean. Melody, the girl we had met on the island, wanted to go save Ash, but how could I let her? Ash was my friend, my burden. I meant every word when I said that Ash would never be alone because he would always have me. Even when I'm not with him I'm still with him (does that make any sense?) because he's always in my heart (clichéd, but true).
The ocean was freezing, but I could hardly feel it. All I could concentrate on, all I could think about was Ash. If he were going to die I was going with him. Later, when both Ash and the world were safe, I wondered what feeling would cause me to want to die for someone. As I watched Ash happily sitting atop Lugia, I realized that it was love for him that drove me to risk my life for him. This was more than just a childhood crush and Ash was more than just my best friend. I loved him.
Of course, Ash never returned my feelings. Every night before I went to bed I would pray that Ash would come to love me, too, but he never did. How can I explain the pain that comes with loving someone so much and yet knowing that person doesn't return your feelings? How can I explain the pain of knowing that you can never share your most precious secret with anyone?
Speaking of pain, my body aches like crazy; my head hurts and my stomach is screaming at me to feed it. I realize that all I've eaten today is a piece of fruit and a few bites of my lunch. I can't take the pain anymore. The voice in my head is yelling at me to toughen up, but I just can't do it. I'm just not strong enough.
I find myself in the Ketchum kitchen, searching desperately for food, when I come across the apple pie Mrs. Ketchum made with Brock today. Before I know what I've done I've eaten the entire thing. As if in a trance I walk upstairs towards the bathroom and empty out my insides.