Notes: I forgot to mention this. Yeah, this idea was really random after I was playing a certain online game for a bit and one of my close friends turned out being a girl instead of a guy. Needless to say, I still play with her while I tease her for pretending to be a dude and this inspired me to write a fan-fic using my favorite Tekken character.
Chapter DOO.
"BUT, DADDY!" Asuke whined. She tried getting her father to change her mind. She went from crying, to huddling in the corner while crying, to throwing things, to threatening to run away, to flushing Jin down the toilet; everything. Nothing seemed to faze the man.
"No buts. The only butt that's going to be changing is yours. Now go change and get ready for dinner. That's an order, young lady!" Asuka's father pointed her to her room and she obeyed, stomping every way there.
"I hate you!" Asuka cried.
"I heard that!"
"GOOD!"
Asuka entered her room and all of the stooges were trying to hook up the controllers to the PS3. Hell, even Paul Phoenix and Marshall Law were there. Well, Paul helps train the students in Three Stoogitsu while Marshall helps in the culinary field. They've been wanting to play Super Street Fighter IV since it came out, and Paul was bragging about how his Guile can beat Marshall's Guy. Miguel was still shaking his maracas, Eddy was surfing the internet for dance moves, Xiaoyu and Christie were both ogling Jin while he was enjoying a fudge brownie. His eyes were closed and he savored it slowly. You can tell by the way his mouth was movie like a retard. The two girls sighed daydreamingly.
"Great. Just great." Asuka groaned. Paul and Marshall looked at Asuka and ran to her.
"Hey, kid, how do you plug in the controllers?" Paul asked. He looked desperate. So did Marshall.
"Kid? Who you callin' a kid, you farm animal!" Asuka snatched the controllers and pressed the PS button and surely, it went on. Paul and Marshall were amazed by this and started to play Super Street Fighter IV. Sighing, Asuka sat on her bed while she watched everyone in the room. "Can this day get any worse?"
"Mmm'mm. Brownie." Jin was chewing so damn loud in the room.
"Shut up. Jerk." Asuka laid on her bed with her face buried on her pillow. Suddenly, she felt someone on her. "GET OFF!"
"KETCHUP SONG!" Miguel started doing the salsa on Asuka while Eddy played that one ketchup song.
"Shake those maracas, Miguel!" Eddy shouted. He took off his shirt and started swinging his arms around.
"GET OFF ME, TACO MAN!" Asuka pushed Miguel off her.
"Rawr!" Christie slapped Asuka's ass. "You're sexy when you're angry." Christie bit her lip. Asuka began moving back slowly and it briefly caused some silence.
"You're a dyke?" Xiaoyu asked Christie.
"Nah, but you gotta' admit Asuka's hot as hell," Christie pointed out. Cheers of agreement and wolf whistles from fan boys lurking outside were heard.
"Agreed," said Lightning. She had been sitting on a chair with her legs crossed and her arms folded this whole time.
"I can't believe you people!" Asuka shouted. She was blushing from the praise of her beauty, though. I never thought I was that good looking...
"Asuka, I need to poo." Jin looked up at Asuka who looked like a lost puppy. He was holding his butt. She sighed. She may find him unbelievably retarded but he's still a relative.
"Follow me..." Asuka led Jin out of the room.
"Where is the crapper?" Jin looked left to right.
"Down the hall, down the stairs, walk out the front door, out the gate and it should be somewhere within the Mishima Zaibatsu."
"Oh, okay."
"Asuka!" Asuka turned around to see her father staring at her with daggers.
"Sheesh! This way." Asuka slumped.
"I need to hold your hand," Jin said.
"What?" Asuka turned around slowly to see Jin extending his hand. Are you serious? You're twenty-one, guy!
"I never go alone!" Jin frowned.
"Fine!" Asuka grabbed her hand, blushing the whole way. Prior to the fifth tournament, she didn't even know he existed. Even then, she knew she had a relative to hate. "There. Go doo-doo or whatever." Asuka was going to head back in, but Jin grabbed her, forcing Asuka to fall butt first on the floor. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN!"
"I never go alone!" Jin pleaded.
"You're joking."
"No way! Mother never taught me how to poop!"
"Then who watches you?"
"Nina. But before, it was Marduk. He used to blow my belly after I finished pooping!" Jin smiled.
"Ew."
"Okay, here I go!" Jin pulled down his pants and sat down. Asuka immediately turned away and covered her nose.
"Oh, GOD! What did you eat for lunch?"
"I had corn soup."
"Why the fuck did I ask!"
"Can you tell me a story?"
"What!"
"Tell me a story! Puh-!"
"FINE! Only if it distracts me from that smell."
"YAY!"
"Okay, once upon a time, a gorgeous yet powerful fighter entered a martial arts tournament. She beat the final opponent but some dick head stole her thunder. He also touched a no-no spot. She punched her and he died. The end."
"BOO!" Jin punched the wall. "I don't like that! Though that does sound familiar..."
"Yeah, no kidding."
"Tell me a better story!" Jin clenched his jaws and showed her his teeth.
"Okay, fine! Once upon a time..."
For what seemed like an hour, she told the story of her life using a fake name. She got so into it that she even told him her dreams of joining some international special police organization one day and teaching martial arts. She told him how she loved walking through the park during Summer while the sakura trees are blossoming by herself, riding her bike after school and swimming in a lake. While reminding herself and Jin that it's a fictitious story, of course. She looked at Jin who had his head leaning against the wall. He was asleep.
"Okay, that's just weird and gross." Asuka got up and Jin fell on the floor. Luckily, he had cleaned himself up and flushed the toilet while she told the story, and luckily for her, his shirt was covering his manhood. His pants were still dangling between his ankles, though, and he was in an awkward position. "At least he's asleep," she told herself. She left the bathroom as she adjusted herself, sweating from the lack of air con in a bathroom. She bumped into Lightning who had her jaws dropped. "What?"
"You are... SICK!" Lightning leaned back with her mouth covered by her hand.
"Huh?"
"I can't believe you! What dares you to drive such a thing!"
"Okay, listen, he really needed it so I had to do it because nobody else would."
"But he's your cousin!"
"Exactly. It's because he's my cousin. He may be annoying, but I still got some tiny bit of love for him. Tiny, though." Asuka made a pinching motion with her fingers and squinted her eyes.
"Tiny? I think you just showed him a lot of it! You are utterly disgusting!"
"Hey, I had no choice! He practically begged me! He's asleep, though. I thought it'd be quick so keep your voice down."
"Ew."
"I know, right?"
"So how was it?"
"What the... how was it? I thought you were grossed out!"
"Not really. I'm fascinated by sex in every form it takes."
"Wait, what?" Asuka stared blankly at Lightning.
"I should go... I'll come back soon. You kids enjoy." Lightning smiled, winking at Asuka.
Asuka watched Lightning leave the house, still confused. She turned around to see the position in was in. Then she got the idea. OH. EM. GEE. She thought I was doing my own cousin! THAT IDIOT! Asuka clenched her fist, gritting her teeth. She turned to her left and saw Xiaoyu with an armful of candy. She was about to cry.
"Xiao?"
"Suki, how could you! You knew I wanted to be Jin's first sexual encounter!"
"You don't understand, I was simply doing him a favor."
"Yeah, doing him, right! You probably wanted it, too!"
"NO! Ew."
"I thought we were besties, I GUESS NOT!" Xiaoyu sat on the floor, crying while still holding an armful of candy.
"I was taking him to the bathroom!"
"To do him!"
"No! He needed it!"
"So you guys can do it! I was suspicious when you guys were holding hands! OH EM GEE, SUKI!"
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I WASN'T DOING HIM!"
"OH, SO YOU WERE JUST GIVING HIM HEAD!"
"WHAT THE HELL, NO! HE NEEDED TO POO!"
"Oh. 'Kay."
"Happy?"
"Yes. Hey, when'd you guys stock up on Twinkies?"
"My father believes we might enter a nuclear war so he decided to stock up on food that survives radioactive warfare."
"Neat."
"Very."
"Should we wake him?"
"Nah, I gave him a little something so he can stay away from us."
"OH EM GEE, YOU WERE DOING HIM!"
"... Yes, that's exactly what I was doing."
"HOW COULD YOU!"
"Xiao. Shut up before I really do him." Asuka furrowed her eyebrows at her.
"... Ew, Suki. You know I was just kidding the whole time, but... ew." Xiaoyu grimaced and decided to head back to Asuka's room before things got more awkward.
"WAIT, I TAKE THAT BACK!"
"Nope, too late. I'm saving that for later."
"I'm going to kill you, Jin Kazama..." Asuka gritted her teeth at the half-naked man who was now sucking his thumb.
Asuka approached her door, sighing heavily as she feels she might end up losing sleep. She opened it slowly, watching everyone doing what they were doing previously. Except that Miguel and Christie swapped clothes and now Christie is shaking his maracas and Miguel was applying lipstick to his face. Asuka laid down on her bed and she felt a hand squeezing her butt again.
"Stop it, Xiao," she grumbled.
"Who said I'm Xiao? I'm JIN."
"Oh, shut up! Buddha, help me." Asuka got up to see Xiaoyu smiling at her.
"Bwuahahaha. This is payback!"
"For what!"
"I dunno', I'll think of something."
"Bah."
"Dinner's ready, guys!" Asuka's father called out.
"About time!" Paul got up, and punched everyone out of his way save for Xiaoyu and Asuka. Oh, and Jin.
"This ought to be interesting." Xiaoyu snickered while rubbing her hands evilly.
"I can't wait," Asuka replied sarcastically.
Dinner was interesting indeed. Jin was the first one there and for whatever reason, he was shirtless. This caused Asuka to blush. Don't get her wrong, though, aside from the students at her dojo and the boys at school, she has never met a man so muscular and handsome. Not to mention courteous enough to be setting up the food and plates. He was two things Asuka hated when it came to relationships: a moron and a relative. Jin turned around to flash Asuka a sexy smile, making her blush more. She punched him in retaliation.
"What'd I do!" Jin whined.
"I don't know!" Asuka exclaimed frustatingly. She sat down on her seat with her arms folded.
"Jeeze, Suki. What's eggin' ya'?" Xiaoyu asked her. Asuka just stared at her with annoyance.
"Nothing."
"Okay, let us pray..." her father began.
"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub," Jin finished the prayer. Everyone began digging in
"Let's get this over with... what the..." Asuka was reaching for some fish when her chopsticks collided with Paul's.
"THE FISH IS MINE!"
"Like hell it is!" Asuka flipped Paul off.
"You may take away the rice... you may take away the bozu... BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY... MY FISH FREEDOM! THIS! IS! SPARTAAA!" Paul kicked Marshall in the face who was just about to place some beef in his mouth.
"WHERE'S THE TABASCO!" Miguel slammed his maracas on the table.
"PASS ME THE SOY SAUCE!" Eddy threw Christie the boombox which she managed to dodge.
"ARE YOU JAPANESE?" Christie shouted at Jin. Jin's eyes went wide.
"What... WHAT IS THIS?" Jin looked at the bowl of soup to his right.
"That's soup, moron," Asuka answered.
"I have THIS!" Jin held up a giant spoon he got from his SpongeBob back-pack.
"So... how was having sex with Jin, Suki?" Xiaoyu asked slyly.
"WHAT?" Everyone turned their attentions to Asuka who was about to put her spoon to her mouth. It went dead quiet.
"Uh..." Asuka began but she had nothing to say in her defense. Not while the attention was on her.
"My own daughter slept with my own nephew?" Asuka's father beamed her an angry face.
"No, dad, I didn't! You see..."
"THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION!" Asuka's father clapped his hands and several men in suits came with dessert platters. "My child... you are now a woman." He wiped a tear from his eyes. Jin was looking around, wondering what the hell sex even means. He assumed it was cake and so he sat next to Asuka.
"Hey, Asuka, let's have sex again! Open wide!" Jin smiled and was trying to feed her.
"WHAT THE FUCK, I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING, SUKI!" Xiaoyu stood up, staring in disbelief.
"I wasn't even joking!"
"OH EM GEE, YOU REALLY DID IT WITH JIN? GROSS!" Xiaoyu pointed accusingly at Asuka.
"NO! GOD, WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
"Come on, Asuka, I wanna' have sex again! Hurry up so I can go!" Jin frowned. Asuka punched Jin in the head.
"FOR ONE, CAKE IS NOT SEX! STOP SAYING THAT!"
"... Oh." Xiaoyu sat down.
"What's sex, then?" Jin asked stupidly.
"Ask Xiao." Asuka hung her head down and pointed at Xiaoyu.
"What's sex, Xiao?" Jin looked curious as ever and Xiaoyu was gleaming with a smile.
"I'll show you!" Xiaoyu dragged Jin upstairs, locked the door and everyone knows what happened.
"Happy?" Everyone stopped staring and returned back to creating chaos at dinner. "Ugh."
"You know, having sex with cousins is actually the in thing today," said a voice so annoying that it's familiar.
"What do you want, Lili?"
"Asuka Kazama, I'm shocked! I've come to thank you by giving you desserts and here you are thinking I'm blackmailing you!"
"What do you want, Lili?" Asuka repeated. She had her cheek laying on her palm, too exhausted to strangle her.
"I want you to tell everyone you're sleeping with Jin Kazama at school tomorrow." Lili smiled.
"WHAT!"
"And that your boobs are fake." Lili giggled at the thought of Asuka actually saying that.
"They are not!" Asuka defended.
"YEAH!" Hwoarang, Steve and now Jin, who emerged from the room without any clothes on but had his dong covered by Asuka's pillow supported Asuka. Hwoarang and Steve were hanging on the chandeliers, staring down at Asuka's shirt. A bottle of lotion and two rolls of toilet tissue paper fell from their pants.
"I should kill you." Asuka grabbed a handgun that was placed conveniently on the table and pointed it at them. This just made Hwoarang and Steve do their bonding time with their hotdogs more because they could still see inside of Asuka's shirt. And the generous amount of flesh displayed that was her cleavage.
"YOU HAVE FORSAKEN THE LAWS OF THE KETCHUP!" Eddy shouted at Hwoarang and Steve. Miguel's jaw dropped.
"RUN!" Hwoarang and Steve ran as soon as Miguel got up with a giant rocket launcher.
"CHARGE!" Miguel shouted, giving chase. Eddy followed him with a baseball bat.
"That was delicious!" Christie leaned back, having finished her meal.
"You can say that again!" Xiaoyu emerged from the bedroom with her face flushed from exhaustion and happiness in nothing but her bra and panties.
"Dude, I think I'm stoned." Paul was swaying back and forth. He, Marshall and Asuka's father had been smoking weed this whole time.
"Interesting family. I may move in here." Lili sat down and began picking on Asuka's plate.
"What, why!"
"It's vacation and I have nothing better to do." Lili shrugged.
"Vacation? It's second semester."
"I don't attend Japanese school. Home-schooled, remember?"
"Oh, right. But why here?"
"You always have the best stuff."
"At my own expense, sure. Bitch."
"Slut."
"I'm a virgin!" Asuka shouted and Lili caught that on her phone.
"That look is priceless!" Lili roared in laughter.
"So? I don't mind saving myself for the right man!"
"Or woman."
"Shut up already!"
"But I meant the booger sticking out of your nose." Lili showed Asuka the booger hanging from her nose from the picture she took.
"I'm killing you, Rochefort!"
"I love you too, Asuka." Lili smiled.
Asuka and Lili watched everyone chasing each other. Lili sat down politely right next to Asuka while she munched on Japanese donuts. Miguel and Eddy had been chasing Hwoarang and Steve for whatever reason, Christie was pounding beer, Marshall was knocked out on the dinner table, her father was urinating on the house plants, Paul was "going through a field in the Vietnam War" with a bowl as his helmet and a spatula as his weapon, Jin had been trying to escape Xiaoyu's extremely potent sex drive because after discovering sex, he decided he didn't like it, especially after going through sixteen rounds with Xiaoyu. Asuka groaned and Lili patted her back.
"Don't worry, Asuka. I'm here for you."
"Can it."
"I'll be recording every humiliating detail for when we get married- erm, when I transfer to your school."
"WHAT!"
"I got daddy to put me in the same school with you, Xiaoyu, Jin, Miguel... well, everyone, basically."
"DOUBLE WHAT!"
"And all of us have the same class! Isn't this neat!" Lili held out her arms and made sure to push her chest forward so Asuka can stare at her. Unfortunately for Lili, Asuka just stared at her face in disbelief and the fact Asuka has breasts, too.
"TRIPLE WHAT!"
"Actually, I'm a C-Cup."
"Someone kill me now..." Asuka banged her head on the table.
"Relax, Asuka..." Lili started stroking Asuka's hair and tried traveling her hand down to her butt but her hand stopped at the middle of her back by Asuka's hand. "I'm here." Lili whispered seductively in her ear.
"I know. Shut up already." Asuka got up and saw Lili trying to lean in for a kiss. Asuka was going to punch her but she had already been separated. Asuka looked up to see Renegade Zabuza Momochi holding Lili in a vice grip. "Where the hell have you been, man!"
"LET ME GO! DON'T TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY LOVELY!" Lili started kicking and screaming.
"I was shopping," the author replied.
"Well, put order back in here!"
"I can't. Everytime something bad happens, something bad happens to me as well."
"YEAH, AND?"
"Hey, girl!" Tifa appeared out of nowhere and saw Zabuza holding Lili. "GET OFF MY MAN!" Tifa roundhoused Lili off of Zabuza and the moment she was free, she jumped on a clone of Zabuza. "Oh, HONEY-POO!" Tifa left the premises in search for him.
"See what I mean?"
"Why does that girl look so familiar?" Asuka started scratching her head. Zabuza gave her a picture of Bed Head Reno. Suddenly, she felt the urge to touch herself.
"Maybe that would help. Try not to spasm too much." Zabuza walked out of the room, returning to whatever the hell it is he should be doing.
"Ugh, why is this happening to me!" Asuka stomped the ground repeatedly. Lili suddenly wrapped her arms around Asuka from behind, reaching her hand into Asuka's shirt and grabbing her chest.
"Relax, doll, you have me," Lili whispered in Asuka's ear, licking her earlobes seductively.
"GET OFF ME!" Asuka elbowed Lili, turning around to see her keel over.
"How could you! I'm with child!" Lili began sobbing dramatically.
"WHAT!"
To be continued...
AN: I know, it's getting too random here. But I've been watching a lot of stoner flicks lately. And no, I don't smoke weed. Sorry, guys. Read and review!