TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ

'Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?

CHAPTER PI: LET THEM HAVE FUN

Coraline slaps me awake.

"The fuck?"

"We're here. And sorry for ignoring you on the first trip."

I understand the first part of what she said. "But I thought it was still three mon-"

"Mr. Universe let us troll him."

"Mr. Universe?" I ask. "Who's Mr. Universe?"

"He said he wanted the name and the trophy in exchange for us trolling space-time."

Now I know who she's talking about.

"So, what were your full plans for Oz?" I say, getting up and looking around. We're in some sort of serene, grassy field. "Where the fuck is the Yellow Brick Road, anyway?"

"Well, we're going to have to split up," Coraline says. "You're gonna have to go to the Wicked Witch of the West's place, while I go to Munchkin Land. We'll keep in touch with these cell phones," she continues, pulling two BlackBerries out of one of the trolling backpack's pockets.

She also pulls out another trolling backpack, which I understand is for me. Wait, we can make an infinite number of these?

"What's the number?" I ask, taking the cell phone and the backpack.

"It's on speed dial."

"Well, where's a phone book, then? Shouldn't we just call them?" I ask her.

"Hell no," she says. "You don't want to not let them have fun, do you?"

I look back at her and see that she's pulled several silver missiles out of the original trolling backpack.

"Holy shit! We're gonna let them nuke each other?"

"Yup."

"Now what you said makes sense," I tell her. "'Oz won't exist when we're done with it'."

"Aren't we going to get going soon?" Coraline asks, clearly impatient.

"Sure. When are we going to have our epic battle, though? I call leading the Flying Monkeys."

"Well, I don't care when it is, but I'm riding a rainbow unicorn into battle."

"Yeah, guess what? I'm going to ride Charlie the Unicorn into battle."

"Touché," she says, giving up. "A week or two from now, maybe? For our epic battle?"

"Nah, not until the vast majority of Oz is radioactive wasteland," I tell her.

"Good idea."

"So… where the fuck is the Yellow Brick Road, anyway?"

"It would be faster if you just went that way," she says, pointing behind me.

"And you know that how?"

Coraline hangs her head in shame.

"I'm a nerd."

(A/N): Like their plans?

Oh, you will not believe the trouble they will cause in Oz… *rhymes*

This isn't even the beginning, trust me.