A/N: Here's the second chapter for you lovelies. I got good reviews on the last chapter; they made me really happy and want to post the next chapter as soon as humanly possible with it not being utter crap. So here's this chapter. I'm about to write it and let's see how it turns out. Keep in mind my older brother is sitting right behind me and can see everything I'm writing….Sigh. I really need to buy a laptop.

In reply to reviews:

MomoPeachFlower: Aww thank you, and I like your username ^J^

Carbo21: Yeah sadly Alfred's gonna take the heat. But that's what heroes do! And oh my glob that's hilarious. Your poor husband, but show your American pride! :D

OutToGarden: I absolutely adore your review. It made me text my best friend and I was like 'YESSSSH'. I was bouncing off of the walls. Aww your poor cowies. And I do like americalovesthecockpit too. Her writing always makes me laugh and cheer up. She's the reason why I decided to write this in a first person point of view (but not so cracky like hers) because she makes it look so easy and awesome. I like to make people laugh also so my best friend Evelynn said 'be yourself' so this is how this fanfic was born. I'm not very good at writing stuffy things. And I find it is a lot easier to write in first person, also I'm not too far off from America's personality myself, so it's a lot easier to write this. Part of the reason that I cosplay America. Yes Alfred will get laid xD eventually. Without further ado, thank you a whole lot. Your review made me uber special happy!

Warnings: Sexual intercourse, slight shouta I guess, mentions of vandalism. YAOI. All that jazz.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters.

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Chapter 2:

The walk down to the headmaster's office was full of shame to say the least. Mr. Kirkland kept a firm hand on my shirt collar all the way there. Whenever we passed some students that were still outside of their dorms they would glare at me. So, I stuck my tongue out at them while pulling down my bottom eyelid with my finger. Classic. Not to mention that when Kirkland was dragging me across the school grounds by my pajama shirt it reminded me of a horror movie. Although I will never admit it to anyone but you guys, I hate horror movies, with a passion. Unless they're the ones Kiku watches, they're always cutsie. Anyways so yeah I was being pulled my shirt collar by an angry British man.

If this was a Hollywood blockbuster horror movie, I'd name it, "REVENGE OF THE CATERPILLAR EYEBROWS!"

Awesome, right? I didn't think Mr. Kirkland would find it as funny as I did though so I kept my mouth shut.

I think Mr. Braginski was the only other teacher that hated me more than Mr. Kirkland. Ya see, Mr. Braginski didn't even have to say anything to you, to scare the jelly beans out of you. If he was angry at you, he wouldn't say a thing. He would just stare at you for the entire class, and smile at you. It was a creepy ass smile though, one that made you wanna cry. Don't even get me started on this next one. You know how teachers sometimes smack a student's desk with a ruler to get that student to pay attention? Yes? Well, Mr. Braginski didn't use a ruler. He used a lead pipe. I'm not kidding on this one. And every time someone's desk got smacked with that pipe, the desk would have a new dent in it. You should see my desk; it looked like a gang took a bunch of metal bats to it. I'm dead serious.

Getting back on topic, once we got to the headmaster's office, the headmaster himself was already waiting for us. He sat in his rolly chair at his desk, in his pajamas with his head held in his hands. Looking like death. Good to know I'm the one that caused him to be in a bad mood. Sarcastically speaking of course. Ya know, now that I think about it- how come everyone was dressed in their pajamas except Mr. Kirkland? Like seriously, Mr. Bonnefoy wore his weird ass silk fabric pajamas, and the headmaster was in his plaid pajamas. But what was Mr. Kirkland wearing you ask?

A suit. A full three piece suit with the tie, loafers, and everything else. I wonder if he slept in that.

Anyways, I strode into the room and took my seat in front of the headmaster's desk, while Mr. 'I'm so superior' took to standing in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest. At the same time he was smirking at the scene displayed in front of him. What I would have given to wipe that smirk off of his face with my fist.

Scratch that, screw him, I'd give anything for a deluxe bacon cheeseburger. Oh my god food. When (if) I got back to my dorm I was going to raid the fridge as if this was Pirates of the Caribbean. Gotta love Jack Sparrow.

The headmaster's office was eerie to say the least. Not to mention completely bland. Why anybody liked a bland office was beyond me. I mean come on; you already got a soul sucking job, so why make your workspace boring too? If I ever get an office job my office would have like American flags everywhere and superhero posters! Oh and rainbows! I like rainbows…

Rainbows remind me of candy. Mm candy.

Oh and not to mention, why do people hang up their certificates all over their office's walls. Are they just showing off or is it required? Seriously if you know, get back to me on that.

"So, Mr. Jones care to explain?" The headmaster spoke up. I cringed at the name. Mr. Jones? Seriously. What was I a grown up now? Ew.

"It's uh, Alfred. And sure I guess…?" Was this a trick question? What's to explain?

"Very well. I would like you to watch the surveillance footage and then explain it to me," he told me while digging through his drawer. From what I could tell it sounded like a messy drawer.

"M'kay." I replied, twiddling my thumbs. The headmaster nodded and took out a small tablet looking thing and placed it in front of me on the desk. The tablet thing clicked on and then I got an overview shot of the teachers' lounge from about twenty minutes ago.

I saw me and Gilbert walk into the room, decked out in our "burglar" clothes. Immediately Gil went up to the wall and took out a can of spray paint from my backpack, gave it a good shake, then pointed it at the wall and began his work. Meanwhile I saw me standing by the door looking nervous. The whole video was basically me looking like I was about to piss myself while standing watch, while Gil defaced the wall. Then the video ended with us running out of the room.

"I already know you aren't the one that actually painted the wall. So why don't you explain to me why you were standing guard," the headmaster spoke calmly.

"How do you know I wasn't the one who painted the wall?" I inquired, already on the defensive.

"Easy," he replied, "I know for a fact that you don't speak German."

"And what if I do?" I challenged. Ya see a normal person would have said they were the one standing guard (and I was), to seem more innocent. But I didn't want Gilbert to get into trouble. So I told myself to just deny everything. Yeah Alfred, that'll get ya real far. Sarcasm.

Looking irritated, the headmaster took out a piece of paper and pen and started to scribble something on it, then handed it to me.

I looked at it curiously, it read, 'Guten Tag, Schulleiter. Ich kann Deutsch sprechen'. What the fuck? My brows furrowed in confusion as I looked back to him. What was this gibberish?

"I would like you to read that out loud," he instructed, motioning his hand to the slip of paper. Yeah I don't know German. Chances were, I completely butchered it.

So I tried my best, "Goten tog, Skalliter. Ich can Duchish sprecken." Yep, I completely butchered it. From behind me I could hear Mr. Fucktard, I mean Kirkland, chuckling. I turned red. Bastard.

"Yeah, you can't speak German. So obviously you weren't the one that spray painted the wall because they put something in German. Why don't you tell me what you were doing standing guard and who the student was that actually painted the wall, hm?"

I sighed, "I -uh my friend talked me into it. But I'm not telling you who did it," I stood my ground. Who's awesome now Gilbert?! Come at me bro.

The headmaster sighed, "You realize if you don't tell me I will have to give you full punishment for what they did."

Fuckity fuck, fuck. That was what I was afraid of. "Yeah," I grumbled in response.

"You sure?" He leered.

"Yeah," I sighed. Just get on with it man!

It was silent for a second. Ugh, dude don't leave me hanging. Just tell me what I gotta do!

"Even though I will expel you?"

I gripped my knees while my head hung low. My Mom was going to maul me. "Yeah," I replied again with another sigh.

"You know you remind me of myself when I was your age," he began. Here it goes. I gave him a deadpanned look. I hate when adult's say that. "So I suppose I will let you off easy. You stood in your friends place even though I was going to expel you. That takes courage. Even though what you did was wrong, I admire you in some ways. You're lucky I like your spunk. Also I took a peek at your record; it looks like this is the first time you have done something like this. So I will excuse you just this once," Mother of God, was he serious?!

My eyes widened, "Really?" I treaded carefully, but I could already feel the giant smile breaking across my face. Was he serious? I was surprised Mr. Kirkland didn't jump in to protest. Seeing as how the asshole he was.

"Sadly, yes. How about I give you two days of in school will give you enough time to repaint the wall. And then you have two months of after school detention every other day for two hours. Know this though, if you do anything else like this ever again I will not hesitate to expel you. Understood?" he explained, stroking his beard. That didn't sound too bad. At least now I wouldn't get expelled. My parents would have killed me.

I smiled brightly, "Ok! Yeah, understood!" I agreed. Ok, so I didn't get off scot free. But this was pretty damn close. I could have hugged the man!

Now I had the honor to say, 'FUCK YESH!'

"The problem is, I don't know if I have a teacher who is willing to chaperone your detentions. I suppose I could have them rotate-" He thought aloud.

But was cut off when Mr. Kirkland announced, "I will."

I turned around in my chair to gape at Mr. Kirkland with wide eyes. He just looked back at me though with amusement in his own eyes while having a smirk plastered to his face.

"You will? That's great! Well Alfred I guess that means starting Monday you will have in school suspension and then after that you will have detention for two hours after school every other day with Mr. Kirkland. Any questions?"

Welp. I hate the world.

"No," I sighed, defeated.

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I danced along with the cheeseburgers and hot dogs on top of the giant rainbow with joy. This was the life. There were ice cream mountains and milkshakes for rivers. This was utter bliss.

Too bad it ended when Mattie threw a pillow at my face, making me wake up from my awesome dream.

A pillow to the face was no way to wake up.

I made an 'oomph' noise when Mattie's Canadian flag pillow came in contact with my face.

"Alfred get your butt up. I'm not going to be late for the 'usual spot' because of you," he griped, storming into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Already Mattie wasn't happy with me, so I got out of bed to make sure he didn't become any more irritated with me. Obviously Mattie was angry with me for taking the fall for Gil. He said I got 'lucky' for not getting expelled. When I came back from the headmaster's last night and told him what had happened he was not happy with me at all. I didn't even get to raid the fridge. As soon as I was done telling him what happened he yelled at me to get to bed. Just like Mom.

Oh and in case you are wondering what the 'usual spot' is, that was what we called the room where we and our friends met up. Sometime during freshmen year me and Kiku found this abandoned faculty room in the main school building. No one ever came in there, not even teachers. It really was just an abandoned room. Best part was the room had a coffee maker, a fridge, cabinets, a stove, an oven, and even tables and chairs. It was like a whole kitchen! Sadly the room was quite bland though. Anyways, us and the gang usually met up there before school started in the morning to have breakfast together. Someone would restock the fridge with groceries every Sunday. But we took turns of course so it would be fair.

So yeah, I got out of bed so Mattie wouldn't be even more irritated with me. But when I 'stood up from bed', I realized that I forgot me and Mattie had a bunk bed. And I had top bunk.

Put two and two together, and you would know that it meant I fell from about six feet up and to the floor with a pained groan. Ouchies.

Matthew came back into the room just in time to see me on the floor with a pained expression. "You fell again didn't you?" he huffed.

"Mhm," I winced as I peeled myself off from the floor. That shit hurt. Nothing like a good wake up call, am I right?

"So what kind of week is it?" I inquired while dusting myself off. He hummed it response, "I believe it's healthy week."

"Fuuuuck," I groaned. Alright let me explain this to you too. Healthy week was what we called it when Kiku or Feliks bought groceries for the usual spot. Because what they bought for us to eat for the week was usually a bunch of healthy shit that no one liked. For Toris and Elizabeta it was known as bland week because they would buy a bunch of starchy foods. For me and Gil it was known as 'awesome week' because we would buy a bunch of junk food. Feliciano and Lovino's week was known as 'pasta' week (I think that one is self-explanatory). And then Mattie's week was called 'Maple' week because he would buy a bunch of stuff to make weird Canadian dishes, like 'poutine'.

"You know it's not bad to eat healthy food sometimes Al. By the way, you need to dress in old clothes if you are going to be re-painting the wall," Matthew explained as he began to get dressed.

"Yeah, yeah," I mocked as I walked into the bathroom and did my own morning routine and then dressed in tight fitted black denim jeans with a pull over red hoodie and old white beat up sneakers. Normally I would have worn my prized bomber jacket but I didn't want to get paint on it.

With a quick flick of the wrist to put my glasses on I was ready for my terrible day of wall painting. Great.

"Come on," Mattie waved to me as he opened our dorm room door and stepped out into the hallway with his backpack on his back. I could already tell he was starting to forgive me. He usually didn't stay mad for long. Thank god.

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The walk to the usual spot was quick and filled with small talk and my excessive teasing.

As soon as I opened the door to the abandoned faculty room I saw all of our friends already there sitting at the table exchanging conversations with a look of concern. Upon seeing me they all jumped up and starting saying things like:

"Alfred! I can't believe you took the fall for that idiot!" That was Elizbeta.

"Alfred-san what happened?" That was Kiku.

"Like what happened or whatever?" That was Feliks.

"Did you get expelled?" That was Toris.

"Ve~ You shouldn't have done that Alfred." That was Feliciano.

"Feliciano shut it!" That was his 'loving' brother, Lovino.

"You didn't rat me out did you?" And the that was Gil.

I held up my hands in defense as I smiled sheepishly, "Dudes calm down, I'm fine. No I didn't rat you out. And no I didn't get expelled."

After that they all sighed in relied and allowed me to walk into the room and sit down without them attacking me with any more questions, until I sat down. Once I did sit down at the table along with Mattie, they started asking questions though once again.

What was I on a talk show? Like Ellen or something like that.

"So what did happen?" Kiku asked calmly, his emotionless brown eyes trained on me.

"Oh, well I got a two days suspension where I have to repaint the stupid wall. And then for two whole months I gotta go through two hours of detention with Mr. Kirkland after school hours, thanks a lot Gil," I pouted, looking to Gilbert. Yeah he should feel guilty.

"Doesn't Mr. Kirkland not like you very much?" Toris asked. I huffed, "Yeah he doesn't. I think he volunteered to chaperone me because he wants to torture me."

"He vorunteered?" Kiku asked, raising an eyebrow. I nodded, "Yeah, weird right? Gil, you owe me your life. They were going to expel me," I grumbled.

"Sorry. But vhat made them not expel you? They would have certainly expelled me!" Gilbert exclaimed exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air.

I sighed for the thousandth time that week, "I don't know. The headmaster said something about me reminding him of himself when he was our age. And also he said it took guts for me to stand my ground and something about how I don't have any black marks on my record. So, he let me off easy."

"That is extraordinary," Kiku commented, seemingly interested.

"So, what do you guys, like, want for breakfast?" Feliks asked, opening the fridge.

"A burger," I grumbled.

"PASTA!" Feliciano cheered.

"Pancakes?" Mattie suggested.

"Vurst!" GIlbert chided.

"Rice balls…" Kiku mumbled.

"Like, only two of those foods are actual breakfast foods. So I say it's either wurst or pancakes?"

Everyone chose pancakes (except for Gilbert) and Mattie ended up cooking them while we all had coffee, tea, and water. We were an odd bunch to say the least.

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The two days of suspension flew by. I didn't bother writing it because honestly who wants to read about paint drying? It was a terrible experience. Seriously, all it was- was me painting a wall. So let's cut to the good stuff of where my school detention started.

But now it was Wednesday and I had classes as usual. But with the added in fact that all the teachers were glaring at me the whole time. Mr. Braginski practically had dark aura rolling off of him the entire class period. I was honestly afraid for my life.

Even my peers were glaring at me because, and I quote, "My stunt cost them their sleep and then they lost their precious football game".

Oh, and let's not forget this one. I WAS FUCKING STARVING.

I had breakfast with my friends (doughnuts to be exact), but I didn't have lunch. Have you ever experienced a lunch ladies glare? They glare at you with their tiny beady crinkled eyes and they curl up their cracked lips in disgust. It was like having your grandma mad at you! It was terrible. Every time I got close to a lunch line they would glare at me and made me rethink my decision. And now for the last period of the day I had English class (with Mr. Kirkland) and my stomach was practically eating my insides. As soon as the class was over I was going to call Gilbert and demand that he pick me up a bacon cheeseburger from McDonalds. Because dammit I hadn't had McDonalds in four days! I was going through McDonalds withdraw! That is a crime in my book!

So where was I now you ask? Well I was heading to English class until I had a brush with the jocks. So currently I was jammed into a trash can in an unoccupied Spanish classroom. Because as I had said before, apparently it was my fault that they lost their football game. Well maybe if they played better they wouldn't have had that problem.

Worst part was, I knew for a fact that class had already started and now I was going to be late and Mr. Kirkland would be twice more pissed off with me.

And let me tell you something, I'm not the right body size to fit into a trash can! My knees were practically digging into my ribs and my legs were pointing straight up to the point where my nose was touching my shins and my converse shoes stuck out of the trash can. Also my arms were crammed to the side at a painful angle.

Once again my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was probably Kiku texting me, asking where I was. Cause ya know, we did have English class together.

Ok, so I had two options here, rock side to side, until the trash can fell over and then I could attempt to crawl out. Or, I could try and get to my phone. Well the first one sounded painful, so I chose the latter. Most likely I should have done something earlier because, let's see. I had been in there for about, twenty-five minutes. There was about twenty minutes of class left. For the first twenty-five minutes I sat in there thinking about random shit.

Carefully, I bent my arm at a strange angle as I sucked in my gut and reached for my phone in my pocket.

"Almost got it," I hissed at the pain as I reached for my vibrating phone. Slowly, it slipped out of my pocket and I was able to grab it.

VICTORY!

Next time I see those jocks I would kick their asses. After all, I was stronger than all of them.

I unlocked my phone by swiping my finger across the screen and read my text messages. I had four new messages to be exact. All from my friends.

From: Kiku

Alfred-san you're five minutes late. You know Mr. Kirkland will not appreciate it.

Message stored at: 1:52 pm

From: Mattie

Al where are you? Kiku told me you never showed up to class.

Message stored at: 2:03 pm

From: Gilbert

Yo, where are you? Matthew said Kiku told him you never showed up to class. If you were ditching you should have told the awesome me, we could have ditched together.

Messages stored at: 2:19

From: Kiku

Are you alright? Please answer back.

Message stored at: 2:27

My friends were always such worry warts. Quickly I replied to Kiku's text.

To Kiku:

Dude I'll explain later but ask to go to the bathroom and then walk to the Spanish 8 classroom. I'm in there. Hurry up will ya

Message sent at: 2:29

So now I waited.

About ten minutes late I heard the door creak open and a timid voice call out, "Alfred-san?" It was Kiku

"I'm in here!" I yelled, to emphasize my point I wiggled back and forth in the trash can.

I heard footsteps get closer to me and soon enough Kiku's head appeared above the trashcan, looking down at me.

"Alfred-san, what happened?" he asked me with wide eyes, and concern laced in his voice.

I gave him a deadpanned look, "I like trashcans so I decided to mate with it. What do you think happened?!" I exclaimed.

"Gomennasai. Well how do you want to do this?" He asked me. "Tip me over or something, so I kind of spill out or something. I don't know," I huffed.

Nodding, Kiku gently tipped the trashcan forward so the heels of my shoes slightly touched the floor. Next he grabbed the bottom of the trash bin, picked it up, and shook. Next thing I know I'm slowly sliding out of my stinky confinement. I probably looked like a turtle once all my limbs were out except my butt.

Then that came out as well. I sucked in a deep breath with glee as I stretched out my aching muscles. "Thanks dude," I smiled brightly.

He nodded, "So what did happen?" he inquired.

"Jocks, ya know the deal," I waved it off as we walked out of the classroom.

"You do know Mr. Kirkland will most likely scold you," Kiku pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," I ran a hand through my messy hair. I had about ten minutes left of class and then my detention session began.

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A/N: Over 4,000 words. Blegh. I usually write more than that but I just wanted to start writing chapter 3 so bad! Not to mention it's late at night. Sadly there was not much conflict between Arthur and Alfred this chapter but there will be tons next chapter. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go revise this shit and edit. Tree-hah!

England: I thought you said if they reviewed I would get America =.=

Spades: In time yes. Chapter four is where you get to molest him I think…

America: Do I get a say in this?

Spades: Nope :D

England: Now if you will excuse me, I am going to bed because at my place it is 4 am in the bloody morning!

Spades: Fair enough, America, you get the honors then.

America: HELL YEAH I DO! Review please! And don't mind Iggy he's just prissy that he doesn't get my sexy body yet ;P

Spades: Oh that reminds me, I will take request for kinky stuff you want to see Arthur and Alfred do later on. Be creative. You have no idea how excited I am to write Alfred getting molested!

Anyways, review and all that good stuff. Reviews truly are love and they make me inspired to get new chapters up faster!