Whatever progress Gabriel thought he made with Balthazar that Tuesday was effectively wiped away the next day. Balthazar had stayed lucid as he cleaned out his cut bandaging up his hand, and Gabriel was thankful for that, but no sooner had he tucked the gauze in place did the blonde angel school his face back into an blank stare.

Gabriel didn't push it, he'd told Balthazar that he would help him…and he'd meant it, but that didn't mean that he was going to force his brother into anything. The angel would come to him when he was ready.

Or at least that's what Gabriel had believed. Only after the tea cup incident, Balthazar began to withdraw into himself even more.

He spent two full days in bed, simply curled up on his side with the shades drawn. He only came out because Gabriel had threatened to drag him out, and Gabriel still suspects he was simply humoring him on that one.

And even though he was out of his room, he only went one of two places. He was either curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket or out on the porch rocking slightly in his chair, knees pulled up to his chin.

Frankly, Gabriel was getting tired of the pity party. He wanted his brother back, not this shattered angel moping about the house hung up on the brother who just never got how important he was to Balthazar.

He stayed strong until the following Thursday, if he were to think it over he'd have chosen a different day for this talk with Balthazar. After all Thursday held a sentimental spot, but this moping business had gone on for too long.

He got it, he really did. Balthazar had lost more than a brother. He had been betrayed by the one person he thought he could always trust, the one person he loved, and Gabriel understood that he really did. That sort of thing stung, but sitting around sulking wasn't doing anybody any favors.

Castiel didn't seemed hurt…no Castiel had jammed an angel blade through his brother's heart to get to the souls in purgatory. Castiel was fine, but Bal, Bal was in some bad shape. He needed someone, even if he didn't think that he did.

Balthazar was curled up on the couch, head barely peeking out from under his blanket as he stared blankly at some mindless show droning on the television. Gabriel sighed having seen enough as he moved into the living room grabbing the remote and turning off the television.

"Bal, we need to talk."

The angel murmured something that sounded vaguely like "don't wanna talk" as he curled in tighter on himself rolling over to look at the couch cushions instead of Gabriel.

Pinching the bridge of his nose Gabriel went to sit on the coffee table by the couch resting his elbows on his knees. "Bal please…it's been over a month, you have to tell me something…anything."

There's a slight movement of the angel shaking his head no as he curls up tighter in on himself and Gabriel just sighs. It's gonna be like that then.

Moving forward he tugs the blanket away from Balthazar saying sternly "Balthazar, look at me this instant."

"Why?"

"Look, you need to talk about it alright? Staying like this isn't healthy, you have to know that."

There's a dark chuckle as Balthazar turns slightly to look at Gabriel. "And why do you care? Didn't seem to care how I felt when you left."

And of course they're going to talk about it like this.

Gabriel swallows looking down, "Bal, you know I'm sorry about leaving, if there were another way to have done it I would have."

"There was another way, you could have stayed."

Gabriel shakes his head looking at Balthazar, "no, I couldn't have Bal, you know that. The fighting…I couldn't bear to watch them tear each other apart."

Moving to sit up, Balthazar looks at Gabriel shaking his head. "You didn't just leave the fighting behind you know…you left me too," he murmurs.

"Look Bal, I'm sorry, I really am. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yea, well you did. Jesus Gabe, do you know what that's like watching your brother take flight knowing you may never see him again? Cassie was too young to understand, but I did…that hurt like Hell Gabe," he says voice wavering a bit. "You were my hero you know that?" he chuckles shaking his head. "I wanted to be so much like you, and then you just left me."

Balthazar swallows looking down, if Gabe wanted to talk, they would talk, but he was controlling the subject.

"You weren't there, but Cassie was. He was always there, and I…I loved him Gabe, I did."

He doesn't know when it became past tense, he used to say love.

Gabriel seems to pick up on the –ed that didn't use to be there, but he stays silent. Balthazar is talking, and that's more than he's done in a long time.

Balthazar goes quiet looking down, "I loved him Gabe…"

"I know Bal," he murmurs not sure where Balthazar is going with this.

"All I ever wanted was to protect him. He was dealing with some serious things Gabe, purgatory and souls. No one is meant to have that much power; he was going to end up taking himself out with the aftershocks. I was just looking out for him…"

He's silent for a moment just looking down at the hands in his lap before he speaks again. "He didn't see it that way…called me Judas," his voice falters as a hand comes up to rub at his chest. Gabriel gets his first real good look of the scar left behind and he has to bite his bottom lip to keep from saying something stupid.

"I loved him…thought he loved me too. Suppose he moved on…or perhaps he never did," Balthazar murmurs looking down. He chuckles softly, or at least attempts to, it comes off more forced than anything as he says, "Am I really that forgettable? That unlovable, that all that history can be forgotten in a blink of an eye?"

"You're hardly forgettable Bal," he says softly reaching for his brother's hand.

He looks up eyes watering a bit as he shakes his head, "Oh yea? Certainly feels like I am."

Gabriel feels his heart fall a bit seeing his brother like this, so dejected. "You're not forgettable Bal," he murmurs, hand resting atop his brother's, "not to me."

"Then why'd you leave me," Balthazar murmurs softly.

"Oh Bal," he whispers moving from the coffee table to sit on the couch pulling Balthazar into a side-armed hug. "I'm an idiot…I shouldn't have left."

Leaning into Gabriel's hold Balthazar rests his head on his older brother's shoulder. "I left too you know," he says after a while.

Gabriel did in fact know about Balthazar leaving, but he wasn't about to interrupt his brother, this was the most he'd talked in a month, and if he had something to say, well Gabriel wasn't about to stop him.

"I faked my death and I left. Didn't think about how Cas would react, I just tucked tail and fled," he says voice wavering. "The war was still going on…You were gone, Dad was gone, Lucifer fell, Michael…Michael wasn't in a good place and I just, I took off when Cassie needed me most." Once the words start to flow they all just come tumbling forward. "I was such a coward back then," he adds as an afterthought.

Gabriel tightens his hold on Balthazar, he didn't think him leaving would be much of a change for the younger angel, but apparently he couldn't have been further from the truth.

"He found me later, looked as though he'd seen a ghost…he was so hurt I'd lied and I…I was too concerned with continuing a soiled existence undercover to truly grasp that," he gives a humorless chuckle. "I tried to make it up to him, I went back, joined his cause against Raphael, but I couldn't help him in the end…"

Balthazar goes quiet for a moment and Gabriel's almost certain that he's clamming up again before he hears it, just barely above a whisper, but he hears it all the same.

"He was working with Crowley…I couldn't let him do it, Purgatory, the souls, he would have killed himself if I didn't step in…" instead he killed me.

Gabriel rubs Balthazar's back pressing a light kiss to his brother's temple, "I know Bal, believe me I know…"

And he does. He remembers trying to reason with a brother who'd seen him as a traitor. He remembers being stabbed with an angel blade by said brother. Remembers how much that'd hurt, to be stabbed by someone you loved, who you thought loved you…so really he understands.

Balthazar goes quiet again curling against Gabriel and Gabriel doesn't push for more. He just holds Balthazar close, fingers brushing through his brother's blonde hair trying to keep him calm. He counts it as another victory when Balthazar leans into the touch, a hand gripping Gabriel's shirt.

They're getting there, one step at a time, and today was a big step.