Chapter 2: Pop Trash 2K16
The City of Townsville!
A city where not only the heroes have aged since we've last seen them, so have many of their nemeses.
One particular old foe who had grown up quite a bit is none other than miss moneybags herself Princess Morbucks!
...though QUEEN Morbucks is more accurate since she had come to age and taken over the family crown ever since she turned eighteen.
And boy...she's still as bratty as ever. Perhaps more so as a complete diva of a pop star that doesn't even have a residence in Townsville anymore.
"I said I wanted a Smoked Butterscotch Frappuccino Blended Crème! Not a goddamn Citrus Green Tea Frappuccino Blended Crème!"
"Sorry, my royal highness. I forgot what specific Starbucks drink you preferred."
"Isn't that what you always do, you lazy ass ignoramus?!"
"...yes, my highness. I admit fully that i'm an ignoramus. Go ahead and give me fifty wooden board lashings on my buttocks."
Gee wiz. Here I thought she was bad enough as a child, but man. She's a complete terror as a grown up! This is absolutely atrocious!
"Hey asshole! I can hear you too, Mr. Gotta Always Speaking About Every Single Damn Thing We Do! Why hasn't the production crew reduced your presence in our lives after all these years for christ's sake?!"
Haven't you seen that TV series that's on these days? I'd beckon you would cringe at the sight of you going through a demonic possession storyline.
"Are you for real, narrator? That's the stupidest thing i've heard all day….AND THAT INCLUDES THE LACK OF MY GODDAMN SMOKED BUTTERSCOTCH FRAPPUCCINO BLENDED CRÈME! GOD, THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SET A HOUSE ON FIRE!"
I assume you've burn things in all sorts of matters throughout your life so far, Ms. Morbucks.
"Oh shut the hell up! Just...get the hell out of my damn trailer! In fact...don't even come back here for another stupid expository scene! If you do, i'll have my biggest, beefiest bodyguard kick your ass down to Brownsville, you worthless piece of talkative crap!"
Okay, okay. I'm getting out of here. Sheesh.
"Thank you...asshole."
Well that was just a waste of my time.
Anyhow, since the girls are all grown up now, most have left their to make living space at other places. However, one sister remains to at least keep their father Professor Utonium company.
Because you know how parents feel when their children leave home for greener pastures.
"Dad, how do you like the popcorn? Me and Ken picked it up back when we were in Iowa two weeks ago."
"I like it very much, Buttercup. Best popcorn you can get when not taking a trip to the multiplex."
Oh and in case you're wondering why there's a robotic cat scratching on the front day...well...you'll learn soon enough.
"Uhhh….Buttercup. Why is Peach clawing the door?"
"It's because I can detect someone approaching the household, Professor Utonium."
And of course, the robotic kitty cat was correct. Someone was at the door as the good Professor and Buttercup heard a series of knocks by it.
"Stay put, dad. I'll get it."
Which is exactly what she did as she floated off the couch, lightly pushed Peach out of the way and opened the door, finding herself face to face with the one person she is always most happy to be around in private.
Yes...someone who isn't even her own flesh and blood, you see.
"Oh hey, Ken! Glad to see you made it in time to watch a movie with me and my dad."
Wait...why haven't they kissed yet? They would normally kiss by now. Maybe Buttercup doesn't want her old man to see her swapping spit with her boyfriend?
Or maybe there is some other reason that Ken will actually explain himself. Either way, this is already quite an interesting turn of events.
"Actually, i'm here to tell you I got tickets for a concert tonight."
"Who's concert, Ken?"
"Uhhh...we're going to see Morbucks tonight."
"Are you kidding me, Ken? How could you, of all people, forget my preference of music style….oh wait. You mean that cunt Princess Morbucks finally came back to Townsville after all these years?"
"Yes, baby. In fact, it was Bubbles' idea to give us tickets. Something she and Blossom supposedly brainstormed together on."
{''Did Ken just call Buttercup "Baby"?''}
"I see. Now the prospect of seeing such a snobby ass bitch again is actually more enticing than I could ever imagine."
Oh boy. It looks like the girls are going to be fighting an old enemy for the first time in years. Could this very well open the drawbridge for many more long dormant feuds with old enemies from their formative years?
Who knows? I certainly don't know! I'm just a measly narrator. I don't receive scripts in advance.
With that said though, it is now several hours later as we see the girls (plus Ken) arrive at the Townsville concert hall, anticipating the start of this potentially disastrous event.
"Sheesh. This nice little place has been glammed up way, way too fuckin' much for my own personal taste."
"Yeah. Even I wouldn't go this far if I was vain with my fame, Buttercup."
"At least i'll be able to document what this place will look like on tomorrow's podcast before we inevitably trash it up, sisters. Between that, Robin's coverage of the movie theater and my interview with a bull will certainly make it one of the better podcasts we've done in recent memory."
"Good thing your coverage won't be compromised by some stupid 'no photography allowed' rule, Bubbles. I suppose this Morbucks chick is too obsessed with herself to even get too uptight about bootleg recordings of her performances."
"Considering what I last remember of her, Mr. Kaminsky, I am really surprised by that too."
"Mayor Bellum?! You're here too!"
Yes, readers. That is not a typo. Our very own Miss Sara Bellum is now the Mayor of Townsville. A very successful one, to be perfectly honest.
"Of course, Blossom. Knowing our guest during her childhood, there cannot be much good coming out of her being here again."
But before our mayor could say anymore she heard her phone ringing, which left her no choice but to answer it.
"Mayor Bellum. I'm having trouble!"
"What exact trouble, Gemma?"
"I can't, for the life of me, open this darn soda bottle! Can you come down to the office and help me?"
"Oh for pete's sake, Gemma. You're just as bad as your uncle. Christ."
"Uhhh...that doesn't solve anything, mayor. I really, really need you to help me. I feel like i'm about to break my fingers trying to take this blasted cap off!"
"How about you just come on over to here so I can take the cap off and you can enjoy the concert, Gemma?"
"...okay, Mayor Bellum. I'll be there in a jiffy!"
Oh that Miss Applescotch. Just as silly and carefree as her uncle, whom you probably better remember as the former mayor of Townsville.
Where's that goofy old man these days post-retirement? That's a question to be answered in a future chapter.
"Was that Miss Applescotch, Mayor?"
"It sure was, Blossom. She'll...be joining us shortly."
"I'm not too sure if there'll be a concert for her to attend by the time Morbucks hits the stage and catches wind of our presence."
"No shit that doofus is going to see dick, Blossom. Fuck, I even believe the cunt will want to rip our fuckin' throats out once she spots us in the crowd."
"Does Buttercup really have to use such foul language, Blossom and Bubbles?"
"We've tried getting her to tone it down, but she never listens. You just have to get used to it sooner or later."
"Unfortunately, that's the truth. I really does grating after a while, but what the heck can we do about it? She's our sister and we still love her regardless of her potty mouth."
"Uh, what about me? I sometimes say stuff like 'fuck, shit, damn and cocksucker', yet you don't take any offense with it."
"That's because you're just Buttercup's boyfriend, Ken. We might take more offense if you were her husband, but knowing the both of you, neither of you are all that interested in marriage."
"Oh god fuckin' dammit, Blossom! Why do you always sling that shit to us?! For a girl who hasn't really committed herself to a relationship, you always need to surgically dissect me and Ken's! Fuck, that gets so annoying sometimes!"
Well I guess it only took this long for the girls to start criticizing each other for their own relationship statuses in this story. Don't worry, though, readers. It won't take up too much of your time.
"...yeah. How come you don't ever think of my ow...oh wait, i'm not supposed to bring that up. Disregard what I just said, everyone."
"Uh...what was that, Bubbles?"
"Nothing, Blossom."
"...right.
"I take it you didn't hear a single thing, Buttercup."
"Exactly."
Uh oh, girls. I think the concert is about to begin. The lights have dimmed in the crowd and greatly illuminated the stage.
Things are only about to get crazier from here, readers. Take my word for it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Welcome to the Townsville Concert Hall, where we are proud to present you tonight's musical guest.
Eleven years ago, you may remember her as a one-time member of our community, but after all those years, she has returned as a multimillion dollar pop music sensation to entertain us all, so gather around and give a warm welcome to our Townsville's very own 'Queen Morbucks!"
An applause...for Queen Morbucks?! Oh no. That's not a good sign...or maybe it is since a negative reception to a homecoming could've been even worse for our city.
...errrr I take that back. Her music is TERRIBLE!
You bitches, i'm back in the house! Queen Morbucks to buy out your paycheck! Still stealin' boys for my own crew! Yeah! That's how much of a bitch I am!
"Aw fuck! My ears hurt! I can't stand this fucking shit! Must pretend i'm playing my own music for my own goddamn sanity, Ken!"
"My exact thoughts, Buttercup. My exact thoughts...except they're not loud enough to block this godawful music!"
"Too much auto-tune! TOO MUCH AUTO-TUNE!"
"I like to think most of my viewers are big fans of this style of music and I, for one, Robin, do like a good share of pop music...but Queen Morbucks is really lousy and generic by hip-hop driven pop music standards!"
I….am truly the hottest shit, YEAH!
(((She's truly the best)))
I...am truly the biggest, hypest shit, YEAH!
(((She's truly the best)))
That's why i'm...WORTH SIX BILLION DOLLARS TO SELL YOUR BLINGED OUT GRILLS FOR, BOYS!
"Sorry for being late, Mayor...ooooohhhhh. I just came in time to see Morbucks on stage. YES!"
"Oh I can't believe you really like this trash, Gemma. Oh brother."
If I could just turn the camera towards me, you would see that I too am face-palming like Mayor Bellum.
That's how bad Morbucks really is. It's that bad. Like...almost Shaggs levels of ineptness.
However, I think Buttercup has had it with this clown show. Time to see her self-destruct in classic fashion.
"STOP FUCKING SINGING! STOP...FUCKING...SINGING!"
And it looks like it worked like a charm as Queen Morbucks suddenly noticed that one of her old foes is in the audience. What she doesn't know, though, is that ALL of them are present.
"Bu...Bu...bu...Buttercup? Is that you? I didn't recognize you since it seems like you finally grew fingers at some point."
"You're damn right, Little Miss Snobby Pants! Your attitude as a child sucks shit and your music sucks shit even harder!"
"And I can back that statement up, Buttercup!"
"Me too!"
"Plus now I can REALLY give you a true knuckle sandwich since you've noticed my hands!"
{''Shit! It's all coming back to me. All those formative years of asking mommy and daddy to help me crush those formerly fingerless abominations of science. From my offer being rejected to fight alongside them to the time I teamed up with that filthy ape, the oversized backwoods plush toy and who might've actually been Lucifer himself, it's all coming right back...and I don't like it.''}
Well, readers...prepare for this now-grown up royal pain in the ass to explode.
Things are gonna get butt ass ugly!
"ARRRRGHHHHHH! I HATE YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH, POWERPUFF GIRLS!"
"My lady. I present you...THY SUIT OF EXTREME EXTRAVAGANCE!"
What a surprise. Queen Morbucks had a new suit built for her.
Go fight her girls! Fight her just like the good ol' times!
"One promised knuckle sandwich coming right up, Morbucks!"
WOOSH!
"Huh?"
KA-WHACK!
"Aw fuck!"
"Doesn't that hurt, Buttercup? My old suits were too weak, but over the years, I had my parents pay some scientists an arm and a leg to develop special weapons for this specific suit just in time for my twenty first birthday. I got so...so...so many grisly little tools to test on you pesky fuckin' girls!"
"That's fuckin' bullshit, Morbucks! Complete fuckin' bullshit!"
"Not if I introduce you to my best new friend. A really, really sharp slap of cold steel!"
SNIKT!
SLASH!
SPLAT!
SQUISH! SQUASH! SPLUUURRRRG!
"BUTTERCUP!"
Yeech! I never imagined seeing one of the girls bleeding like that in my entire career as narrator! I feel bad for the janitor that's going to have to clean all that blood off the stage floor.
"Uhhh...this fighting is stunning and all, Mayor, but you forgot one crucial thing."
"What now, Gemma?"
"You forgot to take the cap off this bottle of soda."
"Oh gimme that!"
And with one quick crank, Mayor Bellum removed the cap off of Miss Applescotch's soda bottle, ending her otherwise silly dilemma.
"Thank you, Sara. Thank you so much. Gulp, gulp, gulp."
"Eh, don't even thank me. I got enough of that from your uncle every time I would open the pickle jar for me. If only I got a dime every single time I had to do that."
{''Please don't die on me, baby. We got so much more time to spend together...and so does your father and sisters.''}
"Come on, Blossom and Bubbles! Don't be such pussies! Save your goddamn sister from ME!"
"Alright, Bubbles. Time to pull a good ol' sneak attac..."
"Not this time, Powerpuff Bitches! Try to sneak up on a highly explosive ROCKET!"
A rocket? A highly explosive rocket?! Please hurry and get that blasted thing away from us! We're not being directed by Zack Snyder, so there's absolutely no need for unnecessary collateral damage!
At least Blossom listened to me since she ended up catching the damn thing.
"Bubbles! Make an opening in the ceiling! I gotta send this bad boy out of here ASAP!"
"Will do, Blossom!"
Hurry, Bubbles! Get that hole made! We can't afford to see this music hall blow up into smithereens! Let alone see some innocent civilians reduced to ground beef!
"Done. Now take that bad boy outta here before it blows up and hurts everything, Blossom!"
Go Blossom Go! Fly away and toss that rocket into the sky!
"Hurry, girls. We can't afford this rotten pop star to do any more damage to this city she turned her back on many years ago!"
"I'll take her on, Mayor!"
Go Bubbles Go! Do your best and teach that haughty diva a lesson in humility!
"Baby, are you okay?"
"...uhhghhhh...I think so. How bad are my injuries?"
"Thankfully not bad enough to mandate a visit to the emergency room, Buttercup."
"Fuck yeah, that's good to know it's less severe than I expected."
"Well...I suppose you can get back in the fray and help your sisters out beat the shit out of that terrible as fuck pop star."
"MOST FUCKING DEFINITELY!"
SWOOSH!
"Yes. Go kick Morbucks' ass punk rock style, Buttercup! Go kick her ass!"
Go Buttercup Go! Show Queen Morbucks what your average moshpit participant does to each other! Make her humble enough for jail time!
"About time, bitches! Come and get me!"
SMACK!
THWONK!
"How does that knuckle sandwich taste, Queen Bitch?!"
"UGHHHHH! I swear you still hurt too fuckin' hard, Buttercup! Now have a taste of THIS!"
WHACK!
"Heh. You punched harder as a child, Morbucks. Too much shitty pop music performances have taken a toll on your strength.
"You're a dirty liar! LIAR!"
"Psst. Behind you."
"What?"
BHA-WHOOAM!
CRACK!
SKI-TISH! SKI-TISH! SKI-TISH!
"Good one, Blossom."
"It's all in the arms, Buttercup."
"My turn, sisters! HEEEE-YAWH!"
SHA-WHACK!
"Did you record that, Robin?"
"I sure did, Bubbles. Should make a great thumbnail for the podcast."
"Awesome!"
Ah yes, the girls have not lost a step in their crime fighting skills. Ms. Morbucks' crime making skills, on the other hand…
"Oh god dammit! I knew I should've paid that shaolin master next door top buck to train me in the arts of misery! SHIT! God dammit, god dammit, GOD DAMMIT!"
"Aren't you too old to be having a temper tantrum, Morbucks?"
"I think a better activity for her would be to put on a fuckin' diaper on and shove a fuckin' pacifier down her fuckin' throat so she can show the whole damn world what a fuckin' baby she really is!"
"Nah...that wouldn't be necessary at all, Buttercup. Just watch."
SHA-WHACK!
"AHHHH...I'LL GET MY REVENGE, YOU FUCKIN' POWERPUFF CUNTS!"
Good swinging, Bubbles. Got her thrown right into the slammer without even calling the cops.
And with that said...the day has been SAVED!
Thanks to…
THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!
THE END
Townsville Public Records
File No. 378154
Bubbles Utonium
Age: 23
Hair Color: Blonde
Breast size: H
Height: Five Feet, Four Inches
Weight: One Hundred and Fifty Three Pounds
Special achievements: 2009 Townsville High Video Class Best Video of the Year, 2011 Townsville SPCA Pet Helper of the Year.
Non-crime fighting activities: Co-founder of the hit Podcast "Bubbles and Robin's Completely Awesome Show" and Townsville News Channel's Animal Expert.
Relationship Status: Classified
{{{End Transmission}}}