A/N: Again, this chapter is still going to be a sort of a pilot, though I think I've managed to straighten out the cuffs in this story. Again, this chapter is going to continue on several pop culture references. This chapter could possibly contain excessive swearing, though I might decide to tone it down. Depends what I feel like, which is never good…
In the end, Master Hand had been quick to react. He had dismissed the meeting, and ordered the Smashers to get back to what they had been doing before, before he grabbed Kirby, and carried him into his personal room.
Kirby had only been inside Master Hand's private function room only once before, and it was impressive. Much of the room was occupied by a large cherry-red table made out of high-quality cedar, and armchairs surrounded it. Kirby also noticed a large widescreen TV on the wall, with four games consoles, including the illustrious SNES, and a bar and fridge in one other corner. A computer was also there, which Kirby assumed the Hand used for organising tournaments. However, Doom 3 was loaded on the screen, and the carried shotgun on-screen was just about to blast a big hole through an imp before it was paused, so it wasn't exactly anything. Master Hand just about had everything.
"Now, Kirby, want a cocktail? Margarita? Martini? Manhattan?" Master Hand asked, as he glided over to the bar, and dragged out a few bottles of tequila, vodka and gin.
"No thanks…" muttered Kirby, still pretty sick from the snacks he had consumed.
Master Hand ignored him, and poured a nip from the bottle of Absolut, before placing it in front of Kirby. He made himself a martini, and rather shiftily, tipped a little into what seemed to be an invisible mouth. Kirby shivered silently.
"Now, Kirby, we have to talk about this stuff. Your food habit is just too…uncontrollable." Master Hand sighed, and he drank again.
"Sorry, Master Hand." Kirby grumbled.
"I doubt that I should let you out, considering that you'd trigger a massive verbal war in the mansion…"
"There probably is already one." Kirby piped up.
Master Hand looked displeased, and that was quite an amazing feat considering that he was nothing but a large, white-gloved hand. He performed the strange drink process again, and went deep into thought. Kirby decided not to interrupt him, as the Hand was almost as bad as Crazy Hand, his cousin, when he was disturbed while thinking hard. After a couple of minutes, Master Hand had managed to think up his crazy plan. It was risky, but if successful, it could just about be a perfect emergency plan if the verbal war got out-of-hand…
"All right, Kirby, you can go back into the mansion, but I doubt that you'll get much sympathy…" Master Hand said, and he nudged Kirby towards the door.
Kirby groaned, and he moved out of the room, hearing it slam shut behind him.
As he headed back into the main living room, he could already feel the tension between the Smashers. They probably had already taken sides already, and the infighting was likely to start the moment anyone mentioned the incident at the meeting. Kirby bounced his way onto one of the empty armchairs, and gazed around at the unusually-quiet area. DK, Ganondorf and Bowser weren't laying into hotdogs like usual, but instead, they were chewing them carefully, and sipping from cans of Coke. Link, Marth and Roy were sitting in armchairs across the room, inspecting their swords rather glumly. Even Samus, Zelda and Peach, who were usually the three most chattiest were rather quiet, talking softly.
This kept up until dinner, an hour later. As everyone made their way to plates full of tacos and chorizo sausages with jalapenos, the mood seemed to ease up. But that was only until Krystal tripped over Link's foot going to refill her glass, as he hanged it out from the table. The result ended up in both Krystal's and Link's plate of food ending up on the floor, and Link snapped.
"WHAT THE HELL? YOU FUCKING CLUMSY PIECE OF SHITHOLE CRAP!" he screamed in anger.
"IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT YOU MANAGED TO STICK YOUR FUCKING FOOT OUT, YOU SELFISH PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!" Krystal yelled back in retaliation, standing up and throwing herself at Link.
They flew into each other in a flurry of punches, and both Fox and Marth dived into the fray, dragging the two combatants out. Link punched Marth in the nose as he furiously tried to wriggle out of his friend's grab to get back at Krystal, while Krystal managed to knee Fox in the balls doing the same thing. Both of them veered out of the way of the fierce brawl, and the two started fighting again, but this time, Link got the first hit by grabbing the closest plate of food that he could find, which was Roy's, and tossing it at Krystal. Although she managed to dodge the indestructible plate, she was sprayed by the mix of shredded cheese, tomato sauce and beef. The plate thudded against the wall, and hit the floor with nothing done to it. Meanwhile, Krystal had jumped on Link again, and began pulling on Link's blonde hair. Link staggered about, and fell onto his table, upending it and flipping a few plates of food over.
Mewtwo finally broke up the fracas, using his psychic power to calm down both, although they did break away from each other glaring furiously.
"Geez, Mewtwo, couldn't you have done that earlier?" grumbled Marth, nursing his nose in pain. Already, a bruise had formed in the area Link had tonked him on, and it would be very sore in the morning.
However, it turned out that the little fight had already triggered a few extra verbal battles, probably from the tension caused earlier, and suddenly, the fighting had started once again, but this time around, it was nearly everyone, with only a few non-combatants. Even the Ice Climbers, who were usually quite friendly and docile, were arguing bitterly with Peach.
Those who weren't abusing everyone else, were Pikachu, Kirby, Marth, Fox, Mewtwo and Falco, and all five were attempting to break up the fighting. The room was pretty much a mess now, with most of the Smashers covered in food that had been tossed, until eventually the two Pokemon managed to perform a nice little combo; Pikachu pulled in a full-velocity Thunder attack and Mewtwo followed it up with his own Thunder, which just about rendered each of the "rioters" useless.
Master Hand had obviously heard the noise, as he floated in soon after everyone had been paralysed by Pikachu's Thunder Wave.
"What the hell has been going on here?" he asked in his deep, booming voice, obviously shocked at the piles of food that lay all along the floor, and at the paralysed Smashers, also covered in what had been their Mexican dinner
"Link started a fight with Krystal and basically, everyone managed to explode after that..." Pikachu muttered, exhausted after the use of all that electrical energy.
Master Hand wasn't surprised that this had managed to occur, and he was already thinking of more ambitious plans for what he had in store for the Smashers next. He just had to hope that it would be enough for the Smashers to get over all the crap that had happened in the last few hours…
True to his promise, early next morning, during breakfast, the Smashers didn't have time for much arguing…or throwing, in that case, as no bowls of cereal, sausages, or peanut butter and jam/jelly sandwiches were tossed across the room. Once again, the room had settled back into yesterday afternoon's mindset, and everyone was quite eager to find out what Master Hand would cook up for them.
Master Hand came in about two hours after the first Smasher had come to breakfast, and he was carrying a pile of papers. Each Smasher watched him curiously as he lazily dropped the pile on a table, and moved to the front.
"Right, now, I organised this tournament for all that crap involving Kirby and the pile of food…" Master Hand said, as if everyone hadn't already guessed.
He flicked sheets of paper out to everyone, and motioned for everyone to read. After a few minutes, there were already a few cries of "No way!" and "Oh crap".
When Master Hand gathered up the paper again, silence met him. Just about every Smasher was staring at him circumspectly, mouths wide-open.
"So…we're supposed to compete in all those games?" Falco finally managed to choke out.
"Well, your choice. You guys start a brawl, that's what you guys get." Master Hand said in a rather matter-of-fact way.
"But…Pacman! I mean…" Donkey Kong trailed off, and made a few imaginary vomit noises. Malon, sitting next to him, shook her head silently.
"And it's lucky that Yoshi, Young Link and Mr. Game And Watch are on vacation, that gives us a nice even number of participants." Master Hand grinned invisibly.
"Yeah, they're luckier, they don't have to go through this sort of torture either!"
This time, it was the voice of Captain Falcon booming through the room.
Master Hand ignored his cry.
"Well, you guys have three hours to get ready for the first event. You'll like this one, considering you've been shoving a lot of it up each other's throats in the last twelve hours!"
With that, Master Hand floated out of the breakfast room, leaving a stunned silence.
Link managed to break it with one more comment:
"Dance Dance Revolution?"
End note: So yeah, I did kind of tone down the swearing, to just a couple of excessive lines. And the Smashers are now subject to DOOM! Actually, not really, but the really entertaining stuff might come later on rather than in these early chapters.