Alexa6- I will probably write the whole story in the format of letters, unless it is not a well received idea, in which case I will switch to a normal writing style
Dear Jessie,
Today I realized that maybe even the teachers hate me for what I did. I mean, they must know about what happened, otherwise why would they flinch away whenever I raise my hand? I know what I've done to deserve this kind of treatment, I just never expected it to hurt so damn much.
Today I wanted to go to one of my professors and ask him if I could borrow a cell phone or something. It took a lot of courage for me to build up my nerve, only to be shot down. Apparently there's no technology in this whole school. It was a little disappointing to discover. I was going to call and pretend to be your mom so I could hear that you're doing okay.
And I've decided something else, too. Since you're never going to actually read these letters, it's okay for me to tell you all about the magic and stuff. Right now, there aren't any full out healing spells, just various ones to fix up little things. But people can invent new spells, and I intend to. I'll make the most powerful healing spell in the world, and I'll fix everyone that I broke, starting with you.
I don't know if you're aware, but two of the muggles (non-magical people) who were on life support have passed. That means I'm officially a murderer. And I can't even tell anyone or complain or anything, because no one would have sympathy for a murderer like me. I try to tell myself that it's not my fault, but I know that it is.
Sure, I never knew that I'm a witch, no one felt like sharing that tidbit of information (though I'm pretty sure that muggles like my parents never knew either) but I should have been able to do something. I should have at least kept my emotions in check. There must have been something I could have done…
But I can't keep saying the same things over and over in my letters, because then they would get boring, and I know that you wouldn't want to read boring letters. On the topic of Hermione, I think I have nothing to lose. I don't think that I could possibly be shunned anymore than I already am, and I'm going to confess my feelings to her. She'll probably push me away in disgust, and then I can just move on with my life.
I feel really bad, though, everytime I think about Hermione. I know that you should be the only one on my mind. You should be the most important to me. I still wear the ring that you gave me, and I promise I won't ever forget you. But I know, somewhere inside me, that you wouldn't want me to curl up in a corner and pine over you for the rest of my life. You would want me to find happiness in any way I can.
Right now I'm in my dorm room, and don't think that I'm a coward, but I'm hiding. I know that no one is looking for me, that no one wants to find me. But it feels safer here, under my bed, with the blankets hanging over the sides to provide adequate shelter. I would have curled up in the trunk at the foot of my bed, but that could cause some joint stiffness. I glanced into the other trunks when my room mates were opening theirs, and I realized that they should actually have stuff in them. Mine's empty, though, because I never even got a chance to pack before I was whisked off to Scotland.
I have to turn off my lantern now, because the others are coming back and I don't want them to spot me. They would just think I'm creepy or something.
Yours always,
Sophie