Rescue
Part Two: Absolution
A/N: Okay, so here's Part Two!
BTW: Completely random shipper thing (again), but…did anyone else love the exchange between Sam and Jack in "Fallen" (season 7, episode1)? You know, when they're in the briefing room? That 'Wackiest Plan' conversation and the snippy one before that? How absolutely adorable were those!! I fell in love with them all over again!
Oh, and in "Lifeboat" (season 7, episode 6) did anyone else love when Daniel said, "Just find the small woman and tell her that what she gave me is not good enough!"
The small woman referring to Janet, of course. I cracked up! One of the best lines ever! Dan/Jan is so cute!
Ooooh, and I also loved in the same episode where Martice (in Daniel) says that Janet has no idea who she's talking to and Janet yells, "I don't give a damn! You don't belong in that man's body and I intend to take it back!" in this really pained voice. So sweet!
Like I said, Janet never died. I refuse to believe otherwise. I don't believe that Jacob died either.
Please…
ENJOY!!
Approaching her private quarters he listened quietly at the door. There were no sounds coming from inside. He knocked quietly and waited for a response.
"It's open." She called, her voice muffled.
He opened the door and stepped through. She looked up and met his eyes. As she realized who it was her emotionless mask faltered for a moment…shifting into an expression of anger and regret before reverting back to a mask.
"Colonel." Her tone was strained.
She wasn't calling him sir. It took him no time at all to realize what that meant. He called her 'Carter' and she called him 'sir' as sort of…affectionate nickname. Using cold rank was enough to drop a weight in his stomach.
Sam bit back the urge to tell him to get the hell out of her room. She didn't want to look at him…let alone be in the same room as him. A part of her argued that it wasn't his fault; that he had been stuck there for three months and had needed human comfort.
But another, larger, part of her screamed, "Why had he given up when she hadn't?" Did he really have that little faith in her? Why had she worked herself to the point of breaking when he had been perfectly content to stay on that goddamn planet?
She knew her thoughts sounded horrible and selfish and felt tears of frustration and anguish building behind her eyes. Sam swallowed hard; absolutely refusing to show any emotion. Why was here? Was he going to tell her he's sorry? Yeah right.
Maybe a meaningless thank-you? Kinda likely.
But, most probable was that he was going to tell her that he's going back. Maybe he was here to say goodbye.
That thought sent her heart crashing into her stomach, a wave of sick, nauseous certainty washing over her. She steadied herself by grasping the back of her desk chair and fixing her eyes on a point near his shoulder. No way could she handle this. No. If he left…this was it. She was gone.
He took a tentative step into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. Sam desperately wanted to ward off his coming words. Wanted to say that she was happy he'd found someone; some place to belong.
No. She wanted to say that he had someone. That he belonged right here. But…she couldn't do either. Instead, Sam let the silence grow deafening as he leveled his gaze on hers.
He inhaled sharply when he got a good look at her. Her bright blue eyes, normally so full of emotion and life, were dulled to the point of being almost grey. They held no detectable expression and they had a hollowness to them that scared him. Her mouth was set in a taut line and her skin shone palely in the dim light of her lamp. She was unhealthily thin and looked absolutely exhausted. Physically…mentally…emotionally.
Her hands were clenched on the back of her chair and her posture was stiff and straight. She was pulling away from him in every sense and he could feel it. He could feel her hurt and betrayal even from his position at the door.
"Carter…" he took another slow step forward. She didn't move. Nor did she meet his eyes. Jack opened his mouth to say something inexorably lame…that would no doubt only serve to destroy their relationship further. At the last minute, he changed his mind. Instead, his shoulders slumped and he dropped his chin to his chest and scrubbed his face with his hands.
"Can I help you?" the ice in her voice cut through him like a knife. She had dropped the rank. She had, in fact, dropped all pretense of respect.
Sam winced at her own tone, but knew it had to be done. If he was leaving then she would try to distance herself from him as much as possible.
"Dammit, Carter." The colonel growled low in his throat, no real anger present. He looked up and finally caught her eyes. "We have really got to talk."
"What about?" she questioned tonelessly. She didn't break eye contact and saw something flit through the man's eyes, but it was gone before she could read it.
Jack sighed. The gaping physical distance between them reflected how far apart they were figuratively. "About…everything." He shrugged helplessly. "About what I did…what I didn't do…" he paused. "You." He spoke with a quiet uncertainty that startled Sam more than his actually words.
Swallowing hard she desperately tried to make herself not care. "Oh?"
"Carter…when was the last time you ate? Or slept? When was the last time you relaxed and just stopped…everything?" He stopped his tirade, knowing full well he could continue the list for several minutes.
He saw a faint blush blossom in her cheeks and her eyes darkened. "What does that matter to you?"
"Because you did it for me." He answered quietly. "Frasier told me what happened when I wasn't here. What happened because I wasn't here."
Sam's gaze dropped and embarrassed anger flooded her. "And what exactly did she tell you?" Her voice was tight and frustrated.
"She told me about the meetings." Sam flinched as she remembered the conferences she had demanded be held when she heard that everyone was giving up. "She also told me that you only left the base a few times…and that you had to be reminded when to eat."
Sam shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. 'Dammit, Janet!' she thought. 'Why?'
"She also told me that you hardly slept. Why?" he questioned after a moment.
Suddenly fed up with his interrogation she snapped and met his eyes again. "Why?" she repeated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Because I thought that that was what you'd have wanted. I thought that maybe you wanted to come home. That maybe you would have missed us." She stopped short, breathing heavily. She had been so close to admitting the one thing she could barely admit herself.
"I did." He answered sincerely. "I wanted to come back. I did miss you. I still do." He had caught her unspoken admission in the 'missed us.' He knew this went way beyond any normal CO and 21C relationship. He was ready to face it…but, after what he'd put her through…he wasn't sure if she would be as honest with him.
"Still?" she scoffed, but felt her face start to heat at his words. "You're standing right there."
"But you can't even look at me." He shot back. "I screwed up. Royally. More than anyone in the history of any universe…and you have no idea how sorry I am."
Sam held up her hand. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Colonel." She emphasized that he was above her and he really didn't have to say anything. She wished he wouldn't…it would just hurt all the more when he left.
"Yes, I do." His eyes burned into hers. "I didn't mean for anything to happen."
"But it did." Sam snapped, feeling her control starting to slip. Angry tears blazed in her eyes and she planted her feet, looking him square in the eye.
"Not what you think." He said quickly. "I don't…feel…anything for her. For them." He gestured behind him, indicating the stargate and their most recent expedition.
"Oh? You could have fooled me." She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head, a mocking glint in her eyes.
Jack sighed again and took another step towards her. They were still a good seven feet apart and the distance was killing him. He wanted to comfort her…but knew he didn't have the right to do that anymore. Never really had, in fact.
"I couldn't love her, Carter. She's not you." The words had been completely intentional, but he was surprised that he had managed to say them aloud. Her saw her anger dissipate for a fraction of a second before being replaced by something else. Something he couldn't read.
"I don't…You didn't…" Sam tried to find the right words…but came up blank. So she just stood there, glaring at him, not letting herself believe him.
"I never gave up on you, Carter." Jack's voice was low, as if his vocal cords wouldn't allow him to talk any louder. "But I gave up on myself a long time ago."
Sam's eyes widened and her arms fell slackly to her sides in shock. "What? You gave up on yourself? Why?'
"Because I couldn't stand not seeing you again. I had to get out of my own head. I had to find a distraction." Jack's eyes fixed on his boots and Sam just stared at him.
A distraction? That's what that woman had been? 'No, he's just telling you what you want to hear.' Sam rationalized. But why? Jack O'Neill wasn't the kind of guy to mince his words to get a reaction out of her. He would have no reason to try and make her understand…if he didn't actually care.
As much as she hated to admit it; she believed him. She believed him with all of her heart and it wasn't just because she wanted so badly to believe him…but because of the way he was looking at her.
His eyes were so open…so vulnerable…so absolutely honest. They also looked resigned…like he expected to be yelled at and turned away.
Sam made a decision. She had trusted him with her life and then with her heart. She thought that she had misjudged giving him such a precious part of her without his consent when she had seen them…but…he wouldn't do that. He knew what she had given him years ago and he had held onto that.
Just as she was about to do.
Sam took a deep breath. She had to know. She had to be completely sure. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I want us to be okay." He replied slowly, solemnly.
Jack met her eyes and saw some of her usual expression returning. She was confused, but willing. Willing to listen, talk, and maybe even forgive.
Suddenly, the realization that he hadn't seen her in over three months hit him hard. She was still her. She was still his Carter. Something in him snapped and he was across the room in three strides.
Before she knew what he was doing, he was grasping her cheeks gently…his lips pressed onto hers. She didn't bother trying to hold onto any self-righteousness or indignity. She sighed into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pressed her against the wall and let his fingers stray down her neck and eventually landed on her back, closing any distance between them.
They had no idea how long they stayed like that; in that warm, familiar embrace. When the need for oxygen became too much they broke apart, but he did not move away from her. He kept her against the wall, her head buried in his chest and his face buried in her hair.
She had missed him so much. Sam clung tightly to the back of his shirt and inhaled his scent. She knew she was crying, but it didn't matter. Her world was still spinning and she needed to breathe.
She needed him.
Jack could feel her body shaking as she fought back sobs and he could feel his own eyes stinging. He had wanted to do this for years and now that he had…he knew there was no going back. Everything was different. But, she was here…and so was he.
"I love you." He whispered. She felt her body tense suddenly as her knees buckled and he held onto her tightly, not wanting her to fall.
She let out a strangled sob and pulled away from him enough so that she could look him in the eye. "I love you too…oh, God…" she smiled up at him and his heart skipped a beat. "I really love you."
He matched her smile and wiped a thumb over her cheeks. "I'm not going back, Sam." The use of her first name warmed her instead of startling her.
"To Edora?" she frowned as the name passed her lips. She never wanted to hear that word again.
"Never." He squeezed her reassuringly. "But, that's not what I meant." She frowned. "I can't go back to being just Colonel and Major." He clarified.
Sam's eye misted over again. "I can't either…but…what other choice do we have?"
"We can talk to Hammond." Jack said resolutely, staring determinedly at her. "I have a feeling he'll be more than willing to help us. After all…there are loopholes to every regulation." He grinned widely.
"I have no doubt that you'll find them." She smiled back and kissed him again. He pulled away after a minute.
"You're sure this is what you want?" he asked, narrowing his eyes searchingly.
She met his gaze determinedly. "Yes." She answered strongly. "More than anything." He smiled and pressed his lips to hers briefly before taking her hand.
"What's say we do this thing?" he drawled as he pulled her towards the door.
She laughed, surprised. "Now?"
"Yeah. Now." He said impatiently as he opened the door.
"Sir!" Sam protested quietly. He turned around and raised a finger.
"Ah. No 'sir.'"
She smiled, but continued anyway. "We can't walk down the halls holding hands."
"Why?"
"Because, we're still under regulations."
"Well, hey…I've never been one to follow rules before." Jack gave her another grin.
"But…personnel…" she tried.
"We're gonna have to break it to them sometime." He replied already pulling her gently down the corridor. "Besides…we might as well shake things up around here. It's not like we ever do anything exciting anyway."
Sam laughed again and allowed him to pull her along. She knew they still had a lot to talk about, but things were certainly looking up. Sam knew he'd make this work. He'd some way. They'd find some way.
Because, after all…absence makes the heart grow fonder. And they had certainly been separated long enough.
The End
A/N: Didn't come out the way I wanted it to. Sorry. Please R&R!