It seemed appropriate, too. It had struck him on more than one occasion that she was a bit like Lisa Simpson. Brains, wit, charm, loyalty – a bit of a geek. Okay, a lot of a geek. And although he liked to think of himself as Bart – rebel without a cause, smart-assed, bad boy charm, etc – in truth, he sometimes felt a little like Ralph Wiggum around her. ("Miss? I've eaten my paste.") The Stupid One. The one people talked to just... a little slower. With easier words.
So, anyhow, he wrote a quick message, did a bit of reconnaissance, and when he knew she was in the Commissary getting coffee he dropped by her lab and – ever so casually, concealing what he was doing from the cameras (because, although not really regulation-breaking, it wasn't exactly something he wanted Hammond knowing about, either) – left the card on her desk.
A while later he strolled by her lab again to check out her reac... to see if she and Daniel (who hadn't been in his office) wanted to go get lunch or something. He froze in the doorway at her words.
"Should I chuck it?"
Chuck it? Well, damn... "Chuck what?" he said, with just the right amount of disinterest in his voice. He ignored Daniel's sharp look. Daniel had lived with him for six weeks. He'd seen the DVD collection. He'd probably guessed instantly who the card was from.
"Oh, I got a Valentines card," replied Carter, chuckling as though it was an unlikely event, when in truth he was surprised she hadn't got hundreds. Honestly, half the SGC drooled over her every time she went past. "Very... tacky." Hey – ouch! "Simpson's, of all things. I mean, who'd send me a Simpson's Valentine's card?"
He couldn't help glancing at Daniel. Daniel looked right back at him. He sent the man a mental warning. 'Tell her and I'll break your arm in three places.' "Think yourself lucky," he said, diverting the conversation from the 'who' question. "I didn't get any."
"Oh, men don't get Valentine's cards." Well, she was pretty dismissive of that idea. "And they don't care when they do get them. Men just aren't interested in that sort of thing." Obviously she'd been hanging around with the wrong sort of men. Who was the one going around buying secret Valentine's cards here, huh? It's not like there'd been anything on his desk. No secret admirer cards, no flowers, no chocolates – oh no. And yet she had the nerve to imply that it was men who weren't romantic!
Daniel seemed equally offended. "That's so not true! I remember when Sha're-" he broke off, and the Colonel winced internally. "I mean – some men aren't – I wasn't... I've got a thing I have to do – I'll see you both later."
Daniel fled, despite Carter calling after him. She looked at the Colonel. "Damn. I didn't mean to... Poor Daniel."
He shrugged, examining his boots. "Yeah." Poor Daniel.
"D'you think I should go after him?" asked Carter. He shook his head.
"Nah. He probably just wants to be left alone at the moment." It was tough for his favorite archaeologist. Nearly six months later, and they still didn't know the fate of his wife. It didn't look good. Poor Spacemonkey. And he felt in some way guilty – which was ridiculous, but he'd promised Daniel that they'd get her back, and so far... He wandered over to her bench and picked up the card, grimacing internally. What had he been thinking? Buying a Valentines card for Sam Carter – Sam 'Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside' Carter. Of course she'd hate it. "I see what you mean about tacky."
She frowned at him. What? She'd said it. "I think it's kinda sweet."
What? What? She was defending it now? Women! And... "Sweet?" Please don't let her say...
"Well, it's... cute."
"Cute?" He had to keep the offended tone out of his voice, or it'd totally give him away. Damn, though – he guessed it had been a kinda sweet, cute thing to do. He had to remember not to do that in future, or his reputation as a bad boy would be totally shot. "Huh." Great. Sweet, cute, and tacky – just how he wanted to be described.
"The only thing I don't get is what they mean by 'the SGC's own Lisa Simpson'. I've never really watched the show."
Well, there was a cry for help. Obviously she needed educating. "She's the brains of the operation," he explained. "A smart person in a stupid world. Meant for great things. Destined to be the first woman President or something. Her family don't quite get her, but they love her anyway."
Huh. Maybe he'd spent a little too much time on this comparison thing.
"Oh."
Damn. Damn damn damn. Suddenly realizing that he'd probably totally given himself away, he took advantage of her distraction and slipped out the door. He kicked himself all the way back to the safety of his office. He just knew she'd take offence – would she consider this harassment by a superior officer? Things would be really awkward the next time he saw her. He'd just have to deny everything – claim ignorance – change the subject – anything but admit it.
What had he been thinking?