Noah Reviews: The Hunger Games -3.5 votes
(someone voted for the "Hunget Games;" I'm assuming it's a misspelling)
"Ah, the Hunger Games." Noah shoves the cover of the first book in front of the camera, nearly knocking it over. "This trilogy is just depressing, people. I mean, seriously, Katniss does all that work for her sister, and Prim dies anyway! Talk about ungrateful siblings. I would know, I've had nine of them.
"When I first started reading the Hunger Games, it kind of reminded me of Total Drama. I mean, if Chris became a dictator and got everything he wanted, this would be the kind of thing he'd do. Of course, I'd win, because while TD didn't offer me enough money for me to actually care, but my life is special. It's priceless. I'd probably have to read up on traps, though, because no way would I actually be able to lift a water bottle for too long, let alone a sword or something. And I'd probably keep away from everyone except Izzy and Eva if my castmates were there. Especially Duncan. He'd rule at that kind of blood-and-gore thing.
"Anyway, some of the people in this trilogy were RIDICULOUS (read: the Capitol citizens.) Whenever I read about Effie Trinket, I get a mental image of Tyler after Lindsay's makeover. NOT a pretty sight, I tell you. And thousands of people like that? That would be hell on Earth. What's wrong with just a good, plain, sweater-vest? Those never go out of fashion for braniacs.
"I make it through the first book. And then, in Catching Fire, guess what pops up? An effing love triangle! Does every single story a female main character feature a love triangle? How about a love square or pentagon? Or how about we just get back to the blood and gore? Although I would much prefer a hunter than a baker so they could protect me if we got into trouble." He pauses a moment, realizing what he just said. "Not that I need that or anything! I'm just thinking like a normal teenage girl! Heh,heh-heh...okaymovingon."
"And then in the final book, we get the wonderful 'Peeta goes cuckoo and lots of people die, including Katniss's sister. I nearly started sniffling, except I was in AP Economics and I wasn't really supposed to be reading in there. Oh well, I know more than the teacher anyways."
"NOAH! I'M BAAAACK! AND MOM SENT ME SOME FOOD!"
"Oh, got to go, brainless followers. I'll see you later, hopefully with something less disturbing to read. Goodbye!"
"Sir! We have news on one of the old contestants!
Chris sighed. "If Lindsay forgot about Tyler again I don't want to hear it! Or about Courtney's new lawsuit!"
"No sir! It's about Noah Istar! He started a Youtube channel!"
"WHAT?!"
"It's the truth, sir! Its all here! He's under the username of NoahTheAmazingBookworm!
"Well then, I'll just have to pay him a visit." Chris chuckled. "A very interesting visit..."