Part Two: Realization
When I came to, I was lying in the clinic on one of the lumpy cots in the corner. I didn't open my eyes at first, just listening to the buzz of faint murmuring a few feet ahead of me and trying to recall what was going on. Then everything came crashing back to me, and I opened my eyes and sat bolt upright. It couldn't be true, my mom and grandmother couldn't be dead. I'd just said good-bye to them this morning, had them wish me good luck on my test and make plans to go to a celebratory dinner once I got back home. It was all a mistake, I was sure of it.
The nurse noticed that I was awake and hurried to my side. A small crowd of people: the principal, two policemen, and three of my professors, bustled over to me, too. They all had that same sympathetic look in their eyes, and it bugged me. How could they be so foolish as to think that it was my only remaining family that had been shot? Concern was something else that was transparent on their faces, worrying about how I'd be reacting to all this. This also irritated me, and pushed me to say, "There must be some mistake. My family can't be dead. There's absolutely now way." I finished my statement lamely.
I'd been planning to go off on a rant about how ludicrous everyone sounded and how I had to get home to help my grandmother get ready to go to dinner, when I realized that I was the one being ridiculous. My words sounded false, pleading in my own head, and hadn't my mom been planning to go buy some more supplies for our newly renovated kitchen? And of course, my grandmother couldn't be left alone these days or she might set the house on fire while meaning to cook some popcorn. We didn't live in the nicest part of town, either; it was only my hard work in grade school that I got a scholarship to this university, and I had to ride a forty minute bus to just get on campus. Even though the evidence was plain in front of me, I didn't want to believe it. This couldn't be happening to me, not now, not ever.
"This is no mistake, ma'am. We're all terribly sorry." I took in the officer's pitying face, then nodded slowly and slumped against the wall.
"Now what? Where do I go?" This was just to give me some stalling time beofre the full realization of my situation hit and I shut off completely.
"Well, there are a few choices. Since your father can't be located and there are no other known family members, you could either live on your own, the records say you are eighteen and legally an adult, or you could live with a trusted friend or neighbor. The choice is yours."
"I'd never be able to pay the rent." I muttered childishly, and then but my tongue. What a ridiculous comment, when I had so much more to worry about and grieve over. My two remaining family members, my life, my guardians, gone. Forever. And not coming back.
I let this all run through my head, then I gave a terrible, gut-wrenching sob. My body began to tremble and I completely forgot there were other people in the room; oblivious to the fact that now students were gathering around the windows looking in to the clinic, watching me completely fall apart. I don't think I would've cared, anyway. The only people I truly cared about were lost forever, and I'd never see them again. Let them stare.